DATE RAPE FOLLOWS THE SAME MOTIVATION AS RAPE BY A STRANGER .

It is an expression of anger, power, dominance and control; not sexual frustration. Some rapists prefer to know their victims. They are able to get closer to them or trap them in a vulnerable position without arousing alarm. They may also have access to certain information about them---whether they live alone, when they're alone, and their routines. The rapist gains the confidence and trust of his intended victim and manipulates it to isolate and violate her. The advantages of this type of assault for the offender include: her trust, reluctance on her part to practice caution for fear of offending him, and the information he possesses. All of these make the attack easier. One added disadvantage for the victim is that she is often unable to identify the extent of the danger until she is past a safety point.

During the intrusion stage by an acquaintance rapist, he may use unwanted touches, uncomfortable looks or very personal conversation. At this stage, he is not usually threatening. He is testing the waters. During the desensitization stage, he senses that she is use to his intrusions, has dropped her guard, and has accepted his behavior as natural for him. She tries to push aside the sensation of uneasiness. At the point of the isolation stage, he has her alone. She may have been raised to be polite and accept the preferences of her date. She may not want to hurt his feelings. Suppression of her feelings and true fears may be something she has learned to do. Women who might otherwise react assertively to the same situation with a stranger may be quite passive with a date.

SOME DANGER SIGNALS TO WATCH FOR: A man who doesn't listen or chooses to ignore your limits is not sensitive to your needs. This is a sign of a man for whom consent is not important in physical intimacy. If anger is a typical response when limits are set and is repeated, this may be a man who cannot allow women to counter him. The man may be a power tripper.

Other signs include:

Jealousy

Blames others for his problems/feelings

Possessiveness

Cruelty to animals or children

Verbal abuse

Sudden mood changes

Threats of violence

Breaking objects

Unrealistic expectations of himself and others

Isolation of victim from resources

Any force used during an argument.

DATE RAPE MYTHS VS. REALITIES

WHO CAN DATE RAPE HAPPEN TO?

Our teenaged children, college women, men, or a woman who dates or socializes with male friends----ANYONE!

WHERE CAN IT HAPPEN?

At school, at home, in the car, at a party------ANYWHERE!

The victim of an acquaintance rape suffers as much, if not more, trauma than the individual victimized by a stranger. Due to societal attitudes, the victim of acquaintance rape usually does not report the crime or seek help. Victims tend to feel ashamed, guilty, depressed, and angry at themselves. The trust and integrity of a relationship has been shattered. They feel betrayed by their own judgment. Victims may find themselves in the position of having to face their assailant again, particularly in school and work settings.

LET SOMEONE ASSIST YOU THROUGH THE STAGES OF RECOVERY.

HERE ARE SOME DATING TIPS TO REMEMBER:

Find out as much as possible about your date, particularly if he is a blind date or someone you do not know well.

Consider double-dating the first few times you go out with a male whom you are not well acquainted.

Know beforehand the exact plans for the evening, and make sure a parent or a friend knows these plans and what time to expect you home.

Be aware of your decreased ability to react under the influence of alcohol or drugs.

Think carefully about leaving a party or gathering with a man you may not know well. If you do leave with someone, make sure you tell another person you are leaving and with whom.

Avoid out-of-the-way or secluded areas.

Trust your instincts! If the situation makes you uncomfortable, try to be calm and think of ways to remove yourself from the situation.

Examine how you behave with men, especially those behaviors that could be misinterpreted.

Assert yourself when necessary. Be firm and straightforward in your relationships with men. When you say NO, say it loudly and clearly and make sure he understands your resistance.

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