OVER
THE HILL.....
deal
with it!
Your over the hill
when . . .
You
don't have enough time or breath to blow out
all you candles.
You've
had ONE TOO MANY facelifts.
You
trade in your sporty sheepskin car seat covers
for orthpedic ones made of those
wooden massaging balls.
You
go from being a Scoutmaster to a Bingomeister.
You
keep the thermostat set on 85 degrees
ALL YEAR LONG.
Your
dinner hour is when your lunch used to be.
You're
an hour early for everything!
You
can't understand ONE WORD of any Top 10 hit.
The
women dance with eachother at parties because
the men are too feeble to cut
loose.
You
suddenly become ANAL RETENTIVE about everything
in an attempt to GAIN CONTROL
of your life.
Your
days of burning yourself to a crisp slathered
with a mixture of baby oil and
iodine are over!
Your
bridge club gets a GROUP RATE on facelifts.
Your
kids give you the Richard Simmons video
SWEATING TO THE OLDIES
for your birthday.
The
GRAY HAIR ALLERT becomes a routine
practice in your life.
Transplants
Happen!
Your
daughter's prom gown is what you wore
UNDERNEATH your prom gown!
You
surprise you husband with the NEW $5000 you!
The
male hormones in your body are beginning
to edge out the female ones.
Trying
on bathing suits becomes a
LIFE-THREATENING proposition.
Your
bra size has gone from a 34-C
to a 36-LONG.
You
"CELEBRATE" your birthdays with about as much
joy as you would your funeral.
You
discover that your knees are wrinkling
along with the rest of you.
You
realize you are beginning to sound like your own dad.
You
notice that your chest has developed creases.
Your
kid thinks of you as an antique.
You
think your kids have started speaking in a
foreign language.
You
don't want to admit to your kids that you
don't have a clue about NEW MATH.
You
don't have the foggiest idea what
"HOOTIE AND THE BLOWFISH" is.
You
get your first look at your son's CO-ED dorm
and realize you should have insisted
that he
go into the seminary.
Your
gums are receding as fast as your hairline.
You
become a SLAVE to conservative dressing.
Leaky
bladders happen!
You
will sit in an uncomfortable position for hours
rather than doing anything that
might show
your THUNDER THIGHS.
No
matter how young you TRY to look, you can't
fool anybody anymore.
You
first realize that you can never wear
anything SLEEVELESS again.
You're
eating so much bran and fiber you
have to install a seat belt on
your john.
You
desperately need someone to TALK YOU THROUGH
your new WINDOWS program.
The
only "BUNS OF STEEL" you'll ever have
are the ones that come from your
oven.
FOOT
FETISH means an obsession with Dr. Scholl.
You
become a lifetime member of the
HAIR CLUB FOR MEN.
It
gets harder and harder to see in dim lighting.
YOUR
KIND of aerobics exercise is limited
to your eyeballs.
Your
breasts are getting closer and closer to your navel.
Your
once ROMANTIC dinner conversations are now
totally obsessed with your health.
But no matter what...
IT'S BETTER TO BE OVER THE
HILL
THAN UNDER IT!
HONEYNUT
HONEYNUT...A NEW BEGINNING
In MEMORY
FRIENDS
MEMORIES
MORE MEMORIES
MY DAD
UP...UP...AND...AWAY!!
A LESSON ON ATTITUDE
HOW TO HANDLE STRESS!
MOTHERHOOD...A TRIVIAL PURSUIT?
FOR ADULT EYES ONLY!
OVER THE HILL
WORK RULES TO DRAW A SMILE!
A FARMER'S LAST WILL & TESTAMENT
KIDS ON MARRIAGE
HOW TO KNOW IF YOU ARE READY TO HAVE KIDS
KIDS LETTERS TO GOD
AN ANGEL SAYS...
TEACH ME TO PRAY....
INSPIRATION
COMFORT
GOD UNDERSTANDS
Words of WISDOM
PLEASE READ
CYBER PRAYER
OUR FATHER
