The Object of My Affection (1998)

Constance: I enjoy gay people, but I just have a slight problem with my pregnant sister being in love with one of them.

Nina: Don't open the door for any gas men. Unless you think either one of us would be interested!

Nina: I like guys a lot, but I'm not going to waste my time with some guy that doesn't see things the way I do... I mean do you really need this guy?

Nina: I want you to be with me, I want you to marry me, I want you to love me the way that I love you.

Nina: You don't tell a woman that you love her and then two days later bring Romeo over to sleep with him!

Nina: You have to pick one person and make it work.

Rodney: Don't fix your life so that you're left alone right as you come to the middle of it.

Sidney: If I wasn't happily married and you weren't my wife's stepsister I'd have an affair with you in a second!

Nina: Freud didn't know *dick* about women!

Rodney: One shouldn't be too hard on oneself when the object of one's affection returns the favor with rather less enthusiasm than one might have hoped.

Joley: We're too old to settle for a twin-bedded friendship.

Rodney: Have you noticed that you're the only practicing heterosexual at your Thanksgiving dinner?
Nina: I haven't practiced for a while.

George: I'm simple, that's why I teach first grade.

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One Fine Day (1996)

Melanie: I only wanted to warn you that Sammy can get into trouble faster than you can make most women smile.

Jack: Maggie, when you grow up and are incredibly beautiful and intelligent and possess a certain sweetness that's... that's like a distant promise to the brave, to the worthy, could you please not beat to a pulp every miserable b****** that comes your way simply because you can? Could you not do that?
Maggie: Okay, Daddy.

Jack: What would you do if I kissed you right now?
Melanie: You wouldn't kiss me.
Jack: But what would you do if I did?
Melanie: Do you wanna kiss me right now?
Jack: I wouldn't've mentioned it I if didn't.

[Phone rings.]
Jack: What?
Melanie: I forgot to tell you that Sammy is allergic to shellfish and dander. And also, he's not allowed to watch commercial TV. And no matter what he says, he has to hold your hand when he crosses the street. Oh, and also, if you go to the playground, I'd like you to check the sandbox first, because you never know what people throw in there. And, also... OK. Bye.
Jack: Fine.
Melanie: Fine.

Jack: You aren't going to fire me. My face is on buses.

Melanie: Let's do this right. Let me freshen up so I'll feel a little more like a woman and less like a dead mommy.

Melanie: You're the most important thing in the world.
Sammy: No, I'm not. Your job is.

Maggie: I'm hungry.
Jack: Want a Tic Tac?
Maggie: No.
Jack: That's all I've got.

Jack: You know what my mother used to say to me?
Melanie: Gee, no, what?
Jack: Love your guy like a little boy and he'll grow into a man.
Melanie: So she knew back then that you were gay?

Melanie: Your Peter Pan complex is so 90s.
Jack: What Peter Pan complex?
Melanie: The one you're so proud of.
Jack: Do you have any friends?
Melanie: I don't have time for friends.
Jack: That's because of your Captain Hook complex.

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Only You (1994)

Peter: I was born to kiss you.

Kate: I married a liar. Why? Because I married a man.

[Faith tries on a wedding dress given to her by her future mother-in-law.]
Faith: Sweet of her, wasn't it?
Kate: If I had a dress like that, I'd give it away too.