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© 1998

Xena: Closed Captioned for the Humor Impaired

  • 04-02-98

    Finally, the commentary on The Quest. The ep laden with subtext, or not so subtext.



    Quotes Worthy of Bardliness

    All In a Day's Work:
    "Ah another day, another defilement!"
    --Autolycus (The Quest)

    I Wouldn't Wish That On My Worse Enemy:
    "Choose the one drink you wouldn't give your worst enemy, and give me a double."
    --Autolycus (The Quest)

    Insane in the Membrane:
    "Goodday to you sir. That's a fine looking apple. I'm going mad you know, loopy, strange in the head."
    --Autolycus (The Quest)

    Another Day, Another Dinar:
    "I'm not just leering at scantily clad women you know."
    --Autolycus (The Quest)

    Trust No One:
    "Will you calm down. There's barely enough room up here for my paranoia."
    --Autolycus (The Quest)

    Which Way to the Lil Men's Room?:
    "Now what?!"
    "Well, nature's calling how do you want to handle that?"
    --Xena & Autolycus (The Quest)

    No Going Into the Lower Hemisphere:
    "Autolycus. Get your hand off my butt."
    --Gabrielle (The Quest)

    The Three Faces of Xena:
    "Get up there Gabrielle..uh Xena, or whoever you are."
    --Autolycus (The Quest)

    Promises, Promises
    "Xena. Promise me that you'll never die on me again."
    "Oh I promise."
    --Gabrielle & Xena (The Quest)

    Miscellany:

    Cricket Anyone?
    What were those weapons those thugs were using? Cricket racquets or cactus leaves tied to a stick?

    Dammit, I'm going to get on this show one way or another!
    Melinda Clarke must be getting revenge since she didn't get the role of Xena. Now she's miffed about not getting the mask. "I'm not bitter cuz I'm going to be a goddess soon." Hmm maybe I should turn a pic into this scenario

    Let's Have a Slumber Party!
    For some reason whenever I watch the scene where Ephiny invites Gab to stay with her, it always makes me think they should have a slumber party. "Let's make some smores and tell ghost stories, Gab!" And why not? They've got Terreis, Xena, & Melosa's ghosts running amok.

    Amazon Poetry Readings
    Does it seem that the Amazons are getting a little soft? What was with the line, "When her body is committed to the flames, her soul will be released to soar."? Gab had this look that said, "When did you become a bard?"

    Classic Scenes
    • The Kiss
    • The S & M Bondage
    • Solari's bra lockpick (wonder how many takes they had to do that. Looked like the Amazon in the background was trying hard to keep in a laugh along with Solari.)
    • Sarcophagus Surfing
    • "Where is she?" searching for Xena in Auto's mouth. (Like she's going to just pop out)
    • Zombie Autolycus


    Queen Solomon's Mines
    Well actually, it was a mask, and it was Queen Gabrielle. I liked how she had Velasca choose the knife over the mask, then as Minya would say, "The knife is yours, the mask is mine."

    Nonfighting Amazons
    You can tell a non-functioning Amazon from the ones that actually get to do something in the show by the amount of skin showing. Rule of thumb: the more skin shown, the less fighting they do.

    Some Questions, Por Favor
    • What was the point of Iolaus showing up?
      The thugs were leaving after Gab knocked the stuffing out of them. Then, "Oh, I'll just pop in, do a few retarded looking kicks, then leave. Ok so he gave Gab some emotional support, but that's it. Then he just left her.
    • Why does Velasca care what happens to Xena's body?
    • Why does Autolycus have a chakram holder on his belt?
    • How did Gab betray the Amazons by not letting them burn Xena's body and ran off with it?
      She is the queen afterall and that is her best friend.


    Clap on, Clap off, The Clapper
    Do the torches in caves holding ambrosia have the clapper? Kinda strange how when one torch was lit, all of them got lit afterwards.

    There's Always Room For JELLO
    Ambrosia sure looks like a giant JELLO cabbage. I'm not too fond of ambrosia, but the ambrosia I know sure looks a lot more tasty than the one in the Xenaverse.

    Yeah, and I have a bridge in Brooklyn I want to sell you.
    Like Gabrielle was supposed to believe Auto's story about Xena being inside him. It's a little far fetched, but considering what they've been through, I guess it's not totally unbelievable.

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