The Abyss (1989)
Bud [regarding Lindsay]: God, I hate that b****.
Hippy: You probably shouldn't have married her, then.
Lindsay [about the Navy SEALS]: These guys are about as fun as a tax audit.
Bud: When it comes to the safety of these people, there's me and then there's God, understand?
[About to drown on purpose.]
Lindsay: This was maybe not such a good idea!
Bud: God damn it, you b****! You never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight! [slaps Lindsay] Fight! [slaps Lindsay again] Fiiiiight!
Lindsay: We all see what we want to see. Coffey looks and he sees Russians. He sees hate and fear. You have to look with better eyes than that.
Coffey: We don't need them. We can't trust them. We may have to take steps. We're gonna have to take steps.
Lindsay: Explorer, this is Cab 3, starting the descent along the cable.
Some guy: Roger that, Cab 3. Good luck.
Lindsay: Luck is not a factor.
Bud: Hippy, you think everything is a conspiracy.
Hippy: Everything is.
Coffey: It went straight for the warhead, and they think it's cute!
Lindsay: There is something down there. Something not us.
Catfish: You could be more specific.
Lindsay: Not us. Not human, get it? Something non-human but intelligent ... A non-terrestrial intelligence.
Hippy: A non-terrestrial intelligence? NTIs. Oh man, that's better than UFOs. Oh, but that works too, huh? "Underwater Flying Objects".
Bud: Linds, I want you to stay away from that guy. I mean it.
Hippy: The guy is gone. Did you see his hands?
Lindsay: What? He got the shakes?
Bud: Look, he's operating on his own. He's cut off from his chain of command. He's showing signs of pressure-induced psychosis, and he's got a nuclear weapon. So as a personal favor to me, will you try to put your tongue in neutral for a while?
Hippy: I got to tell you, I give this whole thing a sphinchter-factor of about 9.5.
Lindsay: So raise your hand if you think that was a Russian water-tentacle.
Coffey: Everybody just stay calm. The situation is under control.
The Addams Family (1991)
Gomez: We danced the Mamushka while Nero fiddled, we danced the Mamushka at Waterloo. We danced the Mamushka for Jack the Ripper, and now, Fester Addams, this Mamushka is for you.
[Wednesday is hooking up an electric chair.]
Wednesday: Pugsley, sit in the chair.
Pugsley: Why?
Wednesday: Because we're going to play a game.
Pugsley: What game?
Wednesday: [strapping him in] It's called, "Is There a God?"
Morticia: Children, what are you doing?
Wednesday: I'm going to electrocute him.
Morticia: But we're late for the charity auction.
Wednesday: But, Mother...
Morticia: I said no.
Pugsley: Pleeaaaase?
Morticia: Oh, all right.
Pugsley: Aren't they dead?
Wednesday: Does it matter?
Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons?
Wednesday: Yes.
Girl Scout: I only like all-natural foods and beverages, organically grown, with no preservatives. Are you sure they're real lemons?
Pugsley: Yes.
Girl Scout: I'll tell you what. I'll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?
Wednesday: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?
Gomez: That's the spirit, Thing! Lend a hand!
[Watching Pugsley sleep]
Morticia: He looks so sweet. Looks just like a little entree.
Morticia: Thing, you're a handful.
Morticia: Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job.
Wednesday: Please pass the salt.
Morticia: And what do we say?
Wednesday: NOW.
Morticia: Wednesday, play with your food!
Addams Family Values (1993)
Debbie: What a lady killer!
Gomez: Acquitted.
[They're going swimming.]
Amanda: I'll be the victim.
Wednesday: All your life.
Wednesday: I'm not perky.
Amanda: Well, that's for damn sure.
Debbie: These Addams men, where do you find them?
Morticia: It has to be damp.
Pugsley: We don't hug.
Gary: Oh, you're just shy.
Wednesday: We're not shy, we're contagious.
Amanda: Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday: Wait.
Gomez: He has my father's eyes.
Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.
Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.
Gomez [to Fester]: You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges.
Air Force One (1997)
Jim: Peace isn't merely the absence of conflict, but the presence of justice.
Grace: She couldn't stay your little girl forever, Jim.
Jim: I know. But I was hoping she could wait until she was 14 or 15... or 50.
Jim: If this works, you get to be Postmaster General.
Ivan: You murdered 100,000 Iraqis to save a nickel a gallon on gas. Don't lecture me on the rules of war.
Aliens (1986)
Apone: All right, people, what are you waiting for? Breakfast in bed? Another glorious day in the corps! A day in the Marine Corps is like a day on the farm. Every meal's a banquet! Every paycheck a fortune! Every formation a parade! I LOVE the corps!
Hudson: Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man?
Vasquez: No, have you?
Vasquez: Look, man! I only need to know one thing - where they are.
Hudson: Is this going to be a standup fight, sir, or another bughunt?
Gorman: All we know is that there is still is no contact with the colony, and that a xenomorph may be involved.
Frost: Excuse me, sir, a what?
Gorman: A xenomorph.
Hicks: It's a bughunt.
Hudson: I am ready, man... check it out! I am the ULTIMATE bad a**. State-of-the-bad-a**-art. You do not want to f*** with me. Check it out! Hey, Ripley, don't worry. Me and my squad of ultimate bad-a**es will protect you. Check it out! Independently targeting particle beam phalanx...FWAP! Fry half a city with this puppy. We got tactical smart missiles, phase plasma pulse rifles, RPGs, we got sonic, electronic, BALL breakers! We got nukes, we got knives, sharpsticks...
[When they are dropped over LV-426]
Hudson: We're on an express elevator to hell - going down!
Hicks: Remember: short, controlled bursts.
[After being ordered to unload their weapons]
Frost: What the hell are we supposed to use, man? Harsh language?
Hudson: Yeah, but it's a dry heat!
Gorman: I'm coming in.
Hudson: I feel safer already.
Van Leuwin: Thank you, Officer Ripley, that will be all.
Ripley: G** d*** it, that's not all!! 'Cause if one of those things get down here then that will
be all! And all this b***s*** that you think is so important, you can kiss all that goodbye!
Newt: My mommy always said there were no monsters---no real ones---but there are.
Ripley: Yes, there are.
Newt: Why do grown-ups say that?
Ripley: Because usually, it's true.
Ripley: These people are here to protect you. They are soldiers.
Newt: It won't make any difference.
Hudson: In case you haven't been paying attention to current events, we just got our a**** kicked, pal!
Hudson: Let's just bug out and call it even, OK?
Ripley: I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. That's the only way to be sure.
Hudson: F***in' A...
Burke: Ho-ho-hold on one second. This installation has a substantial dollar value attached to it.
Ripley: They can *bill* me.
Ripley: I don't know which species is worse. You don't see them f***ing each other over for a G** d*** percentage!
[The drop-ship crashes]
Hudson: Well that's great, that's just f***** great. Man, now what the f*** are we supposed to
do? We're in some real pretty s*** now, man... That's it, man. Game over, man, game over, man!
Game over!
Hudson: Dear Lord Jesus... this can't be happenin', man, this isn't happenin'...
Ripley: Hudson! This little girl survived longer than that with no weapons and no training. Right?
Hudson: So why don't you put her in charge?
Bishop: I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Hudson: Well that's a switch.
Ripley: Well, someone's gonna have to go down there, take a portable transmitter and patch in.
Hudson: Yeah, sure, with those things running around? You can count me out.
Hicks: Well, I guess we can count you out of everything then.
Hudson: That's right, man.
Bishop: I'll go. I mean, I'm the only one qualified to remote-pilot the ship anyway.
Hudson: That's right, man, Bishop should go. Good idea!
Bishop: I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid.
Ripley: What do those pulse rifles fire?
Gorman: 10 millimeter explosive tip caseless. Standard light armor piercing round. Why?
[All doors have been welded closed against the advancing aliens.]
Hicks: Now all we need is a deck of cards.
Hicks: Hey! I know we're all in strung out shape but stay frosty and alert. We can't afford to let one of those b******* in here.
Ripley: They cut the power.
Hudson: What do you mean 'they cut the power'? How could they cut the power, man? They're animals!
Hudson: They're coming outta the walls. They're coming outta the g** d*** walls!
[To Queen Alien who's about to grab Newt.]
Ripley: Get away from her, you b****!
Amadeus (1984)
[Reading a Mozart score.]
Salieri: I was staring through the cage of those meticulous ink strokes at an absolute beauty.
Katerina Cavalieri: I heard you met Herr Mozart.
Salieri: News travels fast in Vienna.
Katerina Cavalieri: And he's been commissioned to write an opera ... is it true?
Salieri: Yes.
Katerina Cavalieri: [leering] Is there a part in it for me?
Salieri: No.
Katerina Cavalieri: How would you know?
Salieri: Do you know where it's set, my dear?
Katerina Cavalieri: No.
Salieri: In a harem.
Katerina Cavalieri: What's that?
Salieri: A brothel!
Katerina Cavalieri: Oh-h-h-h.
Salieri: Mozart, it was good of you to come!
Mozart: How could I not?
Salieri: So, did my work please you?
Mozart: I never knew that music like that was possible!
Salieri: You flatter me.
Mozart: No, no! One hears such sounds, and what can one say but..."Salieri."
Salieri: God was singing through this little man to all the world, making my defeat more bitter with every passing bar.
Salieri: He was my idol. I can't think of a time when I didn't know his name.
Mozart: Forgive me, your majesty. I am a vulgar man. But my music is not.
Emperor Joseph II: Your work is ingenious. It's quality work. And there are simply too many notes, that's all. Just cut a few and it will be perfect.
Mozart: Which few did you have in mind, Majesty?
The American President (1995)
Shepherd: You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil who is standing center stage advocating at the top of his lungs that which you would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours.
Shepherd: You're attracted to me, but the idea of physical intimacy is uncomfortable because you only know me as the President. But it's not always going to be that way, and the reason I know that is there was a moment last night when you were with ME, not the President. And I know what a big step that was for you. So, Sydney, I'm in no rush. Here's my plan. We're going to slow down, and when you're comfortable, that's when it's going to happen.
[Sydney emerges from the bathroom wearing nothing but one of his shirts.]
Shepherd: Perhaps I didn't properly explain the fundamentals of the slowdown plan.
Sydney [feeling the bed]: No, you explained it great.
Shepherd: Are you nervous?
Sydney: No.
Shepherd: Good. My nervousness exists on... several levels. Number one, and this is in no particular order, I haven't done this in a pretty long time. Number two, uh, any expectations that you might have, given the fact that I'm... you know...
Sydney [approaching seductively]: The most powerful man in the world?
Shepherd: Exactly, thank you. I think it's important you remember that's a political distinction; it comes with the office. I mean, if, uh, Eisenhower were here instead of me, he'd be dead by now.
Sydney: Mr. President, you've got bigger problems than losing me. You just lost my vote.
Shepherd: What I did tonight was not about political gain.
Leon: Yes, sir. But it can be, sir. What you did tonight was very presidential.
Shepherd: Leon, somewhere in Libya right now, a janitor's working the night shift at Libyan
Intelligence headquarters. He's going about doing his job... because he has no idea, in about an
hour he's going to die in a massive explosion. He's just going about his job, because he has no
idea that about an hour ago I gave an order to have him killed. You've just seen me do the least
presidential thing I do.
Lewis: You have a deeper love of this country than any man I've ever known. And I want to know what it says to you that in the past seven weeks, 59% of Americans have begun to question your patriotism.
Shepherd: Look, if the people want to listen to---
Lewis: They don't have a choice! Bob Rumson is the only one doing the talking! People want leadership, Mr. President, and in the absence of genuine leadership, they'll listen to anyone who steps up to the microphone. They want leadership. They're so thirsty for it they'll crawl through the desert toward a mirage, and when they discover there's no water, they'll drink the sand.
Shepherd: Lewis, we've had presidents who were beloved, who couldn't find a coherent sentence with two hands and a flashlight. People don't drink the sand because they're thirsty. They drink the sand because they don't know the difference.
Sydney: How do you have patience for people who claim they love America, but clearly can't stand Americans?
[Shepherd watches his opponent's campaign ad.]
Shepherd: Wait, wait, here comes my favorite part.
Bob Rumson: My name is Bob Rumson, and I'm running for President!
Shepherd: Sure glad he cleared that up, 'cause those people were about to buy some Amway products!
Shepherd: America isn't easy. America is advanced citizenship. You've got to want it bad, because it's going to put up a fight.
Shepherd: The symbol of your country cannot just be a flag. The symbol also has to be one of its citizens exercising his right to burn that flag in protest. Now show me that, defend that, celebrate that in your classrooms. Then you can stand up and sing about the land of the free.
Shepherd: Why is it that you are always one step behind me, A.J.?
A.J.: Because if I weren't, then you'd be the most popular history professor at the University
of Wisconsin.
Lucy: If you were a dork, you should say you're sorry. Girls like that.
Robin: I think the important thing is not to make it look like we're panicking.
Shepherd: See, and I think the important thing is actually not to *be* panicking.
Shepherd: Listen, I feel terrible, but I'm going to have to cancel our date tonight.
Sydney: Another woman?
Shepherd: No, I got to go to St. Louis to avert a massive airline strike.
Sydney: Boy, if I had a nickel for every time I've heard that one!
Shepherd: She didn't say anything about me?
A.J.: No, but I could always pass her a note before study hall.
A.J.: If anyone needs me, I'll be in the Roosevelt Room, giving Lewis oxygen.
Amistad (1997)
Cinque: What kind of a land is this where you almost mean what you say? Where laws almost work?
Tappan: They may be of more value to our cause in death than in life.
Adams: Whoever tells the best story wins.
Adams: Do you understand what the Supreme Court is?
Cinque: The place where they finally kill us.
Adams: He is a black man, you can see that. But if he were white, we wouldn't be here today. He would be someone to tell our children about in school, like Patrick Henry and other such heroes.
Cinque: Give us free. Give us free. Give us free. Give us free. Give us free.
Adams: We've come to understand that who we are is who we were.
Anastasia (1997)
Anya: Years of dreams just can't be wrong!
Anya: Do you really think I'm royalty?
Dimitri: You know I do.
Anya: Then stop bossing me around!
Vladimir: She's certainly got a mind of her own.
Dimitri: Yeah. I hate that in a woman.
Anya: Men are such babies.
Bartok: Just wishing I could do the job for you, sir. I'd give her a HA! And a HI-YA! And a OUU-WA! And I'd kick her, sir.
Anya: No. Oh no! No one ever said I had to *prove* I was Anastasia. Show up, yes. Look nice, fine. But lie?
Empress: You'll stop at nothing, won't you?
Dimitri: I'm probably about as stubborn as you are.
Empress: You are the boy from the palace that got us out, aren't you? You saved her life and
mine and restored her to me. And yet you want no reward. Why the change of mind?
Dimitri: It was more a change of heart... I must go.
Sophie: It's a perfect ending.
Empress: No. It's a perfect beginning.
Anne of Avonlea (1987)
Diana: Myra Gillis had 37 doilies when she got married, and I'm determined to have *at least* as many as she had.
Anne: I suppose it would be impossible to keep house with only 36 doilies. But I assure you, Mr. Wright, Diana will be the sweetest little homemaker in the world... so long as you can afford to let her keep up with the Gillises.
Marilla: You set your heart too much on frivolous things and then crash down into despair when you don't get them.
Anne: I know. I can't help flying up on the wings of anticipation. It's as glorious as soaring through a sunset... almost pays for the thud.
Marilla: Well, maybe it does. But I'd rather walk calmly along and do without flying *and* thud.
Anne: I feel as though someone's handed me the moon... and I don't exactly know what to do with it.
[Anne's deeply depressed, and Marilla tries to cheer her up by offering her some homemade plum puffs.]
Anne: Plum puffs won't minister to a mind diseased... and a world just crumbled into pieces.
Marilla: Well I'm glad to see that your dented spirits haven't injured your tongue.
Anne: I'm afraid to speak or move for fear that all this wonderful beauty will just vanish... like a broken silence.
Anne: The only thing you've ever had to wear twice is a sour expression.
[Rachel and Marilla discuss Anne.]
Rachel: It's to your credit you changed her as much as you did.
Marilla: Ooo, she hasn't changed that much... not really. It's US that's changed, Rachel.
Mrs. Harris: And don't slide down the banisters!
Pauline: Mama!
Mrs. Harris: Well you did at Nancy Pringle's wedding!
Pauline: Mama, that was 25 years ago!
Anne: Babies are never common. Each one is a miracle.
Mrs. Harris: Well I had two of them. I didn't see much that was miraculous about either of THEM.
Morgan: I've always held that early marriage is a sure indication of second-rate goods that had to be sold in a hurry.
Pauline: Mama hates Isaac as much as she did 15 years ago when she set the bull terrier on him for coming around to see me.
[Anne has just invited Katherine Brooke to Green Gables for the summer.]
Katherine: Now you can go through the motions of telling me how delighted you are and how I'll have a wonderful time.
Anne: I *am* delighted... but as to a wonderful time... that will depend entirely on *you*, Katherine.
Katherine: This is the first place I've ever been to that feels like a real home.
Marilla: Every baby is the sweetest and the best.
Anne: There's a book of revelations in everyone's life.
Anne: It's not what the world holds for you. It's what you bring to it.
Anne: I don't want marble halls and sunbursts. All I want is you.
Anne of Green Gables (1985)
Anne: My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes. That's a sentence I read once and I say it over to comfort myself in these times that try the soul.
Anne: This is the most tragical thing that has ever happened to me.
Aunt Josephine: Make a little room in your plans for romance again, Anne, girl. All the degrees and scholarships in the world can't make up for the lack of it.
Mrs. Cadbury: Tell me what you know about yourself.
Anne: Well, it really isn't worth telling, Mrs. Cadbury... but if you let me tell you what I IMAGINE about myself you'd find it a lot more interesting.
Anne: Can't you even IMAGINE you're in the depths of despair?
Marilla: No I cannot. To despair is to turn your back on God.
Anne: Mrs. Hammond told me that God made my hair red on purpose and I've never cared for Him since.
Anne: Don't you ever imagine things differently from what they are?
Marilla: No.
Anne: Oh Marilla, how much you miss.
Marilla: If she can avoid catastrophe two days in a row, I might have a chance to make up my mind.
[After a failed attempt to dye her hair.]
Anne: I thought nothing could be as bad as red hair. Green is ten times worse.
[Anne has just fallen from a roof.]
Diana: Just say one word and tell me if you're killed!
Anne: No... but I think I've been rendered unconscious.
Anne: I don't think Mrs. Berry is a well-bred woman. I don't believe God himself would entirely meet with her approval.
Marilla: Anne, you mustn't say things like that... especially in front of the minister's wife. But, if you left God out of it, you'd have it just about right.
[After she's forbidden to see Diana.]
Anne: Farewell, my beloved friend. Henceforth, we must be strangers living side by side... but my heart will be ever faithful to thee.
Anne: Tomorrow is always fresh with no mistakes in it.
Anne: I know I chatter on far too much... but if you only knew how many things I want to say and don't. Give me SOME credit.
Anne: Ruby Gillis says when she grows up, she wants to have a line of beaus on a string and make them crazy for her. I'd rather have ONE in his rightful mind.
[Commenting on city life.]
Anne: I think I would probably come to the conclusion that I'd like it for a while... but in the end, I'd still prefer the sound of the wind in the firs across the brook more than the tinkling of crystal.
Aunt Josephine: I like people who make me like them. Saves me so much trouble forcing myself to like them.
Aunt Josephine: Wealth can be very empty when you don't have someone to share it with. But by the time I realized that, no one would have me... except men who wanted my money more than I did.
[Reading a letter from Anne away at college.]
Marilla: As Rachel Lynde used to say, the sun will go on rising and setting whether I fail in Geometry or not. I think I'd rather it didn't go on if I failed.
[After Matthew's funeral, Marilla finds Anne crying in her room.]
Anne: Tears don't hurt like the ache does.
Armageddon (1998)
Karl: The person who finds her gets to name her, right?
Truman: Yes, yes that's right.
Karl: Well, I'd like to name her Dottie, after my wife. She's a vicious, life-sucking
b**** from which there's no escape.
Harry: How long have you worked for me, A.J.?
A.J.: Five wonderful years.
Harry: And in those five years you have never apologized to me this quickly. Now what
going on here?
Harry: I'm not gonna kill him, I'm just gonna shoot him in the leg. He can still work with one leg!
A.J.: It's all fun and games, until someone gets shot in the leg.
Grace: A.J. is my choice!
Harry: Choice? He's the only one here your age. That's not a choice, it's a lack of option.
Army officer: We're here on direct orders from the President!
Rockhound: Hey, Harry, I swear she didn't tell me her age!
Harry: The United States Government just asked us to save the world. Anyone wanna say no?
Chick: 20 years, I've never let you down before. I'm there.
Col. Sharp: Talk about the wrong stuff.
Col. Sharp: American astronauts train for years. You have 12 days.
Harry: Come on! You're NASA for Christ's sake! You're the ones who come up with this s***!
Why I bet you have a bunch of guys sitting around somewhere right now just thinking s*** up,
and somebody backing them up. What's your contingency plan?
Truman: Our contingency plan?
Harry: Yeah, your back up plan. You've gotta have a back up plan.
Truman: No, we don't have a back up plan.
Rockhound: It's about time, I haven't thrown up in about an hour.
General Kimsey: The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun.
A.J.: You know what I was thinking?
Grace: What?
A.J.: I really don't think that the animal cracker qualifies as a cracker.
Grace: Why?
A.J.: Well cause it's sweet, which, to me, suggests cookie and, you know, I think putting
cheese on something is sort of defining the characteristics of what makes a cracker a cracker.
Oscar: I'm, like, 98% excited, and maybe 2% scared. Or maybe it's backwards. Maybe I'm 98% scared, and, like, 2% excited. But that's what makes it so great---I'm so confused!
Rockhound: Hey, Harry, you know, we're sitting on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear weapon and a thing that has two hundred thousand moving parts built by the lowest bidder. Makes you feel good doesn't it?
A.J.: Houston, this is a kick-a** ride!
Rockhound: I hate it when I know everything!
Rockhound: It's so funny, it's creepy!
Chick: Harry, the clock on that nine-foot nuclear weapon is ticking.
Harry: Houston, you have a problem.
Rockhound: We got first class tickets to the end of the world!
A.J.: Well, we all gotta die right? Looks like I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world.
Lev: American components, Russian components. They are all made in Taiwan!
Col. Sharp: Ms. Stamper? Colonel Willie Sharp, Air Force Commander, requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter of the bravest man I ever met.
Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)
Elaine: But Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind. too.
Mortimer: One thing at a time!
Mortimer: Yeah, yeah, I know that bromide. Something borrowed, something blue, old, new. Rice and old shoes, carry you over the threshold, Niagara Falls, all the silly tripe I've made fun of for years. Is this what I've come to? I can't go through with it. I won't marry you and that's that.
Elaine: [Adoring] Yes, Mortimer.
Mortimer: What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? Aren't you going to make a scene?
Elaine [Adoring]: No, Mortimer.
Mortimer: And don't "No, Mortimer" me either! Don't... Don't you see, marriage is a superstition, it... it's old-fashioned, it's... I... Ohhhh...
[He kisses her and hauls her into the marriage license office.]
Teddy: I must be catching cold.
Abby: No, dear, it was Reverend Harper who sneezed.
Mortimer: The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt.
Teddy: Code for Roosevelt?
Mortimer: Yes. Don't you see? Take the name Brewster, take away the B, and what have you got?
Teddy: Rooster!
Mortimer: Uh-huh. And what does a rooster do?
Teddy: Crows.
Mortimer: It crows. And where do you hunt in Africa?
Teddy: On the veldt!
Mortimer: There you are: crows - veldt!
Teddy: Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department.
Reverend Harper: Have you ever tried to persuade him that he wasn't Teddy Roosevelt?
Abby: Oh, no.
Martha: Oh, he's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt.
Abby: Oh... Do you remember, Martha, once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington, it would be a change for him, and we suggested it.
Martha: And do you know what happened? He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody.
Mortimer: I don't know if I can explain it to you! It's not only against the law, it's wrong!
Dr. Einstein: You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia.
Jonathan Brewster: He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him.
Dr. Einstein: No, no, Johnny, you cannot count him. You got twelve, they got twelve. The old ladies is just as good as you are.
Mortimer: Insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops.
As Good As It Gets (1997)
Melvin: Never, never, interrupt me, okay? Not if there's a fire, not even if you hear the sound of a thud from my home and one week later there's a smell coming from there that can only be a decaying human body and you have to hold a hanky to your face because the stench is so thick that you think you're going to faint. Even then, don't come knocking. Or, if it's election night, and you're excited and you wanna celebrate because some fudgepacker that you date has been elected the first queer president of the United States and he's going to have you down to Camp David, and you want someone to share the moment with. Even then, don't knock. Not on this door. Not for ANY reason. Do you get me, sweetheart?
Simon: It's not a subtle point that you're making.
Melvin: Sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.
Frank: I grew up in hell! My grandmother has more attitude than you!
Simon: If you stare at someone long enough, you start to see their humanity.
Melvin: Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey?
Melvin: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were fifty.
Carol: Judging from your eyes, I'd say you were kind.
Melvin: People who talk in metaphors should have to shampoo my crotch.
Melvin: How can you diagnose me as obsessive compulsive and then tell me I have a choice about barging in here?
[To a room full of psychiatric patients]
Melvin: What if this is as good as it gets?
Carol: Come on in, and try not to ruin everything by being you.
Receptionist: How do you write women so well?
Melvin: I think of men, and I take away reason and accountability.
Carol: F***ing H.M.O. b****** pieces of s***!
Beverly: Carol!
Carol: Sorry.
Dr. Bettes: It's okay. Actually, I think that's their technical name.
Frank: If there's a mental health organization that raises money for people like you, be sure to let me know.
Melvin: Last word freak.
Melvin: Carol the waitress, Simon the fag.
Melvin: You make me want to be a better man.
Carol: That's maybe the best compliment of my life.
Melvin: Well, maybe I overshot a little, because I was aiming at just enough to keep you from walking out.
Carol: Do you want to dance?
Melvin: I've been thinking about that for a while.
Carol [standing up]: Well?
Melvin: No.
Carol: Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something really stupid?
Melvin: I could be in bed with a woman who, if you make her laugh, you have a life.
Carol: When you first entered the restaurant, I thought you were handsome... and then, of course, you spoke.
Carol: OK, we all have these terrible stories to get over, and you---
Melvin: It's not true. Some of have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times. Noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good.
Melvin: I'm drowning here, and you're describing the water!
Simon: I love you, Melvin.
Melvin: I tell you, buddy, I'd be the luckiest man alive if that's what did it for me.
Carol: Do you have any control over how creepy you can get?
Melvin: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do.
Melvin: I might be the only person on the face of the earth that knows you're the greatest woman on earth. I might be the only one who appreciates how amazing you are in every single thing that you do, and how you are with Spencer, "Spence", and in every single thought that you have, and how you say what you mean, and how you almost always mean something that's all about being straight and good. I think most people miss that about you, and I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food, and clear their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.