With OJ now out of the news for a few seconds, the topic of family violence slips quietly into the background once more, not really gone and hopefully not forgotten.

It's hard to ignore that a man can swear under oath he never struck his wife even when presented with documented proof. Ironically that denial is part of the profile of a typical batterer.

Male or female, spouse, parent, sibling, child or partner; abuse knows no limitations. It does not respect race, income, education, professions, or neighborhoods. It damages children, self-esteem, marriages, families, our society as a whole.

• However, since knowledge is power, I urge you to learn what you can about domestic violence.

  What is a "typical" abuse victim? Is there one? What made me "special." Was it nature or nurture? I have my own ideas on that for my specific case. But I do know that something led me to be susceptible, for some reason I felt that this type of treatment is what I deserved, what I should put up with in the name of love, or worse yet...what LOVE really was! Am I typical? I don't know but those were thoughts I heard over and over again from women in shelter and in support groups. We become emotional zombies with little self-esteem, racked with fear, and an inability to trust no matter how much we want to. We have our own version of the Stockholm syndrome in that we identify with our abuser and what we are told as a defense mechanism for survival.

  If we don't get help - not to just break free but work on ourselves to change the behaviors that kept us in the relationship, we are likely to repeat them. Think of those you know (or yourself) with a history of violent or abusive relationships. Did one abuser follow another? A mean drunk, followed by maybe a jealous, possessive or controlling person, a Jekyll and Hyde, a sexually abusive partner?
  It's a cycle that can stop.

  • If you are in a violent relationship, learn what you can do to protect yourself legally, physically, and emotionally. Find out what abuse is. What "not that bad" really means. Find out from someone other than your abuser.

  • Learn what you can do to help your children deal with the violence in their home.

    Kids learn what they live. Unfortunately we may inadvertently be raising the next generation of abusers and victims.

  I couldn't stand the thought that my son might grow up thinking that the relationship his mom and dad had was the kind he should have with his life partner(s). I couldn't do that to him. What I couldn't seem to do for myself, I did for some unknown person in his future and for him. It sounds pretty pathetic, unless you're living it.

  Whatever the reason that galvanizes you to leave...a severe beating, a hospitalization, sexual battery, an injured child, a desperate desire to change your life and your children's lives for the better, or the knowledge you'll die if you stay...act on it and GO! Seek safety and shelter. The important thing is that the abuse and violence stop!