…… It was a magnificent night. Salty was lounging across the figurehead of the ship, his legs dangling off either end. Barny was behind him at the wheel, and Troy was sitting on the rail close by, his tail swinging over the side of the ship. Howie was back up in the crow's nest, singing eerie whale songs in the moonlight. A million stars glittered and winked at them, and Troy didn’t know that so many could exist in the space of the ribbony-dark sky. The cloudless heavens seemed to stretch on forever, and could hardly be distinguished from the sea beneath it.
…… “This is cool,” Troy said. Salty took a swig from his bottle, watching the water slip away beneath him.
…… “Gee,” the old sailor sniggered. “Would you look at that? He’s sounding more manly already.”
…… “Too bad he had to go and lose our pearls like that,” Barny sulked, and flipped up his eye patch to glare at the young football player.
…… “It’s not my fault,” Troy said indignantly. “If your drippy little cook didn’t keep trying to make Howie into a killer whale kabob, our pearls wouldn’t have been pinched like that!”
…… “Howie!” Howie agreed from somewhere up above them, and started singing again.
…… Barny glanced up suspiciously. “That’s not a mating song, is it?”
…… “It’s not mating season,” Salty assured him mildly.
…… “What season is it, then?”
…… Salty shrugged, and sipped from his bottle. “I think it’s champagne season.”
…… “Champagne season always leads to mating season,” Troy pointed out.
…… Salty agreed. “Studies show the two are closely interrelated.”
…… Barny stared at them.
…… “Often it’s hard to determine where one season ends and the other begins,” Troy stated matter-of-factly.
…… “You guys are making this up!” Barny shouted.
…… “On the contrary,” Salty shook his bottle at the pirate captain for emphasis. “The seasonal patterns of the land-dwelling killer whale (orkus dorkus domesticus) have been studied extensively by renowned scholars at the University of Florida.”
…… “Oh I bet they have,” Barny rolled his eyes.
…… The soothing whale song stopped suddenly, seconds before a shout from the crow’s nest rang out through the tranquil night air. “Unidentified object off the port bow!”
…… Troy leapt to his feet in a panic. “Which way’s port?” he squealed. Barny pointed left, and Salty pointed right. Troy looked from one grimy oceanic bastard to the other, trying to determine which one he trusted least, and just couldn’t decide. Finally he decided to just look around and see if he could find anything. “Cripes, look at that—”
…… Barny and Salty stepped up to the rail on either side of the football hero and peered into the darkness. Out along the invisible horizon, they could just make out the faint glow of the unidentified object.
…… “What is it?” Troy whispered, looking hard and trying to make sense of the pale blur of light.
…… “Whatever it is,” Salty said, “It’s coming this way in a hurry.”
…… “Maybe it’s that bastard Silver,” Barny spat. “He still owes me half that damn treasure!”
…… “Oh get over it, Barny,” Salty sighed.
…… Barny didn’t want to get over it. Barny wanted to hiss and squeal and cry like a little sissy girl, which inevitably made Salty want to beat him like a circus monkey. Salty thought Barny would have made a good circus monkey.
…… Troy ignored them, his eyes fixed on the water. Salty was right, the blur of pale blue light raced across the waves, closing the leagues between them in seconds flat. Howie meandered across the rail and stopped to look up at Troy.
…… “What do you think it is, Howie?” Troy asked, still peering into the dark.
…… “Pirate ship,” Howie answered, looking up at Troy.
…… “A pirate ship?” the football player laughed. “Don’t be ridiculous, Howie, pirate ships don’t glow—” His throat clicked shut when he stared through the pale blue light and began to see the faint outline of great, billowing sails.
…… “See,” Howie huffed.
…… Troy grimaced. “Oh, boy—” He reached back without looking back and took hold of Barny’s fancy coat in one hand, and Salty’s grimy shirt in the other, then yanked them both up to the rail. They stopped bickering in order to knock his brains out through his nose, but he slapped their faces off towards the port bow and both pirate captain and old sea dog just about wet their trousers.
…… “Ohhh—” Barny moaned. “I knew I shouldn’t have eaten that last Ferrero Rocher!”
…… The pirate ship raced toward them, riding a wind that wasn’t even there. Besides that fact, the ship didn’t seem to be in the water at all. It was racing a good 3 feet above the surface! The shredded sails whipped and snapped in the phantom wind, and under the flag that bore the skull and crossbones, there was a red flag hoisted. It stood out eerily through the pale blue light.
…… “What’s the red flag for?” Troy whispered.
…… Barny still looked like he wanted to mess his trousers. They were fancy trousers, though, so he squeezed his butt cheeks tight and said: “It means no mercy in battle.” The pirate captain spun dramatically away from the rail and leapt up to the wheel, grabbing hold with both hands and giving it a vicious spin. “Battle stations, you miserable bunch of stunted sea cucumbers!” he roared to his little pirate minions, who jerked out of their stupid-eyed stares and scurried into action. Three or four of them disappeared below deck as four or five more began pushing and pulling on a heavy iron lever jutting out of the floor of the ship. Troy stared down at them curiously.
…… “Heave!!” they shouted. “Ho!! Heave!!” And, with one final mighty “HO!!” the lever gave and a large trap door popped open. A giant cannon emerged from beneath it, with the other pirates hanging on and firing musket shots into the night. The huge black cannon eased up and out to settle over the edge of the ship, with the trap door falling back into place behind it.
…… Troy watched them, amazed that such short, ugly creatures could be so coordinated, and wondered how they would manage in a midget arena football team. He was imagining their jersey colors when Salty thrust a full-sized musket in his face.
…… “No!” Troy shouted, backing away from the weapon.
…… “Chance to be a man,” Salty growled, and held the gun out expectantly. Troy grimaced and took the thing unhappily.
…… “Oooooooh,” Howie cooed, grinning one of his big, stupid smiles. “That’s a mighty big gun you have!”
…… “Shut up, Howie,” Troy growled, and cocked it meaningfully. Howie took the cue and scampered off.
…… Salty took a swig from his bottle and unloaded the Uzi that was strapped across his back. He cocked the massive, manly-looking weapon of accurate destruction and ripped a hearty belch.
…… “Cripes!” Troy yelped. “That’s a big damn gun!”
…… “It’s not the size of a man's gun that matters,” Salty said mildly. “It’s how he uses it.”
…… Troy rolled his eyes.
…… Their attention was drawn back to the rapidly approaching phantom ship, close enough now that they could hear the hollow-sounding cheers of whatever creatures made up the crew of that pirate vessel. Troy didn’t really want to know what they were. Salty did, and shouted to Barny at the helm. “What the hell's on that boat, Barny?”
…… Barny ducked down to peer through the ship’s telescope. His face changed color twice, and he excused himself sheepishly. He came back a minute later wearing a new pair of pants.
…… “Those are my pants,” Salty said blandly.
…… The rakish shouts traveled crisply across the smooth sea as the vessel slipped closer. Slowly, the old, massive ship slid alongside Barny’s, high enough above the surface that the pony and human crew had to crane their necks to stare up at it. The ship looked as if it were 3 hundred years gone, like something out of the days of the great pirate legends of Blackbeard. An old dutch flute, with massive sails torn to shreds. There were gaping holes in the bow from cannon fire, which must have been what sank it, Troy thought distantly as the phantom ship moved silently in front of his eyes. It cast pale blue light and slow shadows across the ship and the faces of the living.
…… Barny drew his saber off his belt and thrust it aloft. “FIRE!!” he roared, and the boat shook as the huge cannon discharged. A plume of grey smoke hung off the lip of the cannon, and the ponies and midget pirates watched, stunned, as the cannonball plummeted straight through the ship as if it wasn’t even there. The boulder landed harmlessly in the water, 50 feet or so away.
…… “Cripes!” Troy hissed through his teeth, clutching his musket against his jersey.
…… Barny scratched under his eye patch, checked under his tail, and thrust his saber aloft. “FIRE!!” he roared, and musket shots shattered the nighttime air.
…… “GRAAAAAAAR!!” Salty roared, and emptied a spray of bullets out of his Uzi, enough to thoroughly make every living thing on that ship comparable to a delicate slice of swiss cheese. Unfortunately, there weren’t any living things on that ship, and as musket fire and Uzi spray grew quiet, the pirates of the glowing ship began to step up to the rail.
…… “Ahoy, there, fellow children of the sea!” a voice crowed from somewhere high above them. They glanced up to see a pale blue pony hanging from their rigging, dancing across it with the casual grace of a spider. He cast his own light, which sent shadows spinning across their mortified faces. “A mighty greeting you offer us, with musket shot and cannon fodder.” He leapt from the rigging, a good 20 feet, and landed solidly on his feet amidst the 3 ponies at the helm. The glowing pirate was clad in old school duds—knee high boots folded over and buckled with gold; a loose, silky white blouse with a red ribbon knotted at his throat. His black hair was pulled back out of his face, and one gold earring hung off his glowing blue ear. He stared them over with eyes that made their nerves shiver. They were the color of blood, bright red, and they slid across living faces as if they could see straight into their souls.
…… Barny mustered up his courage, squeezing his butt cheeks so tight that it lifted his tail up a couple inches. “I am Captain Barnacle,” he announced grandly, rattling his saber at the ghost. “Who are you?”
…… The blue glowing pony bowed gracefully, and as he straightened lightly touched his chest and said: “I am Kale.” He gestured off at the floating ship lingering just beyond Barny’s and said: “That is my vessel. And this—” Kale grinned, his eyes glowing bright, “is my crew.”
…… A blue hand clutched the rail just beyond Troy’s tail. “Cripes!” Troy squealed, leaping away and tripping over Howie, who was quivering behind his feet. His musket hit the deck and blew a hole through the rail of the helm. Barny threw a nasty look down at the football player.
…… A pale blue pirate specter heaved itself over the rail and into Barny’s ship. More hands took hold and the ghost pirates began to infiltrate the space of the living. Their glowing dead bodies slithered across the deck without legs. Instead of legs, their bodies faded away into a formless mass that shimmered and pulsated as they swarmed across the ship and ascended into the rigging. Flesh melted away to bone on an arm here and there, and bloody muscle and flesh dripped from gaping, ghastly wounds that ripped across their bodies. Their ugly faces were twisted in ruthless grins that set on display their dirty, bloody rows of razor sharp teeth. In their bony fingers they held knives and axes, and any other variety of sharp things, that were smeared and slippery with ribbons of fresh red blood.
…… Howie squealed, mortified, and leapt into Troy’s arms. Troy clutched the little whale and stared up at the ghost captain, his eyes as round as two full moons. “What the hell do you want with us?!” he cried.
…… “Your ship will cross a sea of blood and come out in pieces on the other side,” Kale grinned down at him maliciously, and right then and there Troy swore that if he made it out of this with his body intact, he was going to kick Barny's and Salty’s collective ass. Kale’s ghastly crew silently began to wreak some havoc on Barny's ship, while the little midget pirate crew went ballistic trying to keep the drippy blue dead ponies from doing it. 2 ghosts went ripping through the huge white sails, shredding them to threads, and others swung their heavy axes and sharp things about, randomly splintering the wood of the ship into oblivion. One grinning ghoul popped the wheel clean off and spun it like a frisbee out over the dark water. A few got hold of some of Barny's miserable pirates, stuffed them into the cannon, and fired their pudgy little bodies out somewhere into the Atlantic Ocean.
…… “My BOAT!!” Barny howled, hopping on one foot and the other and shaking his hands miserably. “The little glowing bastards are wrecking my boat!”
…… “I’ll cry you a river, Barny,” Salty replied blandly, and took a swig from his bottle.
…… “Graaaaaaaa!!” Barny shouted. He stomped on the bell-shaped muzzle of Troy’s musket and caught it as it spun in midair. He blew off a couple rounds that went harmlessly through the vandalous spirits and tore out hunks of his ship instead.
…… “You can’t shoot dead things, Barny,” Salty informed him mildly.
…… “Really?” Barny snarled, and nailed the sailor in the noggin with the butt of the gun.

Through 40 days and 40 nights We wait in vain for Heaven’s lights And as the ocean’s belly swells We see instead the light of Hell’s!
So as we sail this barren space We look for souls to take our place And now our quest at last is through We’ve found those wretched souls in you!

Kale spread his arms dramatically, his hair and blouse billowing in the phantom wind, and, throwing them one last feral grin, his image snapped away. Little living ponies and pirates glanced about nervously as the rest followed their captain’s lead, disappearing into silence.
…… Salty looked at Barny, annoyed. “You sailed us into the Bermuda Triangle again, didn’t you?” he accused.
…… Barny stamped his foot. “Dammit!”
…… The ghost ship still lingered at their side, just beyond the bow, and silence cast over them like a mourner’s veil. Salty, Troy and Barny stepped carefully up to the ruined rail, suspicious of the sudden calm. Barny's tail jerked up a few inches as, out of the ruins of the ancient ship, a mighty and rusted cannon eased slowly up into view. It swung across the edge of the pale glowing phantom vessel to hang off in their direction.
…… Troy winced. “Can I go home now?”
…… Quietly, as if whispered in their ears, they heard Kale’s empty voice say “Fire”
…… And alone in the silent water, Barnacle’s pirate ship dissolved into a fiery explosion that burned bright into the dark of the night.

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