Maori Jokes

"I'm doing this for my country"

One day there was a Maori, Aussie, Kiwi and a African man. They were on a plane. Then the pilot from up front shouted back, "We are losing height. Throw out all the luggage."

So, all the men threw out all the luggage. Then the pilot said, "We are still dropping in height!"

So the African said, "I'm doing this for my country" and then he jumped out the window.

Then the Maori said, "I'm doing this for my country" and he jumped out the window.

Then the Kiwi said, "I'm doing this for my country" and then he pushed the Aussie out the door.

Contributed by Richard from Palmerston North

Butter Factory in Ruatoria

Prince Charles is opening a butter factory in Ruatoria and looks resplendid in his Naval uniform apart from a fox hat that he is wearing.

A local reporter sensing there might be a story behind this waited for the appropriate moment and then approached the prince :

"You look very good today, Sir." "Thank you." "But Sir, please tell me, why the fur?" "Ahhh, I was waiting for someone to ask me that. Well, I phoned Mummy last night and she asked me what I was doing today, I replied that I was opening a butter factory in Ruatoria, and she said "Where the fox 'at?"

Contributed by Jerome de Bruijn from Auckland

Maori fella walks into a Dairy...

Maori fella walks into a dairy and asks for a tin of cat food. Indian dairy owner says "Oh no - I am hearing about you Maori fellows and how you put cat food into pastry and call it meat pie. Please bring cat into shop for me to see and you can have cat food". Maori fella says "oh man, I don't even know where the cat is right now - probably chasing birds." Indian dairy owner says "No cat, no cat food".

Maori fella sulks away from shop. Same guy comes in a week later and asks for a tin of dog food for his dog. Indian dairy owner gives him the same run down, "No dog - no doggy food'. Maori fella is really upset and storms off. He comes back a couple of days later with a big plastic bag and slams it on the counter. The dairy owner says "Oh what is this being please" and opens the bag and is overcome by the foul stench which from the now open bag. Maori fellah says, "It's a bag of sh*t man, I want some toilet rolls!"

Contributed by James Swindells from Wellington

Weather Forecast

Scene:

Ordinary lounge room, middle age lounge lizard watching Penelope do the weather forecast.

Switch to: Penelope

She emphasises the large H (for High) that is hanging over NZ.

Switch to lounge lizard:

Moaning and groaning about high over NZ

Lounge lizard opens door to house and walks out into garden whereupon large H symbol falls from the sky and knocks him out.

Contributed by James Swindells from Wellington

A gezza goes into a pub...

A gezza goes into a pub and has a bit of a laugh. He goes home and watches the telly. Skitz comes on the telly and when its finished he has a stretch and a scratch and says "What a load of 'ol bollocks"

Contributed by Jon from Wellington

The Statue

Q. What did the Maori say to the statue?

A. 'statue mate? (as in "Is that you?")

Contributed by Fobby Fran, Sydney, Australia

Here Comes the Bride

There was an Aussie guy who was in a pub with a group of friends. He went to buy a beer when the barman said "Did you know that you could get a free beer?" and the Aussie guy says "Really? How?" Then the barman told him "Tell me how many "D's" there are in 'Here Comes the Bride"'. So the Aussie guy says "One". Then he got his free beer. He went back to his table and told his friends that he got a free beer. Then his Maori friend got up and went to the barman and asked what he had to do to get a free beer. The barman told him "Tell me how many "D's" there are in 'Here Comes the Bride"'. Then the Maori guy said to him " Hang on a minute" and went to the toilet. A few moments later, the Maori came out (with a grin on his face) and said "I know how many "D's" there are" and the barman, who was quite ammused, asked "How many?" and the Maori goes "thirty-six" and the barman asked "How did you get 36?". The Maori guy replied "Easy..... da da-da da, da da-da da..." (as in 'singing' the tune for the bridal walk)

Contributed by Fobby Fran, Sydney, Australia
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