I met my first husband when I was 18. We got married and had the 2 girls and then got divorced. Not much to speak of there. LOL! He was both mentally and physically abisive. Not long after the divorce, I began experiencing a lot of muscle and joint pain, along with a lingering rash on my face. I told consulted my doctor about these problems, but was ignored.

I met Allen, my current husband, a year later. He is such a caring man and it felt so good to finally have someone treat me with love and respect. Allen taught me to drive a semi-truck and trailer and we went on the road. Not long after we began this journey together, I became pregnant with our son, Mitchell, so we both settled down. I quit working entirely and Allen got a local job. I was immediately placed on bed rest, as each of my pregnancies resulted in toxemia -- a disorder in which protein is secreted through the blood veins, resulting in chronic swelling, severe illness, and life-threatening risks to the mother and unborn child.

Shortly after our son was born, I became very sick, which gradually worsened. Within 6 months, I could barely walk, the rash on my face was bright red across my cheeks and nose, and I developed soars in my mouth and nose. The pain and weakness became so severe I was unable to wash my own hair, which my husband did for me. Allen would carry me in the morning from the bed to the couch, and then back to bed at night.

I fell into a terrible depression, thinking I was going to die and I didn't want to. It was so hard to understand why. Not knowing what was wrong frightened me, yet I was also afraid of what the diagnosis might be. The doctor I was seeing at that time was clueless. He first suspected Hepititus, but the lab tests came back negative. However, he discovered my white cell count was extremely high and knew something was terribly wrong. That is when I was tested for spinal meningitis, cancer, and lukemia. Two weeks later, my doctor called with the lab results and I was then diagnosed with Systemic Lupus.

I got better over a long period of time. I went into remisson. I still hurt in my knees and the rest of my joints but not as severe. Over the next few years I went into denial. I thought it was no big deal. BOY WAS I WRONG!!! When I turned 29 in July of 1996, I started to hurt again more severely. By December, there were days I was unable to lift myself from the chair, yet my doctor was not treating my symptoms. It was then I decided to apply for Social Security Disablity Benefits. I soon found a new doctor who is great. I am so thankful but all that time of inadequate health care has caused my disease to progress. I have now been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, asthma (which is also an auto-immune disease), spastic colon, fibromyalgia, vasculitis, Raynaud's phenomenon, and Myositis, which is an inflammatory condition causing muscle pain and weakness. I am now on so many medications that I feel like a walking pharmacy! There are times I don't know if I am going to make it but I know with God's help and the support of my family I can do it. My illness and health-care has taken its toll on us financialy and emotionally. I have no insurance and the battle for disability benefits has gone on for 2 years now.

At the beginning of this year (1998) I suffered a bout of self-pity, feeling as though I was the only one in the world with this disease. Then my sweet husband bought a WebTV. Through the internet, I have learned a great deal about lupus and have found much emotional support through lupus forums and a lupus chat room. I have made the greatest circle of friends and now enjoy the best support a person could ask for. There are so many, I can't name them all, but each is so special to me. A lady I met named Chelsea started making a quilt for people with lupus, which has since turned into several quilts. Each block of these quilts represents a person, with their name and diagnosis date. If you would like to donate squares or a name to it, feel free to email me and I will get the proper information to you. During our Spring Seminar at my local lupus chapter in Kansas City, I had the opportunity to show one of the quilts and give a speech about it. I was so honored and scared. Yet, for the first time in a long while I felt my life had a purpose. All my new lupus friends have inspired me to devote my life and time to raising public awareness of lupus. I now know I can go on and make something good of this. I got out of my slump by discovering that the greatest feeling in the world is helping others.

Life was so different before my disease became severe. I was very active and loved being alive. Somewhere along the way I lost the desire to live, but have since regained it. I have also discovered that having a disease such as lupus will test your friendships and weed-out those whom are not truly concerned. I have lost a few I believed were friends, yet I have also found some of the best friends in the world because of lupus.

The one message I would like to share with everyone is to be thankful for what you have and don't worry about what you don't have. The world is a beautiful place and we are only here for a short time. In that time do something positive with your life. That is the greatest thing you can do. Look out for your friends and neighbors. And most of all, let others know you love them. Never let a day go by without saying, "I love you" to those closest to you.

I am most greatful for loving friends and family. The one I owe more than anything to is Allen. When most men would have walked out the door and not looked back, he has stayed by my side. He is my best friend and I love him more than he will ever know. He has had to take on more than most could ever imagne. He is the BEST!!!!!!