Samoan Jokes

"America is love very much to me!"

There was this young man from Upolu, Western Samoa, who came to the States a few years ago to visit his uncle. His name was "Charlie" or "Sale" in Samoan. Sale's uncle, Junior, was very happy to see Sale again. The last time he saw Sale was when he was a toddler. One day, Sale and the uncle went downtown for some errands. As they came back home that day, Sale had a big smile on his face and he went up and hugged his uncle and said, "Uncle, people here in America is love very much to me !!" A little confused, Uncle Junior said, "Oh, yeah.....how's that so?"

"You know, when we was go to da town today, everypody was give to me the cars, the houses and even the food," he replied.

Now, Uncle Junior was very curious to what he meant and said, "What do you mean? I didn't see you talking to nobody!"

"Oka, Uncle, we go... go... go... and see on the side of the road, HOUSE FOR SALE! CAR FOR SALE! and even "FOOD FOR SALE! Yes, I fink .... America is love very much to me!"

Contributed by Dallin Muti

Compact

A man who just came from Samoa drove up on the parking lot of a shopping mall. This man was driving a big van and when he came up to the parking lot he parked on the compact parking space. The mall security stopped him and told him that he needed to park elsewhere because the parking space was for a compact, but the samoan man nodded and said to the security Yes, yes, "I go and come pack"(compact)

Contributed by Eugene Lepulu

"Honey, pass the honey..."

A Samoan couple was eating dinner with a couple of palagi couples and they listened while the one palagi man asked his wife, "honey, please pass the honey," and she does so. The other palagi man asks his wife, "sugar, pass the sugar." The wife kindly gives it to her husband. The Samoan man felt obliged to ask his wife a favor with a compliment and says: "Pig, pass the pig!"

(how rude...)

Contributed by Tricia Folau

"Judge, I want a divorce."

A sole went to court to settle his divorce with his wife:

sole: "I want a divorce."
judge: "Do you have grounds."
sole: "Oh, yes. Five acres."
judge: "Well, do you have a grudge?"
sole: "Yes, but it has too much junk in it to get the car in."
judge: " Does you wife beat you?"
sole: "No, I'm always up at 5:30 in the morning."
judge: "Well, maybe she's a nagger."
sole: " No, she's white, alright."
judge: " Then why are you asking for a divorce?"
sole: "I don't know. We just don't communicate anymore."

Contributed by MAKAFULA

"Sole..."

Did you hear what two parents named their child who alwayz kept rolling off the couch?

..... Solefelafasofa!

- kalu

Plane to Honolulu

We have a little Curio Shop at Tafuna airport, and me and my brother used to close up shop early sometimes when there is a flight to Hawaii and go look for some keiges. Anyways, one night when the airplane left, there was this old lady from Leone that was still crying. Me and my brother approached her and asked why she was crying and she said , "I just found out the plane is going to Honolulu." And we said yeah. And she said, "but my daughter is supposed to go to Hawaii."

When this other woman from Taputimu was inundated with information she said, "Eh, my mind is so cornfuded."

- Bevo

Popular Fobs

This is a true story: A football player from an NCAA school was interviewed on a live local television show, he was asked, "What is your G.P.A.?" His reply, "My fadder no more that kine truck."

Same individual during a football game was called on by the coach to go out and get vicious on the field. He ran onto the field, turned around and came back to the coach, "Coach, what number is vicious?!"

An actual participant on a Wheel of Fortune show, "I would like to buy a vowel. Could I buy a H?!"

Quick Joke: How many Samoans does it take to push a car? 6. Four to push the car, One to drive the car, and One to go VVRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! Just a little donation to the cause!! PEACE, LIVE IT, DON'T REST IN IT!!

Contributed by Web-Cruiser in the Poly Cafe

Kitchen Counter

My friend was looking for her car keys and she asked her husband where he put them. She looked in the rooms, the bathroom and the kitchen. She asked him again where the keys were at and he said, "They're right there!" She looked at him like he was crazy, "Where?" He said, "Se va'ai ia...right there on the 'CHICKEN'counter"...

Contributed by Hamo Girl in the Poly Cafe

Out-of-Bounds

I have a story of when I was a Senior in High School and I was playing on the Varsity Basketball Team...our team was having practice and the coach was an old fart, who thought that he knew it all. We finished all our drills and warm-ups and we were working on plays. We were working on inbounding the ball from the baseline, the name he gave the play was OB. Now all of the players could relate to what OB stood for but we didn't know that to the coach it meant something totally different. All the players thought that the it stood for Out of Bounds, but when the coach was explaining the play he kept on saying "...you need to take the ball out of bounce..." now me and my teammates thought that he was just saying bounce instead of bounds by mistake. But we went to check his Clip board that had all the plays listed on there and there was the play OB-Out of Bounce. The funny thing was it was written in ink. I have made many fobby mistakes myself but this takes the cake man.

Contributed by Happy in the Poly Cafe

My Afakasi Sister

I have an afa-kasi sister who moved down to Samoa in 1987 after she graduated from college. She didn't know any Samoan but loved to go out on the town cause she thought Samoan men were simply beautiful (she knows better now of course, she married a Tongan).

Anyway she went to this bar called Christina's in Tafuna and was ambushed by a number of fobs. This is one of her funnier accounts. She walked into the bar and a dark male approached her with the intent of grabbing her to go dancing. She ducked and because he was trashed was able to get away. This man walked to the center of the bar and started looking for her. He circled the bar, which wasn't to big, until he found her. When she refused to go dancing he plopped himself next to her seat and started to 'woo' her.

"I fink I luff you," he said right off the bat. "I luff so many many," he said this as his arms stretched and he knocked over a couple of the drinks on the table. When my sister ignored him he grabbed her hands and said in a throaty voice, "I'm cereal to you." Then, trying to impress her he says, "I go Amerika too." Finally he caught her attention and she asks, "Oh, I'm from Nebraska what states have you been to?" He looks at her kinda confused like and says, "I no say Nebaska. I go Amerika, U.S.A.!" Today my sister is 'cereal' about staying away from fob bars.

Contributed by Suavi in the Poly Cafe

"Hey, what is your name...?"

Tafili met up with this real nice couple from Samoa at a BYU H Foodfest in Laie. This couple was curious to know what Tafili's last name was. So as they started to say goodbye to one another, Sina finally blurted out her curiosity and asked, "Tafili, what is your name behind?" Tafili, looked at her with a confused look on his face and replied, "Oh, my muli????"

Contributed by Vai

How to Deliver Great Speeches

When I was 15 years old, I remember a young Samoan couple had been invited to my Sunday School class to teach us how to give church talks. The young husband got up and said, "When you give a talk, you first put your hands on the 'pochum' (podium)." Of course, my friends and I all started laughing, but stopped almost immediately to let this man finish. His wife, however, kept on laughing. Annoyed, the man asked his wife, "Hey. what's the funny?" She answered, as if she were the expert, saying, "Honey, you say pochum. It's not a pochum, it's a 'bulber' (pulpit)!" This time, the whole class lost it and the lesson on how to give talks was over.

Contributed by Alvin Salima in the Kava Bowl

"Come Follow Me"

Another Sunday School teacher came into our class and presented a beautiful lesson on the Life of Christ. He didn't make any fob remarks (except for the pronounciation of Jesus - he said, cheesus) until he got to the very end of his lesson. Wanting to drive his point home in our young hearts, he held up his right hand, showing two fingers and said, "Cheesus say only two words...Come follow me (3 words)."

Contributed by Alvin Salima in the Kava Bowl

The Moetolo Joke

In the village of Savaii in Samoa, there's this family who lives in the a huge fale. Their fale was built on logs. It was easy for Moetolo to crawl under neath this fale. Every night before the family goes to sleep, they would say their prayers. This family is Catholics.
One night a Moetolo went under neath the house to listen to their prayers, he sees the man getting down on his knees the man says "Fa'afetai Iesu, puipui ia te matou, amene" then his wife gets on her knees and says, "Fa'afetai Iesu, puipui ia te matou, amene"
The next night the Moetolo comes back this time with a stick. When it was time for the couple to pray he would crawl under the house. The man kneels and says Fa'afetai Iesu, puipui ia te matou, amene." The wife kneels and the moetolo shoves the stick up her moli and she says, "Fa'afetai Iesu, tuitui ia I matou, amene!!!...(P.S:you can laugh now, not tomorrow from the one and only legendary queen "SUGA"

Contributed by Priscilla Su'a

Car Insurance

Do you know what kind of insurance a Samoan uses on his vehicle?

"YOUR FAULT INSURANCE" Have you ever been in a motor vehicle accident with a Samoan? You better believe it's your fault.

Contributed by Canuck

Samoan Cowboy

What do you call a Samoan with a cowboy hat?

A Western-Samoan!!

Contributed by Tony, Josh, and Hansen Paialii

Lava Lava Samoa

In Samoan, if one "Lava" is alot, and "Lava Lava" is a Samoan sarong, then what is a "Lava Lava Lava"?

A stuck Samoan record!

Contributed by Yicola and Laaya Mura

What do you call....?

What do you call a Samoan who stutters when saying hello "Ta-alofa" and insists on living in a rectangular fale?

A Tuvaluan!

Contributed by C. S. Leschhorn

Samoan guy walks into a department store....

This Samoan guy walks into a department store and asks the palagi salesman: "How much foa dis TV?"

The salesman replies: "We don't serve Samoans here! Get out!"

So the Samoan goes and puts on an afro wig, dark glasses, and struts back into the store and asks the salesman (with a heavy black accent):

"Yo brotha! How much fo dis TV man?"

The salesman replies: " I said we don't serve Samoans! Get out!"

So the Samoan goes and puts on a big fake mustache, a sombrero, a poncho, and back in the store he goes. He again asks the salesman: (with a heavy Mexican accent)

"Eh, excuse me senor, how much for this TV por favor amigo?"

The salesman still replies: "We don't serve Samoans here, now GET OUT!"

By now the Samoan is very frustrated and rips off his costume and demands:

"How you know I am a Samoan!?"

The salesman replies: "Because that's not a TV, it's a microwave!"

Contributed by Anonymous

My boy

Samoan man and a palagi man going to a luau. As the party wore on the palagi man turned to the Samoan man and asked him "How was the kalua pig for you?" The Samoan man replied "Oh, ta pig was good, real good." The palagi man then asked "How was your poi?" The Samoan man then answered "Oh my poi, hes big already almost graduate"

Contributed by Edwin Buyten aka Fobulous Looloo

Halloween party in Kalihi

Once there was this Samoan couple who were getting ready for a halloween party. They were all ready when the wife got a splitting headache. She didn't want to spoil the fun for both of them so she told her husband to go ahead without her. He didn't want to but with some persuading he left. She laid down and about an hour later woke up feeling fine. She thought she might as well go to the party to see how much fun her husband was really having. So, she dressed in a different costume so he wouldn't recognize her. She got to the party and immediately saw him. He was dancing with one girl after another. He was having a lot of fun. So she went up to him and asked him to dance. As they were dancing she got closer and closer to him. She whispered in his ear, "Let's go outside." He followed her outside and she became very romantic with him, things heated up and they "made da kine"! She left soon after to return home before her husband returned to find her missing. She changed and got right into bed as the door opened and her husband returned from the party.

She asked him, "How did everything go?"

He replied, "You didn't miss too much, it was pretty boring. I just went down stairs and played pool with the guys."

She then asked "Oh, come on you must have had a good time?"

He then responded by saying, "No really, it wasn't much fun at all, but the guy I lent my costume to said he had a great time!

Contributed by Nev

"O Iesu lo'u leoleo mamoe..."

One Sunday, at church, our faifeau stood up and began his sermon. He of course was talking about Jesus Christ. Preaching in samoan, he said, "O Iesu lo'u leoleo mamoe," which means "the lord is my shepard." However, the faifeau said the same phrase in english for the benefit of those who didn't understand samoan. He translated the phrase to say, "Jesus, is the police sheep!"

(For those of you who don't understand samoan, here's a quick lesson: Iesu = Jesus leoleo = police mamoe = sheep...figure it out!)

Contributed by Jillana Siasaga Ah Loe

"What do you call...?"

Q. Whats the difference between a SAMOAN & a GORILLA?

A. The GORILLA waits for the banana to turn YELLOW before eating it.


Q. What do you call 3 Samoans lying on top of a house on a sunny day?

A. "Sole System"

Contributed by Reuben Alisa

"Snoozin' for a Bruisin'"

A Samoan woman and her children on a flight from Samoa to New Zealand. During the flight the mother falls asleep and the children seeing this decide that they would play tag along the aisle. The air hostess upon seeing these children playing in the aisle asks them to return to their seats. The woman upon hearing the air hostess wakes up still half asleep and in her embarrassment and confusion yells out to the children.
"Hey... go and play outside"

Contributed by Ata'ata so'o

"fobby fob world"

Our cousin from Samoa had just arrived from Samoa. Shes never seen the USA, so we made it our duty to show her around. Shes never seen the American Theaters before...so we decided to go see a movie. So the next day, we got her up and early at 12:00 pm to go to the movies. When we got there, we saw the first movie, which was no good. So we decided to go see another. By 6:00 pm we had seen all the movies in the theater. Our cousin was so thrilled that she had seen so many pictures in one day. As we exited she saw the manager of the theater standing at the door and happily she asked: "Oh, so you pay one price, and you get see all the movies?"
We grabbed her and ran as fast as we could. She is now back in Samoa.

Contributed by THE TUITAMAS

"FOBBY TRAVELLER"

WELL I CAN'T WRITE THIS IN A FOBBY MANNER BUT JUST IMAGINE IT YOURSELF AIGHT! HERE GOES.

A YOUNG FOB WAS WALKIN DROWN THE STREET TRYIN TO LOOK FOR A ROAD NAMED TREE STREET. AS HE HAD ONLY JUST COME FROM THE VILLIAGE AND FOUND HIMSELF IN A NEW ENVIRONEMENT. NATURALLY HE WAS A LIL CONFUSED AND TAKEN BACK BY IT ALL SO HE TOOK TO ASKIN PASSES BY DIRECTIONS....(U CAN WRITE THIS FOB STYLE IF U WISH CAUSE I CAN'T)

ANY-WAYS HE APPROACHED ONE PEDESTRIAN "ECSCAUSE ME CAN U TELL ME HOW TO GET TO TREE STREET?"

THE PEDESTRIAN ANSWERED PROMPTLY...GO DOWN THIS STREET AND ITS YOUR SECOND ON THE LEFT.

THE YOUNG BOY NODDED AND WALKED ALTHOUGH HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THE MAN HAD SAID.

SO IN TIME HE APPROACHED ANOTHER PEDESTRIAN AND ASKED HIM THE SAME QUESTION...

CAN U TELL ME HOW TO GET TO TREE STREET.

THE PEDESTRIAN RESPONDED ...OH U PAST IT..

THE YOUNG BOY WAS FURIOUS......WHAT U CALL ME A PASTARD (BASTARD).

Anonymous contribution

"Aumai se ajax..."

This little girl was having really bad stomach aches, her fadder was really worried. He called out to his to'alua suga, aumai se ajax e lamulamu ale keige...ua oso le magava!! At that time his wife is really puzzled on what her husband just said...so she asked him again. Olea le mea e avaku? He replied, bringing the fing to me, the ajax her stomach not coming...at that time the little girl couldn't stop laughing. She asked her dad, Dad what are you on?? He answered, olea le mea eke lua feakai so'o ai?? Aumai se ajax e fa'aalu ai le magava a le keige!!!!.....heheheheh. Right then his wife told him....hon' its not ajax its called ex-lax.

Contributed by Alo Lafo

"A couple was driving home..."

A couple was driving home after a company party only to find a policeman pulling them over. The policeman asked the man, "Sir, you were recorded at 85-95 mph down this stretch...why the rush?" The man answered," I was just following the car in front of me and forgot i was going 65-70 mph." His wife added in," Oh no you weren't...you were going 95 until the police car." The man turned to his wife and scolded her: "Shut the hell up!" The police asked the man again," I also see that you did not buckle up your seatbelt!" The man answered,"I just unbuckled my seatbelt to take my wallet out to show you my license." Again, his wife added in," No you didn't! You never buckled up when we started leaving the party!" The angry man turned to his wife and said," Just shut up!" The police walked around to his wife and asked," I'm just wondering...does he always speak to you in this manner?" The wife smiled and answered,"No...it happens only when he's drunk!"

Contributed by oliana tuia-fiso

"An African, a Russian & a Samoan..."

There were 3 friends, an African, a Russian, & a Samoan. They all wanted to get into the Olympics to watch the games, but it was sold out and only athletes were being let in. So, the African looked around, saw a pole, picked it up and went to the gate and said to the guard, "AFRICA-POLE VAULT", and went in. The Russian looked around, saw a hub cap, picked it up and went to the gate and said to the guard, "RUSSIA-DISCUS", and went in. The Samoan looked around, saw some barbed wire on the fence, took it down, rolled it up, put it on his shoulder, went to the gate and said to the guard, "SAMOA-FENCING". . .

Contributed by NIKEDAWG

"Da Police..."

A bored police officer decides to have fun with the 3 guys in the drunk tank. There is a redneck, a black guy, and a Samoan guy. The officer says to the 3 drunks, "I'll let you boys go if you can spell the word dishes, and use it in a sentence.
The redneck goes first: "d, i, s, h, e, and uh s. I wash the dishes." "Thats's very good, cracker." says the officer. The brother is up next.
"D, i, s, h, e, and s. I break the dishes over your head!". That's very good." Next is the hamo.
"O le d, i, s, h, e ma le s." There is a long pause, and the hamo stands up and yells, "Dishes da police!!!"

Contributed by DOWNLOHAMO, AND MAC DADDY

"Samoan at a cockfight"

How can you tell a Samoan at a cockfight?

He's the one fighting the chicken.

Contributed by Henrietta Emerson
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