The Obligatory Pet Worship Page

Cat One-Liners

also known as
Kitty Sigs
Guidelines for Cats
or simplyTHE TRUTH

"Before you start reading, may I suggest that you go get a glass or cup of your favorite beverage? It enhances the experience so much." -- Gremlin.

"A cat is only domestic so far as suits its own needs."
"All of this generosity has made me tired!" * Cat
"CATFOOD??!!?? You woke me up for a lousy can of CATFOOD??!
"Cats are independent, by which I mean smart." - D. Barry
"Cats don't need any excuses..."
"Cats rule and dogs drool!" Sassy
"Cats, like butterflies, need no excuse." -- Heinlein
"Did someone say fish? I haven't been fed all day."
"Did ya put the cat out?" "I didn't know it was burning."
Dogs and cats living together, real wrath of God type stuff.
"Don't ask." * Cat
Everybody wants to be a cat!
"Get all the catnip you can."
Go away, cat. You make me smile too much.
"He disappeared, like the cat in that Russian story." Chekov
"I could have more fun in cat litter."
"I don't do mornings." Garfield the cat
"I was a cat in my other lives."
"I'm claiming all of this as mine!" -- The Cat
"If you would know a man, observe how he treats a cat."
"It's a cat book. You sniff the lines!" * Cat
Men don't like cats because cats are cooler than they are.
"Meow culpa." - Something you'll never hear from a cat.
"Mmmmmm, something smells good! It's me." * Cat
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
No favor can win gratitude from a cat.
"NO!" to a cat means "Not while I am looking."
"Nothing the cats do surprises me anymore."
"Self, self, self, self, self!" -- The Cat
"Sleeping is my third favorite thing!" -- The Cat
"The cat was created when the lion sneezed." - Arab myth
"You're Awake!" * Cat
Cats know how we feel. They don't care, but they know.
If you want the best seat in the house, move the cat.
Dogs come when called... Cats have answering machines.
Furball - a game cats like to play on the floor.
purrpetmeorIscratchyoureyesoutpurr - common feline term
... The cat is, above all things, a dramatist.
.....Cat \kat\ n; small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist
A blate cat maks a prood moose.- Old Scot Saying
A cat could be man's best friend, but never stoops to it.
A cat is a terrible thing to waste... Drive safely.
A cat is an animal who never cries over spilled milk.
A Cat is easier to train than a man.
A cat is just a bundle of purr.
A cat is nobody's fool.
A cat is the universe's way of showing us purr-fection.
A cat is _always_ on the wrong side of the door.
A cat's courage is as strong as a dog's chain.
A cat's purr is the rumble of peace in the animal kingdom.
A cat's purr: Most effective stress medicine known.
A cat's worst enemy is a closed door.
A cat, the only self-cleaning appliance in the house.
A cat's way of keeping law & order is Claw Enforcement.
A closed door is an attack on a cat's personal freedom.
A dog is a dog, but a cat is a purrson!
He's a few cats short of a litter.
A happy cat means a happy household.
A home without a cat is only a house.
A purring cat and a glowing fireplace makes winter bearable.
Actually, cats are quite good at domesticating humans.
After a hard day, it's nice to come home to a warm cat.
All dogs go to heaven. Cats watch them leave.
All I need to know I learned from my cat.
An aquarium is interactive television for cats.
And on the 8th day, God created cats.
And why _did_ cats decide to become domestic animals?
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
As alert as a mouse at a cat show.
As anyone who owns a cat knows: no one can own a cat.
As busy as a one-eyed cat watching two mouse holes.
Bathed the cat--took HOURS to get the hair off my tongue.
Bureaucat: A kitty who sleeps on your undies...
Call my cat?! No, I just run the can opener...
CAT (n): 1. Furry keyboard cover 2. Alarm clock
CAT (n): A walking ego with fur.
Cat + unattended keyboard = garbage all over screen
CAT ADVICE: Take some time to eat the flowers.
Cat aplomb: Whatever happens, look as if it were intended.
Cat are always more sarcastic than dogs.
Cat asleep on my shoulders - the ONLY way to wear fur!
Cat bathing is a martial art.
Cat bumper sticker: Life is hard, then you nap.
Cat fur expands to fill all available drives.
Cat Game #10: Hide and go puke.
Cat Game #1: Hah - made you look!
Cat Game #3: Take up the most room on bed.
Cat Game #6: Fit into the smallest space available.
Cat Look #1: You might *think* it's your chair but .....
Cat philosophy: When in doubt, cop an attitude!
Cat philosophy: It doesn't hurt to ask for what you want.
Cat philosophy: I am, therefore give me tuna.
Cat quote: "Doesn't take much to entertain a human!"
Cat, n.: Lapwarmer with built-in buzzer.
Cat: a nice animal, frequently mistaken for a meatloaf.
Cat: Animal that proves eating and sleeping is not ALL bad.
Cat: Climb your way to the top. That's what drapes are for.
Cat: Companion in grace, beauty, mystery, and curiousity.
Cat: I could've SWORN I heard the can opener!
Cat: Murphy's way of saying "Nice Furniture!"
CATALYST n. an alphabetical list of cats.
Catastrophe: An award for the cat with the nicest buns.
Catholic (n.) - a cat with a drinking problem.
Catlapse: The time between removal from a lap and waking.
Catnip Research Has NOT Kept Pace With Other Sciences!!
I KNOW there's CATNIP in this bag!! Cats allow man the pleasure of caressing the tiger.
Cats are companions. Dogs are slaves.
Cats are room-mates. Dogs are kids.
Cats are easier to train than kids!
Cats are easy to buy for.
Cats are easy to understand... if you're a woman.
Cats are good company for singles.
Cats are so marvelously true to themselves.
Cats are the soul of honesty - they hide not their dislikes.
Cats aren't the only species - they just act like it!
Cats can catch snowflakes through a closed window if they try hard enough.
Cats CAN eat a variety of different kinds of cat food.
Cats CAN eat canned cat food in flavors other than tuna.
Cats can eat tuna that has not been mixed with Miracle Whip.
Cats categorically refuse to perform.
Cats come in many varieties...and every one is divine.
Cats do not care whether you shave your legs.
Cats do not have problems expressing affection in public.
Cats do not like beer. Really.
Cats have not forgotten they were once worshipped.
Cats have nothing on dragons for inquisitiveness.
Cats have purr-sonality. =^..^=
Cats have the simplest of taste: the best is satisfactory.
Cats have their own lives; get on with yours.
Cats know all the sunny places.
Cats know cats will get some human food if patient.
Cats know leaping into the box helps their human pack.
Cats know looking adorable after misbehaving negates their crime.
Cats know Mom's black suede gloves are giant tarantulas that need to be killed.
Cats know mom's breasts are pillows that need fluffing.
Cats know the bed is a WWF wrestling ring.
Cats know the box of aquarium supplies in the basement is a litter box.
Cats Know Their Rights.
Cats know there are Martians hiding in the new drapes.
Cats know there is no better to "punish" the human than whizzing on something.
Cats leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same.
Cats look at moths and ax-murderers the same.
Cats need to be petted *every* time the cat eats.
Cats need to check Daddy's aim in the bathroom.
Cats need to climb into EVERY box in the household.
Cats need to hiss at every visitor to make them feel at home.
Cats need to kill the kibble by batting it around the kitchen.
Cats need to sample the contents of every pot on the stove.
Cats often chase things that their person can't see.
Cats will watch Mom change the litter box and then deliberately go poop in the corner.
Cats. Earth's most purrfect lifeform.
Cats: God's way of telling you your furniture is too nice.
Cats: Good for dusting high places.
Cats: Great for earmuffs, tiny throw rugs, and slippers.
Catscan - a hi-tech device for examining cats.
Catskill Mountains: The land of dead mice.
Choosy cats prefer Microsoft mice, 10 to 1
Civilization is defined by the presence of cats.
Computer and TV screens exist to backlight a cat's lovely tail.
Continually stepping on mom's bladder at 4 am is the best way to get attention.
Daddy's privates and a cat's springy cat toy are interchangeable.
Death to fleas that prey upon the lifeblood of my cats!
Demolition Derby is a cat-oriented pastime.
Do Cheshire cats drink evaporated milk?
Does a radioactive cat have 18 halflives?
Dogma? I prefer Catma, they cost less to feed.
Dogs come when called; cats have unlisted numbers!
Dogs see God in their owner. Cats see God in a mirror.
Dogs think they're human. Cats know they are.
Don't ask me...the cat's in charge around here.
Easy as teaching cats to march.
Every dog has his day, but the nights belong to us cats!
God said "Let there be cats!"
He's a cat of many mistakes; a man of faux pas....
Home of the Superconducting Kitty Collider.
How come our cat runs the house but pays no bills?
Human (n): Useful domestic animal popular with cats.
Humans exist so cats will have someone to pet them.
Humans need fresh, wiggling gecko tails deposited on or in the bed at 3 am.
Humans: Creatures subservient to cats.
I am Cat of Borg. We will assimilate your shiny things.
I am in total control, but don't tell my cat.
I can't use Windows. My cat ate my mouse.
I fed some lemon to my cat and now I have a sour puss.
I have a watch cat! Just break in and she'll watch.
I love cats. On a good night, I can eat 5 or 6 of 'em.
I understand cats, men are the mystery!
I'm busier than a cat in a Litter Box!!!
I'm the boss.My cat said so!!
I've a cat in my lap and I can't get up!
If guests arrive for Christmas, cats must disappear for the next week.
If you underestimate protocol, you've never had a cat.
If you would know a man, observe how your cat treats him.
In a cat's eyes, all things belong to cats.
In a lifetime, the average cat sheds 14.95 lbs. of fur.
It took my cat a month to fully train me.
It works better if you plug it in -- unless it's the cat.
It's 11:00pm...do you know what your cats are shredding?
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
iT's HARd to tYpe wHiLE holdINf a Cat!
It's the cat's house; I just pay the rent.
Never trust a smiling cat.
Never try to out stubborn a cat.
Nice kittens give you time to clot between attacks.
No time spent with a cat on your lap can be considered waste.
Outrageous! Does your cat put YOU out at night?
People don't own cats, cats own people.
Purrinoia: fear that the cat is up to something.
Science asks "How?" Philosophy asks "Why?" Cats don't care.
Singing to the cat on the other side of the front door is a good thing at 2 am.
Taglines are like cats, you only think you own them.
Thank God cats don't have opposable thumbs!
The "poor cat in the rain" look.It never fails.
The best kind of cat toy has a person on one end.
The cat lets me live here.
The cat seldom interferes with other people's rights.
The cat that ate the ball of yarn....had mittens!
The four cat food groups: Dry, Canned, Natural, Yours.
The mice may have the right but the cat has the claws.
The moving cat sheds, and having shed, moves on.
The other cat's food is automatically preferable to their own.
The pillow on the bed belongs to the cat.
The scalded cat fears even cold water.
There is no such thing as "just a cat".
There's no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
To start your cat collection, simply open a can of tuna.
To the old cat, the tender mouse.
Toilet paper exists so that cats can shred it into little bits.
Two cats are a circus, three a coup, six a revolution.
Typos? Blame my cat.
Useless Invention: Cat flap for the fridge.
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
You're not a real person until you're ignored by a cat.

"So... did you snort liquid all over your keyboard? Humans are so amusing when they do that!"-- Gremlin