All this anger and frustration took its toll on me one day when I was out with my friends and got into a fight with one of them. She had told me that her brother would never like me because I was going bald and had zits all over. I started to cry and hit her. To this day I can't apologize enough to her about hitting her even though she has repeatedly forgiven me and we are still friends to this day. After I hit her, she grabbed what was left of my hair and pulled it out. Now one side of my head was completely bald and when I saw my hair in her hands I lost all rational reason and we started to fight big time. The rest of our friends stopped the fight and we all went home. I was late for my curfew and my parents were very angry with me for coming in so late and started to yell at me. I took my mom's canning jars and started to smash them and cut my arm real bad. My parents took me to the ER for stitches and a social worker came down from the stress center to talk to me. I ended up an inpatient in the Psychiatric Stress Center for six weeks and was diagnosed with stress-related hair loss. While in the stress center, my health got steadily worse and by the time I was released, I weighed only 95lbs, was completely bald, my joints were swollen, red and hot to the touch and I vomited everything I ate.

My parents took me to a MD and he diagnosed me with Rheumatic Fever and gave me monthly injections of Antibiotic but I still got worse. I started to not urinate and my legs and feet swelled up with water retention and I was not able to get out of bed due to severe pain and weakness. That is when my parents took me to a specialist at Rush/Presbyterian and St. Luke's Hospital in Chicago. I was finally correctly diagnosed with Systemic and Discoid Lupus, Lupus Kidney Disease and FibroMylagia. The doctor told my parents that I had less than 2 months to live but that if I started on aggressive chemotherapy and other drug treatments, there was a good chance that he could extend my life. At this time, childhood Lupus was almost never heard of and he treated me like a rare case, which was good for me, because he was very aggressive with his treatments and even used treatments that were still experimental at that time. They are commonly used today, but at that time, my doctor was using the most recent treatments.

With two total knee replacements, Mitro-valve prolapsed, Migraine headaches, Severe scaring, Moon-face from Prednisone, Weight gain, Pitting Edema, Loss of some kidney function, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Kidney biopsy, 8 Arthoscopies, Sinus reconstruction, Stretch marks and Endermitrious, I still feel like I'm winning the fight against Lupus. It sounds like a lot for one person to have wrong with them but each thing holds a lesson so for me and I feel like I'm a lot stronger person now. Don't get me wrong, I still have the "why ME's" sometimes and the "I hate my life's", I'm no saint that's for sure but I do now see that there is so much in life for me to still enjoy and experience, I just have to be a little more creative than most to achieve them. Lupus has changed my life forever and I often wonder what I would have turned out to be like if I had never gotten sick. I also wonder about all the dreams that I may have been able to accomplish. Then other times, I thank God for all that I DO have and for WHO I am now. I've found my best friend because of this disease, I've grown as a person because of this disease, I've become less selfish because of this disease, I've learned to love myself for all I've accomplished because of this disease. I try to remind myself what I've gained in insight more now instead of what Lupus has taken away from me. I'm not in remission, and I'm not doing real well at this point in my life, but I'm going to go to new doctors and new treatments and I'm NEVER going to stop fighting because I feel like I've already beat it...I'm still alive and I plan on fighting till the end. Lupus may be able to take so much away from me but it will NEVER take away my will to live. I'm happily married to the man that stayed with me through 10 years of this awful disease and I have a loving and supportive family. I believe that validation is one of the best medicines for someone with Lupus and I believe that having people around you that understand what you are going through helps a lot.