 |
We have had quite a number of email responses to this, our first home site.
Almost without exception the responses have been friendly and wished us all the best in our lives together. Many - gay and straight- have expressed admiration and perhaps a little envy for what we have. To these people we say thank-you for your support and best wishes.
Some writers have however offered a response that, whilst wishing us happiness, have wondered why we need be so "public" about being a gay couple. It is for these people this page has been added.
We could be simplistic and say that since this is a Home Page it should reflect our home. This it does. We are a gay couple. It would be dishonest to pretend each of our lives is not filled with the companionship of the other. In entering our home you are invited into part of our lives and these pages, we hope, reflect a small part of what we are as people and what we mean to each other.
There is a reason for this. Grant has finished his MBA and needs discuss "issues" employers and this site provides an easy way to get to know us. Too often gay men and women founder at the second step in job hunting - getting over the hurdle of being seen as in someway incomplete or difficult even after their skills and history has marked them as more than suitable for the position.
So Grant has got into the habit of simply asking people to have a look around this site before discussing matters any further. If an employer is uncomfortable, too bad - Let us find that out up-front. (Managing the rare difficult client is, of course, another matter. Strategy to deal with them is easily worked out between Grant and his employer. And off-setting this concern is that many employers now appreciate that a diverse workforce - including gays - brings opportunity for growth in many areas. Catering only to white English-speaking, heterosexual men is a recipe for corporate disaster!).
However there is another less simple reason behind why these homepages look as they do.
The underlying assumption behind a person's private acceptance of someone who is gay and a public refusal to acknowledge that gay men and women esist presupposes that homosexuality is still something to be ashamed of. It presumes being gay is still something to be spoken of in hushed voices behind closed doors.
Why?
That a minority within all societies will be gay is well established. Homosexuality is a normal sexual orientation, although not 'the norm'. What would be 'abnormal' is for a society to contain no gay men or women. So too, would it not be extremely dull?
The question for society, it seems, is not so much "Will there be gays in our midst?" but rather "How do we treat our gay citizens and how in turn will they behave?".
Well you can, if you choose, treat gay fellow citizens as less than equal - we are a minority afterall. You can pass laws against us. You can goal us. You can force us from jobs. You can refuse us housing. You can push us to the fringes of society. You can prevent any discussion of homosexuality except in disparaging terms. You can even try killing us as a means to 'destroy this evil abomination'.
You could. And many societies have. But what exactly does this achieve?
It certainly cannot stop the normality of 5% of children growing up with a fully gay sexual orientation and therefore being in no position to choose or not choose whether to be heterosexual. They just are and will not be otherwise. It certainly doesn't stop these gay people as adults seeking one another out and trying to make the best of their lives, regardless of the sanctions.
Behaving in an anti-gay manner has not, and will not, prevent some of your fellow citizens having a gay sexual orientation - or from acting on it.
- What behaviour like this does do is give some individuals a perverse gratification in working to "stop" homosexuality.
- What is does do is allow political and religious leaders to demonise and profit from the persecution of an otherwise indistinguishable minority group.
- What it does do is turn useful and productive citizens into fugitives.
- What it does do is turn a relationship based on love into something to be ashamed of.
- What is does do is impose a dreadful personal toll on those that are gay and on their partners, friends and families.
And again, for what possible reason?
- Is it to 'protect society'?
- Well no, gay men and women it seems are no more or no less intelligent, caring, criminal or sane than the rest of society.
- Is is to 'protect marriage'?
- Well no, gay relationships are apparently just as stable as straight ones and with divorce rates heading towards 50% in most developed economies it would appear heterosexuals are doing well enough by themselves to destroy whatever sanctity marriage is supposed to have.
- Is it to 'protect children'?
- Well no, gay men and women are statistically less likely to molest or abuse children than are heterosexuals. And the major cause of problems - divorce and the breakdown of families - has nothing to do with gay people.
- Is it to 'protect the military'?
- Well no, gay men and women serve just as loyally and just as well as any other; the US Army decided on a gay man as their Soldier of the Year in 1994 - and then forced him to resign when his sexuality became public. Morale in units with openly gay personnel remains just as high. Openly gay personnel cannot be blackmailed over their sexuality (how could they be?).
- Is it to 'protect the future'?
- Well no, how could treating gay men and women equally possibly result in heterosexuals abandoning their own inherent orientation and giving up child-birth? This attitude suggests - falsely - that gay men and women do not contribute to the upbringing of all children in whatever ways they can by being useful and productive citizens or that many gay couples are - or would - happily raise children of their own.
- Is it to 'protect morality'?
- Well...what do you mean by this claim?
If you mean protecting a code of societal norms that has decided gay men and women are less than human and should be treated as such then you are probably correct.
But if by 'moral' you mean living honestly, caringly and lovingly then surely you have a few issues confused.
The question for you is "Do you follow a prescriptive code or do you understand what being a moral citizen within society is all about?"
The problem with any prescriptive code is that given time to think we are certain we could present you with an impossible moral dilemma. Where then does that leave you? Of course, falling back on core moral and ethical values.
So why not start with them in the first place?
The point is that Dale and Grant, like nearly all gay and straight people, are moral citizens. We take our freedom to choose between ethical and unethical behaviour seriously. We see how we are role models for our nieces.
It is this that we hope to convey to all our visitors; whatever their sexual orientation, identity or choice of religious lifestyle.
Far from flaunting our gayness, this site is just a small record of some parts of our lives.
Or more simply, as it is.
|
Get your own Free Home Page