In my life time I have told an incredible number of stories on an equal number of incredible events. Rarely have I had photographic evidence of any of my tales, despite the apparent necessity; (due to the incredible nature of the event being relayed) for said evidence. Mostly I have relied on my highly animated retelling of events to make the listener believe that every word I say is true. Mostly I walk away believing that maybe they believe 'some' of the story. Its not that you shouldnt believe! Its just that some of them have been a teensy weensy bit unbelievable.

There were two occasions where I was able to get photographic evidence. In hindsight neither story is 'really' that incredible but at the time.........

It had been noted with some interest on the streets of Sandy Bay, that a shiny red corvette had been driving up and down. (Ok noticed by me) But I do recall having conversations with others who had also seen the car.

I was a notorious hitch hiker. I was known by some for my constant repition of the phrase

"gotta go, people to see things to do and places to go"

then vooooooom out the door.

here was Angela, someone else whom I cant remember and myself standing outside the doctors surgery on the corner of Sandy Bay Road and..... and...... (thinking) and..... (going to the net to look up the name of that street at Telstra white pages on line)and.......(Hey if this shit turns into a book, we can leave that in there and telstra will pay royalties for the free advertising)and waiting for dam crap slow telstra pages to upload) Oooops we can edit that out later, and...... (I am assuming of course that the book will be a best seller)and.... aaahhhh....on the corner of Sandy Bay Road and Ashfield st's when the red corvette sped past. Our heads turned as it shot past us. We all seemed to be suitable impressed by the machine.

Now I am not sure if I said it out loud or just thought it but I remember thinking/saying

"I am going to get picked up one night in that car!"

And in my mind I was positive that was going to happen!

I used to have this really positive attitude and HEY things did. Things were always a success, I was always bitterly disappointed when they weren’t, almost disbelieving. I bore defeat, loss or disappoinment twice as hard as anyone I knew, even if it was imagined.

I guess I never gave it another thought until the nightof Saturday the 7th of February , or more likely early morning Sunday the 8th, I was coming around the corner from Collins St (in the city) into Murray St.... yep heading to Hadleys; when parked on the corner was the little red corvette.

I stopped and looked at it. Was the owner in Hadley's?

It occured to me that whilst busy gazing at the car I had never actually taken any notice of the owner. My mind was racing...

"I'm so close to making my bold statement reality"

I rushed up the stairs of Hadleys, head down concerntrating on a plan, straight into the bouncer. He was a likeable enough idiot (so thought because ......slight digression

The Manager of Hadleys (who was only doing the job to pay his way through law school) Which I found out later was ACTUALLY true, (after he was engaged by me to get off DUI on a technicality, but thats another story.

The Manager of Hadleys and I were talking one night and the subject of the bouncers intellect came up. To prove that the bouncer was really stupid the Manager told me this story.

"When I moved into this new house, I noticed a strange fruit that I was unfamiliar with growing from a tree int he back yard. Not wanting to risk poisoning myself I bought it in for the bouncer to try. I advised him that I did not know what the fruit was and that it may be poisonous. The bouncer ate it!

Now I know ther are many scenarios possible here besides stupidity but lets leave it there.

"WHO OWNS THAT RED CORVETTE DOWN THERE" I nearly shouted

"Dunno"

"Did you notice anyone 'new' who looks like they would drive a red corvette?'

"nope"

"OH, get out of my way and stop wasting my time" shoving him aside as I stride in.

After an hour or so of accepting free drinks and rejecting sundry other propositions, I stalked (well I had been doing it all night) out of Hadleys, tired, dejected and defeated. I was walking to the corner of Sandy Bay road and Davey street. This was my prefered corner to start hitching.

You might think that with the far left lane being soley for turning left that you could start at the begining of this lane but you would be surprised how many maniacs (originally heading up davey st in the far right lane) would veer 3 lanes over on the off chance that you were going to Mt Wellington

I had just begun to hike when a car pulled over ("the devil takes care of his own you know") I turned, and to my surprise it was the red Corvette.

I opened the passenger side door and leaned in to ask "how far are you going?"

"Lower Sandy Bay" the driver answered.

"cool" I jumped into the car, already telling the story the next day to anyone who would listen.

After the usual introductions, he asked me if I would like to go back to his place and try some turkish coffee.

"sure, what’s turkish coffee?

Oh its very strong thick coffee," not like your ordinary instant he told me.

I picked up on the ‘instant coffee’ dig immediately and decided that even if this coffee tasted like mud I would drink it and say I liked it. I figured I had drunk enough Pablo at Dianne’s house to be able to stand up to anything a turkish coffee could throw at me.

Once at his apartment I sat down on the heavy leather chair and waited for the coffee to be served, taking in my surroundings. They were nicely decorated and the furnishings very comfy. . Whilst he was making the coffee I noticed some photos on the coffee table. I began to idly flick through them.

When the coffee was bought out it was in tiny demitasse cups and I was at first grateful that it wasn’t going to be much to get through if it was horrible.

Much to his surprise I loved the coffee and found myself asking for another it was so nice. When he returned with the second cup he asked me if I would like to try some speed.

"Hmmmmm" I thought…. Sure why not.

WHY NOT???? My mind screamed a million reasons why not. I had seen enough commercials to know why not! Addiction, poverty, addiction, police records, and did I mention addiction, these were the thoughts rushing through my mind.

I watched as the speed was divided neatly into two lines on the traditional mirror. Just like being in a movie I thought as I sank back into the deep cushioning of the chair.

To add to the moment the guy (who didn’t make enough of an impression on me to remember his name) took a fifty-dollar note and rolled it into a straw. He went first and offered the straw to me.

I hesitated for a moment and took the straw. In the back of my mind I could hear a portion of a Bill Cosby album that I owned playing.

"You have to divide your drugs up one for each nostril" Bill was saying "Because if you only snort one side, the other side gets jealous"

SNORT, sniff, SNORT, sniff. Hmmmmm I sank back into the chair again and contemplated what addiction would be like.

Nothing much happened. I didn’t feel strange, apart from slightly light headed and an overwhelming urge for more of that coffee.

Obligingly he got up again and made some more. Feeling that this much hospitality may have a price and that it may be time to pay up so to speak I decided that I should make a quick exit.

I almost skulled my coffee down and thanked him for his hospitality, but it really was time I got going. He jumped up and offered to drive me, but I declined saying the fresh air would clear my head. Before I left I mentioned the photos I had been looking through and asked if I could have one, briefly explaining my avid fondness of hitchhiking and my earlier claim that I would get a ride in that car. He was most obliging.

I left Waimea Avenue bound for Margaret Street. I felt like the owner of the ‘Seven League boots" because in what appeared less than 4 steps I was home. And after all that here is the picture I risked addiction to speed to get.

A couple of years ago I was a huge fan of comedian Julian Clary.

Myself and a friend brought two front row tickets. Front row because I lined up early one morning with Lex (to assure my first in line position). Anyway the show was predicable in the sense that it was the same as his television show and the few videos of his that I had seen.

Anyway it was my plan to meet Julian after the show and get his autograph.

About 5 mins before the end of the show we got up and left the theatre ready to take our positions out the back near the stage door.

There was a bit of a winding laneway and we positioned ourselves such. (XX)

It wasnt long before others got the same idea. At first it was a couple of English backpackers, but with 15 mins the crowd had grown so that instead of being a handful right near the theatre door there was a crowd sprawling right out onto the road.

I could stand it. My time with Julian would be truncated as a result of him having to get around so many people.

The situation called for quick thinking and cunning. I looked around and noticed that Mandy, the 2 backpackers and myself took up pretty much the whole area near the stage door. No one could see past us. Much to the amazement of the people standing right next to me, I suddenly called out

"What?"

"Julian Clary has LEFT the theatre?"

As I hoped the murmur of this soon spread down to the people behind us.

"Julian Clary has left the theatre"

"Julian Clary has left the theatre"

"Julian Clary has left the theatre"

Soon I could hear this refrain being echoed back to me from as far away as the entrance to the laneway. It only took a few moments for this in

formation to register and the milling throng began to subside. Within 5 minutes or so the crowd was reduced to a managable 20 or so people.

Julian appeared a few moments later and Yes I got his autograph; And...........................hey its an old picture :)