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Part II - Paradise
July 1997 - December 1997 |
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- Sep 9th - Morning
- My 'Ex has asked me to sever ties with her and the girls. I was devastated.
They have a point though. She is happy with a new man, My eldest daughter is so
uncomfortable with the whole thing that she can't talk about it at all now, and
my youngest: well, I have no idea because I can never get her on the phone.
- It seems I may have really, really alienated my 'Ex and the girls. My eldest
has got increasingly abrupt in her emails and then said she didn't want to hear
about my life, but would I still tell her about my life. Hmm. I figured that
meant 'BACK OFF'. So I suggested that I cut contact for a long while as she was
getting upset. She sent another email saying "Don't be dramatic and silly, of
course I want to hear from you, I just don't want to hear about your life!" Hmm.
So what exactly do I write about, eh? The weather? The traffic?
- Then when I told my 'Ex about my first days in public, she just about leapt
down my throat and said virtually word for word what my eldest had said. So I
had to write a short email saying I would send them an anonymous card at
Christmas. To my utter amazement and sorrow, my 'Ex said that would be best.
- It's hard to let go of people you really love, but it seems I have to. They
both want me to talk to them but not about anything meaningful. I can't do that.
I'm not a 'trivial' person and cannot write letters consisting of "The cat did
this. The weathers nice. I had breakfast" and so on.
- I'm upset because I didn't expect to get told to sever ties for a long time.
But not upset enough to slash my wrist even though I'm approaching the 'down'
part of my cycle.. :-0
- I have known them all for about 12 years as my old self and they have never
really met Kimberley. So I was trying to make up the gap by gently giving them
sanitized versions of what's happening. Not just me, but the cats, the weather,
my sister and so on. What they've told me is that they don't want to talk at all
and that makes me sad.
- I'm already finding that my induction into the great secret society called
'Woman' has already happened. All those subtle gestures and looks and nuances
that men are completely blind to.. I always recognized and responded to them,
but when I was my old self a lot of the time this yielded blank looks of
incomprehension from women. Now it seems that when I raise an eyebrow and smile
at something somebody has said, the response is completely different. I'm the
same, but I've been accepted into the club. This is something that men just
don't have and which I think my 'Ex and the girls are struggling to accept. They
just can't quite see me as part of the club they belong to. I mean, how do you
explain to other members of the club when the 'man' you knew turns up, orders
brandy and starts chatting with the staff? They must be wondering whether to
walk out in a huff or complain to the management.
- I now have several demonstration sites I'm working on, one of which is a
multi-national insurance and investment organization. They have quite a few
$million to spend, so I should be able to make a bit from that.
- A fun time! Yow! It's been great. The best bit is when I meet someone who
knew my old self and they simply don't recognize me. Only 1 person so far has
had a stunned-mullet reaction. All the others have smiled so much I though their
head was going to fall off. The validation I'm getting is just soooooooooooooooo
good.
- Parties. Now that my sister and her new husband are away, nobody comes
round. I tend to feel a little isolated, but I have lots to do. I went out with
a friend from the 'net and some other girls and that was great fun. The lunch
with my other friend was extra special and I enjoyed myself terribly. I don't
really want to go to a bar and get picked up, although I've been told it would
happen within 10 minutes of me turning up. I'm getting so many compliments I'm
stunned. I really am feeling deeply needy about getting a boyfriend though. I'm
having this 'relationship' with my pillow which is not quite the same as having
someone hold and caress you.
- Sep 9th - Evening
- I just came home and found that my sister and her husband had just arrived
home. They had brought me a huge bunch of flowers and they are lovely. We talked
and laughed while making dinner and my sister said "We really need to do
something about the ferret."
- Huh? Oh, my wig.. It is fairly ordinary but still cost a lot in Perth.
Mid-range and $500. So she wants us to go out shopping. I am a tad scared about
this, because a really high quality one costs upwards of $1000.
- Sep 10th
- I asked my 'net friend for the details on the professional photographer she
used. I would just love to get a few done for me to send to a few select friends
back in Perth. Give them a bit of a shock I think.
- Going full time has been so easy I can't believe it. Everybody has said how
I am natural and almost but not quite un'read'able. Until I open my mouth of
course.. Especially in the morning. I saw my GP about giving up smoking. I have
done everything on my own in my life, and have been able to do it well, but
this.. Well I admit I'm beaten. I just can't seem to give the damn things up.
Apart from the stains on my teeth and bad breath it will kill me. She has given
me a whole bunch of stuff to work through.
- Brinn came back from the vet today. It was so sad *and* funny to see him
wobbling about trying to shake off the anesthetic. He is such a little cutie. My
little ginger boy. And he got the op' before I did!! Little bugger did, however,
manage to ladder *another* pair of stockings just as I was walking out the door.
Another $8 down the drain! I could have strangled him but he was meowing and
wobbling so much all I could do was pick him up and cuddle him. He was so needy
he followed me around the rest of the night and slept in the crook of my arm.
- I just came back from the RTA to get the car license changed. The people
there were just not fazed at all and gave me heaps of information about what to
do next from a legal perspective. Also I found I just couldn't undo the bolts
holding my WA license plate on, so the lady said that was ok and they let me
take my new ones home so that my brother in law can undo the old plates. The
lady touched my arm and whispered that they only do this for women. I wanted to
hug her.
- Sep 11th
- We went shopping for a ferret. To my utter amazement, we found an absolutely
gorgeous one that is in the top quality and they only cost $250! Good grief,
people in Perth get ripped off! So now I'm a redhead. It looks so natural and so
many people have complimented me today. I feel really gooooodd..
- When we got home, some of my sisters friends had arrived. I walked in and
their dog made a beeline for me and shoved its nose up my skirt. I spent the
next five minutes holding the dog back with one hand and gripping the bottom of
my skirt with the other. Yuck!!
- I asked the guy why it did that. He said it always does that to women in
skirts. "Must be the perfume.." he added. I managed to get the dog to take its
intentions elsewhere and we talked for hours in the kitchen.
- When I took the stockings off I found that the damn dog had laddered them.
Arggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!
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