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and last updated May 21st., 2001.
WELCOME TO MY DAY..
IT IS NICE TO HAVE YOU SHARE IT WITH ME...
Funny how you can go for weeks with life seemingly unchanging, nothing much happening and hardly seeing anyone....and then you get a week or two where the adrenalin level seems constantly charged as life seemes determined to throw everything at you at once.
We are having our problems at work of course. The rebuilding is at the barricard stage, with access to the other shops, and the supermarket, blocked from the High Street, EXCEPT through our pharmacy..so of course we put up a sign making all through travellers welcome!
"Bet you wish you had our customer traffic!", was doug's wry comment as the Shell Convenience Store manager, brother to the Supermarket owner , our new landlord, padded through..
Which kind of spoiled Mothers' Day for us, of course, when we took 6 of the 7 granchildren and three of their parents out to lunch at Geelong West's Barking Dog restaurant, on the last of the Indian Summer days!
But ,surrounded by mud as we are, the carpet is taking a terrible beating, of course and there have been power failures, and sewer breaches and a rodent plague as the traditional nesting areas are dug up and built over, and a constant smell of dead mice..not the best scent in a shop selling perfumes and toiletries..and everywhere mess, mess, and more mess..
And at home, our sunroom , the entrance to our home, was cluttered , once again, with a family member's belongings as Doug's 97 year-old mother, the strongwilled family matriarch, outlived her welcome at her assisted-living hostel, one of the district's best, and was assessed at being in need of "high level care"....somewhere, anywhere ELSE!!
And, we were told several times, it was fast becomining a matter of some urgency, since it was evident the lady was becoming more and more disgruntled and unhappy.
Three mothers , one pregnant for the sixth time, a father and son, himself a father, and grandson, six cousins, lots of flowers and small, thoughful gifts,lots of newfangled camera technology, lots of love and goodwill, the way it ought to be...
***
Then Fiona went home for a rest, and I went with her , to try to fix some computer problems they were having, while Doug, Chris and Lizete, and some of the greatgrandchildren drove the 35 minute drive to visit Gran,, and were horrified to find her in tears, railing against the cruel, uncaring treatment she was receiving, unable to wait to be moved to somewhere she could be properly looked after, but unwilling to come to us, and so very miserable that it was hard to reassure the younger ones, when they returned, that we really were trying to get things moving as soon as possible.
Nor did it help that at least one of their dogs had turned chicken-killer overnight , and the resultant mess had to be cleaned up, and the dogs locked indoors, and the neighbours placated...a saga that was to continue for some time!
And the next day, on his afternoon off, Doug did manage to get a room at the best place possible, and the most expensive, an award-winning place priding itself on personal attention to even the most demanding patients..and his brother in law expressed himself willing to accompany her in the ambulance and to generally supervise the move, Doug being unable to leave the pharmacy for that time.
And so she was moved almost at once, and, once she was settled in, her son in law returned to clear her rooms and carry away her belongings..and brought them to our house and left them in the sunroom for me to sort through, distribute or dispose of. And now we have SIX television sets..sigh!!
But at least this was only the contents of one room: five years ago it had been the contents of a whole house she and her husband had left behind for others to sort and move and store and discard..
And then, the next day,Saturday, which was really his 66th birthday, he went to visit his mother after early closing, taking all the boxes and clothes on hangers and trundling up and down the long corridors of the nursing home carrying everything. We had already been telephoned by the Nursing Supervisor, a little puzzled by their newest patient's approach to things, and wondering if this was her normal behaviour. She seemed very down they said, so they had taken the liberty of calling the doctor and organizing a full set of tests..
What they were too nice to tell us was that my mother in law was behaving very badly indeed. She had, it seemed, assumed she would be waited on and handfed and totally tended as she lay in bed, but instead these "cruel": people were "torturing" her, in "this prison", and dressing her and making her sit in her wheelchair, and taking her to meals, and exposing her to people who wanted to talk to her, to reassure her.
"You're a murderer, you know" she said to her son,
And she was NOT grateful to have her things around her.. not at all. IN fact, she threw the first box she was offered onto the floor, to the distress of her son.
So it wasn't the nicest birthday Doug had known, and we all wanted to make it up to him a bit, so when fate conspired to have ALL available grandchildren otherwise engaged, it seemed a good opportunity for us to do some gracious adult living, before the next baby arrived, and so I booked us into my Melbourne Club, and as soon as he started his customary negative bleating about the difficulties of finding a park in Melbourne, I arranged for us to go with Brad and Fiona in their 4Wheel Drive, Brad being a highly trained driver as well as a chef, and then the Club had room for us to park anyway, and ushered us straight into a special spot, as they usually do, and we lunched in an unhurried, unharried atmosphere under Ziggy's benovolent care on the RACV RoofGarden without even having to worry about feeding a meter!
"Who would have thought she could have had so much crammed in one small room," my brother in law mused.
"I would" I said darkly, "I'm married to her son, remember?"
So I started the sorting and then had to leave it to go to work, and it was two nights before my husband and I finished it, leaving a pile of clothes and personal belonging he felt she needed around her to help her settle in. It was cold, depressing work, after a happy day. We'd had his birthday lunch at work, a day early, so everyone could make a fuss of him and feed him...
and "Shutup!! If I had the strength I would BASH you" she said to the talkative, would-be-helpful fellow inmate..
"I haven't seen anyone being BUSY" she accused the apologetic supervisor, when noone appeared, at ONCE, to take her back to bed for an unscheduled nap.
And of course, she never once wished him "Happy Birthday" or said "thankyou for all the time, effort and expense you have all gone to getting me here".
And I had the musicians play a selection from "Fiddler On the Roof"...whose "Sunrise, Sunset" seemed so very apporopriate, dining like that with our now very grownup kids and their partners...
"Is THIS the little girl I carried?..
Is THIS the little boy at play?
I don't remember growing older...when did they?"
And everyone made a BIG fuss of Doug and fed him well and even brought him a cake with the other 65 candles left tactfully missing!! Which meant we took Fiona's cake home again because after that famous smorgasbord, AND a cream-cake, noone could look at kirsh-soaked Black Forest gateau!
And then Chris, whose stamping ground this area of Melbourne is, led us on a tour of Southbank, and through the incredible Crown Towers and we watched the beautiful laser-lighted computerized waterfall ballet and ogled the shops, and discussed how very "American-inspired but not as glitzy" it all is. And we walked back across delicate bridges and around the new Aquarium , the whole so like a newer, cleaner, airier version of New Orleans' Riverwalk that I felt a lump in my throat.
And then a detour to Williamstown to look at Chris's progress on his house renovations, and some more quiet family talk before a relaxed backseat drive home, with Doug not so exhausted from city driving to watch a movie, and I with plenty of timeand energy to download the digital photos we had taken and send them to the others, and, to receive the photos and videos the others had taken...instant technology I will NEVER take completely for granted!
And the next afternoon, only a week after first inspecting Balmoral Grange, Doug again visited his mother there, to find her up and dressed, watching others play carpet-bowls, actually talking to another patient, and joined, from time to time, by the chef, (who had been cooking at her hostel some years ago and remembered her), to discuss her food likes and dislikes, a physiotherapist, to decide how much she could and shouldn't do, and assorted attendants all intent on making her comfortable and happy. And while she still called him a murderer, and cried a lot, she did confess she was attempting to improve her "demeanour".
My mother used to say to me, expecially after visiting Doug's mother, "Robin, don't EVER let me get old! "
And even chat a bit , some serious catching up with old friends, on ICQ and ICUII!
I used to think that was a kind of silly thing to say, but now I know exactly what she meant, and I am so glad for her that it never happened..
Many Happy Returns, husband, father, grandfather..and son.......!
And I'll keep y'all posted!
Love to everyone ,and everyone on our side!
-from
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©Robin Knight, 2001.
