Selected ramblings

History: bits and pieces from my diary, page 6

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Out and about, 2003 – 2004

February 1st, 2003

Whine, whine, gripe, moan...

On the subject of mottos (thought of this when I heard a song named Carpe Diem): When I was young, my motto used to be "Carpe diem" – hey, it was Latin, it was cool, it was short and to the point. And this was a long time before the movie Dead Poets Society came out! Later on, I became a bit more realistic, and changed my motto accordingly. "Things tend to work themselves out" was the next motto and I used for ages.

Now, though, as things have changed, again, and certainly not for the better, I find myself more and more drawn towards controlled escapism – movies, books, music; anything legal that helps me forget this banal, boring and annoying life I lead. So the new motto: "Too true to be good".

Cynical, who, me? Only occasionally.

April 25th

We've lived together for a bit over a year now. Life is good, although everything would be easier with a bit more money.

Easter Day was spent at my parents' and it seems that they (mom especially) have gotten used to us... or perhaps, as J said, absence makes the heart grow fonder. In any case, they didn't get on my case and treated us both quite nicely. Mom even told me that she'd talked about us to a family friend and mentioned something about "my choice". This friend had then remarked – quite emphatically, too! – that it most certainly wasn't a choice! Back when we moved in together, this very same person had said that he understood my father (and his anything but accepting attitude) very well.

June 5th

A coming out, for a change :-)

This occurred a week ago, when the temp agency I work at arranged a spring get-together last Wednesday. Late in the evening, with about a dozen of us sitting at a restaurant, someone started a round of "tell us what your family situation is" or something like that. Everyone was supposed to tell how they lived and what they did outside of work.

Well, I couldn't be vague at this point and just say I lived together with someone, "a student, y'know, just us two, no kids but a hamster.." – not after having earlier answered yes to one colleague's question about being gay.

I was short and to the point. Said I lived with my so-called wife in a registered partnership that has now lasted nearly a year and that we've lived together a bit longer than that. And that was it! No-one said anything specific, all I heard was just the general murmur of agreement – "OK, good for you, that's nice... who's next?"

Guess I'll hear more the next time I visit the agency's office (probably some time next week)... or perhaps not. I'm a bit curious, though: will they remember? And will they ask about J?

July 14th

Two unpleasant reminders in as many days.. sheesh. First, the bore sent me an SMS on Friday night at 4 a.m. — so actually it was Saturday morning. The whole of the message: "hi! What's up?" I decided that I sure as hell wasn't and didn't reply, even though J and I had no intention to go to sleep yet.

Second, "Ignatz the Mouse" appears on loads of webpages (on a couple of sites) and she's turned out to be a breeder of the worst kind. Endless gabbing about her "lovely" pregnancy, narcissistic pictures and whatnot. J stumbled across the websites and after seeing them, I actually felt sick.

I'm also ashamed of myself: what in the world did I see in her? Was I nuts or something? J says I was ;-)

October 1st

I've finally started reading The Well of Loneliness. I've also read some gay history books lately.. and even bought one. J was a bit surprised to find all those books the other day.

November 7th

I hate stupid people. I hate people who, instead of keeping quiet, blab so much that they reveal their stupidity in every turn. And god, I hate myself when I realize the extent of my own stupidity!

What really bugs me is my inability to remember and comprehend mathematical, and therefore financial, things. I can remember how much money I have on my bank account, but I can't think very far ahead... Then I worry about not having enough money, when in fact things are quite well.

November 29th

We've been keeping a blog (or web diary), J and I, since the start of the year... and it's gotten quite a lot of readers. Sometimes the attention feels really weird, but mostly I'm pleased that people are interested (of course!).

It's still a bit strange, when meeting new people, they've read "all about you" but you know hardly anything about them.

December 29th

My parents visited briefly; they were on their way to a cottage to spend the New Year's... Anyway, mom told me about an acquaintance who'd seen our wedding ad in the paper but who hadn't understood what it meant! How difficult is it -- it was under "Weddings" and there were two names within one frame, for crying out loud!

Maybe it really is that hard for the heteros.. and they can't think of married couples as anything but a man-woman couple.

January 4th, 2004

QAF.

Queer as Folk, the TV series... I hope people have seen the original British one before this watered-down US one. The US version is at times extremely dull, the scenes and bits of plot too long and simplified. And when it comes to emotional stuff, it's as if someone had found a knob (Spinal Tap style) and said: "These things go up to eleven" – and turned it up all the way. Gimme a break!

Yeah, I still watch the show, because some of the actors are very easy on the eyes ;-) and because there isn't a whole lot to watch on Friday nights. Besides, there aren't any other "gay shows" available for now. But still... well, I keep a book or something else handy for the boring bits. They are sure to occur at least a few times during one episode.

April 11th

Spent part of the Easter at my parents'. Some things never change: mom still tries to control the way I look and dress. This time she complained about us wearing ties (which, by the way, looked damn good and without which our attire wouldn't have been formal enough). My bleached hair was another thing she nagged about – for the third time, if I recall correctly.

August 26th

During the summer, we visited my parents' neighbours one day and over the course of the evening, they asked us if we were planning to have kids. We explained about the current laws and said that until the adoption laws are changed, we're definitely not going to have kids. Then we chatteded a bit about the legislation concerning same-sex couples... They were impressed that we knew so much about the stuff. Duh... we have to!

November 25th

Here's a story I should have written down several weeks ago, but forgot – it's about mom and her "big secret". She has still kept some family friends in the dark about J's and my relationship.

There's this one old friend, B, whom mom believes to be "too old to understand". In September, she had to tell her about us, as there was a big party coming up, and B was bound to meet us there, together. And all the other guests already knew about us.

So... mom (in cold sweat, I'm sure!) told B and she said: "I've known for two years – my niece showed me the newspaper ad!"

Now B wants us and my sister to visit her before Christmas. Usually, it's just been the sis and I, a quick call on December 23rd.

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