The Parent Trap (1998)

Hallie: So if your mom is my mom and my dad is your dad... and we're both born on October 11th, then you and I are... like... sisters!
Annie: Sisters? Hallie, we're like... twins!!

---

Parenthood (1989)

Julie: I wouldn't live with you if the world were flooded with piss and you lived in a tree!

Todd: You know, Mrs. Buchman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car---hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they'll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father.

Gil: We'll throw away the TV. We'll perform Shakespeare in front of him.

Gil: Women have choices, and men have responsibilities.

Karen: He likes to butt things... with his head.
Nathan: How proud you must be.

Karen: Do you really have to go?
Gil: My whole life is "have to."

---

The Peacemaker (1997)

Julia: You will not take action without authorization.
Devoe: What do you think I am, some gung-ho, stupid son of a b****?
Julia: No, I don't think you're stupid.

Devoe: That's right, people. We educated half the world's terrorists.

Julia: Where the hell is my military liason?!
Devoe: Colonel Thomas Devoe reporting as ordered, ma'am. I'm sorry about in there, sometimes my enthusiasm gets the better of me.
Julia: No problem. Would you like some coffee?
Devoe: I'd love some.
Julia: It's over there.

Julia: So do you think he set us up?
Devoe: Who?
Julia: Your friend.
Devoe: No.
Julia: How can you be so sure?
Devoe: Because he's my friend.

Devoe: Doctor, you can run your charts and your theories all you want. In the field, this is how it works: the good guys, that's us, we chase the bad guys. And they don't wear black hats. They are, however, all alike: they demand power, and respect, and they're willing to pay top dollar to get it. And that is our highly motivated buyer.
Julia: What about other motivations?
Devoe: Not important to me.
Julia: Whether it's important to you or not, there are people out there who don't care about money, who don't give a damn about respect. People who believe the killing of innocent men and women is justified. For them it is about rage, frustration, hatred... they feel pain and they're determined to share it with the world.
Devoe: Okay, that does me no good. Now let's deal with the facts at hand. 23 hours ago, General Alexander Kodoroff stole ten nuclear warheads.
Julia: He's just a delivery boy. I'm not afraid of the man who wants ten nuclear weapons, Colonel. I'm terrified of the man who only wants one.

[Devoe wants to take a team into Russia while they know where the bombs are.]
Julia: The Russians say they are handling it.
Devoe: The Russians couldn't find snow in the middle of f***ing winter. Look, it's this simple. When that satellite is out of range, those nukes are gone. [pause] It's only jet fuel.

Gavrich: You will look at what I have done and say, "Of course -- why not -- they are all animals. They have slaughtered each other for centuries." But the truth is, I'm not a monster. I'm a human man -- I'm just like you, whether you like it or not. For years, we have tried to live together, until a war was waged on us, on all of us: a war waged by our own leaders. And who supplied the Serb cluster bombs, the Croatian tanks, the Muslim artillery shells that killed our sons and daughters? It was the governments of the West who drew the boundaries of our countries -- sometimes in ink, sometimes in blood -- the blood of our people. And now you dispatch your peacekeepers to write our destiny again. We can never accept this peace that leaves us with nothing but pain, pain the peacemakers must be made to feel. Their wives, their children, their houses and churches. So now you know, now you must understand. Leave us to find our own destiny. May God have mercy on us all.

Devoe: I'd like to know something. You moved from Lawrence Livermore to the White House. So, first you build the bombs to blow up the entire world, and now you want to save it. Make up your mind. Which is it going to be?
Julia: Well, I believe this week we're saving it.

Hamilton: God, I miss the cold war.

---

Peggy Sue Got Married (1986)

Michael: So are you going to marry Mr. Blue Impala and graze around with all the other sheep for the rest of your life?
Peggy: No... I already did that.

Mother: What's the matter, have you and Charlie had a fight?
Peggy: Yes.
Mother: What about?
Peggy: House payments.

Peggy: Grandpa, if you had a chance to go back and do it all differently, what would you have changed?
Grandpa: Well, I would have taken better care of my teeth.

Peggy: I am a grown woman with a life time of experience that you can't understand.
Charlie: Yeah, girls mature faster than guys.

---

The Philadelphia Story (1940)

Macaulay: Hello you.
Tracey: Hello.
Macaulay: You look fine.
Tracey: I feel fine.

Margaret Lord: The course of true love...
Macaulay: ...gathers no moss.

Liz: What's this room? I've forgotten my compass.
Macaulay: I'd say, north-by-northwest parlor-by-living-room.

Macaulay: This is the Bridal Suite. Send us up some caviar sandwiches and a bottle of beer.
Margaret: Who is this?
Macaulay: This is the Voice of Doom calling. Your days are numbered, to the seventh son of the seventh son!
[Macauley hangs up.]
Margaret Lord: One of the servants has been at the sherry again.

Tracey: I never knew such a man!
Macaulay: You're not likely to dear. Not from where you sit!

Macaulay: Doggone it, C.K. Dexter Haven! Either I'm gonna sock you or you're gonna sock me. Dexter: Shall we toss a coin?

Dexter: Be whatever you want -- you're my redhead.

Uncle Willie: [hungover] Awww...this is one of those days that the pages of history teach us are best spent lying in bed.

Dexter: [looking for the "hair of the dog"] Do you s'pose, sir, speaking of eye-openers...?
Uncle Willie: Oh, that's the first sane remark I've heard today. Come along, Dexter, I know a formula that's said to pop the pennies off the eyelids of dead Irishmen.

Macaulay: I'm testing the air. I like it but it doesn't like me.

Liz: Oh, it's all right Tracey. We all go haywire at times and if we don't, maybe we ought to.

Tracey: Oh, Mike, put me in your pocket!

Macaulay: The prettiest sight in this fine pretty world is the privileged class enjoying its privileges.

Tracey: The time to make up your mind about people is never.

Tracey: You hardly know him.
Dexter: To hardly know him is to know him well.

Dexter: Of course, Mr. Connor, she's a girl who is generous to a fault.
Tracey: To a fault.
Dexter: Except to other people's faults.

Dexter: Sometimes for your own sake, Red, I think you should have stuck to me longer.
Tracey: I thought it was for life but the nice judge gave me a full pardon.

Dexter: Orange juice, certainly.
Tracey: Don't tell me you've forsaken your beloved whiskey and whiskies.
Dexter: No-no-no-no. I've just changed their colour, that's all. I'm going for the pale pastel shades now. There're more becoming of me.

Dexter: I thought all writers drank to excess and beat their wifes.
[looking over at Tracey] You know, at one time I secretly wanted to be a writer.

Margaret Lord: We both might face the facts that neither of us has proved to be a very great success as a wife.
Tracey: We just picked the wrong first husband.

---

Planet of the Apes (1968)

[The first words ever spoken by a human to the apes]
Taylor: Get your stinking paws off me, you damned dirty ape!

Julius: You know the saying, "Human see, human do."

Taylor: I'm a seeker too. But my dreams aren't like yours. I can't help thinking that somewhere in the universe there has to be something better than man. Has to be.

Taylor: Imagine me needing someone. Back on Earth I never did. Oh, there were women. Lots of women. Lots of love-making but no love. You see, that was the kind of world we'd made. So I left, because there was no one to hold me there.

Taylor: It's a mad house! A mad house!

Taylor: How about a kiss, doctor?
Zira: But you're so damned ugly!

Cornelius: We thought you were inferior.
Taylor: Now you know better.

Cornelius (reading from the sacred scrolls of the apes): Beware the beast man, for he is the Devil's pawn. Alone among God's primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother's land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him, for he is the harbinger of death.

Zira: What will he find out there, doctor?
Zaius: His destiny.

Taylor: A planet where apes evolved from men?

[Brandishing a rifle]
Taylor: Don't try to follow me. I'm pretty handy with this.
Zaius: Of that I'm sure. All my life I've awaited your coming and dreaded it.

---

Pleasantville (1998)

Bud: These people are happy.
Mary Sue: Nobody's happy in a poodle skirt and sweater set.

Betty: Honey, what goes on up at Lover's Lane?
Mary Sue: Sex.
Betty: Oh... What's sex?

David: We're supposed to be in school now.
Jennifer: We're supposed to be at home, David. We're supposed to be in *color*?

George: Where's my dinner?

---

The Postman (1997)

Postman: Once more into the breach, my friends, once more. We'll close the wall with our dead. In peace, nothing so becomes a man as modesty and humility, but when the blast of war blows in our ears, then imitate the action of the tiger, summon up the blood, disguise fair nature with rage and lend the eye a terrible aspect.

Sheriff: You're nothing but a drifter who found a bag of mail.

Postman: The President's name... is Richard Starkey!

Postman: Tell me something: how much mail can a dead Postman deliver?

Postman: Wouldn't it be great if wars could be fought by the same assholes who started them?

Postman: You're no general. You're not even a good painter.

Abby: You made Mrs. March feel like she could see again. You made Ford believe he was part of something. You give out hope like it was candy in your pocket.

Postman: I know you. You're...famous.
Tom Petty: I was.

Postman: When I was a kid, we all wore our hats backwards. We thought it was cool.

Postman: It takes one postman to make someone else a postman.
Ford Lincoln Mercury: Sorta like vampires, huh?

[Clutching a spoon as a weapon]
Postman: Don't make me use this.

---

Pretty in Pink (1986)

Steff: Money really means nothing to me. Do you think I'd treat my parents' house this way if it did?

Principal: If you give off signals that you don't want to belong, people will make sure that you don't.

Steff: I've been out with a lot of girls at this school. I don't see what makes you so different.
Andie: I have some taste.

Duckie: May I admire you again today?

Duckie: This is a really volcanic ensemble you're wearing.

Duckie: What now?
Annie: Bed. Duckie: Yours or mine?

---

Pretty Woman (1990)

Vivian: In case I forget to tell you later, I had a really good time tonight.

Vivian: I would have stayed for two thousand.
Edward: I would have paid four.

Edward: You and I are such similar creatures, Vivian. We both screw people for money.

[Kit is streetwalking.]
Kit: Hey yo, baby!
Guy in car: How 'bout a freebie? It's my birthday.
Kit: Dream on!

[Vivian calls Kit.]
Vivian: I called and called last night. Where were you?!
Kit: Mom?

Vivian: That would make you a... lawyer.
Edward: What makes you think I'm a lawyer?
Vivian: You have that sharp, useless look about you.

Edward: I think we both know she's not my niece.
Manager: Of course.

Vivian: I appreciate this whole seduction thing you've got going on here, but let me give you a tip: I'm a sure thing.

Lady at polo match: Edward is quite a catch.
Vivian: Oh, I'm not trying to land him, I'm just using him for sex.

Kit: I don't know. Maybe you could, like, buy a horse and some diamonds.

Edward: How much for the entire night?
Vivian: Stay here? You couldn't afford it.
Edward: Try me.
Vivian: 300 dollars.
Edward: Done! Thank you. Now we can relax.

Kit: Fifty bucks, Grandpa. For seventy-five, the wife can watch.

Vivian: You know, you could pay me now, and break the ice.

Vivian: Can I call you Eddie?
Edward: Not if you expect me to answer.

Edward: I told you not to pick up the phone.
Vivian: Then stop calling me.

Store Manager: Just how obscene an amount of cash are we talking about here? Profane or really offensive?
Edward: Really offensive.
Store Manager: I like him so much.

[After meeting Vivian]
Lady at polo field: She's wonderful! Where did you find her?
Edward: 976-BABE.

Vivian: I'm gonna treat you so good, you're never gonna let me go.

Vivian: You're late.
Edward: You're stunning.
Vivian: You're forgiven.

Old Lady at Opera: How was it dear?
Vivian: It was so good I almost peed my pants.
[the Lady gives Vivian an odd look]
Edward: She said she liked it better than The Pirates of Penzance.

Edward: So what happens after he climbs up and rescues her?
Vivian: She rescues him right back.

---

Pride and Prejudice (1940)

[Reading a letter about the Bennetts' misfortunes.]
Caroline Bingley: "...and her sisters Jane and Elizabeth were seen running down Market Street in an attempt to escape their disgrace." Isn't that exquisitely funny, Mr. Darcy?
Mr. Darcy: Exquisitely. Just think how you would roar with laughter if it happened to yourself.

Mr. Darcy: You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.

Mr. Bennett: An unhappy alternative is before you, Elizabeth. Your mother will never see you again if you do not marry Mr. Collins. And I will never see you again if you do.

---

The Prince of Egypt (1998)

God: Take this staff, and do my wonders.

Moses: Let my people go!

Seti: Sometimes, for the greater good, sacrifices must be made.

---

The Princess Bride (1987)

The Princess Bride has its own page, with the complete script and every picture I could find on the web. Click here to go there.

---

Pump Up the Volume (1990)

Mark: I'm dedicating this unusual song to an unusual person who makes me feel kind of... unusual.

Mark: "Talk hard," I like that. It's like a dirty thought in a nice clean mind.

Mark: They think you're moody, make 'em think you're crazy. Make 'em think you're about to snap. They say you got attitude, you show 'em some real attitude!

Mark: I mean, if I knew any thing about love, I would be out there making it, instead of sitting in here talking to you guys.

Mark: Remember my dear, I can smell a lie like a fart in a car.

Mark: Now I'm depressed. Now I feel like killing myself, but luckily I'm too depressed to bother.

Mark: I don't mind being dejected and rejected, but I'm not gonna be ashamed about it. At least pain is real. You look around and you see nothing is real, at least the pain is real.

Mark: Feeling screwed up at a screwed up time in a screwed up place does not necessarily make you screwed up.

Mark: Sometimes being a teenager is worse than being dead.

Mark: Being a teenager sucks. But that's the whole point! Surviving is the whole point.

Mark: Quitting will not make you strong, living will.

Marla: We think you should see a psychiatrist.
Mark: Is it that obvious?