Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know, I was a fool when I married you." She replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted". Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."

The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" And the father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

Young Son: Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: That happens in every country, son.

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; and then it was too late."

A woman was telling her friend, "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire."

"The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to prove it."

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.

How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done free.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.

First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are beautiful.

Three 4th grade Sunday School boys were promised a free Bible trip if they can answer one simple question.

The teacher askes the first boy, "What is Easter?"

The boy replies, "Oh, that's easy! It's the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and are thankful."

"Wrong!," replies the teaher, and proceeds to ask the second student the same question, "What is Easter?"

The second boy replies, "Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus."

The teacher looks at the second boy, shakes his head in disgust, tells him he's wrong, then peers over at the third boy and asks, "What is Easter?"

Confidently he looks the teacher in the eyes, "I know what Easter is."

"Oh?" the teacher says incredulously.

"Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Jesus and his disciples were eating at the last supper and Jesus was later betrayed and handed over to the Romans by one of his disciples. The Romans took him to be crucified and he was stabbed in the side, made to wear a crown of thorns, and was hung on a cross with nails through his hands and feet. He was buried in a nearby cave which was sealed off by a large boulder."

As the Sunday School teacher smiles broadly with delight, the third student continues, "Every year the boulder is moved aside so that Jesus can come out...and, if he sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter."