My primary symptoms at this point are arthritis, sores in mouth, nose, and on my scalp, itching rash on arms, headaches, pleurisy, photosensitivity, muscle weakness, numbness in my limbs, chronic kidney infections, blurred vision, extreme fatigue, insomnia, high blood pressure, and depression. I am only 28 years old but I feel like I'm 80 most of the time. The fatigue is overwhelming. I can't even brush my hair somedays without stopping to rest. My 3 children don't have a very active mother because I am taking naps everyday. To make myself get up and get them ready for school is a major chore. And the house, well let's just say I am embarrassed when anyone comes over.

I do have the support of my family, but I know it is very hard on them, too. I really do need their help, but I just hate to ask for it. My husband doesn't understand why I just don't feel like being close anymore. My mom is trying to help but has a job and a life and Fibromyalgia also and is in pain most of the time as well. My employer is trying to understand why I keep having to leave work because I just can't stand the pain or stay awake.

In addition to my own illness and the problems it presents in my personal life, my oldest daughter has a congenital heart defect. She has had three open heart surgeries in her nine years of life. The stress from that is constant. I worry who is gonna go first, me or her? I want to see my kids grow up but with lupus I have no guarantee of that. And to live the rest of my life in pain, sometimes unbearable, seems too much to endure at times. But just when I start to have those thoughts, I think of my babies and know I need to fight. I am about to start counseling in November, which I hope will help me cope with all this. Nothing else has so far. I hope for a cure but I don't expect one in my lifetime. I just hope my kids don't have to endure this monster. My heart goes out to you Gayla and all who have written. You are in my prayers.