My Movie Reviews Page (D-H)

>Daylight> (5/10)
Starring: Sylvester 'raarrgh'(cos that's what it sounds like when he talks) Stallone, and some other people.
Plot: Some tunnel gets blown up or something and a bunch of people are stuck and ol' Sly comes along to save them.
Best Bit: That live wire scene.
Worst Bit: Poor George died. Any other film would have found a way to save him but I think the writers were fed up or something.
Verdict: Shouldn't have bothered. And either should you, my dear friends, either should you.

Dead Heat> 8/10)
Starring: Jackie Chan, some Japanese people-one of whom is apretty famous but I don't his name! some Chinese people
Plot: Jackie gets into mischief again, falls for a girl again, and drives some fast cars.
Best Bit: Seeing that Japanese guy. He's kinds cool. He's a pretty good singer too.
Worst Bit: None really.
Verdict: Not a bad flick. Fun, as are all J.Chan flicks.

Dead man (6.5/10)
Starring: Johnny Depp, Steve Buscemi, the Indian guy.
Plot: Guy goes to a strange land for a new job but ends up with a fat Indian and being hunted or something.
Best Bit: The teeny tiny role that Steve gets is a hoot. Well, not really , but I’m a fan!
Worst Bit: Steve’s not credited!
Verdict: Strange. It’s also in B&W.
(10/10)
Starring: Josh Charles, Gale 'I can't believe he was 30 at the time' Hansen, Robin 'he's hairy' Williams, Allelon 'interesting name' Ruggiero, Ethan Hawke, Alexandra 'I can't believe I remember her name' Powers, Lara Flynn Boyle, the evil father, the pop-eyed headmaster.
Plot: Hot guys in uniform learn about life, love and dreams with a little help from their seriously cool teacher.
Best Bit: Any bit with Josh Charles! And the 'congo' scene. I thought Meeks' interpretation was very cool!
Worst Bit: The way Chris says "You are so infuriating" It's just too pathetic for words! Changes: I would have liked to see Neil stand up to his father and tell him all the things he hates about him and then shoot him dead, instead of committing suicide! The father is evil. He must see the error of his ways. Down with the father! The Philistine(in Adrian Mole terms).
Everyone Like Robert Sean Leonard but I thought (and still do!) Josh Charles was the hottest! I wish he was in more movies! Even to this day we call hot guys "dps'" Kills me. We also say "he's kinda money"(from Swingers). I must have seen this movie about 20 times. I have it on video. I didn't get it the first time I saw it-too young. But by the 2nd time I was bawling my eyes out. Everyone should have a teacher like Mr. Keating. I wish Ethan hadn't signed that paper thing but then if it was you you'd probably do it. I wonder if Nuwanda did? He must've. D'oh.

Death and the Maiden (5/10)
Starring: Sigourney Weaver, Ghandi guy
Plot: Neurotic woman is neurotic for a reason.
Best Bit: Hmmm. Probably the opening credits cos you don't know what you're in for yet.
Worst Bit: It just escalates into something that is just too much for me.
Verdict: Too stifling, depressing and dark.

>Death Warmed Up> (1/10)
Starring: No one I know
Plot: Something gross goes on and stuff happens.
Best Bit: The anticipation before you see it.
Worst Bit: The entire film.
Verdict: Possibly one of the worst films I've ever seen. Some New Zealand horror thing. Unscary and crap and gross and pathetic!!! I only saw it cos it was free-I used to work in a video rental store! A Japanese one-that's why they had all these crappy ones no one had ever heard of.

Deconstructing Harry (6.5/10)
Starring: Woody ‘dysfunctional’ Allen, Elizabeth Shue, Billy ‘balding’ Crystal, Judy ‘slightly disturbing’ Davis.
Plot: Writer experiencing writer’s block keeps bumping into characters he’s written about.
Best Bit: Can’t remember. Maybe the little excerpts that tell us about the stories he’s written about. Actually I loved the story with Tobey Maguire-funny!
Worst Bit: He takes a prostitute to a university award acceptance.
Verdict: Not quite as funny as some of his other stuff but not bad. The short stories break the droll.

Deep Impact (8.5/10)

Desperate Measures (6.5/10)

diary of a serial killer (7.5/10)
Starring: Gary Busey, Aloso guy(has he been in anything else?), Michael 'always plays a good guy with a gun or bad guy with a gun' Madsen.
Plot: 'Method journalist' gets in too deep when he 'befriends' a serial killer and starts writing a book about him.
Best Bit: Gary looked pretty good as a woman, probably better than he does as a man! Michael Madsen is kinda cool but he's also kinda hefty! The serial killer is pretty nice too. I loved his acent! He reminds me of Norm MacDonald who I also think is rather charming.
Worst Bit: Didn't really learn anything about Stefan. Michael Madsen dies! No that can't happen! I was just so shocked to see it happen. I thought, his partner thinks something's happened to him cos he's not answering his ...walkie talkie? what do they call those things? Anyway, so he'll rush back to find that Mike's ok, he just took out the batteries of his walkie talkie to use in the little tape recorder, and they'll have a bit of a chuckle and all. But no, he's slumped over with a slashed neck!!! How could that have happened? That sux.
Verdict: Not bad but not that good either. Funny how Juliet, instead of pretending that she doesn't know who Stefan really is, just says "what do you want?". Don't understand how it got some award for best independent film. That shoud go to Clerks! Well, if I was gonna get killed, I guess I'd want Stefan to be my man! I reckon the 'amusing' thing about him was that he was probably impotent or something so he killed the 35 year old and found he enjoyed it and that's why he only killes women. Or men that dress up as women. That Eric/Erica must be a real one cos s/he was very convincing! Looks better as a woman for sure.

Disturbing Behaviour (7.5/10)
Starring: Katie 'droopy eyes looks like she's got runny mascara' Holmes, that new guy that kind of reminded me of William McNamara from Copycat, that janitor guy.
Plot: The 'Blue Jackets' seem to be the perfect students but they're like, not. Some'ins goin' awn for sure!
Best Bit: That guy at the start-he was pretty hot. When the David guy has a fit and shouts "why not?!" to her refusal to go out with him.
Worst Bit: The crappy ending!
Changes: Yeah, at the end one of them should have had their eyes glowing red-the girl for sure. That would have been more spooky than that baby-faced kid becoming a student teacher! (he looks a bit like Brad Pitt!)
Verdict: Seems to be a copy of The Faculty but not as good! Which one came first? What happened to his parents?! Surely there must have been a cure! You can't just kill all the kids-what about their families? The counsellor guy should have been exposed! Doesn't deserve a clean-cut death!
(8/10)
Starring:Bruce Willis, Bonnie Bodelia(I think that's her name ,not sure about the spelling), Alan Rickman, who else?
Plot: Something about a building and a crazy guy (but he's got character!) who has a crazy plan and doesn't mind killing a lot of people in the process.
Best Bit: Alan Rickman
Worst Bit: Japanese businessmen are always in danger.
Verdict: Good solid action. Bruce Willis being Bruce Willis.

Dirty Work (6/10)
Starring: Norm MacDonald, the fat guy, the olg guy, that other guy-where have I seen him before?
Plot: Two friends try to make some big money by doing anything and everything-kinda like the Goodies!
Best Bit: Norm was in it. I think he co-wrote the script or something.
Worst Bit: It was a bit of a sad effort I thought.
Verdict: Although I didn’t watch the whole thing I don’t think I needed to. It was a bit of a lame-brain sit and veg type of movie. Some ok bits but overall not as funny as I’d like it to be.

Dr. Strangeglove (5/10)
Starring: Peter Sellers and him and himself.
Plot: A war between Britain and Russia happens by mistake and some madman with a nuclear bomb and stuff.
Best Bit: Was there one?
Worst Bit: Do you want me to crap on?
Verdict: I have no idea why this is a classic. It was boring, stupid and unfunny. I didn't laugh at all. I've never even been a big Peter Sellers fan and I can't really see anyhting special about him except or the fact that a lot of other poeple do seem to, but I don't mind some of the Pink Panther movies.

Dr. Zhivago (7/10)
Starring: Julie Christie, Omar 'black eyes' Shariff
Plot: I can't really remember. Something about a guy and a girl and they marry and there's lots of snow and stuff.
Best Bit: Now I can say that I've seen it!
Worst Bit: Not good or bad enough to have bad bits!
Verdict: Well, it's a classic. I think there are some nice scenes and all. But I can't really remember much else. It had its moments I'm sure.

The Elephant Man (10/10)
Starring: John Hurt, Dennis Hopper, Vanessa Redgrave(I think).
Plot: Tragically deformed man is displayed in a travelling freak circus but is discovered and 'saved' by a kind doctor who endeavors to 'civilise' him.
Best Bit: Whenever poor John has something to be happy about. And of course that scene where he shouts "I am not an animal!"
Worst Bit: How some poeple can be so cruel and unthinking. In a sense there are no bad bits, it's just the nature of the content that is tragic anddepressing.
Changes: Of course, I'd like to see John lead a happy and normal life, major plastic surgery to rid his deformities, gain the respect and admiration that he deserves and to make some real friends etc etc. But that would defeat the whole purpose of the film, now wouldn't it?
Verdict: A brilliant film. Beautiful and horrible at the same time. Make sure you have a box of tissues handy!

Eraser (9/10)
Starring: Arnie 'funduusdic'(phonetic for how he pronounces 'fantastic') Shwarzennegger, Vanessa 'what's the colour of her wind?' Williams
Plot: Woman's life is in danger, Arnie is her protector-sound familiar?
Best Bit: The alligator bit. The itty bitty disc, actually Japanese single cds are the same size but with a bigger hole. Japanese singles rule cos they always have the karaoke version which ensures it'll be available in any karaoke place with the original video clip (or at least a cool one) unlike the crap you get for most English karaoke songs!
Worst Bit: Not too fussy.
Verdict: Solid action in the Arnie tradition. Special effects and all. Enjoyable.

Escape from Absolom (7/10)
Starring: Ray ‘pocky’ Liotta, who else?
Plot: Convict island and survival of the fittest etc.
Best Bit: Fast pace.
Worst Bit: Gets a bit mindless.
Verdict: It’s ok. Ray wou;d be hotter if he wasn’t pocky!

Executive Decision (9/10)
Starring: Kurt 'shubby & dimply' Russell, that Leguiziano guy, Oliver Platt, that Segal guy, someone else I'm forgetting, and the woman-what's her name? And Glenn Close'-set eyes'
Plot: Plane has been hijacked and there's a (gasp) bomb on board to boot. There are two plans a) save 50 people on board and give in to the 'allah' way, or b) save about a million people on earth & blow that mother out of the sky.
Best Bit: Oliver Platt. Isn't he good?! The little habit of chewing that plastic thing was funny. Also seeing Segal get killed. Only in a non-starring role will you ever see something like that!
Worst Bit: Kurt Russell. I don't really like him. He has albino eyes. And I don't really like those dimples either.
Verdict: Plenty of tension and action. Some funny lines.

54 (7/10)
Starring: Mike Myers, Ryan ‘it’s not Phileep’ Phillippe, Neve ‘it’s not Neev’ Campbell, Salma Hayek, the guy from go, who else? The girl from Welcome to the Dollhouse.
Plot: All about the nightclub Studio 54 and the 70s.
Best Bit: The music.
Worst Bit: How he tries to sleep with Salma. Not nice!
Verdict: It was ok. It was good that Shane doesn’t turn into a real asshole like Dirk in Boogie Nights! Did this film do well at the box office? Funny how Mike(his character) only lets cool people in but he’s not such a looker himself!

go (8/10)

Starring: Katie ‘twisty-mouth’ Holmes, the guy from 200 Cigarettes and ‘Jane Austen’s Mafia!’ Scott ‘dimply’ Wolf, the guy from Contact and Albino Alligator, the guy from Scream 2.
Plot: Centers on lives of young group of people and the events of one day.
Best Bit: The cop guy and how it seems he want a weird sexual group thing but it’s not that at all.
Worst Bit: Possibly the bit in the hotel room with the bridesmaids, tho’ some people might think otherwise! Cos like, did he master this ‘tantra’ stuff overnight?! Plus, that drug dealer guy Todd was cheatin g on his gf by having an almost-fling with Katie! Bastard.
Verdict: I didn’t think it was that funny. The accident is pretty horrifying too. I heard how this was supposed to be a younger version of Swingers but I didn’t think it was anything like it! It was more like Pulp or Dogs. Is it a coincidence that they mentioned Dogs in Swingers, as well as copying one of scenes?!

Hackers (8/10)
Starring: Jonny Lee 'sometimes he looks hot and other times he's not' Miller (I was gonna type in Tommy Lee Jones!), Joely Fisher(is that her name? Some relation to Jon Voight?!), Matthew 'he looks like a hirl' Lillard, Jesse Bradford.
Plot: A bunch of hellraising hackers hack into their worst nightmare, or something. (say 'or something' like Butt-head!)
Best Bit: Jesse Bradford and Jonny Lee Miller. The special effects are pretty groovy. Matthew Lillard is cool as per yoozsh(phometic).
Worst Bit: None really. Actualy the fact that Jonny got married to Joely! Damn!
Verdict: A fun movie with a cool feel. A teen flick . Makes me wish I could be a hacker-how do you become one anyway? I wouldn't know where to satrt. I could change my bank balance, my uni results, give myself fake qualifications, free plane tickets and hotel reservations(which'd be paid for by the money that I don't have that's in my bank account!)...the possibilities are endless. Sigh.

Happiness (8.5/10)
Starring: The guy from Boogie Nights, Jon 'liver lips' Lovitz, Lara Flynn Boyle, the big woman from The Practice(LFB is also in it!), the woman from SNL and A Night at the Roxbury! and some other people.
Plot: Intertwining lives of seemingly average Americans who are all deeply disturbed in disturbing ways. They're only trying to find happiness.
Best Bit: The convos between Billy and his "serial rapist pervert" dad were surprisingly touching and honest. He's actually a pretty cool dad. His son comes to him for advice on sensetive issues and unlike most parents, he actually tells him the truth. The scene when Billy's asking what his dad actually did to the boys was heartbreaking. He's certainly a good actor! (The talent of the young'uns have caught my attention of late. The Lipnicki kid in Jerry Maguire, the little dude in The Sixth Sense-tho' I haven't seen it yet, the ads give me a fair impression- and now this kid playing Billy!)
Also seeing Jon Lovitz. And when the psychiatrist buys the kiddy mag! Crack up. When Lara keeps ringing up the guy and becoming his stalker! Looks a bit like Dilbert!
The opening scene. (J.Lovitz-paraphrased)"You think I don't appreciate fashion and art? You think I'm fat? A lard ass? You think I'm shit?! Well, I'm champagne and you're the one who's shit! You're always going to be shit!" after being dumped by Joy Jordan. Crack up! And also the scene where all the office people are trying to work out who Gary(?) was. "The latino with the pock marks? Like that actor" "Oh yeah I can picture the face. Yeah, I know the one" I think I do too! Well, there's two I think. They always play bad guys/tough guys/and/or cops.
I also like the bit where he's going on about how people think he's boring. "Who is that boring guy? I've never met anyone as boring as him"...
Worst Bit: Probably when the family abandons the father. Sad. Trish is too..too. She's too judgemental and one-sided.
Changes: None that I can think of. Well, maybe Jon Lovitz could have found some contentment.
Verdict: I liked it! Same director as Welcome to the Dollhouse and in the same vein. So it's dark and disturbing, but funny. A very black comedy. (I imagine it's similar to American Beauty?)

Heat (4/10)
Starring: Natalie Portman, Robert 'are u talkin' to me?' de Niro, Al 'Pachinko', Ashley Judd, Val 'yuck cos he reminds me of my art teacher' Kilmer, Michael Madsen (I think)
Plot: A bunch of criminals plan a robbery and one cop intends to stop it.
Best Bit: Ashley Judd-she looks absolutely gorgeous.
Worst Bit: Incomprehensible plot.
Verdict: It sucked! It was too confusing (for me anyway). Too long. Too many parts with nothing happening. And Michael Madsen's character gets killed!
>Henry 2 (or is it the full title? Whatever.) (6.5/10)
Starring: Yeah, right.
Plot: Like the first one. Henry just keeps on keeping on.
Best Bit: Weyll(say it like Samantha from Bewitched)
Worst Bit: as above
Verdict: I didn't even like the first one so why I watched the second one is a mystery to me. It's kind of sad, he finds a bit of happinness but he can't keep it. Then it just ends up being sick and depressing.

Hideaway (7/10)
Starring: Jeff Gold'bum', that woman from 'ER' or is that 'Chicago Hope'? Same deal. And one of the guys from White Squall and oh yeah, Alicia 'duckmouth' Silverstone.
Plot: Guy experiences "comes back" from death and brings back someone else with him, someone who's a little pissed off and likes wearing black sunnies.
Best Bit: Probably the special effects when he's going "into the tunnel" and then he comes back out. That typical eye-thing. They also did that in Contact.
Worst Bit: The end bit. Boring, over the top and predictable.
Verdict: I saw this in Scotland! In a backpacker-type motel thing. Scotland was great. I would have liked to go to Ireland more tho'. But, y'know, my friends were afraid of getting bombed or something. The movie was ok, okay? Nothing special tho'.

High Fidelity (8/10)
Starring: John Cusack, Joan Cusack, Jack Black, the punt guy from "Phenom', Sara 'Roseanne' Gilbert, forget his name-goes out with Susan Sarandon! the girl who was in the first few scenes of Urban Legend.
Plot: Former DJ now record store owner reflects on his past (failed) relationships.
Best Bit: Jack Black was hilarious! He was also in I Still Know What You Did Last Summer. And I think he was really singing in this too! Also loved the replayed 'comfrontation' scenes with Ian! So funny. The 'exotic women's underwear' comment. I liked that it was truthful and still funny.
Worst Bit: Slow start. Took me a while to get into it. John Cusack looked so bloated and haggard!
Changes: Ian's hair...just has to go! Yuk!
Verdict: Warm and sincere, funny. Music works well. Great performances.

The Honeymoon Killers (6/10)
Starring: ?
Plot: Based on the killer couple who met through the lonely hearts columns in the papers and so started their career of killing off lonely women.
Best Bit: That there’s a movie about them.
Worst Bit: I don’t think it’s too factual, from what I’ve read anyway.
Verdict: Pretty tame stuff. B&W. It’s based on fact so it’s compelling viewing all the same. Reading about them is more interesting tho’.

Hoop Dreams (10/10)
Starring: Arther Agee and that other guy. They're not actors!
Plot: Documentary following the lives of two black kids with dreams of making it to the NBA.
Best Bit: The fact that it's real! I think it was a 7 year project which they cut down to 3 hours.
Worst Bit: Sharing the disappointments. But it's cool, cos it's life. Not always a happy ending like in the movies.
Changes: None.
Verdict: Long! But you get get totally absorbed in the lives of these two. It makes you want to get out there and carpe diem! Sounds boring, especially if you don't particularly like basketball but even if you don't (like me) you won't regret watching this!

Hush (6/10)
Starring: Gwyneth 'Gwynnie' Paltrow, Jessica 'Tootsie' Lange, Johnathan 'he's all skinny now' Schaech.
Plot: City girl falls falls for guy and visits his mother in some rural place and she turns out to be the mother-in-law from hell or something.
Best Bit: You think it might be scary.
Worst Bit: But it's not.
Verdict: It's just a bunch of bum fluff!

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