July 19, 1999

Hey. Do you know what the difference is between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I couldn't care less...

I'm sorry, I just couldn't resist that one.

There are a few things to comment on. I suppose I should possibly get started.

The job is good. I find that I'm willing to work, that I'm full of questions, and that the women around me are willing to help. It's a happy atmosphere and I walk away from it feeling strangely content. When I describe it as fun and get the weird looks from people, I reflect on what I'm giddy about and discover how geeky it is. My happiness may be from the fact that I use a lot of math every day, and none of it has anything to do with trigonometry. Subconsciously, I'm probably very relieved. Oh, and here's my complaint. We have these magnetic strips on the back of our ID's that we use to swipe in and out of work, and then to supposedly get in the police department. Thing is, my ID didn't work on the darn door for the first two or three weeks. So there I am, eight in the morning and swiping the thing eight or ten times, perfectly aware that the whole time a policeman is watching me on a monitor. Can I look more idiotic? I didn't think so, and thank goodness the nice woman fixed everything for me. Now the door is one of my favorite parts of the day. Swipe. Click. Yes!

Another thing- I went to lunch with a friend the other day and saw a guy from work. I was surprised; I never realized that things like that could happen. Ah!

On Eyes Wide Shut- the piano thing is getting to me.

My AP results came back this week. Do you remember how much I freaked out about them in May? Well, I got a 5! Yeah, yay and a brilliant smile for all. I was hopping about my living room when I found out, and very high pitched noises were escaping from my throat. Of course, I must suffer the knowledge that I worried for nothing yet again.

Congrats to the rest of my class, since I haven't heard of a grade below three yet and I think we're just the best group of people to submit to the College Board this year.

I have an alarmingly new tendency to share with you. Again, this can be blamed on Erin. I now sadly spend most of my online time reading fanfics. Specifically, fanfics about Jax and Brenda from General Hospital. Sad? yes, very. Waste of time? Probably, since I have a story of my own to finish (oh, yeah, forgot about that for a while). But fun, so much fun. It's just one of my guilty pleasures that I feel must be shared with you all. (ya know, the two or three of you that read this. hi)

My number one wish at the moment is that Tony will respond to my email (written a whipping two weeks ago). With an email, or at least a phone call. Keep your fingers crossed, wouldja?

Congrats to my movie star friend Melissa, who I'm sure will become the next queen of educational videos, if Viva has any sense at all.

New theories: Jessica Fletcher was actually the murderer in every single episode of Murder She Wrote; the thought behind the closing smile every week is "got away again!" The guy in Simon and Simon who went on to play Major Dad in Major Dad simply ruins the whole cowboy/ tough guy image with that turquoise jacket, too. And this is what comes of relaxing on the couch in front of the TV after work.

Last year around this time I wrote about duck people. This year I'll write about beautiful people. They're all around me, I find. And this doesn't have anything to do with their physical appearance, mind you. My beautiful people are the ones who smile, laugh, listen, care, are honest, and occasionally act with complete self-disinterest. Not the naive, ignorant people who don't really know better; beautiful people have knowledge behind their kindness. And it isn't like they're spineless either- they will constantly, without fail, stand up for themselves and others when they feel they've been slighted. But their hearts still glow and they somehow keep their decency every day, although there may be times where it's not their most prominent characteristic. Feeling as if I'm constantly surrounded by these people, it makes me wish to be more beautiful myself. And that's probably the best thing about these guys.

Check out True Ob, the end is coming. I swear.

A month till Lilith Fair. I'm giddy with excitement, but apprehensive because Nostradamus has said that this Friday, July 23rd, at 3:00 CST, some kind of lord of darkness will fall from the sky. Now, wouldn't that completely ruin my plans, ya think?

At this moment, I'm very grateful to Nut Hut for cinnamon-roasting their almonds and selling me a large triangle-package-thing of them. Yum.

I have surprises for my visitors. Come back once a week in the next coming weeks, just so you are sure to see what I'm planning. I would give you a specific date, but I just don't know one right now. I've still got to figure out my graphics program.

The Autobiography of Malcolm X was not in the New Biographies, US History, Political Science, Historical Figures, Current Events, African-American Studies, or Memoirs sections of my local Barnes and Noble. I wonder, where do they think it fits? they also had a book called Goat Brothers, but not Making of the President 1960 by Mr. White and had only one book by Caroline B. Cooney. Gr, I say. Gr.

After reading Timequake by Kurt Vonnegut and enjoying it severely, I worry that the man might accuse me of having a swooper-style of writing. I would love to be a basher, but I'm sadly addicted to simple squeal-worthy love stories that make me happy rather than thoughtful. Of course, the goal now is to try to do both. Which will make my next story a slow developing one. I know, don't even mention the one I'm currently 'writing.'

But, back to the book. Or to the book, 'cause I don't really think we ever went to it in the first place. I strongly suggest you turn off your computer right now and go buy it. I imagine my copy in ten years, all worn at the edges with pages affectionately bent, torn, or written on. It's funny, thoughtful, and very definite. Like he knew what he was writing, and that's very appealing. Of course, it tangents to so many places I had a hard time following at times, so I don't know how I'm going to write any sort of essay about it when school starts. But that Vonnegut- what a guy.

After you read Timequake, then you should read Where the Heart Is by Mrs. Bettes. Then email me and tell me all your thoughts about both books, because I'm in desperate need of a good book discussion with someone other than my mother.

I am well aware that none of the books I've mentioned today are underlined, and there for referred to incorrectly. I'm also well aware that it is raining outside and my dog is sleeping at my feet. And when you have these conditions, underlining seems so frivolous. Aren't all words equal, after all?

Speaking of my mother, she ate my last can of alphabet soup. I hope she spelled out a word. Did you know they made Q's? For a while I thought they wouldn't bother with such a bothersome letter, but they did. Now it's completely possible to spell Queen Amidala in my soup.

Speaking of Queen Amidala, her father-to-be of her kids-to-be is stressing me out. There are talks of Leonardo DiCaprio playing the role, as well as old guys like David Schwimmer and someone else who isn't coming to mind right now. The only one I agree with is Ryan Phillipe, and that's barely. Which is good, because I think he's the one with the most serious consideration right now., They start filming next year, right? Yay! We are giddy.

Friday is Vanilla Ice Cream Day. I know what I'm doing when the dark lord-guy falls from the sky. Yum.

The way I work my page is, I write all the sections out in code in their own Microsoft Works file. This Seeds of Thought file, it being my second after my first one stopped opening for some reason, is 41 pages long. Wowsers, I babble too much.

Have I told you about my kitten? Grover just jumped on my back, which is why I'm wondering. I call him Sweets, although right now he's not showing that trait. ow. Ow. Ow! OW! He's gone now, to knock things off the table. Sweet thing.

Um.

Guess what?? It's been about a year since I did this. Go back to the first one, and let's compare. It's quite different, I think. For example, I didn't have the quotes last year. Speaking of that, here ya go. This goes out to Tony, because it's just a "think about Tony while you're writing Seeds of Thought" kind of day, and I think that after a year, it's high time to start dedicating these things. So. I possibly already quoted this song, but not this part of it I don't think. If that's not true, I care this much: [ ] Track number four on Shawn Colvin's CD whose title I don't know: "Nothing in particular, and everything in between. This is what you mean to me. Only you and only me, climbing in the right direction. On our way to everything. We were walking up high, and no one thought to try. But I was the one to blame. And it was just a mirage, so I hid in the garage. Till somebody called your name." Hm, I like that. And then it goes into nice instrumentals and she just goes. It's quite a groove.