Kimberley Rachel Scott
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Part II - Paradise
July 1997 - December 1997
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Sep 8th
The hormones are reeking havoc with my emotions. I'm up and down like a crazed yo-yo. When I was 'him' (I'm full-time now and just got back from the city) I never understood why women seemed so preoccupied with getting just the right sort of fruit and vegies. I used to get just what I wanted for what I was cooking. Now, I have to really monitor which stuff and when!! Actually it's kind of cool. I had had this craving for Bananas for the last week and just never got around to getting any. Guess what? Bananas are loaded with Vit B. Seems my body was telling me I needed Vit B, then when I didn't answer its call, bits of me started to seize up. I will listen to my cravings very, very carefully from now on.

I've noticed I am seeing things differently now. I don't mean thoughts and what not. I mean really seeing things differently. I can look at vegetables and choose them by their texture, color and so on. I just couldn't see that before. I wanted to and felt I should be able to but couldn't. My neural network must be being modified subtly. And colors. For decades I would get frustrated because I knew that there was more than one kind of brown for example, but couldn't figure out how to pick the color and associate the name. Now it's getting easier to have a name for each shade of color.

I went full-time on Saturday and did the grocery shopping. Like I said, I always end up doing the big things on my own.. Then today I had to go to Macquarie St, then Camperdown, then North Sydney and in an hour or so I have to drive my falling apart car to Northshore Mitsubishi (Behind RNS). Boy, are they in for a shock.

I still need to shop for clothes, but I need to get these sites up and get some income. That damn car has cost me $2,000 so far on repairs alone and I still can't drive it and I STILL need to pay to have it registered in NSW.. BIG dent in my savings.

Phew! The end of my first day in public and I do mean public. None of this nipping up to the shops business. I had an appointment with a doctor on Macquarie St in the city at 8am. My car is broken, so I had to take a cab. He was stunned that it was my first day in the city and he and his receptionists complimented me for my 'poise' as they called it. The surgeon said that wasn't a lot he could do for my nose except fine it up a bit because he considered my face was fine as it was. I was surprised at myself because I found that strangely comforting when I had expected to get upset.

Then another cab to Camperdown to see the speech pathologist. She had asked for concrete proof I was full-time, so I went to her office. This meant walking up Missenden St, into the building, through a crowded waiting room and a chat with the receptionist. Cecilia didn't recognize me at first of course. She immediately put aside a spot for me in her classes at the end of the month.

Then another walk to the taxi rank and then to North Sydney. My GP's offices. Busy elevators. Marble floors (tricky). I had my records changed to 'Kim' and made an appointment to see the GP.

Then another cab back home. I then nursed my ailing car to Northshore Mitsubishi. My car has been in and out of there three times over the last few weeks and it still had problems. I was a bit apprehensive about meeting all the people I knew so well. I went in and the young guy there said "Can I help you miss?" Yeeeooooowwww that felt good. I smiled at him and gently said "Remember me?" It took a minute or so, then he looked like he'd been pole-axed. Flustered, he ran off to get the Service Manager (who I knew). He was not the slightest bit bothered and wanted me to go with one of the foremen to show him the problem. Sitting in my own car trying to explain what was wrong while this burly foreman was revving my car up and down steep hills was an adventure. He dropped me off on Pacific Hwy near Falcon St. I've begun to find that my 3-D spatial ability is fading. I am finding it increasingly hard to explain mechanical things. It's like soap in a bathtub. I ended up babbling in a way:

"You know that thingey with the spring that moves when you push the pedal? It's attached to the carberettor. Makes the air mix properly or something. Well, it's been creaking and making those springey noises like when a spring gets old and rusty. I'm babbling aren't I? Do you understand what I'm talking about?"

"Yup. Learned female mech-speak years ago."

I then walked to an office to see a girlfriend. She just about leapt out of her skin when she saw me and kept looking at me wide-eyed all the time saying "You look fantastic!" We walked down to Crows Nest and went to a nice little Italian restaurant for lunch. The serving girl walked over and said "And what can I get for you ladies?" I nearly fainted with pleasure. She and I then munched our way through Ravioli and bread (followed by a big pile of after dinner mints of course).

After that we walked back and she commented that in 2" heels I was still 1" shorter than her in flats.. I then took a cab to the shops as Brinn had laddered my best stockings. (little bugger! $8 down the drain and brand new) I went to the chemist where I had bought $100 of makeup on Friday and the lady was so happy to see me I almost began to feel embarrassed. We had a long chat with a couple of elderly ladies who, once they figured out what Helene and I were talking about, were full of beans and kept complimenting me and saying how brave I was.

I then dropped in to the salon to get some Clarins cream and the lady there kept shaking her head and saying how wonderful I looked. I made an appointment to have a manicure and walked home.

I had been home for about ten minutes when the phone rang. It was that young guy from Northshore. He told me they had finally found the problem and could I come and pick the car up. Guess what. I was right in the first place. It was the fuel filter. And they had replaced an engine mount, oil pump, fuel pump, electronic ignition and stripped and rebuilt the carberetor. Another cab and a long wait in the service area with the sound of engines and big dirty guys walking about. He changed my records on the computer to be 'Kim Scott' and when he brought the car round he held my hand and said "Good luck". Then just as I was about to drive out, one of the girls from the service team ran over and gave me a hug. She kept saying how good I looked and how brave I was and a bunch of other stuff. She was choked with emotion as was I by the end of the outpouring.

So! I am over the moon. What a day. Some things I've learned:

· People are fundamentally good.

· Getting in and out of cabs without exposing yourself is tricky.

· Getting heels off at the end of a long, long day on them is heaven.

· My voice is ok as far as most people were concerned.

· I may not be Elle, but I must look pretty good. I can't see it personally, but then I'm biased.

· Getting makeup to look like you're not wearing any takes at least an hour.

I need a compact with a mirror to allow me to brush my hair. Several times in cabs, they had the windows down and I got blown about a bit before I could get the driver to close them.

I didn't make a big deal of myself and I didn't actually bring the subject up. It's just that people who know you from 'before' usually do.

Since I ate a whole bunch of bananas over three days, I haven't had the cramp and I generally feel better.

I'm not really clumsy despite the way it sounds. I'm taking much, much better care of myself now..

Oh I forgot. I got my very first EVER pimple yesterday. Right on my chin. Thank heaven for foundation. You know that this means I've just started puberty don't you?


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