The Policies of D.A.N.G.E.R.

This site was designed by Jimmy
with a little help from Schmick.

Page 5
To: All Who Dare Cross D.A.N.G.E.R.
Re: World Domination

SCHMICK: "By now, it surely has become evident that D.A.N.G.E.R. will soon be in control of the world. Our forces are now fine tuning, and with the aid of a new super weapon or two, the Earth shall be under the governance of D.A.N.G.E.R. It is only a matter of time. So sure are we of our victory, and so inevitable the outcome that any resistance would be futile. Given that the outcome of our glory is a certainty, therefore any act against it would be nothing short of treachery and disloyalty. Here at D.A.N.G.E.R. there is nothing that we frown upon more than disloyalty. Since once a person is a traitor, they will always remain a traitor, so the official D.A.N.G.E.R. policy for dealing with traitors is death. This may appear harsh to the outside observer, but to maintain a super-army to take over and control the world, as well as all other planets in the universe, unity and loyalty are key. To ensure that…" *knock on the door*

SOLDIER: "Mike, we need you, there’s a problem with the reactor."

SCHMICK: "Do you mind, I’m trying to dictate here."

SOLDIER: "Sorry sir, but it is vitally important that Mike comes immediately."

MIKE: "Can’t you see that we're outlining our stance on world domination? Would you have interrupted Jefferson while he was writing the Declaration of Independence? Would you have stumbled in on Homer whilst he was composing the Odyssey with your We need Mike, there’s a problem with the reactor?"

SOLDIER: "I’m sorry, but…"

SCHMICK: "You don’t seem to get it, do you? Which one of us is Supreme Emperor of Earth and All Its Orbital Spheres? Hmm?"

SOLDIER: "Well…"

MIKE: "Who did you say?"

SOLDIER: "I…um, I…I… I."

SCHMICK: "You, you, you what?" *Shouting* "Who is Supreme Emperor of Earth and All Its Orbital Spheres?!?"

SOLDIER: "Well, you sir."

SCHMICK: "That’s right. So remind me of why you are here."

SOLDIER: "There’s a problem with the reactor."

SCHMICK: *drawing his pistol* "You don’t pay attention well, do you?"

*fires a shot* "Perhaps this will refresh your memory."

*fires another shot* "I told you not to disturb me while dictating this very important document."

*fires two more shots* "Don’t like to listen, huh? Well, listen to this!"

*fires two more shots* "Okay then, where was I…you haven’t been taking all this down have you? You shall die for your insolence!"

*Fires pistol, but there are no bullets* "Stop writing! That is an order! If you do not stop writing this instant I will have Mike kill you. Alright Mike."

MIKE: *strangles me* "Die…die…you will burn in hell for eternity for crossing us. Die, die, die alkt taoq q

| Back to the Top |

Page 12

To: All D.A.N.G.E.R. members

Re: Punishment

It has become evident in recent months that many D.A.N.G.E.R. employees do not understand what the punishments are for certain crimes. Therefor, we thought this to be an appropriate forum to clear things up a bit. First of all, the most important law here in D.A.N.G.E.R. is, of course, murder. This is punishable by death. There is no trial, no hearing. Either Schmick or Mike is summoned, and the execution takes place. No fuss, no muss.

Theft of any kind is not tolerated here in the D.A.N.G.E.R. bunker, and is also punished by death. Assault is also a serious crime and is likewise punished by death. Treason destroys morale and will not be tolerated. Anyone found guilty, or even accused of treason will soon find themselves quite dead. The known harboring of ducks, possession of wildflowers, or canned good trafficking is swiftly punished by death.

If you want to get shot, then blaspheme D.A.N.G.E.R. or its employees and their relatives, because you will be punished by death. Loitering will result in death. Jaywalking is an offense that is punished by death.

We hope that this clears things up a bit. Failure to read this notice will result in execution.

| Back to the Top |

Page 123

To: All D.A.N.G.E.R. members

Re: Salad Dressing

There is a subtle evil that is lurking among us. This evil is salad dressing. "What is this?" you say, "Salad dressing evil?" Nay, salad dressing is not intrinsically evil. But like kittens, it may be selectively bred for evil purposes.

It may be said that salad dressing is a necessary evil. For surely the evil of a naked salad far outweighs that of, for example, Creamy Italian. But there is a fine line. For some dressings are as pure as driven snow, where as others are evil incarnate.

Which dressings are evil? I’m so glad that you asked. Thousand island? Evil. French? Very evil. Italian? Not evil. Creamy Italian? Evil. Blue Cheese? You’d better believe that’s evil. Ranch? Not evil in the least. However, Peppercorn Ranch, Blue Cheese Ranch, and all other variations are evil.

Oil and Vinegar? Not at all evil. Vinaigrette? Evil as Satan’s cold, black heart. Fat free suggests reduced evil, but nothing could be further from the truth. And Hidden Valley? Where is this Hidden Valley? Why, it is found in the depths of Hades! We once received a shipment of this Devil’s Dressing, so I was forced to kill, then torture, then shoot again, the delivery boy. And if you rearrange the letters in "delivery boy" it spells "Yer evil body." I think that says it all.

| Back to the Top |



© 2000 Not Fish Productions This site was designed by Jimmy with a little help from Schmick.	Page 5 To: All Who Dare Cross D.A.N.G.E.R. Re: World Domination SCHMICK: "By now, it surely has become evident that D.A.N.G.E.R. will soon be in control of the world. Our forces are now fine tuning, and with the aid of a new super weapon or two, the Earth shall be under the governance of D.A.N.G.E.R. It is only a matter of time. So sure are we of our victory, and so inevitable the outcome that any resistance would be futile. Given that the outcome of our glory is a certainty, therefore any act against it would be nothing short of treachery and disloyalty. Here at D.A.N.G.E.R. there is nothing that we frown upon more than disloyalty. Since once a person is a traitor, they will always remain a traitor, so the official D.A.N.G.E.R. policy for dealing with traitors is death. This may appear harsh to the outside observer, but to maintain a super-army to take over and control the world, as well as all other planets in the universe, unity and loyalty are key. To ensure that…" knock on the door SOLDIER: "Mike, we need you, there’s a problem with the reactor." SCHMICK: "Do you mind, I’m trying to dictate here." SOLDIER: "Sorry sir, but it is vitally important that Mike comes immediately." MIKE: "Can’t you see that we're outlining our stance on world domination? Would you have interrupted Jefferson while he was writing the Declaration of Independence? Would you have stumbled in on Homer whilst he was composing the Odyssey with your We need Mike, there’s a problem with the reactor?" SOLDIER: "I’m sorry, but…" SCHMICK: "You don’t seem to get it, do you? Which one of us is Supreme Emperor of Earth and All Its Orbital Spheres? Hmm?" SOLDIER: "Well…" MIKE: "Who did you say?" SOLDIER: "I…um, I…I… I." SCHMICK: "You, you, you what?" Shouting "Who is Supreme Emperor of Earth and All Its Orbital Spheres?!?" SOLDIER: "Well, you sir." SCHMICK: "That’s right. So remind me of why you are here." SOLDIER: "There’s a problem with the reactor." SCHMICK: drawing his pistol "You don’t pay attention well, do you?" fires a shot "Perhaps this will refresh your memory." fires another shot "I told you not to disturb me while dictating this very important document." fires two more shots "Don’t like to listen, huh? Well, listen to this!" fires two more shots "Okay then, where was I…you haven’t been taking all this down have you? You shall die for your insolence!" Fires pistol, but there are no bullets "Stop writing! That is an order! If you do not stop writing this instant I will have Mike kill you. Alright Mike." MIKE: strangles me "Die…die…you will burn in hell for eternity for crossing us. Die, die, die alkt taoq q \| Back to the Top \| Page 12 To: All D.A.N.G.E.R. members Re: Punishment It has become evident in recent months that many D.A.N.G.E.R. employees do not understand what the punishments are for certain crimes. Therefor, we thought this to be an appropriate forum to clear things up a bit. First of all, the most important law here in D.A.N.G.E.R. is, of course, murder. This is punishable by death. There is no trial, no hearing. Either Schmick or Mike is summoned, and the execution takes place. No fuss, no muss. Theft of any kind is not tolerated here in the D.A.N.G.E.R. bunker, and is also punished by death. Assault is also a serious crime and is likewise punished by death. Treason destroys morale and will not be tolerated. Anyone found guilty, or even accused of treason will soon find themselves quite dead. The known harboring of ducks, possession of wildflowers, or canned good trafficking is swiftly punished by death. If you want to get shot, then blaspheme D.A.N.G.E.R. or its employees and their relatives, because you will be punished by death. Loitering will result in death. Jaywalking is an offense that is punished by death. We hope that this clears things up a bit. Failure to read this notice will result in execution. \| Back to the Top \| Page 123 To: All D.A.N.G.E.R. members Re: Salad Dressing There is a subtle evil that is lurking among us. This evil is salad dressing. "What is this?" you say, "Salad dressing evil?" Nay, salad dressing is not intrinsically evil. But like kittens, it may be selectively bred for evil purposes. It may be said that salad dressing is a necessary evil. For surely the evil of a naked salad far outweighs that of, for example, Creamy Italian. But there is a fine line. For some dressings are as pure as driven snow, where as others are evil incarnate. Which dressings are evil? I’m so glad that you asked. Thousand island? Evil. French? Very evil. Italian? Not evil. Creamy Italian? Evil. Blue Cheese? You’d better believe that’s evil. Ranch? Not evil in the least. However, Peppercorn Ranch, Blue Cheese Ranch, and all other variations are evil. Oil and Vinegar? Not at all evil. Vinaigrette? Evil as Satan’s cold, black heart. Fat free suggests reduced evil, but nothing could be further from the truth. And Hidden Valley? Where is this Hidden Valley? Why, it is found in the depths of Hades! We once received a shipment of this Devil’s Dressing, so I was forced to kill, then torture, then shoot again, the delivery boy. And if you rearrange the letters in "delivery boy" it spells "Yer evil body." I think that says it all. \| Back to the Top \|