Filipino

The Hot Dog Story

A Filipino guy named Wendo went to Hawaii to visit some of his relatives in Waipahu (Waipahoooooo!!!). It was his first trip anywhere out of the Phillipines.

When in Hawaii, he went to a local fast food restaurant to eat. As he looked at the menu, he wasn't familiar with the food until he came across HOT DOG! Boy! was he happy to see something familiar (Dog meat is a favorite Filipino delicacy), so he happily asked the waitress if he could have HOT DOG.

The waitress then said, "Hot dog coming right up, sir." About a couple minutes later, the waitress brought his order and said, "Here's your hot dog, sir" and Wendo looked at it and he kept on staring at it with a funny look on his face.

He quickly signalled the waitress down to his table and he said, "Excuuuse me, waitrrreeess (heavy Filipino accent), I'm sorrrry, but I donn eat dis bart of de dog!!!"

Contributed by Dallin Muti

Make a Sentence

Da teacha told dis philipino kid fo make a sentence wit da wordz, knot, bread, and can. da next day wen da teacha ask da kid fo da sentence, the kid wen freak cuz he nevah do em - but he wen wing um. he told da teacha: I wen put de bag ober my sister's head and she yelled: "I cannot bread! I cannot bread!"

- kalu

"NO FLIPS IN THE POOL"

Why did the small Phillipino ran home from the swimming pool crying?

Because there was a big sign that read "NO FLIPS IN THE POOL"

Contributed by Canuck

"More make a sentence..."

One day this pinoy wanted to visit America. he went to his travel agent and told him he wanted to go to America. so his travel agent said he'll let him go if he can make a sentence using the words: pink, green and yellow. the next day he went back and said" okay boss, you the phone goes green green and i pink it up and say yellow.

make a sentence using the words pampers and papers: this filipino guy workinig at the gas station ask the guy he was helping if he wanted to pa-pers or pam-pers.

make a sentence using the word dinuguan (spelling): i went to go turn on the television and it di-nu-gu-an.

make a sentence using the word helicopter: you know i went to a party, then there was a huge fight and afterward there was heli-cop-ter.

make a sentence using the word doritos: i met this guy and he had dori-tos (roll your r's)

Contributed by kanoelani

More Filipino jokes...

Filipino cookbook title: " 101 Ways to WOK your Dog"

Two filipino pilots (w/ accent): A pair of Pliers

An Army Para troop Team that's all black: The "e"-team

Two filipino's are 'bout to play 2-on-2 basketball against two Mexican guys: The 1st filipino says to the other filipino guy, " yoo take dat Juan, I'll take da ah der Juan"

Anonymous contribution

Filipino Joins the Army

Filipino man wants to join the Army and the Lt. said, "you've passed all the requirements except for one. You must use the words deduct, defense, defeat and detail. The pinoy says, "oh serr, dats bery ezzy serr. De duck jumped ober de pence, de peet pirst, den de tail!."

Anonymous contribution

3 Prides In Filipino

What are the 3 prides in filipino?

pride pish
pride rice
pride chicken

Anonymous contribution

Use A Word

The teacher asked his Filipino student to use the word "tenacious" in a sentence. He replied,"well ebery morning I ben down and tie my ten-a-shos." She then asked Paul( the Filipino student) to use his name in sentence four times. He said," Paul, be care-Paul, or you'll Paul in de swimming-Paul."

Contributed by Sean

Hostess

The teacher asked the Filipino boy to use the word "hostess" in a sentence. The boy replied, "When de pone ring, my mudder pick it up and say, 'Hostess?'" ("Who's this?")

Contributed by Alan Little

Light switch

How many Filipinos does it take to turn on a light switch?

One Flip.

Anonymous

The Competition

There was a competition on who can be the most disgusting person in the world. After the earlier rounds, three people were left. A Chinese, an American and a Filipino. The Chinese went first. He walked into the arena, flies hovering around him, and his clothes dirty as he took a bucket and proceeded to fill it by squeezing his zits. The crowd went wild. Then the American stepped up. There were twice as many flies this time and he was wearing only a pair of pants, which was torn to bits. He then took two buckets, and proceeded to fill it by squeezing his zits. the crowd went totally ballistic. they all thought that he was going to win. The Filipino stepped up. He was wearing nicely creased suit. His hair slicked back and Calvin Klein's Escape can be smelt. The crowd booed and hissed the Filipino. Then the Filipino proceeded to drink the buckets!!!

Guess who won?

Anonymous

Crossroads

Kimo: Ey! Wotcho get wen you cross one haole weed one filipino?

Rory: I donno!?!

Kimo: A Jalepino

Contributed by Jake

CHISMIS

The SETTING :

Pageant Night Miss Universe Beauty Pageant Q & A Portion.
The FINALISTS :
Miss America
Miss Spain
Miss Britain
Miss Philippines
Miss Iran
Miss India

QUESTION : Ms. America, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. AMERICA : Well, I would say that male organs in America are like gentlemen.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. AMERICA : Because it stands everytime it sees a woman..... (Applause!.... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Spain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. SPAIN : Male organs in our country are like toros in our very own bullfight.
QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. SPAIN : Because it charges everytime it sees an opening. (Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Britain, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. BRITAIN : Male organs in our country are like Shakespearian actors. QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. BRITAIN : Because it cries after every performance. (Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. Iran, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. IRAN : Well, I can say that male organs in Iran are like thieves.

QUESTION : And why do you say that?
MS. IRAN : Because they always enter through the back door..... (Applause!... Applause!)

QUESTION : Ms. India, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. INDIA : Well, I can say that a male organ in India is like a labourer. ]QUESTION : Why do you say that?
MS. INDIA : Because it works day and night.... (Applause!..Applause!)

QUESTION: Ms. Philippines, how would you describe a male organ in your country?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ahh...well, opcors, hihihihi...I can say dat male organs in our country are like chismis...
QUESTION : Chismis???
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy! Sorry... Its ano, ahh kuwan...it means GOSSIP in our language.
QUESTION : Hmm... Interesting comparison. And why do you say that?
MS. PHILIPPINES : Ayy... dyahe! Hihihihihi! Kasi...I mean...because it passes from mouth to mouth. (STANDING OVATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Anonymous contribution
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