Movie Quotes (A-F)
I've tried to put quotes in order according to my memory! I've tried to be as accurate as I can. But if there are obvious mistakes, please feel free to email me.
American Beauty (1999)
Lester Burnham: Remember those posters that said, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life"? Well, that's true of every day but one --- the day you die.
...I know you don't have any idea what I'm talking about. It's okay. You will.
...Look at me. Jerking off in the shower. This will be the highlight of my day.
...I feel like I've been in a coma for the past twenty years. And I'm just now waking up.
Lester: And your mother seems to prefer I go through life like a fucking prisoner while she keeps my dick in a mason jar under the sink.
Carolyn: How dare you speak to me that way in front of her. And I marvel that you can be so contemptuous of me, on the same day that you LOSE your job.
Lester: Lose it? I didn't lose it. It's not like, "Whoops! Where'd my job go?" I QUIT. Someone pass me the asparagus.
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Mr. Smiley's Manager: I don't think you'd fit in here.
Lester Burnham: I have fast food expierience.
Mr. Smiley's Manager: Yeah, like twenty years ago!
Lester: Well, I'm sure there have been marvelous advances in the industry, but surely you must have some sort of training program. It's unfair you presume I won't be able to learn.
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Jane Burnham: I need a father who's a role model, not some horny geek-boy who's gonna spray his shorts every time I bring a girlfriend home from school!
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Jane Burnham: [turning the camera on Ricky] Don't you feel naked?
Ricky Fitts: I am naked.
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Ricky Fitts: It was one of those days when it's a minute away from snowing and there's this electricity in the air, you can almost hear it, right? And this bag was like, dancing with me. Like a little kid begging me to play with it. For fifteen minutes. And that's the day I knew there was this entire life behind things, and... this incredibly benevolent force, that wanted me to know there was no reason to be afraid, ever. Video's a poor excuse. But it helps me remember... and I need to remember... Sometimes there's so much beauty in the world I feel like I can't take it, like my heart's going to cave in.
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Carolyn Burnham: There's a lot of things about me that you don't know, Mr. Smarty Man!
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Angela Hayes: [about Jane and Ricky] You like him, you wanna have, like, ten thousand of his babies.
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Ricky Fitts: My dad thinks I paid for all this [video equipment etc] with catering jobs. Never underestimate the power of denial.
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Carolyn Burnham: What the hell do you think you're doing?
Lester Burnham: I'm going to whale on my pecs and then do my back.
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Carolyn Burnham: I see you're smoking pot now. I suppose you think smoking illegal psychotropic substances is a good example to set for our sixteen year-old daughter?!
Lester Burnham: You're one to talk, you bloodless, money-grubbing freak.
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Lester Burnham: How's Jane?
Angela Hayes: What do you mean?
Lester: I mean, how's her life? Is she happy? Is she miserable? I'd really like to know, and she'd die before she'd ever tell me about it.
Angela: She's... she's really happy. She thinks she's in love.
Lester: Good for her.
Angela: How are you?
Lester: God, it's been a long time since anybody asked me that...I'm great.
Angela: I've gotta go to the bathroom.
Lester: I'm great.
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Angela Hayes: At least I'm not ugly!
Ricky Fitts: Yes you are. And you're boring. And you're totally ordinary. And you know it.
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Jane Burnham: Are you scared?
Ricky Fitts: I don't get scared.
Jane: My parents will try to find me.
Ricky: Mine won't.
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American Pie (1999)
[during sex]
Stifler's mum: Oh, Finch!
Finch: Oh...Stifler's mum!
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Michelle: One time, at band camp, I put my flute up my pussy. What, you don't think I know how to get myself off? So are we gonna have sex soon? I'm getting kinda antsy.
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Stifler: I say, why don't you guys locate your dicks, remove the shrink wrap, and fucking USE them!
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[during sex]
Michelle: What's my name?
Jim: Huh?
Michelle: Say my name, bitch!
Jim: Michelle!
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Jim: You realize we're all going to go to college as virgins. They probably have special dorms for people like us.
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[at jazz(?) choir rehearsal]
Chris (Oz) Ostreicher: So what'd you think?
Kevin: I think you sounded really good.
Stifler: I think you need your balls reattached.
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Jim: McDonalds or home made?
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Jim's dad: I have to admit, you know, I did the fair bit of [hesitates] masturbating when I was a little younger. I used to call it stoking the salami, yeah, you know, pounding the old pud. [pause] I never did it with baked goods, but you know your [damn I lost the page! I'll print up the est later]
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Sherman: ...the Sherminator.
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The Big Hit (1998)
Reiko Nishi: Really? A hitman? Does that pay well?
Melvin Smiley: Oh, of course. I make a killing.
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Melvin Smiley: [paraphrased] I just want people to like me. I can’t stand the thought of not being liked.
Cisco: Didja ever stop to think that the families of the hundred or so people you whacked don’t think you’re so swell?
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Cisco: [after being shot and about to die] Well ain’t that a bitch…all I wanted to do was to sail my boat, man, you know? Navigate by the stars, see dolphins race alongside, you know, maybe even kill a few of them.
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Boogie Nights (1997)
Buck: See this system here? This is Hi-Fi…high fidelity. What that means is that it’s the highest quality fidelity.
[paraphrased]
…Okay what you need is to hear this baby in action…[puts in an 8 track; Country music comes blasting out ] Hear the bass? Doesn’t it just make you want to freaky deaky? It’s okay, move if you have to.
Customer: Thank you for your time. [and walks out]
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Dirk[before he became Dirk-what ?I?was?/I? his name?]: Jack, I was thinking about my name, y’know?
Jack Horner: Yeah?
Dirk: I was wondering if you had any ideas.
Jack: I’ve got a few, but you tell me.
Dirk: Well, my idea was, y’know, I want a name, I want it so it can cut glass, y’know, razor sharp.
Jack:: Tell me.
Dirk: When I close my eyes, I see this thing, a sign, I see this name in bright blue neon lights with a purple outline. And this name is so bright and so sharp that the sign, it just blows up because the name is so powerful…it says, “Dirk Diggler.”
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Dirk Diggler: Aren’t you gonna take your skates off?
Rollergirl: I never take my skates off.
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[Little Bill walks in on his wife having sex with a guy]
Little Bill: What the fuck are you doing?!
Wife: What the fuck does it look like I’m doing?
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[documentary-on being asked about how people criticize his profession]
Dirk Diggler: What can you expect when you’re on top, you know? It’s like Napoleon. When he was the king, you know, people were constantly trying to conquer him, you know, in the Roman Empire. Do it’s history repeating itself all over again.
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[one word prediction for the future of the porn industry]
Floyd Gondolli: Videotape.
…This here’s the future. Videotape tells the truth.
Jack Horner: Wait a minute. You come into my house, my party, to tell me about the future? That the future is tape, videotape, and not film? That it’s amateurs and not professionals? I’m a filmmaker, which is why I will never make a movie on tape.
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Floyd Gondolli: I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That’s just me. That’s just something I enjoy.
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Reed: [as Chest Rockwell] Let’s get some of that Saturday night beaver.
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Dirk Diggler: Look, man, all we need is the tapes, alright?
Record Producer: No, you don’t get the tapes until you’ve paid.
Dirk: In our situation that doesn’t make any fucking sense!
Reed Rothchild: Look, we cannot pay for the tapes unless we take the tapes to the record company, and get paid.
Dirk: Hello? Exactly!
Record Producer: That’s not an MP, that’s a YP; your problem. Come up with the money or forget it.
Reed: Okay, now you’re talking above my head. I don’t know all this industry jargon, YP, MP. All I know is that I can’t get a record contract, we cannot get a record contract unless we take those tapes to the record company. And granted, the tapes themselves are a, uh, um, oh, you own them, alright, but the magic that is on those tapes, that is ours and you don’t own that! Now I need to take that magic and get it over to the record company. And they’re waiting for us, we were supposed to be there a half hour ago. We look like assholes, man!
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Broadway Danny Rose (1984)
Danny Rose: I don't wanna badmouth the kid, but he's a horrible, dishonest, immoral louse. And I say that with all due respect.
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[trying to get a booking for a client]
Danny Rose: My hand to Gid, she's gonna be at Carnegie Hall. But you, I'll let you have her now at the old price, ok? Which is, which is anything you wanna give me. Anything at all.
Bullets Over Broadway (1994)
Rita: For me, love is very deep, but sex only has to go a few inches.
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Olive: I thought I told you to make "horse durves"!
Venus/b>: I ain't gonna make anything out of horses. Especially "horse durves," because I don't know what they are and neither do you!
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Helen's Agent: You are a star because you are great and you are a great star, but in the past few years you are better known as an adulteress and a drunk. And I say this with all due respect!
Helen Sinclair: Please, I haven't had a drink since New Years Eve.
Helen's Agent: You're talking Chinese New Year.
Helen Sinclair: Naturally. Still, that's two days! Do you know how long that is for me?
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Nick: Open your gift.
Olive: You open it, can't you see I'm dressing?
Nick: Here.
Olive: What is it?
Nick: Pearls! What the hell do you think they are?
Olive: Pearls are white!
Nick: These are black pearls!
Olive: Oh, don't give me that! I never heard of black pearls!
Nick: Just becaus you never heard of them don't mean it don't exist!
Olive: What do think I am, some kind of chump? They're black for God's sake! They probably came from defective oysters!
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Helen Sinclair: Two martinis please, very dry.
David Shane: How'd you know what I drank?
Helen Sinclair: Oh, you want one too? Three.
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Helen Sinclair: You stand on the brink of greatness. The world will open to you like an oyster. No ... not like an oyster. The world will open to you like a magnificent vagina.
............
Helen Sinclair: She’s perky all right. She makes you want to sneak up behind her with a pillow and suffocate her.
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Clerks (1994)
Jay: What's up, baby? [they ignore him] What's up, sluts?
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[after losing a hockey ball from the roof]
Dante Hicks: Are there any balls down there?
Jay: About the biggest pair you ever seen, dingleberry!
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Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!
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Dante: I thought I told you not to be dealing in front of the store.
Jay: I ain't dealin', man. What you talkin' 'bout?
Customer: Hey, man, you got anything?
Jay: Yeah, man. Whatchu want?
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Dante: You said you only had sex with three different guys. You never mentioned him!
Veronica: That's because I never had sex with him.
Dante: You sucked his dick!
Veronica: We went out a few times. We never had sex but we fooled around.
Dante: Oh my God. WHY did you tell me you only had sex with three different guys?
Veronica: Beacsue I ?i?did?/i? only have sex with threee different guys. That doesn;t mean I didn't go with people.
Dante: Oh my God, I feel so nauseous!
Veronica: I'm sorry Dante. I thought you understood!
Dante: I did understand! I understood that you had sex with three different guys and that's all you said!
Veronica: Please calm down.
Dante: How many?
Veronica: Dante...
Dante: How many dicks have you sucked?
Veronica: Let it go!
Dante: How many?
Veronica: All right, shut up a second and I'll tell you! Jesus! I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you fucked!
Dante This is different, this is important. How many?
[long pause as customer buys something] Well?
Veronica: Something like...36.
Dante: What?! Something like 36?
Veronica: Lower your voice.
Dante: Wait a minute, what is that anyway, something like 36? Does that include me?
Veronica: Ummm...37.
Dante: I'm 37?!
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Dante: My girlfriend's sucked 37 dicks!
Customer: In a row?
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Randal: [reading magazine] Have you ever wondered how much the average jizz-mopper makes per hour?
Dante: What's a jizz-mopper?
Randal: He's the guy that cleans up the nudie booth after each guy jerks off.
Dante: Nudie booth?
Randal: Yeah, nudie booth. You've never been in a nudie booth?
Dante: I guess not.
Randal: Oh, it's great. There's this glass wall between you and these chicks, and they put on a show for you for like 10 bucks.
Dante: What kinda show?
[customer walks up to counter]
Randal: They do the weirdest, craziest shit you like to see chicks do. They insert things into any opening on their body-ANY opening.
Dante: Could we not talk about this now?
Randal: The jizz-mopper's job is to clean off the glass after each guy shoots a load. I don't know if you noticed, but cum leaves streaks if you don't clean it right away.
Customer: I will never come to this place again!
Dante: I'm sorry? [I could have sworn he says 'excuse me']
Customer: Using filthy language in front of the customers, you both should be fired.
Dante: I'm sorry, I guess we got carried away.
Customer: I don't know if sorry could make up for it, you've highly offended me.
Randal:Well, if you think that's offensive, check this out! [shows him graphic picture from porn mag] I think you can see her kidneys!
Customer: Aaaaargh!
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Low IQ video customer: Do you have that one with that guy that was out last year?
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Irrational customer: What do you mean there's no ice? You mean I gotta drink this coffee hot?
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Dante: Call the police!
Randal: Why?
Dante: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom that just raped Caitlin!
Randal: She said she did all the work!
Dante: Will you shut the fuck up!
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Randal: She'll get over fucking a dead guy. My mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for 30 years. I call him dad.
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Dante: So who's going to pay for all those Gatorades?
Sanford: What do you care you shoe-polish smelling mother fucker?
Randal: He's blunt, but he's got a point.
Dante: Please, will you let me maintain some semblance of managerial comtrol here?
Randal: Managerial control? You're closing the fucking store to play hockey!
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Dante: Hey, whatcha rent? ?Best of Both Worlds??
Randal: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.
Dante: And you rented this?
Randal: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.
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Female Customer: Are either one of these any good? [reading magazine-Randal ignores her] Sir?
Randal: What? [does not look up at all during this convo]
Customer: Are either one of these any good?
Randal: I don't watch movies.
Customer: Well, have you heard anything about either one of them?
Randal: I find it's best to stay out of other people's affairs.
Customer: You mean you haven't heard anybody say anything about either one of these?
Randal: Nope.
Customer: [turns around and 'shows' Randal the same two movies] Well, what about these two?
Randal: Oh, they suck.
Customer: These are the same two movies! You weren't paying attention!
Randal: No, I wasn't.
Customer: I don't think your manager would appreciate...
Randal: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Customer: I beg your pardoninting out that you weren't paying any attention to what I was saying!
Randal: And I hope it feels good.
Customer: You hope ?i?what?/i? feels good?
Randal: I hope it feels so good to be right. There's nothing more exhilerating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
Customer: Well, this is the last time I rent here!
Randal: You'll be missed.
Customer: Screw you! [leaves]
Randal: [runs to the door] Hey! You're not allowed to rent here anymore!
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Randal: People say crazy shit during sex. One time, I called this girl 'mom'.
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Dead Poets Society (1989)
John Keating: O Captain, my Captain. Who knows where that comes from? Anybody? Not a clue? It’s from a poem by Walt Whitman about Mr. Abraham Lincoln. Now, in this class you can either call me Mr. Keating, or if you’re slightly more daring, O Captain my Captain.
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John Keating: Now I’d like you to step forward over here. They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you, their eyes full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because, you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. [Food for the worms?] But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen, you hear it? –[whispering] Carpe, carpe diiiem, seize the days boys, make your lives extraooordinary.
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John Keating: Why do we need language?
Neil Perry: To communicate…
Keating: Nooo!! To woo women!
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John Keating: We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute, we read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for. To quote from Whitman, “O me! O life! … of the questions of these recurring; of the endless trains of the faithless – of cities filled with the foolish; what good amid these, P me, O life? Answer. That you are here – that life exists, and identity; that the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse.” That the powerful play goes on and you may contribute a verse. What will your verse be?
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John Keating: No matter what anybody tells you, words and ideas can change the world.
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John Keating: Excrement. That’s what I think of J. Evans Pritchard.
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John Keating: We’re not laughing at you – we’re laughing near you.
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Steven Meeks: I’ll try anything once.
Charlie Dalton: Yeah, except sex!
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Neil Perry: [quoting Henry David Thoreau] I went into the woods because I wanted to live deliberately. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life … to put out all that was not life; and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived.
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Steven Meeks: [reading form poetry book] “Then I had a vision, then I had religion, I could not turn for the revel in derision, then I saw the Congo creepin’ through the black, cuttin’ through the forest with a golden track.” Then I saw the Congo creepin’ through the black, cuttin’ through the forest with a golden track.
All: Then I saw the Congo creepin’ through the black, cuttin’ through the forest with a golden track. [repeatedly getting louder and more wild]
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Neil Perry: This desk set wants to fly.
… [after throwing desk set and papers etc fly] Oh my. Well, I wouldn’t worry. You’ll get another one next year.
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Nolan: Traditon, Mr. Keating.
John Keating: I thought the purpose of education was to learn to think for yourself.
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John Keating: [quoting Whitman while writing on the board] “I sound my barbaric YAWP over the rooftops of the world.”
Todd Anderson: I close my eyes, and his image floats beside me…
John Keating: [prompting] …a sweaty-toothed madman…
Todd: …A sweaty-toothed madman whose image pounds my brain…
Keating: Now give him action.
Todd: He’s speaking…
Keating: Yes, what is he saying?
Todd: …That life is like a blanket that always leaves your feet cold.
[class laughs and breaks his train of thought]
Keating: Forget about them, they’re not important. Tell me about the blanket.
Todd: It’ll never be enough to cover any of us, you kick at it, pull it, stretch it, it’ll never be enough, to the moment you enter crying ‘til the moment you leave dying, it’ll only cover your face as you wail, and scream and cry.
(Can’t remember it. I’ll fix it up later! You get the gist anyways.)
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Charlie ‘Nuwanda’ Dalton: [answering phone] Welton Academy, hello? Yes he is, hold on. Mr. Nolan, it’s for you. It’s God! He says we should have girls at Welton!
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Keating: Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn’t mean choking on the bone.
…There is a time for daring and a time for caution, and the wise man knows which is called for.
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Everyone Says I Love You (1996)
Joe: In a relationship, it is better to be the leaver than the leavee.
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Bob: I never believed in God. No, even as a little kid. I remember this, I used to think even if he exists, he's done a terrible job, it's a wonder people don't get together and file a class action suit against him.
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Steffi: I say give them an opportunity to decorate their own cells with their personal interior decorator.
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[contemplating suicide]
Joe: I should go to Paris and jump off the Eiffel Tower. If I took the Concorde, I could be dead three hours earlier.
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Joe: There was a moment there when I stroked when I should have hickeyed.
Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex (1972)
Fool: TB or not TB, that is congestion. Consumption be done about it? Of cough, of cough. But it takes a lung, lung time.
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The Operator: What the hell's going on down there? We need an erection!
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Helen Lacey: Oh, Victor, please don't fo anything dangerous!
Victor Shackopopulos: Don't worry. I know how to handle tits.
Fargo
All: Yeah.
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Father of the Bride (1991)
Annie Banks: What is this, 1958? Give the little wife a blender?
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George Banks: And don't forget to fasten your condoms! ...Seatbelts, I mean seatbelts.
Father of the Bride II (1995)
George: We could sell this house in a second. It's the Leave It to Beaver house everyone wants.
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Nina Banks: Just because we're older doesn't mean we're old. It's the 90s.
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George: Going to the movies will be economical: one child and two seniors!
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Matty Banks: I'm 4'6?, I don't shve, I don't have a job, and I'm going to be an uncle. Isn't there something weird about that?
Four Rooms (1995)
Margaret: You got fucked by an oven full of witches?
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Ted: Problem? I don't have a problem. I've got fucking problems. Plural...Well, most recently there's room 309. There's this scary Mexican gangster dude poking his finger in my chest. There's his hooligan kids snapping their fingers at me. There's a putrid rotting corpse of a dead whore stuck in the springs of the bed. There's rooms blazing afire. There's a big fat needle from God knows where, stuck in my leg, infecting me with God knows what. And finally there's me, walkin' out the door, right fucking now. Buenos noches.
Freeway (1996)
Vanessa: Fuck you, chipmunk face! An' your fuckin' skipper wife!
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Vanessa: Well, look who got hit with the ugly stick!
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Vanessa: Fuck all y'all.
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[making fun of Bob]
Vanessa...........
Vanessa: I felt like I was being...transformed into some sort of a human urinal!
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[hitting Bob on the back of the head with her gun-for the third time]
Vanessa: And that's for cuttin' off all my hair, you fucker!
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