Terminal Velocity (7/10)
Starring: Charlie 'getting fatter' Sheen, Natassa Kinski (was she in Leon the Pig Farmer or was that my imagination?)
Plot: A guy loses job as parachute instructor and falls for some girl and has to run for his life and has to attach a car to a plane. I'm being silly. Only noticed the pun 'falls' now!
Best Bits: The bits in the air. Cos that's cool.
Worst Bits: That car thing was like in Con Air. Which one came first?
Verdict: Who the hell is Natassa Kinski, I seem to know her name more than her face. Was she a model or something? Maybe she was an Olympic champion? Funny.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (5/10)
Starring: No one I know, no one I care to know.
Plot: Teens make a trip to some remote place and find themselves in a nightmarish nightmare.
Best Bit: The anticipation when you see the opening credits.
Worst Bit: The ripped off feeling after the end credits.
Changes: I'd like to see it scarier, more realistic, more level-headed. Not this running around like a deranged loonatic for half the film type of deal!
Verdict: I have no idea why this is considered such a classic. It stinks! I was appalled. Further more, I find it hard to believe that there was some sort of sequel and a remake or whatever. Unbelieeevable(Oz Brothers-The Late Show). Well, the meat hook bit was grisly. Why do these people always have a mask on?!
Til There Was You (7/10)
Starring: Janeane ‘wide eyes’ Garafalo, Dylan McDermot, Chris Tucker, Jennifer ‘Pitt’ Aniston, Sarah ‘she looks like a guy’ Jessica Parker.
Plot: Ghost writer moves into her dream house only to find out developers want to pull it down to build a hotel.
Best Bit: The great architecture and the housing. Nice courtyard! Tho’ reminded me of Melrose Place! Also the mishaps Janeane encounters at the trendy restaurant. Crack up. That’d be me too I bet.
Worst Bit: Story sags in the middle.
Verdict: Ok. Nothing too exciting.
There’s Something About Mary (9/10)
Starring: Ben ‘big nose’ Stiller, Cameron ‘big mouth’ Diaz, Matt ‘big teeth’ Dillon, the balding guy who was also in Groundhog Day.
Plot: Guy carries his high school crush memories with him to his adult life and wants to find out what she’s up to now.
Best Bit: The ‘hair gel’ dangling from his ear, the grotesque close up of the ‘zipper incident’, Matt’s big toothy smile, the guy trying to pick up his keys off the floor, the balding guy’s face rash “do you know what it’s like to get a whitehead on your eyeball?!” yuk!
Worst Bit: Cameron is too skinny and tall-dammit.
Verdict: I only saw this a couple of weeks ago (it is 11/4/00 as I write)! All in good time. The bit at the end was interesting. I was a bit shocked to see Matt playing around with Cameron’s boobs but then I realised they actually go out so I guess it’s ok then. Pretty funny stuff.
To Die For (9/10)
Starring: Nicole 'gummy smile' Kidman, Matt 'the new Fonz(well in this movie anyway!)' Dillon, Illeana 'bug-eyed and buck-toothed but I still think she's cool, or maybe because of it' Douglas, the father from DPS playing a father! Casey 'pinched nose' Affleck, Joaquin 'what happened to him?!' Pheonix, who else?
Best Bits: The cinematography was pretty cool.
Worst Bits: Nicole Kidman is good but she seems to have this air of aloofness and, to be Jane Austen about it, obsequeousness. Kind of like Judy Davis. Like, they think they're great and it shows. Annoying!
Verdict: It's pretty good. Wicked. Black. Sinister. Ironic. Great performances.
To Kill a Mockingbird (10/10) 
Starring: Gregory Peck, Jem, Scout, buck-toothed pal, Boo, Jim Robinson and all.
Plot: Lawyer defends black man accused of raping a white girl and suddenly the peaceful facade of the town crumbles. Only two children are able to see the sad truth. although they have their own prejudices to overcome.
Best Bit: Buck-toothed pal is a riot! I liked how the old 'drunk' had coke in his "bottle in a paper bag" instead of alcyhol(as Ned Flanders would probably say).
Worst Bit: Poor Jim! Why are people so mean?
Verdict: An excellent adaptation of the book. One of the very few movies that are as good as the book. It's a great film in its own right. But definitely read the book too!
The Treasure of the Sierra Madre> (10/10)
Starring: Humphrey 'wrinkley' Bogart, the old guy, some Mexicans and Walter(?) Huston (son? of John Huston, director-did he direct this one?)
Plot: Three poor strangers work together to become rich but once they find it, they turn into three enemies with 'suspicious minds'.
Best Bit: When the bandits throw out the bags of gold dust thinking its dirt. All that hard work!!!
Worst Bit: Although ol' Humph turns into a real bastard I don't think he deserved to die!
Verdict: Fantastic. Reminds me of 'The Pearl' by John Steinbeck.
True Lies (9/10)
Starring: Arnie, Jamie Lee 'too bad she doesn't look anything like her parents' Curtis, Eliza Dushku, Tom Arnold, Tia Carrera.
Plot: Undercover secret(is that a tautology?) agent has such a secret life that even his family have no idea.
Best Bit: Tom Arnold.
Worst Bit: None that I can think of.
Verdict: Good solid action with plenty of humour.
Twister (8/10)
Starring: Helen 'squinty' Hunt, Bill Paxton, Cary Elwes, Shaggy.
Plot: Scientists and their research on twisters.
Best Bit: Seeing Shaggy again.
Worst Bit: Cary playing another loser! I reckon it's cos he's 'sooo good lookin'(Seinfeld) they're all jealous so they give him all the roles where he either dies, plays the bad guy, plays a schmuck, plays a bastard, or a combination thereof!
Changes: I would have liked to see Julianne Moore in Helen Hunt's role.
Verdict: Special effects were ok. Wonder what it's like if you get swept up in a twister?
12 Monkeys (9/10)
Starring: Bruce 'what is he always doing with his mouth? pursing?' Willis, Madelaine Stowe, Brad 'erratic' Pitt, Christopher Plummer.
Plot: Guy goes back in time to save the world from a group who calls themselves the 'Twelve Monkeys' or something.
Best Bit: The little logo thing. That could have been marketed as a tasteful swatch watch or something! Clever twisted plot.
Worst Bit: How everyone seemed to have no idea what went on in this film. I got it!
Verdict: A pretty clever film. I enjoyed it. Sort of like Pulp how it jumps around in sequence. Maybe. I don't think I've ever seen Bruce Willis play a real bad guy either. Hmm.
200 Cigarettes 8/10)
Starring: Courtney Love, Paul Rudd, Christina 'buxom wench' Ricci, Ben Affleck, Casey 'I thought it was a girl and a relation of Ben' Affleck, Janeane 'boring since she lost weight' Garafalo, Martha 'square face' Plimpton, the guy who I think was in To Die For, Elvis Costello and a few more people.
Plot: 1981, New York, New Year's Eve. There's a party but everyone is too busy trying to be "fashionably late" that it looks as if no one's going to get there, and man, those parties really suck.(sounds like my parties actually!)
Best Bit: Beatles music played tastefully on the sitar-reminded me of 'Stayin' Alive' in Swingers! When the Irish/Scottish 'lousy lover and vagina artist' rips off his shirt and wants to prove to Martha that he's much improved in the art of sex. Kills me! Reminds of 'The Simpsons', when Willy (who's also Scottish!!) rips off his shirt to reveal rippling muscles!
How Cindy was crying and using up all the toilet paper and ended up looking like crap. Funny!
Worst Bit: The stupid hat that tanned girl wore. Yuck! Made her look like that scary black singer with the stilettos and she used to be a model. Can't remember her name. Can't remember any of her songs. But she had a wedge-like, hedge-like hairstyle. Something Jones. Those pink lycra tight things.
Verdict: Hard not to enjoy, what with all the famous faces and because it never stays with one character or storyline long enough to become bored. Christina Ricci was good-she looks the same, only more 'buxom'! Courtney Love was good-she has a great body! Damnit. Too bad she's so 'gehin' as we say in Japanese. I thought Paul Rudd was impressive. Cindy was funny!
The Usual Suspects (8.5/10)
Starring: Kevin Spacey, a guy that reminds me of Joe Mantegna but it's not, Stephen 'pouty' Baldwin, the short guy, the funny talker, Pete Pothelwaite (say it like it's spelt! Like you've got a lisp. Crack up.) Probably a few more people.
Plot: Some small-time crooks are made aware that they owe some mystery master criminal a favour by doing something that's a bit more big-time.
Best Bit: That funny guy-could hardly understand what he was saying!
Worst Bit: He died. Sux. Plus Pete does not look like he's Asian in any way whatsoever!
Verdict: Clever plot even though I saw the ending coming a mile away. Funny dialogue. Good action. Different. A bit too much hype for my liking-what with the Oscars and all.
Warning: Spoiler!
Urban Legend (8.5/10)
Starring: Alicia 'pouty' Witt, Jared 'startled fawn(always reminds me of Adrian Mole!)' Leto, the Gayheart girl.
Plot: Killer kills teens using urban legends.
Best Bit: The killers' a girl! That kicks ass! The urban legends were really interesting. I wonder if there's a book on them like the one she borrowed?
Worst Bit: The doggie gets killed. Is that a real urban legend? Gayheart's acting near the end is too over the top as to be ridiculous. How long does she intend on staying at college anyway? Does she have other people to take revenge on or what?
Videodrome (5/10)
Starring: James 'pocky' Woods, Debbie 'pouty' Harry.
Plot: Porn producer discovers kinky channel and wants to make a profit out of it but gets sucked up into its sordid world.
Best Bit: The fact that I can say that I've seen it.
Worst Bit: It was gross and sick.
Verdict: I thought it was meant to have more black humour. But it wasn't funny at all. It was just sick and boring and yuck and not woth my time or my money! I know David Cronenberg is meant to be some cult director but wuite frankly, this movie stinks. I think I saw another of his films about zombies and that sucked too.
Village of the Damned (5/10)
Starring: Christopher 'before the accident' Reeve, Kirstie 'what's with her neck? And she looks like she's got scary albino eyes too' Alley.
Plot: Village full of 'damned' kids with white hair.
Best Bit: The kiddies were impervious to all attack (From The Late Show-Mick: "Really? To all attack? Nipple cripple!!!" This was about Superman getting the 'ass by DC Comics' cos he's too old so they had an old guy dress up as Superman and they had a go at him) and they had white hair. That about sums it up!
Worst Bits: Didn't give a shit about any of the characters. They all sucked and it was boring and what was all that rap about the brick wall?! Honestly.
Verdict: I gave it away in the Worst Bits. It's really not that good. Not that good at all. I would love to see the original. It's just that every video store I've been to doesn't seem to have it! Philistines! Don't waste your time, see the original-and tell me if it's worth it!
Welcome to the Dollhouse (8.5/10)
Starring: No one I know!
Plot: Girl who is an outcast at school doesn't have it much better at home.
Best Bit: The songs. Especially the wedding anniversary song. Crack up!
Worst Bit: Her hair and her Daryl Somers-like jumpers.
Verdict: You've gotta be in a silly kinda mood to enjoy this black comedy. Same director as Happiness, Todd Solondz, who would probably have made a better 'Weinerdog' than the girl! (Just see a photo of him and you'll know what I mean) I enjoyed it, I was in a silly mood. The soundtrack is good/daggy/cool/weird/different. She is actually a good lookin' kid, they've just dumped a pair of unsightly specs and given her the worst hairstyle ever. The brother is funny.
Wild Things (9/10)
Starring: Matt Dillon, Neve Campbell, Denise Richards, Kevin Bacon, the woman from Black Widow (I think), Bill Murray, Robert Wagner.
Plot: Couple of female students accuse their guidance counseller of rape. But there's a whole lot more goin' awn! (phonetic)
Best Bit: The scenes with Bill Murray as the slightly weird lawyer and his secretary, Dora(?).
Worst Bit: Neve tried to break free from her Miss Goody-two-shoes-Party-of-Five-hangover but she doesn’t quite get rid of that annoyingly cute way of talking like she’s not sure what to say next-stopping in-between words and so forth. A grand effort tho’. She couldn’t quite get the 360 degree turn around happening so far as the nudity went. Not that I was like hoping for it, but I have to admit I was curious! Denise Richards, on the other hand went the whole hog; she’s a brave lass!
Verdict: I was pretty impressed overall. Matt Dillon oozes the right amount of sleaziness and dim-wittedness, Bill Murray adds a touch of fun, Neve takes the challenge of a different role and we see Denise Richards in a whole new way (esp. after Starship Troopers!). The plot has lots of twists and turns and a wicked sense of humour about it all. And I especially liked the signature music which really worked well with the swampy-summer-affluent-lazy setting and all. Pretty cool!
While You Were Sleeping (9.5/10)
Starring: Sandra 'she's always trying to play cute characters' Bullock, Bill 'guy nest door' Pullman, the eyebrow guy from Short Cuts and all, 'Clyde Bruckman'.
Plot: Girl saves guy she has a crush on and his family thinks she's his fiance while he's in a coma, so he can't say otherwise.
Best Bit: Don't remember.
Worst Bit: None really.
Verdict: A sweet movie. Sandra (although I hate to admit it) was charming. I usually hate romance and stuff but this was funny and ...sweet.
Wishmaster (6.5/10)
Starring: hmmm
Plot: Ancient ruby holds evil wish granting demon.
Best Bit: I’ve always liked the fantasy of having wishes granted.
Worst Bit: It’s not scary and the wishes are stupid!
Changes: From when I was really young I always promised myself that if I was ever granted a wish I’d ask for magic powers with no limits so’s that I could do whatever I wants! (NB spelling mistaeks on purpose! So was that one.) Or how about a box you could pull money out of in any currency and in any quantity and denominator at any time you want? Cool.
Verdict: Not worth your time really. If I was the girl in the movie I’d wish for ten more wishes or something and one of them would be for it to destroy itself never to be heard of again. And I’d use another one to wish that there wouldn’t be a sequel! Or prequel or whatever.
The X-Files Movie (8.5/10)
Starring: David 'Moulder''Anchovy' Duchovny, Gillian 'pouty midget' Anderson, Mitch Pileggi, the guy from 'Charmed' for about 5 seconds, and the usual bunh of weirdos.
Plot: The usual.
Best Bit: Can't think of one-not that there wasn't any good bits. I just can't think of one right now. Oh, ok, I liked it when he did that bland-expression that he always does. Some comic made fun of him by having the exact same expression repeated in about 5 frames for any reaction that might require a look of horror or surprise or panic by any normal person.
Worst Bit: The new logo. It's not bad but I liked the old one better! That 'almost a kiss' scene. Shouldn't even have put it in there! No! Poor Well Manicured Man. But we didn't actually see him get blown up now, did we?
Verdict: No Ratboy! Oh well. It's a pretty good movie. Keeps up the involvement-makes a good transition from a 40 minute show to a 2 hour no commercials deal. I liked it.
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