Batman Beyond
Old Bruce Wayne: You scratch it, no allowance.
Charmed
Pru: Wow I'm glad I never got on Gram's bad side.
Cheers
Frasier: Woody I didn't know you played golf?
Woody: No I don't. I just got it down at the trophy store.
Cleopatra
Cleopatra: I am Egypt, and Egypt is yours for one night only.
Dharma and Greg
Kitty: Edward do you know what they're talking about?
Edward: *Not a clue.* (he said it real funny)
Edward: Success!
Dharma's dad: Lets see it.
Edward: Marvelous place that Kinki's.
Kitty: That is enough. You two are drunk and disgraceful.
Edward: Hello drunk.
Abbie: Hello disgraceful.
Drew Carey
Drew: What's the prize if you win this?
Lady: $20
Drew: (giving her money) Here mind your own business.
Lewis: What are you staring at? My face is still smaller than your ass.
Drew: Quick, someone tag him before the *drug* wears off.
Sport's guy: I don't even know who Drew is anymore. He's such a bastard.
(Mimi is going to be sitting behind Drew at an Indians game)
Mimi: Ah...the crack of your ass and the break of your colon.
Mimi: After four years staring at your ass, I'm in peak condition.
Growing Pains
Kid: Finally a teacher that's dumber than we are. God bless America.
Luke: 2.2 seconds
Mike: What does that mean?
Luke: That the cat's unconcious.
Jesse
Jesse: Seven years. Boy that Sabres game you went to must have gone into a thousand overtimes.
Jesse: I suppose you read this for the articles?
Diego: No there are naked women in it.
King of the Hill
Peggy: Oh my God, you were humped my a dolphin.
Malcolm in the Middle
Lois: Francis, I really can't talk to you right now. We're on our way to Aunt Helen's funeral.
Francis: Aunt Helen died?
Lois: Well, I sure hope so. We're going to her funeral.
Dewey: Cats ate her face.
Francis: I think you're confused, I'm talking about Aunt Helen.
Dewey: Cats ate her face.
Francis: Just put mom or dad on. *Hal gets on* What happened to Aunt Helen?
Hal: Cats ate her face, but Dewey knows more about it than I do.
Lois: Did you call that girl?
Malcolm: Yes, I called her. I called her and told her I couldn't go to the concert, and now she's probably going to invite someone else.
Lois: Well, Malcolm, I'm sorry that my mother's sister - the woman who took care of me every day after school - had to die and incovenience your social life.
Hal: I have to get my speech ready, anyway.
Lois: Honey, you know you don't have to talk at every funeral we go to.
Hal: I wish that were true. You see how people look to me when they ask if somebody has a few words to say?
Lois: They're not looking to you; they're looking at you.
Hal: To, at... what's the difference?
Newsradio
Max: Lisa, I have friends. I need sex.
Lisa: Just when I think I'm out, they drag me back in.
Beth: Hello you big chicken.
Max: Hello you...little steak.
Beth: People from my generation aren't very smart.
Seinfield
Punk: Hey Kramer, have you ever killed a man?!
Kramer: What do you think junior? You think these hands-they've been soaking in Ivory liquid.
George: Because if I watch it at my apartment I feel like I'm not doing anything. If I watch it here, I'm out of the house: I'm doing something.
Spin City
I wanna have sex.
I wanna have sex.
I want a meatball sandwich.
(You had to watch. March 2, '99)
Taxi
Talk is cheap, I want your body.
#413, the widow maker.
Two Guys and a Girl
That place is always open. What is it? A Denny's? (about the hospital)
Boy when it rains, it pours.