Selected ramblings

History: bits and pieces from my diary, page 4

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Home is where...

August 1st, 2001

So it's started for real. The transition, migration, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I've asked my boss about the possibility of doing this job in another city (all I really need is to get into the company network), I've been dropping hints about moving in with J all over the place, and we've made some purchases. A VCR, to replace her old one, wine glasses, stuff like that.

Oh, and I've had a toothbrush at J's place for months already (a fact that I haven't even tried to hide from e.g. my parents). I've also left some clothes there.

By the way, reading mushy fan fiction while missing your gf isn't very smart. It isn't smart at all.

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August 15th

I've turned thirty. It didn't feel like anything as I don't feel any older than a couple of years ago.

The parties were nice, though... and J's birthday present was the best ever! I was expecting her to arrive on my birthday, sometime late in the evening. I got a phone call from her the night before (it was maybe an hour before midnight); she asked, like so many times before, what I was doing and where I was. I thought she was on her way to the computer room and wanted to make sure that I was on-line.

Then she asked me to open the door. She'd arrived a day early. Wow.

So the next day, after work, there were four of us (instead of the planned three) going to the local amusement park. After two hours and five rides, we went out to dinner, and that was it. Very nice, very relaxed, and really... that was all I needed.

Two days later, on Saturday, I threw an "open house" party to a bunch of friends. Plenty of food, wines and other drinks, a birthday cake (no candles!) made by my sister's fiancé, the works. I'd invited my Scout buddies, some chat friends and a few old friends. About a half of the invited people arrived (A and her gf had to cancel at the last moment, but that was OK, as J and I had a few drinks with them the previous evening).

Again, the day was a nice one and the guests seemed to enjoy themselves. The best thing was, though, that over the course of the evening, everyone had to realise that J and I are together, not "just" as friends. A few of the guests knew already and that only made things easier: they weren't hiding anything and neither were we.

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Parents... oy! (August 15th, still)

My parents got back from a week-long trip yesterday. In the evening, after talking about the birthday and everything else that had happened here, I finally gathered my courage and told them I'm planning to move out. To another town. At the mention of Turku, they knew I meant moving in together with J. Dad kept his poker face, mom asked about my job (to which I replied that I'd already talked to my boss about it) and then said, "We'd better discuss this later, when there's more time."

Sigh. Well, at least they know now.

September 7th

I attended a drag king workshop last Sunday. Went there to get some tips on how to look like a guy (for masquerades and the like) and just to learn more about the whole drag thing. Well, it turned out to be an interesting day (7 hours). A bit scary, too.

There were two leaders (theatre students who'd studied the drag thing under Diane Torr) and eight participants. I didn't know anyone, but that was OK. I think it might have been harder with people I know.

The leaders did our make-up and beards. I got a full beard and mustache which was exactly the same colour as my hair. My eyebrows were touched up a bit and I also got small sideburns. The transformation was quite impressive – I looked like a schoolteacher when finished! So... that's the role I took. I became "Shorty", the slightly nerdy teacher (in his late 30's), who doesn't go out much, and whose girlfriend left him because he likes his computers a bit too much :-D

Getting the clothes was easy (they were my own; shirt, tie, waistcoat, trousers, boxer shorts underneath, shoes...), getting bound was easy, if a bit uncomfortable, walking and doing stuff like a guy was fairly easy, too... What was hard (and scary!) was going out and walking in the city centre with the full getup.

But we all did it... and survived. Afterwards, it was almost exhilarating. Getting the beard and stuff out when it was all over was agony, though.

There was a drag king contest on Wednesday. No, I didn't attend (as if!).

BTW, my parents haven't mentioned my plans to move... not once. And being the coward that I am, I never told them the whole truth about the workshop. They only know it had something to do with theatre, studying people's body language and the like.

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September 24th

I spent the weekend at J's again. I even went there a day early, because I got two days of sick leave due to this flu... It was OK, I could rest there even better than at home, where I would have been all alone.

Anyway... Friday was bad. My back acted up worse than ever (starting in the morning as we got up), so badly in fact, that we had to see a physician, who then sent us to an ER. It was quite an ordeal: I was in considerable pain all the time and J got to see it all up close. She also got to run some errands, assist me in the bathroom and so on – a lot more than she bargained for, I'm sure (After reading this bit, she denies this; says she's willing to do anything for me).

In the evening, when we finally got back from the ER, via the chemist's (I got some extra strong painkillers for future use), she said she'll still "keep me". Even if this sort of thing happened more often (this was the first time she saw it, and the second time it happened to me). Wow.

Another thing worth mentioning happened at the ER. There was a young student nurse, who did the triage and interviewed me in the waiting-room. At one point she asked J if she was a friend or something. J replied she was my spouse (which was correct, of course), to which the nurse just said (without batting an eye), "I see. All right", wrote J's name down and that was it! No questions, nada.

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September 27th

Finally a comment from my parents. "We wish you'd stay here... couldn't she move to Helsinki as well?"

I told them about the price differences and J's studies. Said it's not likely that I'll stay here. Also, I told them that my plan is to leave for good, when I do leave... so I won't be returning humbly, cap in hand, saying I've run out of money or something like that.

Call me a cynic, but I'm pretty sure they want me to stay so they don't have to explain my absence. Imagine having to tell everyone that your (admittedly oddball) daughter is living with her girlfriend (Gasp!) in another city! The humiliation! The agony!

October 2nd

Friday, September 28th was a historical day for us, when Finland finally joined the rest of the Nordic Countries and passed the law on same-sex partnerships. Sometime next year, same-sex couples will be able to register their partnership and gain some of the same rights as married couples. Yay!

In addition to lots of on-line partying, J and I celebrated on Friday evening with a bottle of sparkling wine. We saved the cork and I wrote on it the date and the votes of the Parliament (99 for, 84 against, 1 empty, 15 absent).

I'm still a bit giddy when I think of this – not just for our sake, but because this proved that the homophobes and bible-bashers (who conveniently forget some crucial passages of the Bible, when threatening us with hellfire and brimstone) aren't as powerful as they sometimes seem to be.

Looks like there's going to be a summer wedding...

November 12th

We got engaged the day before yesterday... Celebrated by having dinner at a good restaurant, and later in the evening with some Veuve Clicquot champagne. It was a good day :-)

Mom noticed our rings yesterday. Her exact words: "Well, I suppose I should say: congratulations... but... well, you do know I feel bad." I just shrugged, and J said: "Can't be helped." And that was the end of that discussion.

I'm sure I'll get an earful tomorrow, when J has left... as if any of this were about mom and dad anyway! Sheesh.

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November 26th

On Nov. 15th, I gave mom a letter I'd written... it was the only way to get things through to her, without her interrupting, and without me searching for the "right" words. As soon as I'd handed her the letter, I went out for nearly an hour... so she could read and think in peace.

When I got back, she was ready to talk... but it was mostly the same old shite. She talked of completely irrelevant things (such as my un-feminine looks), then tried to persuade me to postpone the partnership registration – "in case you still meet someone else". HELLO!? I should be on the lookout for someone else, while engaged to my girlfriend? She never asked my sister to do this sort of thing, even though she didn't like her bf at first.

She also asked me to leave my engagement ring home, when we'd go to a friend's birthday party on Saturday, Nov. 24th. I said I'd think about it... but I'd rather hide the ring in plain sight, surrounded by other rings.

Anyway, the party was the day before yesterday, and no-one noticed the ring (not even Mom – I had to show it to her). One person asked if I was seeing anyone, and I said yes. Then we started talking about meeting people in school parties (the way they did it, in the 50's and 60's), and meeting people over the 'Net. No fuss, no more questions.

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November 28th

I left the Church today – something I should have done years ago. The procedure was surprisingly simple: I merely showed my ID, filled in a form and signed it. Effective in a month... and that was it. Nice.

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December 21st

New graphics! I found Shawn's wacky clipart some time ago but it took a while before I had the courage to use it here.

Continued in part 5

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