This is my place to put my thoughts about my life out there for friends and family to see.

The truth must be told (the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth)!

Please note that this web log is not suitable for minors to read as it may at times have some disturbing and graphic parts in it.

~ Melissa ~

 
~ Posted by Melissa ~ 5/23/2002 04:31:00 PM ~ ~

I want to make it clear that my purpose here is not to embarrass anyone, especially Kirc. He has an addiction as well as some past issues (from before we got together) that have affected our marriage in a very negative way. It is easy for someone to hide certain addictions if they do not affect their life outside the home. I am committed to helping Kirc with his problems and restoring our marriage to the loving relationship that it has been at times in the past.

 
~ Posted by Melissa ~ 5/23/2002 08:50:00 AM ~ ~

Have you ever heard the saying that the opposite of love is not hate but apathy (lack of any feeling)? I've felt all three for Kirc, the apathy most especially in late 1993 right before we got back together and were about to divorce. I want to feel only love for him now but especially now that I'm even more aware of his capability to hurt me and not care, I'm scared to death of letting down my guard. He only recently really started seeing what his problems have done to me and our children. I say started seeing because I don't think he's come to the full realization of just how much he's played a part in my life going down the toilet. I think I should begin by relating what I was like in my childhood and early adult years to give the reader perspective on how much my life has changed.

 
~ Posted by Melissa ~ 5/22/2002 07:12:00 PM ~ ~

It's not easy for me to tell anyone about my personal life. It usually isn't for those of us who have been abused. What makes my situation much more complicated is that Kirc has made sure that any negative actions on my part were always made public knowledge, while making sure to hide his own actions. You see, Kirc is highly sensitive to how other people view him. I'm aware that no one really wants others to think negatively about them. However, most people either let others know everything including the good and the bad or else they try to work on the bad parts of themselves so that they become more socially acceptable human beings. Then there are people like Kirc. Kirc will lie left and right if he thinks it's necessary so that no one will think bad of him or at least think less bad of him if they know some of the truth.

This web log is all about the truth because it is true: the truth will set you free. By me telling the truth (this is not to imply that at anytime I've lied about these things, just that I wasn't allowed to tell the truth before), I'm taking my own freedom back and realizing the person I was met to be, unencumbered by someone else's problems, problems that didn't affect Kirc's life negatively as much as they've affected my life negatively.

At times you will find my words logical and unemotional while at other times my feelings will pour forth on the page like a tidal wave. What you read here will not be pretty. This is not a web log to be viewed by minors as they are not mature enough to mentally or emotionally handle the truth told here.

 
~ Posted by Melissa ~ 5/22/2002 07:10:00 PM ~ ~

I've fully come to the realization that the reason that I've had to go through my personal hell for this long is due to friends and family not knowing the truth from me (due to Kirc's intimidation) or Kirc (he wouldn't want anyone to think bad of him) or being told outright lies by the King of Lies, Kirc Anthony Breden. Kirc has been very adept at making anyone in his life outside of me think what he wants them to think. When you don't live with someone, it's easy to be fooled left and right by them.

By the way, this web log is not just about my rant about my husband, Kirc. It will also tell it like it is about my entire past and what's going on in the present. You will find that I have nothing to hide, about Kirc and especially about myself.

 
~ Posted by Melissa ~ 5/22/2002 07:00:00 PM ~ ~

Well, where to begin... I suppose this web log will be a mixture of the present, the past, and the future. One thing it will always be is the truth.

I'm very aware at this time of my life of the differences in personal realities from one person to the next. Therefore, to be fair, when I know the other person's point of view, I will state it to the best of my ability.

Please buckle your seatbelt. It's going to be a bumpy ride...