Movie Quotes (A)

*About Last Night

Danny (Rob Lowe): Oh, you're not leavin' are ya?

Joan (Elizabeth Perkins): No, uh we're walking in backwards.

Bernie (Jim Belushi): The broad from last night, huh?

Danny: Oh, yeah I pick up the phone to make a call and she's on the line.

Bernie: Yeah right, pull this leg and it plays jingle bells.

Bernie: What do you do?

Joan: Me?

Bernie: Well, yeah for a living?

Joan: I'm a neurosurgeon, you?

Bernie: Um, I'm a professional boxer. Do you know much about the fight game?

Joan: No.

Bernie: I'm the heavyweight champion of the world.

Joan: Well, it's nice to meet you champ.

Bernie: Interesting broad where'd she develop her personality? A car crash?

Debbie (Demi Moore): Are you gonna sit down?

Bernie: Shoot, no...no, no, no, no, I'm gonna let you guys do what you guys gotta do.Don't worry about me, I'm just gonna go home make a little macaroni and cheese, seal the windows, and turn on the gas.

Joan: Look, if he forgets to call one day, no big deal; two days, it's an oversight. Honey,he hasn't called you in three days; he's sleeping with somebody else.

Steve: I thought we had something kind of special.

Debbie: No, it was kind of sleazy and now its, its kinda over.

Danny: Now if you could find it in your heart to take this thing and shove it up your ass.

Joan: Ah, that is very telling. On your instruction, I am supposed to rend and torture myself anally.

Danny: I never fooled around, not once.

Debbie (Demi Moore): Well, let's just give the boy a medal. Forgive me. I didn't realize it was such a sacrifice!

Joan (Elizabeth Perkins): And you are a psychopathic, schizophrenic, maladjusted social misfit who is clearly in the middle of a very deep homosexual panic.

Abyss, The

Lindsay Brigman: We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians.He sees hate and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that.

Bud "Virgil" Brigman: God, I hate that bitch.

Alan "Hippy" Carnes: You probably shouldn't have married her then.

Accidental Tourist, The

Macon: I'm beginning to think that maybe it's not just how much you love someone. Maybe what matters is who you are when you're with them.

Accused, The

Sarah Tobias (Jodie Foster): If that's the best you can do, then your best sucks.

*Ace Ventura: Pet Detective

Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey): Warning! Assholes are closer than they appear! submitted by Becky

Mr. Shickadance: Ventuuurrraaa!

Ace: Yes, Satan?

Ace: If I'm not back in five minutes, just wait longer!

Ace: I just can't do it Captain, I don't have the power!! submitted by Rebecca

Aguado: Homicide, Ventura, now how ya gonna solve that one?

Ace: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case, the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and become insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife!

Lois Einhorn: Listen, pet dick. How would you like me to make your life a living hell?

Ace: Well, I'm not really ready for a relationship, Lois, but thank you for asking. Hey,maybe I'll give you a call sometime. Your number's still 911? All righty then.

Ace: Excuse me, Ron! I uh, need to use the bathroom. I think it's the pate.

Ronald Camp: Sure, it's over there.

Ace (groaning): Thanks. Stuff probably looks better on the way out, huh?

Melissa: You know, you're just mad because your stupid little pebble theory didn't work out and you don't know how to express your anger.

Ace: Yeah? And you're ugly.

Ace: I have exorcised the demons, this house is clear!

Mrs. Finkle: If he had held the ball laces out like he's supposed to, Ray would never have missed that kick. Dan Marino should die of gonorrhea and rot in hell!

Lois Einhorn: Ventura, when I get out of that bathroom, you better be gone!

Ace: Is it number one or number two?

Ace: We're talking paranoid delusional psychosis. I saw the guy's room. Cozy, if you're Hannibal Lecter.

Ace: If you were to look up NFL's all time bone-headed plays, you might read about a Miami kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the final field goal in super bowl 17. (DEEP BREATH) What you wouldn't read about is how Ray Finkle lost his mind, was commited to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police squad under the assumed identity of a missing hiker maniupulating his weight and a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino whom he blamed for the entire thing. -submitted by Jeff

Addams Family Values

Debbie: What a lady killer!

Gomez: Aquitted.

[They're going swimming.]

Amanda: I'll be the victim.

Wednesday (Christina Ricci): All your life.

Amanda Buckman: Why are you dressed like somebody died?

Wednesday: Wait.

Age of Innocence, The

Ellen Olenska (Michelle Pfeiffer): I knew you'd come.

Newland Archer (Daniel Day-Lewis): That shows you wanted me to.

Ellen: Newland. You couldn't be happy if it meant being cruel. If we act any other way I'll be making you act against what I love in you most. And I can't go back to that way of thinking. Don't you see? I can't love you unless I give you up.

Newland: You gave me my first glimpse of a real life. Then you asked me to go on with the false one. No one can endure that.

Ellen: I'm enduring it.

Ellen Olenska: How can we be happy behind the backs of people who trust us?

Addicted to Love

Maggie (Meg Ryan): The only way she's coming back to you is if a blast of semen propels her out the window and across the street.

Maggie: People die every day. Why should he be any different? submitted by Brooke

*Albino Alligator

Janet (Faye Dunaway): Are you going to pay for it or not? Big time gansta like you ought to be able to cough up a deuce.

Dova (Matt Dillon): Did I do something to you in another fuckin' life?

Janet: If you don't bite, then don't bark doggie-dog.

Dova: We've only been in here five minutes.

Janet: Seems like a month of Sunday's to me.

Alien 3

Dillon: Why? Why the innocent, punished? Why the sacrifice? Why the pain? There aren't any promises. Nothing certain. Only that some get called, others saved. She won't ever know of the hardship and grief of those of us left behind. We commit these bodies to the void with a glad heart. For within each seed, there is a promise of a flower, and within each death, no matter how small, there is always a new life. A new beginning.

Alien: Resurrection

Johner: Don't push me, little Call. If you hang with us for a while, you'll find out I am not the man with whom to fuck!

Purvis: God, I am so tired.

Johner: Sleep when you die, man.

Call: What are you?

Ripley: Ripley, Ellen, Lieutenant first class, number 36706.

Call: Ellen Ripley died two hundred years ago.

Ripley: What do you know about it?

Call: I've read Morse -- I've read all the banned histories. She gave her life to protect us from the beast. You're not her.

Ripley: If I'm not her. What am I?

Call: You're a thing. A construct. They grew you in a fucking lab.

Ripley: But only God can make a tree.

Call: And now they've brought the beast out of you.

Ripley: Not all the way out.

Ripley: When I sleep, I dream about it. Them. Every night. All around me, in me. I used to be afraid to dream, but I'm not anymore.

Call: Why?

Ripley: Because no matter how bad the dreams get when I wake up it's always worse.

All of Me

Tyrone Wattell: I have a lot of friends who are crazier than you. But not many friends who are better than you.

Prahka Lasa: Backinbowl. Backinbowl.

Animal House

Boon: Now, she should be good-looking, but we're willing to trade looks for a certain...morally casual attitude.

Dean Wormer: Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Flounder: May I have ten thousand marbles, please?

Apocalypse Now

Captain Benjamin L. Willard: When I was here, I wanted to be there, when I was there all I could think of was getting back into the jungle.

Photographer: Did you know that "if" is the middle of the word "life"?

Chef: I used to think if I died in an evil place then my soul wouldn't make it to heaven. Well, fuck. I don't care where it goes as long it ain't here.

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore: You either surf or you fight.

Lieutenant Colonel Kilgore: I love the smell of napalm in the morning.

Apollo 13

Jack Swigert: So long, Earth. Catch you on the flip side.

Jim Lovell: From now on, we live in a world where man has walked on the moon. And it's not a miracle, we just decided to go.

Jim Lovell: I sometimes catch myself looking up at the moon, remembering the changes of fortune in our long voyage, thinking of the thousands of people who worked to bring the three of us home. I look up at the moon, and wonder: When will we be going back? And who will that be?

Apostle, The

The Apostle E.F.: I'd rather die today and go to heaven than live to be a hundred and go to hell.

Armageddon

Grace: I understand that you are handicapped by a natural immaturity, and I forgive you.

General Kimsey: The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.

Oscar: I'm, like, 98% excited, and maybe 2% scared. Or maybe it's backwards. Maybe I'm 98% scared, and, like, 2% excited. But that's what makes it so great---I'm so confused!

Harry S. Stamper: The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anyone wanna say no?

A.J.: Well, we all gotta die right? Looks like I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world.

A.J. Frost: It's all fun and games until someone gets shot in the leg.

As Good As It Gets

[To a group of depressed psychiatric patients] \par Melvin Udall (Jack Nicholson): What if this is as good as it gets?

Melvin: Sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.

Melvin: You make me want to be a better man.

Carol Connelly (Helen Hunt): That's maybe the best compliment of my life.

Melvin: Well maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.

Melvin: Judging from you're eyes, I'd say you were fifty.

Carol: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were kind.

Simon Bishop: If you stare at someone long enough, you start to see their humanity.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery

[Austin Powers, frozen since the sixties, awakes in the nineties.]

Austin Powers (Mike Meyers): As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!

Austin Powers: Vanessa has a fantastic body, I bet she shags like a minx.

Dr. Evil (Mike Meyers): My father was a relentlessly self improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a15 year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims, like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy - the sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring, we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent, Iwas placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds. Pretty standard, really.

Austin Powers: You're shaggidelic, baby!

Austin Powers: You have a right to be jealous. I shagged her rotten.

Austin Powers: You must admit she is rather mannish. Really, if that is a woman she must have been beaten with an ugly stick.

Austin Powers: You're shaggilicious, baby!

Austin Powers: It's freedom, baby, yeah, baby, yeah!

Austin Powers: You have it backwards, I think you can't resist me.

*quotes have been corrected and are in chronological order
 

Created by : Sara
Last Updated: 2-2-01
E-mail: KLAKSO@mn.rr.com