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Part II - Paradise
July 1997 - December 1997 |
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- November 24th 1997
- Morning
- Well, I called him in his truck. Apparently because I was so 'blonde' when
he called on Saturday I didn't get that he was going down south for the weekend
and wanted me to call back if I wanted to go with him. I was just so dozy and
besotted I missed it all. If I had actually listened rather than hyper-
ventilating I would have said 'I'll pack right now. Pick me up, I'll go with
you!'
- In any case, I couldn't call back because I had the wrong number. We've
arranged to meet after work today. I'm so nervous and excited my hands are
shaking and I keep hyper-ventilating.
- Oh! And it seems my 'pet' name is 'gorgeous'. He called me that about five
times during the conversation. I just hope that when we get to know each other a
bit better he doesn't turn out to be someone I can't be with. Like a total
dimwit or whatever.
- Afternoon
- Bastard! Bastard! Bastard!
- Well I went round to see him. I intended to just talk and see how things go.
Within minutes of my arriving, he was all over me and I got a LOT excited. I
looked up at him staring down at me, and I suddenly realised I had picked him to
be 'the one'. The first as 'Kim'. He practically tore my clothes off me and got
me so close that I was almost bursting with need, then suddenly stopped, leaned
back and said 'I can't do this.'
- I know I have a heart in me somewhere, but when he said that all I could
find was a huge bleeding hole. I burst into tears and he couldn't even find the
strength to hug me. So I had to be the strong one and put myself back together
and touch his shoulder and say 'It's ok..' He just sat there looking at the
floor. I told him that it just happens and that he shouldn't feel too bad.
Inside I felt broken.
- I got up, cleaned myself up, gave him a quick kiss and left.
- I cried all the way back to the office. Of course I've started to work
again, but I do have a beer and a box of tissues when the waves strike me.
- November 25th 1997
- You know, I work with a real nice bunch of people. When I finished writing
my 'all men are bastards' email, One of the girls sat with my while I had
another little cry. There I was with a beer in one hand and a box of tissues in
the other. One of the lads came in and gave me a hug, then said that it's just
because men seperate emotions from the physical. I asked him if it was by
choice. He smiled and said 'Sometimes.. When it suits me..' I gawped and said
'That's because you were born with a dick.' Then I stopped when I realised what
I'd just said. A smile started at the edge of my mouth and they both burst into
laughter. 'Oh noooooooo. You can't use that one!' he said and I cracked up. Then
he said that I did everything at 100 times the normal rate, coding, writing,
speaking and that since this had been a 3 day effort, it qualifies as a 300 day
romance.
- So when I left, I was still a bit teary, but essentially ok. I've
experienced so much in the last few months, and being dumped is a new one for
me. Yeow it hurts.
- Then a friend called me in the car as I drove home. (You know who you are -
Thankyou..) It is so good to have that support network that was completely
missing from my life before.
- When I got home, my sister had only made food for two as she thought I was
going to be out all evening. So I made the biggest, hottest vegetable curry I
have ever made. I used every last vegetable in the house. My sis' in between
hugging me and laughing said I was being stupid. I agreed and said I was going
to damn well enjoy it. I ate two huge bowls and had two glasses of wine while
reading a clothing and shoe catalogue. Eeeek! Stereotype city. I then finished
it off with a huge bowl of ice- cream. Sis' said I would regret the curry in the
morning. I went to bed and cried again.
- I'm ok this morning. I have to realise that because of my situation, this is
going to be more the norm than not and have to develop a little thicker skin and
try not to let myself get too soppy before finding out more about 'HIM'.
- December 6th, 1997
- As far as men are concerned I'm back to having that relationship with my
pillow. I really need to get out, but I guess that most of my GG friends are
still finding the prospect of seeing me kissing or draping myself over a man a
bit daunting despite what they've said. Looks like I may need to go back to the
Taxi-Club and see what happens. Maybe I'll be luckier than last time. This
neediness is going to drive me to do something silly otherwise. Being horny and
having absolutely no outlet is driving me up the wall.
- So I've been throwing myself into work. We have this major, major website to
get ready. The first cut caused quite a stir. The general manager of this
multi-national said it was fantastic, gave me a bunch of flowers and a kiss on
the cheek in front of his staff which I thought was very, very brave of him.
- My cat Brinn has dissappeared. He just went off about three days ago and
hasn't been seen since. I've spent days wandering up and down the streets
calling for him, but I have to accept that he was probably run over and went off
to die somewhere. I cried for days. I came home three days ago and Fred (My
sisters cat) was crying in the yard. He followed me around like a little dog and
slept in the crook of my arm that night. I just knew something had happened to
Brinn then.
- December 12th 1997
- Well it happened. The guy I was first introduced to at the Taxi Club when I
went with a friend called and wanted to see me before he moves to Qld.
- I put on a sexy outfit and went around to see him. In fifteen minutes we
were in bed.
- Four hours later he was still going and I was thinking I'd never be able to
walk again. And I was so exhausted and blissfully happy. So much for being
scared about sex! Then the phone rang. His parents had been in an motor accident
up the north coast. He said he was going to drive up, so I got dressed and gave
him a hug and said I hoped everything would be ok.
- I always get so hungry afterwards though. As I drove home I stopped at a
burger place and ate a huge hotdog AND a Doner Kebab..
- December 14th 1997
- I sent a birthday and happy Christmas message to my eldest. I hope it won't
make her too unhappy.
- Men are SO condescending to women it gets me so annoyed. Yes, yes I know..
Life on the other side and all that. They interrupt me when I'm speaking all the
time and when I get shirty, they say things like 'Oh, that time of month eh?'
and smile. If it IS that time of month, murder comes to mind really easily and I
could clock them.
- December 15th 1997
- My eldest sent me an email message thanking me and saying she would like to
very gently restart contact, but that she wanted to go really slowly. I was so
happy I could have burst.
- December 17th 1997
- I've suddenly got sick. I have really bad diaorhea and a bad cough. I ache
all over and feel extremely tired.
- My parents and my brother will be arriving from Perth on the 20th. They
haven't met 'Kim' so it shold be interesting. If I can get out of bed that is.
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