Previously Archived Updates
(as if I really archived them)
The Center Continues to Declare War Again!
The war against the evil forces of The Democratic People's Republic of Elmo (DPRE) proceeds about as well as one could expect. Certainly the Horde has not routed them utterly as they did in the case of the Cult of Nobody, but then the Cult of Nobody was a bunch of limp-wristed panty-waists, or so my Generals tell me. The DPRE has thusfar been pursuing the futile but nevertheless somewhat effective tactic of ignoring our declaration of war, and we aren't the type of people to brook that well. I'm not sure what type of people we would be if we brooked that well; my Generals seem to think that brook is a limp-wristed panty-waist-ish term, so I guess we aren't that type, no sir.
In light of this cowardly action by the DPRE, we have no choice but to redouble our efforts. Perhaps if we declare war on them again, they'll sit up and take notice. If not, we'll just unleash the Horde, and international law and treaties be damned! My Generals have informed me that the International War-Crimes Tribunal at The Hague is filled with limp-wristed panty-waists, which reminds me that I must make sure my Generals destroy those files. Anyway, if you've come here as an emissary of the DPRE to express your recognition of our declaration, I have no choice but to inform you that you are a puny weakling and your leader will be paraded through the streets in a clown costume when our forces finish with you. You have no hope of succeeding against the massed forces of the Horde! But in case you're unsure, feel free to read the harrowing account of defeat at the hands of the Horde below.
All is not wine and roses however. I visited a site, smalltime industries and therein I found a mechanism to send a message into the ether and recieve one in turn. This, I thought, was a prime target for a rant, so I prepped one specially for the occasion, only to discover, to my chagrin, that it wouldn't accept messages of a suitable length. So I saved this rant, and here it is for all those in the ether who were looking forward to it. Also, should you get the chance, please go to this site and send a semi-intelligent message into the ether, since the ones I've gotten back have been poor at best.
The Center Declares War Again!
In light of our glorious victory over the forces of Cult of Nobody (see below), the Center's armies were just chomping at the bit, and since I do have to pay them, I felt I should get my money's worth out of them. So I have declared war on the puny people of The Democratic People's Republic of Elmo (DPRE). They shall learn the foolishness of trying to thwart us. For those of you legal-minded types, here's the formal declaration of war. More bulletins as events warrant.
Oh, and if you've come here as an emissary of the DPRE, I laugh at you until spittle dribbles from my chin. You have no hope of succeeding against the massed forces of the Horde! But in case you're unsure, feel free to read the harrowing account of defeat at the hands of the Horde below.
I thought this would be as good a time as any to point out the Center’s withering array of armaments to further intimidate and cow the forces of the enemy, whoever they be. Writhe in fear, ye worthless mongrel enemies, for you are in the presence of a truly terrifying arsenal.
With this pointing-out, I also inaugurate the homepage of the Center’s armed forces, The Horde of No Return, and give myself a new title: Commander of The Horde of No Return. I am paying them by the hour after all; I should get all the bang for my buck I can. All their vital and not-so vital data will be thereunder collected. Also, the Survey has been updated to accept "applications" to The Horde of No Return.
The Horde of No Return
Well, in an update to the update about Cult Of Nobody, it seems that they really have nobody of whom to be a cult. I rewrote that last phrase in correct grammar just to spite them, but as I said in that perfectly formed sentence, there just ain't nobody to spite!
That's right, my site lasted longer than theirs! Albeit that my site is never visited, consists of me being petty, and is on Geocities, a fact that I can now proclaim to the heavens because Cult Of Nobody no longer exists to care. So I win! I declare myself the winner. It was a long battle, but my forces vanquished the infidel! So, in honor of my glorious achievement, and to distract people from the fact that my titles give me a mandate to subdue the infidel but say nothing about vanquishing them, I have written a brief history of the conflict. I know that, in these troubled times, a little victory for the forces of good is welcome news, but sadly, I am most definitely not the forces of good, and all I really want is to loot their temples, pillage their cities, carry off their women and horses, and sow their fields with salt I've extracted from the dead bodies of their children.
It has been completed, with awards and everything! Come see it! Win a medal!
A brief note: I don't know how to feel about the recent trend in Flash Mobbing. It seems vaguely a good thing but any time the legions of Thud get together on anything and it becomes popular, I have to question its validity as a true Eristic expression. Let me know how you feel about this stuff.
Just a quickie to let everyone who didn't care know I'm alive. I've decided to showcase some people who've visited the site by creating a new page where I give them credit for filling out the form and possibly mock their particulars. If you've filled out the form, didn't request any special treatment, and you want to see your name in red text on a black background (something which I'm sure the people from CultOfNobody will love) then this is the place for you. If not, go somewhere else you schmuck.
The Lineup of Mockery!
(and it was only a few days late)
(Now, of course, it's an historical document.)
(Notice the spelling of "an historical.")
(Yes, I'm picky and possibly British.)
Another thing. I can't really call it a rant because it's sort of just a complaint, but I guess I'll call it a rant, because why the Hell not?
Two things, neither of them terribly interesting.
- First, I recieved an email from someone who said they'd looked at this site and were terribly impressed with my graphic and HTML skills, not to mention the design of the page and the quality of the information. As I read further I realized it was a form letter sent out by people who wanted me to quit Geocities (and Eris would I take them up on that except I don't like to part with capitalist currency in the pursuit of nirvana) and so I deleted it. Still, I felt that people should know that this site is apparently the greatest thing since sliced bread according to someone who would know (that someone being a computer program).
- Second, I saw a while ago that there apparently is a bank in Europe I believe which has cheese in it, further confirming my suspicions that the cheese in our nation's banks has spread further than I had originally anticipated. Soon I will start a new section of the site (and by soon I mean as soon as I feel like it) detailing this threat to homeland security (what a joke that is) and how YOU can help. Or maybe not. I love hearsay.
Here is a rant, or perhaps just a strange message, I posted at Cult of Nobody. I previously said I wasn't sure they were at all worth visiting and it would appear that I was wrong. Not only did they take the time out of their busy schedule of publishing not-too-terribly-amusing material to insult my rant on their opening page, but they did it with such style I myself blushed with embarrasment. Since I only feel it fair to include the opposing viewpoint (although I only do so to make fun of it) I shall offer the entire insult here along with commentary by yours truly. What can I say. I'm a publicity whore. Anyone will tell you that.
But the long and the short of it is that the Center has been awarded the not-terribly-coveted:
~CultOfNobody Lamest-Ass Site Award~
The Webring has gone the way of the poll. I hated that stupid thing. It wasn't worth it.
To fill the void, and because I have too long been silent on paper anyway, I present another vague rant. Feel free to use it to your advantage wherever rants get one advantages, or use it to wash your car, or use it to do various other things of interest.
Sadly the poll is no more. Probably because (1) No one ever voted and (2) I never maintained it, or possibly because FreePolls went out of business, but either way, I don't really care.
Also, if you noticed, I've updated the opening of this page and made minor cosmetic changes to a few others. Let it never be said I don't have time to waste.
So my site is populated with masses of clichés; the quesion must be asked: what else could I possibly do? And then it came to me. I need a FAQ Sheet. So here it is:
Well, I always thought the Center needed a page about Hell, it being such a huge cliché, so I made one.
Here is a rant that I'm quite proud of that I was going to submit to a Discordian website I found (look on it as a model for any submissions of material to my site) but unfortunately it, unlike my site, didn't accept such a long diatribe, so here it is in its original unexpurgated form.
Here is a musing I wrote while waiting for water to boil so I could eat something.
For the folks at home, in French, my name is "Rhino Plus Facile." Doesn't that just make you want to kiss Charles DeGaule on the lips? Me too.
Also, using one of my links, I found out that the letters in Easier Rhino can be rearranged to spell "O, AN HEIR ERIS" and "A SHRINE O'ER I," among other things. Kind of makes you wonder, doesn't it?
Abandon hope, all ye who go back here.