June12, 1999

Ok, I'm really really really truly sorry about my silence, but I have an excuse. I lost my disk! My disk, so intelligently unmarked, which contains all my web page stuff, has been lost in my hell-hole of a computer center all these weeks. Yesterday I cleaned the place up and found the darling. So now I can write again. I could have written before now, and actually did for the last entry, but things have been in a whirlwind for the past month and it took too long to actually write out all the code again. Which is why I procrastinated. But I'm back. Oh, it feels so good to be here again and away from the outside world.

Sometimes IM conversations get so dumb. They're such a waste of time, I don't know why I even participate in them. Probably because I love talking to the few friends I have online, and I have nothing better to do when strangers demand conversation. Overall, it's okay though, because those 'darn illegal operations' always seem to occur when the people get too stupid to believe. How convenient.

Okay, so I'm really excited about this summer. What I want to do is make this web site that's all opinionated essays about everything me and possibly some of my friends have ever thought about. But content won't really be the main focus point of this one. I want to try my hand at design this time; I mean really try to create something fun and beautiful. I'm hoping I can pull it off. Wouldn't it be fun to see what ol' Rose can do? The titles in my head are 'demoniclaughter.com' and if friends sign on 'techgoddesses.com' fun, no? Yes!

Oh, gosh, I've got to run away from the keyboard for a few hours or so. Graduation has finally fallen in my small community, and there are parties to go to. But first, there is a long shower to take and a trip to Osco to make. I'll be back, though. My conscience will not let me stray for long. I'll go nuts.

Okay, here I am. I have one friend online reminding me ever so often that I'm updating, so as to prevent me from straying from this ever so important task. I'm too pumped to not do this though. I don't know, a few hours of volleyball, and I'm full of energy.

This week was National Hug Week, and I think I fulfilled my obligations and then some. After all, hand shakes just don't fly on graduation night. Speaking of that- CONGRATULATIONS to Jacqui, Matt, Jackie, Nadia, Erica, Val, Josh, NED, Jenny, Sherry, and all the other members of my school's graduating class. You will be deeply missed next year, so don't forget the sophomores (or would it be juniors?) that you've left to sweat out the next two years. We love you!

Ok, so school's over. And I gotta tell ya, this year has given a whole new meaning to the word 'sophomoric.' (see, that's actually funny because tony.... nevermind) I was sufficiently sick of school by the time finals rolled around, and I think I have just cause. My optimistic side wants me to tell you how good this year was growth-wise, since I finally developed a spine, a personality that I can like and eventually found a nice place to show myself. My pessimistic side wants me to tell you that it was hellish going through all that, and that I wouldn't wish that upon anyone but my worst enemy (and you thought I'd exclude that loathsome person). I don't know what's really true, actually. I know that I laughed a lot, and no matter how much I felt like the tears were on the threshold of spilling, I never cried. Maybe that's good. Maybe I just really need summer to be here. Then again, I don't know anyone who doesn't.

Before I started high school, I was actually a supporter of the year-long school year idea. Now, I think it would be better to knock off another month or two and have the year end in April. And that's what the 'best four years of your life' do to you.

*Giggle* I've seen Phantom Menace twice so far. I know, you're probably like "Only twice", but they were two times of great quality. I went with distinguished Star Wars freaks. So far, I've realized the conspiracy of Senator Palpatine, seen the ETs (!!!), gone through without becoming confused with the Queen and her handmaid, noticed the Obi-Wan hair conflict, realized the fact of Willow, decided Jake Lloyd could have been better and I really see the Amidala/ Anakin match as positively icky, and overall been totally impressed with the whole thing. Both times I got shivers when the opening golden paragraphs came floating by and gave little squeals during the really squeal-worthy parts (like "I have a bad feeling about this," the hillbilly Sand People, Bantha Poo-doo, Wutini!, the hum of the lightsabers, lightsabers in general, ewan mcgregor throughout the entire movie, Yoda, etc.). And I've gotten tears in my eyes both times I saw the horribly end to the best lightsaber duel out of all the movies. Obi-Wan's "NO!!" was much better than Luke's "NO!!"

By the way, I've discovered an alarming trend in my views towards Star Wars. I'm starting to dislike Luke. As in the above criticism. Obi-Wan was like "Oh, you didn't just do that, you s.o.b. That's my master!" Luke was like "Now I have to fight them by myself. Dammit!" (really whiny-like) I understand the differences in their situations (Luke being just recently introduced to the concept of Jedi Knight, and Obi-Wan being actually ready to become one), but I feel critical. Luke is whiny and stupid at times, while Obi-Wan is wise and accepting, voicing his protests in the sexy calm voice he has. Eventually I know I'll come around and see Luke as my beautiful farm boy who fell off the tractor one too many times between the hoping and the striking back, but for the moment I resent him. Obi-Wan is my new Jedi-guy.

And just in case you were wondering, I'm also doing my part to keep LucasArts in the toy business. You know I bought the Obi-Wan Kenobi for my friend's birthday and that set of pens. Well, today I bought another set of lightsaver pens, and we have the Naboo blaster Super Soaker (didja know that had those! Oh, I cannot wait for my first water fight!). But most importantly, I have my noise-making green lightsaber. Ah! I've already fought and won my first lightsaber duel at school. The guy I was fighting tried to seem cool by spinning around in the middle of combat. Rather than let him get away with that, I stabbed him in the stomach when he faced me again. Damn, I was good. (and you should hear the hum this thing makes, I melt every time.)

Eventually, the Star Wars trip will fade, but not for a while. So if you hate this, deal with it. It makes me too giddy to give up now.

You know how I've been eluding to the fact that I've been having troubles with my best friend. Well, here: I am. Basically, it's because I don't get along with most of his friends, hence we don't hang out outside of school anymore, and we're completely distanced from each other. Also, I think we're both semi-angry about that and we've become majorly critical of each other. I've lost my warmth, he's lost his sense of humor. At least, that's how I see it. Anyway, we've been trying to work it out by talking about the problems and then how to fix them. Well, I've officially given up on that conversation. It leads nowhere, and I want to go somewhere. Preferrably with him. (I swear, for the past two weeks I've felt like singing "Words, words, words! I'm so sick of words!..... blah blah blah... Don't waste my time! Show me!.... Don't talk at all! Show me!) So, here's the plan. Rather than make our friendship all about fixing these problems that are obviously somewhat un-fixable, why not just scrap the past six months and start where we left off? Like, have conversations that don't lead to the bad stuff. Talk about what we talked about before; just be friends like we were before. It's not like it's impossible, it worked before. The theory behind this is that when we talk about our problems, then we feel bad and like the situation is hopeless; we forget about having fun, hence we don't, hence we don't really fix anything. But friendships are about having fun, they don't work unless that is happening. So, I'm on a crusade for fun. It's gotta work, it's too easy not to.

Back to Star Wars (you didn't really believe we were done, did you dearie?). If my lovely Seth Green died his hair a sandy blonde, he would make the perfect Anakin Skywalker for the second movie. Consider it. Wouldn't he be perfect in the flattering Jedi robe and tatooine-farmer-like outfit? Couldn't you just see him delivering the Jedi lines with the utmost seriousness and sincerity? The thought of him in the middle of a lightsaber fight just freaks me out. It would be too squeal-worthy, and I'm seriously considering writing someone about it. Divine inspiration, this is.

This is so refreshing. I haven't gotten my mind down on the computer screen for such a long time, it was getting crowded between the ears. This is just so uplifting. I could go for a few careless spins across the dining room right now. But I'm wearing my headphones. Ah, well. You do it. Let's see, it's kinda time to end this now (I'm moving on to Ob again, finally- Ah!), so we'll turn to Shawn Colvin to provide us with June's first quote. Three songs, for the excessive absence. First, "You and the Mona Lisa": Oh I love you the most/ Always giving up the ghost/ In your own private conversation/ You're a sweet mystery/ There is nothing in between/ You and the Mona Lisa// Nothing in particular/ And everything in between/ This is what you mean to me/ Only you and only me/ Climbing in the right direction/ On the way to everything. and "I Want It Back": You mighta killed you might be cruel. You might be stupid, but we love you. You're in the paper, you're in the air. You're in my head, you're everywhere.... I can't give love, I don't know how. I write in code so you won't know. I was on drugs, I took a nap. I didn't mean it, I want it back! and finally "Nothin' On Me" (aka- theme song for Suddenly Susan): So in case you hadn't noticed, I'm alright, Not like I was before, Things used to be so hopeless, But not tonight, Tonight I'm walkin out that door..... So don't you try to save me, With your advice, Or turn me into somebody else, 'Cause I'm not crazy and you're not nice, Baby keep it to yourself. I'm not gonna cry, And I'm wavin goodbye, And I know this time, You got nothin on me. Each of these songs come from the album A Few Small Repairs, by the by. Have a great next few pieces of time, however long they may be (although I'm guessing I'll share again before a month goes by), and thanks for reading. PS-- Hi to Sarah, the friend who helped me keep on task and get this done tonight!