Waiting for Guffman (1996)

UFO Expert: I've been coming to this circle for about five years, and measuring it. The diameter and the circumference are constantly changing, but the radius stays the same. Which brings me to the number 5. There are five letters in the word "Blaine." Now, if you mix up the letters in the word "Blaine," mix 'em around, eventually, you'll come up with Nebali. Nebali. The name of a planet in a galaxy way, way, way... way far away. And another thing. Once you go into that circle, the weather never changes. It is always 37 degrees Celsius with a 40% chance of rain.

Corky: Here's the "Remains of the Day" lunchbox. Kids don't like eating at school, but if they have a "Remains of the Day" lunchbox they're a lot happier.

Corky: ...'cause you people are B****** PEOPLE!

Ron: If there's an empty space, just fill it with a line, that's what I like to do. Even if it's from another show.

Corky: It's a Zen thing, like how many babies fit in a tire.

Ron: We consider ourselves bi-costal if you consider the Mississippi River one of the coasts.

Glenn: Blaine is the stool capital of the world.

Ron: Some people find it ironical that although we run a travel agency, we've never been outside of Blaine.

Mrs. Pearl: We don't associate with the creative types. We have a Scrabble club. We associate with people with babies.

Corky: Well, then, I just HATE you... and I hate your... a**... FACE!

---

A Walk in the Clouds (1995)

Paul: I know that she is good and strong and deserves all the love this world has to give. Can't you see that, how wonderful, how special she is?

Alberto: My daughter can trace her roots back 400 years to the best families in Mexico.

---

The Waterboy (1998)

Bobby: Now that's what I call high quality H2O.

---

Wayne's World (1992)

Wayne: But the worst part of all is, I never learned to read!
Cassandra: Is that true?
Wayne: All except the reading part.

Wayne: Hi. My name is Wayne Cambell. I live in Aurora, Illinios, which is a suburb of Chicago---excellent! I have had plenty of Joe jobs, nothing I would call a career or anything. Let me put it this way: I have an extensive collection of name tags and hairnets. Yes, I still live with my parents, which I admit is both bogus and sad. But I have this awesome cable access show, and I still know how to party. Ahh, the mirth-mobile.

Wayne: I mean, Led Zeppelin didn't write tunes that every one liked. They left that to the Bee Gees.

Tiny: Wanye! How you doin'?
Wayne: Hey Tiny, who's playing today?
Tiny: Jolly Green Giants and the S***ty Beatles.
Wayne: S***ty Beatles? Are they any good?
Tiny: They suck!
Wayne: Then it's not just a clever name.

Stacy: Happy anniversary, Wayne.
Wayne: Stacy, we broke up 2 months ago!
Stacy: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Wayne: Well it does actually, that's what breaking up is.

Stacy: Well, don't you want to open your present?
Wayne: What is it?
Stacy: Open it.
Wayne: What is it?
Stacy: It's a gun rack.
Wayne: A gun rack... a gun rack. I don't even own *a* gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack. What am I gonna do... with a gun rack?
Stacy: You don't like it? Fine! You know Wayne, if you're not careful, you're going to lose me.
Wayne: I lost you 2 months ago! We broke up! Are you mental?

Wayne: So, do you come to Milwaukee often?
Alice Cooper: Well, I'm a regular visitor here, but Milwaukee has certainly had its share of visitors. The French missionaries and explorers began visiting here in the late 16th century.
Pete: Hey, isn't "Milwaukee" an Indian name?
Alice Cooper: Yes, Pete, it is. In fact, it was originally an Algonquin term meaning "the good land."
Wayne: I was not aware of that.
Alice Cooper: I think one of the most interesting things about Milwaukee is that it's the only American city to elect three Socialist mayors.
Wayne (to the camera): Does this guy know how to party or what?

Wayne: I mean, there are two Darren Stevens, right? Dick York and Dick Sargeant. Yeah, right, as if we wouldn't notice! Oh hold on: Dick York, Dick Sergeant, Sergeant York... Wow, that's weird!

[Admiring a guitar in a music store.]
Wayne: It will be mine. Oh, yes. It will be mine.

Garth: Hey Phil, if you're gonna spew, spew into this.

Wayne: I once thought I had mono for an entire year, It turned out I was just really bored.

Mikita's Manager (to the camera): I'd never done a crazy thing in my life before that night. Why is it that if a man kills another man in battle it's called heroic, yet if he kills a man in the heat of passion it's called murder.

Benjamin: First let me get this out of the way; I'm a big fan.
Garth: You are?
Benjamin: The way I see it; your show is capable of so much more.
Garth: Well, we'll try harder, OK? Just give us a second chance. Just don't go and cancel us without giving us a second chance!

Wayne: Ecsqueeze me? Baking powder?

Benjamin: Do you have a lawyer?
Wayne: Yes! Ahm, no. We're between lawyers right now. You see, our first lawyer screwed our affairs so bad.
Garth: That's right. I walked right to that office - that's what I did - and I reached across that desk and I grabbed him by his fat head and I said "Listen man! I'm not going to jail for *you* or for anybody!"

Terry: Wayne! Wayne! Garth told me about the show, man. I love you man.
Wayne: Yea, and I love you too, Terry.
Terry: No no no, I mean it man. I LOVE you!
Wayne: No, I-I mean it. I love you.
Terry: No you don't, man. I love you.
Wayne (being hugged by Terry): Garth! Hey, come over here, I think Terry has something he wants to say to you.
Terry: I love you, man.
Garth: Thank you!

Benjamin: So Garth, how do you like being in a studio?
Garth: Ahm, it's like a new pair of underwear, you know... At first it's constrictive, but after a while it becomes a part of you.

Mikita's Manager: Anything wrong, Davy?
Davy: Yeah, I got paid today.
Mikita's Manager: Yeah, I know what that's like.
Davy: No. You don't understand. They laid me off. I got one of these.
Mikita's Manager: Yeah, I know how that feels.
Davy: Know what I'd like to do?
Mikita's Manager: Yeah I know what you'd like to do. You'd like to find the guy who did it, rip his still beating heart out of his chest and hold it in front of his face so he can see how black it is before he dies.
Davy: Actually, I was thinking of filing a disagreement with the union.
Mikita's Manager: Well, the world's a twisted place.

Mikita's Manager: You know, if you stab a man in the dead of winter, steam will rise up from the wounds. Indians believed it was his soul escaping from his body.

Garth: OK ... First I'll access the secret military spy satelite that is in geosynchronous orbit over the midwest. Then I'll ID the limo by the vanity plate "MR. BIGG" and get his approximate position. Then I'll reposition the transmission dish on the remote truck to 17.32 degrees east, hit WESTAR 4 over the Atlantic, bounce the signal back into the aerosphere up to COMSAT 6, beam it back to SATCOM 2 transmitter number 137 and down on the dish on the back of Mr. Bigg's limo... It's almost too easy.

[Wayne is stopped by a traffic cop]
Wayne: Yes, officer, is there a problem?
T-1000: Have you seen this boy?

Wayne: Ah yes, it's a lot like "Star Trek: The Next Generation". In many ways, it's superior but will never be as recognized as the original.

Wayne and Garth (to Alice Cooper): We're not worthy! We're not worthy!

Wayne: I know I don't have his looks. I know I don't have his money. I know I don't have his connections, his knowledge of fine wines. I know sometimes when I eat I get this clicking sound in my jaw...

---

Wayne's World 2 (1993)

Cassandra: Wait, let me show you what I got at a garage sale.
Wayne: What'cha got?
Cassandra: Isn't that great? You've heard it?
Wayne: Exqueese me? Have I seen this one before? Frampton Comes alive? Everybody's got Frampton Comes Alive. If you lived in the suburbs you were issued it. It came in the mail with samples of "Tide".
Cassandra: Look at this old one. Jerry and the Pacemakers.
Wayne: Wow. That is old. You know, I bet those guys actually have pacemakers by now.

Del Preston: So there, I am, in Sri Lanka, formerly Ceylone, at about 3 o'clock in the morning, looking for one thousand brown M&Ms to fill a brandy glass, or Ozzie wouldn't go on stage that night. So, Jeff Beck pops his head 'round the door, and mentions there's a little sweets shop on the edge of town. So - we go. And - it's closed. So there's me, and Keith Moon, and David Crosby, breaking into that little sweets shop, eh. Well, instead of a guard dog, they've got this bloody great big bengal tiger. I managed to take out the tiger with a can of mace, but the shopkeeper and his son... that's a different story altogether. I had to beat them to death with their own shoes. Nasty business, really, but sure enough I got the M&Ms, and Ozzie went on stage and did a great show.

Del Preston: Woodstock? That was quite a show, man.
Garth: You were at Woodstock?
Wayne: Excellent! What was it like?
Del Preston: It rained all morning, and then it cleared up in the afternoon. And that's it, I almost remembered something else, but it's gone.

Del Preston: Alright, ladies and gentlemen. It takes two people to run a concert: one back stage, and one out front. One man alone cannot do this. Wayne, you will run the backstage team. Milton, you are my liaison between Wayne's backstage team and Garth's front-stage team which includes myself in the booth. To the left and right of the stage are machine-gun pillboxes, M-60 Browning. Now these babies tend to heat up so shoot in 3 second bursts. In the event of capture I will personally distribute these cyanide capsules to be placed under the tongue like so. [Places a capsule in his mouth] Any questions?
Garth: Yes, I have a question. When did you turn into a nutbar?

Garth: So, did Jim Morrison give you Del Preston's exact address?
Wayne: Yeah, he said EXACTLY London, England.

Garth: Uh, Wayne, you know, I don't think you should mention that Jim Morrison thing anymore. It's just that people have started to talk, you know. They're saying things like, "Hey, there goes Garth and his friend Wayne... the psycopath."

Glenn: So Wayne, I hear you're putting on some kind of concert. That's good. People need to be entertained, they need the distraction. I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: "Why do they come to me to die? Why do they come to me to die?"

Garth: How can you sleep like that?
Del Preston: Listen, sonny Jim. Sleeping like this will add ten years to your life. I learned it from Keith Richards when I toured with the Stones. This may be the reason why Keith cannot be killed by conventional weapons.

[Pickup-line]
Honey Horne: So, would you like to have dinner one night?
Garth: Oh, I like to have dinner every night.

Honey Horne: I'm goning to be frank.
Garth: O.K. can I still be Garth?

Honey Horne: Take me, Garth!
Garth: Where? I'm low on gas and you need a jacket.

Jim Morrison: Hey Wayne, I'd like you to meet a friend of mine: Sammy Davis, Jr.
Wayne: Wow, nice to meet you, Mr. Junior.

Wayne: Excuse me, what are you guys doing here in the middle of the street?
Chicken-man: Well, I'm putting these chickens in crates, and stacking them right here. Jim's job is to make sure we always have plenty of watermelons.
Wayne: Oh, so you're selling watermelons.
Jim: No, no sir. We just have to make sure we have plenty of them stacked at all times, just like with these here chickens.
Garth: What do these guys do?
Chicken-man: Well, their job is to walk back and forth with this big plate-glass window every couple of minutes.
Garth: Weird.
Wayne: Yeah, you've got to wonder if this is gonna pay off later on.

Wayne: You're worthless! You're less than nothing! What's keeping you here? You don't belong here! Why don't you just quit?
Milton: Cause I've got no place else to go!

Wayne: Who are you?
Jim Morrison: I'm Jim Morrison.
Wayne: And who's he?
Jim Morrison: A weird naked Indian.

Wayne: What I'd really like to do is something extraordinary. Something big. Something mega. Something copious. Something capacious. Something cajunga! But I'll probably end up working at Great America, mopping up hurl and lung butter.

Wayne: Ecsqueeze me? Baking-powder?

---

The Wedding Singer (1998)

Robbie: Remember, alcohol equals puke equals smelly mess equals nobody likes you!

Robbie: Have you been drinking too?
Julia: No, it's Coke.
Robbie: You sure? There's no rum in your Coke?
Julia: No! And if it was, I'd probably be puking as much as that kid!
Robbie: I doubt that. I think I saw a boot come out.

Holly: You know who else I think is sexy? Robbie Hart.
Glenn: Heh, you think the "Time To Make The Doughnuts" guy is sexy.

Robbie: Now let's cut the stupid cake 'cause I know the fat guy's gonna have a heart attack if we don't eat again soon.

Glenn: Hey, do you want to go straight to getting married, or do you want to do some gambling and have some fun first?
Julia: I just want to get married.

Man: We're paying you to sing, not share your thoughts on life!
Robbie: Well I have a microphone and you don't... so you will listen to every d*** word I have to say!

Robbie: When I put my mind to something, I go all the way. I'll go all the way for you, sir. I'm a big fan of money. I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I wanna put more in that jar. That's where you come in.

Robbie (singing): You don't know how much I need you. / While you're near me, I don't feel blue./ And when we kiss I know you need me too. / I can't believe I found someone that's so pure and true. / But it all was b***s***! It was a G**d*** joke! / And when I think of you, Linda, I hope you f***ing choke!

Holly: I let him look at my boobs. Not my finest hour, but it's been a pleasant working environment ever since.

Holly: If you come upstairs, you're gonna get laid.

Linda: I'm not in love with Robbie-now, I'm in love with Robbie-six-years-ago.

Robbie: Now please get out of my Van Halen T-shirt before you jinx the band and they break up.

Robbie: Once again: things that should have been brought to my attention *yesterday*!

Robbie: Some of us will never ever find true love. Take, for instance...me. And I'm pretty sure that guy right there. And that lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine.

Rosie: When I got married, I wasn't a virgin. I already had intercourse with eight men. That was a lot back then. That would be like 200 today.

Sammy: No one wants to see a 50-year-old guy hitting on chicks.

Robbie: Well, we're living in a material world, and I'm a material girl. Or boy.

---

Weekend at Bernie's (1989)

Richard: Well, you're a half hour late.
Larry: Only half hour? I'm usually forty-five minutes late. I'm early today.

Mugger: Give me all your money and your wallets.
Larry: Aw, get your a** outta here, it's too hot!

Larry: What kind of a host invites you to his house for the weekend and dies on you?

---

What About Bob? (1991)

Bob: Baby steps to four o'clock. Baby steps to four o'clock.

Bob: I see salt and I see pepper, but I don't see a salt substitute.

Leo: You think he's gone? He's not gone. That's the whole point! He's never gone!
[Leo opens the door; there's Bob.]
Bob: Is this some radical new therapy?
Leo: YOU SEE?!?!

Bob: You ever hear of Tourette's syndrome? Involuntarily shouting out profanities?
Leo: It's exceptionally rare.
Bob: S***-eating son-of-a-b****... b******, douche-bag, twat, numb-nuts, dickhead!
Leo: Why exactly are you doing this?
Bob: Well, if I fake it then I don't have it.

Leo: All's I want is some peace and quiet!
Bob: Okay I'll be quiet.
Siggy: And I'll be peace!

Bob: What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one...and my bladder explodes?

Bob: There are two types of people in this world: those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.

[Leo is strapping a bomb to Bob]
Leo: This is black powder, Bob. A teaspoon of it can blow up a tree stump.
Bob: How much you got there?
Leo: Twenty pounds.

Leo: You understand right? There's no other solution. You won't go away.
Bob: Yes, I will.
Leo: No, you won't. You're just saying you will, so that when I don't kill you, you'll show up again and make everyone else in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a shmuck. But I'm not a shmuck Bob, and I'm not going to let you breeze into town and steal my family away just because you're crazy enough to be fun.

Bob: What are you doing with the gun, Dr. Marvin?
Leo: Death Therapy, Bob. It's a guaranteed cure.

---

When Harry Met Sally... (1989)

Sally: You can't express every feeling you have every moment that you have them.

Harry: I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you.
Sally: What?
Harry: I love you.
Sally: How do you expect me to respond to this?
Harry: How about, you love me too.
Sally: How about, I'm leaving.

Harry: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle in your nose when your looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

Harry: You were going to be a gymnast.
Sally: A journalist.
Harry: Right, that's what I said.

Jess: Emily is terrific!
Harry: Yeah. But of course when I asked where she was when Kennedy was shot she said, "Ted Kennedy was shot?"
Jess: No!

Sally: Well, if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, and I had these days of the week underpants.
Harry: Ehhhh! I'm sorry. I need the judges ruling on this. "Days of the weeks underpants"?
Sally: Yes. They had the days of the week on them, and I thought they were sort of funny. And then one day Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." It was all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? And I told him, and he didn't believe me.
Harry: What?
Sally: They don't make Sunday.
Harry: Why not?
Sally: Because of God.

Sally: I'd like the chef salad please with oil and vinegar on the side, and the apple pie a la mode.
Waitress: Chef and apple a la mode.
Sally: But I'd like the pie heated, and I don't want the ice cream on top. I want it on the side, and I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla if you have it. If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. If it's out of the can, then nothing.
Waitress: Not even the pie?
Sally: No, just the pie, but then not heated.

Harry: Right now everything is great, everyone is happy, everyone is in love and that is wonderful! But you gotta know that sooner or later you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. This eight dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls to the legal firm of That's Mine, This Is Yours.
Marie: Harry!
Harry: Please, Jess, Marie. Do me a favor, for your own good, put your name in your books right now before they get mixed up and you won't know whose is whose. 'Cause someday, believe it or not, you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. This stupid, wagon wheel, Roy Rogers, garage sale *coffee table*!
Jess: I thought you liked it!?
Harry: I was being nice!

Sally: Is Harry bringing anybody to the wedding?
Marie: I don't think so.
Sally: Is he seeing anybody?
Marie: He was seeing this anthropologist, but...
Sally: What's she look like?
Marie: Thin. Pretty. Big tits. Your basic nightmare.

[Playing "Pictionary."]
Jess: "Baby talk"? That's not a saying!
Harry: Oh, but "baby fish mouth" is sweeping the nation?

Sally: You see? That is just like you, Harry. You say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you!

Harry: You know, I have a theory that heirogliphics are just an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy.

Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally: Why not?
Harry: What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: No, you don't.
Sally: Yes, I do.
Harry: You only think you do.
Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all *want* to have sex with you.
Sally: They do not!
Harry: Do to.
Sally: They do not.
Harry: Do to.
Sally: How do you know?
Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally: What if *they* don't want to have sex with *you*?
Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry: I guess not.
Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Harry: And was it worth it? The sacrifice for a friend you don't even keep in touch with? Sally: Harry, you might not believe this, but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice.

Harry: You take someone to the airport, its clearly the beginning of the relationship. That's why I have never taken anyone to the airport at the beginning of a relationship.
Sally: Why?
Harry: Because eventually things move on and you don't take someone to the airport and I never wanted anyone to say to me, How come you never take me to the airport anymore?
Sally: It's amazing. You look like a normal person but actually you are the angel of death.

Harry: Would you like to have dinner? ...Just friends.
Sally: I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
Harry: When did I say that?
Sally: On the ride to New York.
Harry: No, no, no, I never said that. ...Yes, that's right, they can't be friends. Unless both of them are involved with other people, then they can. ...This is an amendment to the earlier rule. If the two people are in relationships, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. ...That doesn't work either, because what happens then is, the person you're involved with can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with. Like it means something is missing from the relationship and why do you have to go outside to get it? And when you say "No, no, no it's not true, nothing is missing from the relationship," the person you're involved with then accuses you of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, which you probably are. I mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding, let's face it. Which brings us back to the earlier rule before the amendment, which is men and women can't be friends.

Harry: There are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
Sally: Which one am I?
Harry: You're the worst kind. You're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.

Sally: You know, I'm so glad I never got involved with you. I just would have ended up being some woman you had to get up out of bed and leave at 3:00 in the morning and go clean your end irons, and you don't even have a fireplace, not that I would know this.

Sally: Amanda mentioned you had a dark side.
Harry: That's what drew her to me.
Sally: Your dark side?
Harry: Sure. Why? Don't you have a dark side? I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dot their "i's" with little hearts.
Sally: I have just as much of a dark side as the next person.
Harry: Oh, really? When I buy a new book, I read the last page first. That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. That, my friend, is a dark side.

Jess: Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. It's just a symptom that something else is wrong.
Harry: Oh really? Well, that "symptom" is f****** my wife.

Marie: All I'm saying is that somewhere out there is the man you are supposed to marry. And if you don't get him first, somebody else will, and you'll have to spend the rest of your life knowing that somebody else is married to your husband.

Harry: You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog?
Sally: Is one of us supposed to be a *dog* in this scenario?
Harry: Yes.
Sally: Who is the dog?
Harry: You are.
Sally: I am? I am the dog? I am the dog?

Marie: The point is, he just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. I don't think he's ever gonna leave her.
Sally: No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her.
Marie: You're right, you're right, I know you're right.

Harry: The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe that (a) You're not home, (b) You're home but you don't want to talk to me, or (c) You're home, desperately want to talk to me, but you're trapped under something heavy. If it's either (a) or (c), please give me a call.

---

While You Were Sleeping (1995)

Joe Jr.: O.K., Lucy, it's either me or him!
Lucy: Him.
Joe Jr.: You don't have to answer right away.

Elsie: I don't drink anymore... I don't drink any less, either.

Elsie: I like Mass better in Latin. It's nicer when you don't know what they're saying.

Jerry: You're born into a family. You do not join them like you do the Marines.

Lucy: Doesn't anybody use a phone anymore?
Joe Jr.: I do.
Lucy: I'm not talking about 900 numbers.
Joe Jr.: Who told?!!

Jack: You suck!
Peter: I suck, or the outfit sucks?
Jack: It's a toss-up.

Lucy: And who are you, Jack, the happiness guru?

Peter: Remember the squirels I saved as a kid? First I knocked them out of their nest with a rock, then I saved them.

Elsie: Look at the bright side. He has more room in his jockey shorts.

Lucy: It's just...I never met anyone I could laugh with. You know?

Lucy: The truth was that I fell in love with you. Yes, all of you. I went from being all alone to being a fiancee, a daughter, a grandaughter, a sister, and a friend. I may have saved your life that day, but you really saved mine. You let me be a part of your family. I haven't had that in a really long time.

Saul: I couldn't love you anymore if you were my own son. But the fact of the matter is, you're a putz!

Lucy (voice over): It's amazing how exotic Wisconson... isn't.

Lucy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Nah, I betcha don't, you're probably too sensible for that. Or have you ever, like, seen somebody? And you knew that, if only that person *really* knew you, they would, well, they would of course dump the perfect model that they were with, and realize that YOU were the one that they wanted to, just, grow old with. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you haven't even talked to? Have you ever been so alone you spend the night confusing a man in a coma?

Lucy: You don't have to walk me home.
Jack: You block the wind.

Lucy: If you fit into my pants I think I'll kill myself.

---

Willow (1988)

High Aldwin: Magic is the bloodstream of the universe.

[Throws an apple into the air which turns into a bird]
High Aldwin: Go in the direction the brid is flying!
Burgelcutt: He's going back to village!
High Aldwin: Ignore the bird. Follow the river.

Willow: See this acorn? I'll throw it at you and turn you to stone?
Madmartigan: Ooh, I'm really scared. Help! There's a peck with an acorn pointed at me!

Willow: Don't call me a peck!
Madmartigan: Oh I'm sorry! Peck! Peck! Peck, peck, peck, peck, peck!

Madmartigan: It's good for ya! Puts hair on yer chest, doesn't it, sticks?
Willow: Her name is NOT sticks, she is Elora Danon, the future princess or Tir Asleen! And the last thing she's gonna want is a hairy chest!

Sorsha: What are you looking at?
Madmartigan: Your leg. I'd like to break it.

Madmartigan: I love you, Sorsha!
Sorsha: Stop saying that!

Madmartigan: What happened back there?
Willow: You started spouting poetry. "I love you, Sorsha! I worship you, Sorsha!" You almost got us killed!
Madmartigan: "I love you, Sorsha?" I don't love her, she kicked me in the face! I hate her... Don't I?

Sorsha: What happened to "You are my sun, my moon, my starlit sky"?
Madmartigan: It went away.
Sorsha: "I dwell in darkness without you," and it *went away*?

Willow: I've sent her... I've sent her to a place where evil cannot touch her!
Bavmorda: That's impossible! There's no such place!

---

With Honors (1994)

Simon: Know why you hate me so much Jeffrey? Because I look the way you feel.

[After Monty kisses her]
Courtney: What are you doing?
Monty: Ending our friendship.

Simon: Yes I'm a bum. But I'm a Harvard bum.

Courtney: Hey, Jeff, can I borrow a condom?
Jeff: No, but you can have one.

---

The Wizard of Oz (1939)

Glenda: Are you a good witch or a bad witch?

Auntie Em: Now you go feed those hogs before they worry themselves into anemia!

Uncle Henry: Dorothy? Well, what has Dorothy done?
Miss Gulch: What she's done? I'm all but lame from the bite on my leg!
Uncle Henry: You mean she bit you?
Miss Gulch: No, her dog!
Uncle Henry: Oh, she bit her dog, eh?
Miss Gulch: No!

Auntie Em: For twenty-three years I've been dying to tell you what I thought of you! And now... well, being a Christian woman, I can't say it!

Dorothy: Don't be silly, Toto. Scarecrows don't talk.

Dorothy: Lions, and tigers, and bears! Oh, my!

Dorothy: Oh please, Professor, why can't we go with you and see all the Crowned Heads of Europe?
Professor Marvel: Do you know any? Oh, you mean the... thing. Yes.

Professor Marvel: Professor Marvel never guesses. He knows!

Scarecrow: Come along Dorothy. You don't want any of those apples.
Tree: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be?
Scarecrow: Oh, no! It's just that she doesn't like little green worms!

Cowardly Lion: Alright, I'll go in there for Dorothy. Wicked Witch or no Wicked Witch, guards or no guards, I'll tear them apart. I may not come out alive, but I'm going in there. There's only one thing I want you fellows to do.
Tin Woodsman and Scarecrow: What's that?
Cowardly Lion: Talk me out of it.

Cowardly Lion: Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the "ape" in apricot? What have they got that I ain't got?
All: Courage!
Cowardly Lion: You can say that again! Huh?

Cowardly Lion: I do believe in spooks.I do believe in spooks.I do! I do! I do! I do believe in spooks.I do believe in spooks.I do! I do! I do! I do!
Witch: You'll believe in more than that before I'm finished with you.

Cowardly Lion: I- I- I hope my strength holds out.
Tin Woodsman (hanging by Cowardly Lion's tail): I hope your tail holds out!

Cowardly Lion: Look at the circles under my eyes. I haven't slept in weeks.
Tin Woodsman: Why don't you try counting sheep?
Cowardly Lion: That doesn't do any good; I'm afraid of 'em.

Wizard of Oz: Do not arouse the wrath of the great and powerful Oz. I said come back tomorrow.

Dorothy: I'm not afraid of her.
Zeke: Then next time she squawks, walk right up to her and spit in her eye. That's what I'd do.

Tin Woodsman: Some people without brains do an awful lot of talking.

Coroner (singing): She's not only merely dead / She's really most sincerely dead.

The Wizard of Oz: A heart is not judged by how much you love; but by how much you are loved by others.

Dorothy: Did you say something?
Tin Woodsman: Oilcan.
Dorothy: He said oilcan.
Scarecrow: Oil can what?

Dorothy: Where do you want to be oiled first?

Auntie Em: Why don't you find a place where there isn't any trouble.
Dorothy: A place where there isn't any trouble. Do you suppose there is such a place Toto? There must be. It's not a place you can get to by a boat or a train. It's far, far away. Behind the moon, beyond the rain.

Dorothy: Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore.

Dorothy: My! People have a way of coming and going so quickly here!

Witch: Going so soon? I wouldn't hear of it. Why my little party's just beginning.

Witch: I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!

Scarecrow: I haven't got a brain...only straw.
Dorothy: How can you talk if you haven't got a brain?
Scarecrow: I don't know...But some people without brains do an awful lot of talking...don't they? Dorothy: Yes, I guess you're right.

Cowardly Lion: How long can you stay fresh in that can?

[After encountering the witch's flying monkeys.]
Tin Woodsman: What happened to you?
Scarecrow: They tore my legs off and threw 'em over there. Then they took my chest out and threw it over there.
Tin Woodsman: Well, that's you all over!

[Dorothy watches the Witch melt]
Witch: Who ever thought a little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?

The Wizard of Oz: Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain.

The Wizard of Oz: Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable.

The Wizard of Oz: Why, anybody can have a brain. That's a very mediocre commodity. Every pusillanimous creature that crawls on the Earth or slinks through slimy seas has a brain. Back where I come from, we have universities of great learning, where men go to become great thinkers. And when they come out, they think deep thoughts and with no more brains than you have. But they have one thing that you haven't got: a diploma.

Scarecrow: Joy! Rapture! I've got a brain!

Hickory: What have you learned, Dorothy?
Dorothy: Well, I - I think that it - it wasn't enough to just want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em - and it's that - if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again, I won't look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn't there, I never really lost it to begin with! Is that right?

Dorothy: Oh, but anyway, Toto, we're home. Home! And this is my room, and you're all here. And I'm not gonna leave here ever, ever again, because I love you all, and - oh...
Auntie Em: There's no place like home!

---

Working Girl (1988)

Cyn: Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will.

Mick: Tess, will you marry me?
Tess: Maybe.
Mick: What kind of an answer is maybe?
Tess: If you want a different answer, ask a different girl.

[The morning after Tess passed out from drinking.]
Tess: What did happen, exactly?
Jack: The earth moved. The angels wept. The Polaroids are, are, uh... [gropes about in his coat pockets] are in my other coat. [Grins] Nothing happened. Nothing happened!

Tess: You can bend the rules plenty once you get to the top, but not while you're trying to get there. And if you're someone like me, you can't get there without bending the rules. Trask: You've got a real fire in your belly.
Tess: I'm not quite sure what you mean, sir. I've got something in my belly, but I think it's nervous knots.

Jack: You're the first woman I've seen in one of these things that dresses like a woman, not like a woman thinks a man would dress if he was a woman.
Tess: Thank you, I guess.

Tess: How did you get the scar?
Jack: Some guy pulled a knife in Detroit.
Tess: Really?
Jack: No. No. I was nineteen and I thought it'd be cool to have a pierced ear. My girlfriend stuck the needle through and I heard this pop and fainted and hit my chin on the toilet.

Cyn: Can I get ya anything? Coffee? Tea? Me?

Cyn: Six thousand dollars? It's not even leather!

Tess: I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?
Jack: Uh, no. No.

Tess: You know, maybe I just don't like you.
Jack: Me? Naaah!