Hairspray (1988)

Geometry Teacher: Tracy Turnblad, once again your ratted hair is preventing another student's geometry education.
Tracy: It's feathered, not ratted.
Geometry Teacher: Whatever you call it, it's a hair-don't!

Tracy: I'm an integrationist. We shall overcome someday.
Beatnik Chick: Not with that hair, you won't.

Tracy: How do you get your hair so - so flat?
Beatnik Chick: With an iron, man! I play my bongos, listen to Odetta, and then I iron my hair, dig?

Wilbur: Tracy, we all have responsibilities in life. You may think owning the Hardy-Har joke shop is all drudgery; unwrapping dribble glasses, checking doggy doo, but I wuv it.

Amber: Isn't she a little fat for the show?
Tracy: I'm sure many of the other home viewers out there are pleasantly plump or chunky.
Amber: Come on! The show's not filmed in Cinemascope.

---

Happy Gilmore (1996)

Nursing Home Orderly: Good news, everybody, we're extending arts and crafts time by four hours today.
Old Woman: My fingers hurt.
Nursing Home Orderly: What's that?
Old Woman: My fingers hurt.
Nursing Home Orderly: Oh, well, now your back's gonna hurt, 'cause you just pulled landscaping duty. Anybody else's fingers hurt?... I didn't think so.

Happy: During high school, I played junior hockey and still hold two league records: most time spent in the penalty box; and I was the only guy to ever take off his skate and try to stab somebody.

Happy: Looks like a slight hill. Whaddya think?
Caddy: And a slant to the left.
Happy: That's 'cause you're only wearing one shoe.

Grandma: What happened to that nice girlfriend of yours?
Happy: Oh, she's dead. She got hit by a car.

Happy: You know my girlfriend is dead. She fell off a cliff and died on impact.

Happy: I'll make you a bet. If you get this puck into that net, I'll never bother you again. But if you miss, you have to give me a big fat kiss. And you have to pretend you like it too.
Virginia: Do you always carry a puck with you?
Happy: Yeah.
[Virgina shoots puck and scores]
Happy: Holy s***. Talk about your all time back-fires.

Shooter: Stay out of my way, or you'll pay. Listen to what I say.
Happy: Yeah, why don't I go eat some hay. I can make things out of clay, or lay by the bay, I just may. Whaddya say?

Happy: If I ever caught myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own a**!

Grandma: Sir, can I trouble you for a warm glass of milk? It helps me go to sleep.
The Nursing Home Orderly: You can trouble me for a warm glass of shut-the-h***-up! Now, you will go to sleep or I will put you to sleep. You're in my world now, baby.

Verne: Quite a large and economically diverse crowd here at the Michelob Invitational.

Happy: I was on this tour for one reason - money - but now I've got a new reason: kicking your a**!

Shooter: I eat pieces of s*** like you for breakfast.
Happy: You eat pieces of s*** for breakfast?!

---

Heathers (1989)

Heather McNamara: It's your turn, Heather.
Heather Chandler: No, Heather, it's Heather's turn. Heather?
Heather Duke: Sorry Heather.

Ram: Didn't you know there's no faggots allowed in this cafeteria?
J.D.: No, but I guess there's an open policy on a*******.

J.D.: Seven schools in seven states and the only thing different is my locker combination.

Heather Chandler: They all want me as a friend or a f***. I'm worshiped at Westerburg and I'm only a junior.

Heather Chandler: Transfer to Washington. Transfer to Jefferson. No one at Westerberg is going to let you play their reindeer games.

Heather Chandler: F*** me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa to you?

Heather Chandler: Grow up, Heather. Bulimia's so '87!

Heather Chandler: You wanted to be a member of the most powerful cliche in school. If I wasn't already the head of it, I'd want the same thing.

Veronica: No, my life's not perfect... I don't really like my friends.
J.D.: Yeah... I don't really like your friends either.

Veronica: My parents wanted to move me into high school out of the sixth grade, but we decided to chuck the idea because I'd have trouble making friends, blah, blah, blah. Now blah, blah, blah is all I ever do. I use my great IQ to decide what color lip gloss to wear and how to hit three keggers before curfew.

Veronica: This may seem like a really stupid question...
J.D.: There *are* no stupid questions.
Veronica: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they will blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
J.D.: That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

Veronica: They're all Swatch dogs and Diet Coke heads.

Veronica: Heather says real life sucks losers dry. If you want to f*** with the eagles, you have to learn to fly.

J.D.: Chaos killed the dinosaurs!

J.D.: Our love is God, let's go get a Slushie.

Veronica: I say we just grow up, be adults and die.

Heather Chandler: You stupid f***!
Veronica: You G**d*** b****!
Heather Chandler: I brought you to a Remington party and what's my thanks? It's on a hallway carpet. I got paid in puke.
Veronica: Lick it up baby, lick it up.

Heather Chandler: You were nothing before you met me. You were a Bluebird. You were a Brownie. You were a Girl Scout cookie.

Heather Chandler: Grow up. You think I'm going to drink that just because you call me chicken? Just give me the cup.

Veronica: It's one thing to want someone out of your life, but it's another thing to serve them a wake-up cup full of Liquid Drano.

Veronica: I just killed my best friend!
J.D.: And your worst enemy.
Veronica: Same difference.

Veronica: I better motor, if I'm gonna make the funeral.

J.D.: This is Ohio. If you don't have a brewski in your hand you might as well be wearing a dress.

Kurt's father: My son's a homosexual, and I love him! I love my dead gay son!

Veronica: My teenage angst b***s*** now has a body count.

Veronica's dad: Somebody tell me why I read these d*** spy novels.
Veronica: Because you're an idiot.
Veronica's dad: Oh yeah, that's right.

Veronica's dad: Will someone tell me why I smoke these d*** things?
Veronica: Because you're an idiot.
Veronica's dad: Oh yeah, that's it.

Veronica: This isn't just a spoke in my menstrual cycle.

Heather McNamara: Suicide is a private thing.
Veronica: You're throwing your life away to become a statistic on US f***ing A Today; that's about the least private thing I can think of.

Courtney: If I got that money, I'd give it all to the homeless. Every cent.
Veronica: You're beautiful.

J.D.: The extreme always seems to make an impression.

J.D.: I like it. It's got that it's-a-cruel-world-let's-throw-ourselves-in-the-abyss type ambience.

Veronica: All we want is to be treated like human beings, not to be experimented on like guinea pigs or patronized like bunny rabbits.
Veronica's Dad: I don't patronize bunny rabbits!

Veronica: If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being. You'd be a game-show host.

Veronica: Heather, why are you such a mega-b****?
Heather Duke: Because I can be.

J.D.: Wanna go out tonight? Catch a movie? Miniature golf?
Veronica: I was thinking more along the lines of slitting Heather Duke's wrists open, making it look like suicide.
J.D.: Ah, now you're talking. I can be up for that. I've already started underlining meaningful passages in her copy of Moby Dick, if you know what I mean?

J.D.: The only place different social types can genuinely get along with each other is in heaven.

Veronica: She's my best friend. God, I hate her.

Hippie Teacher/Counselor: Whether or not a teenager decides to kill themselves is the biggest decision of their life.

J.D.: People will look at the ashes of Westerburg and say, "Now there's a school that self destructed, not because society didn't care, but because the school was society!" Now that's deep.

[After she shoots J.D.]
Veronica: You know what I want? Cool guys like you out of my life.

Heather Duke: Veronica, you look like hell.
Veronica: Thanks, I just got back.

Veronica: Heather, my love, there's a new sheriff in town.

---

Henry V (1989)

[Addressing the troops.]
Henry: And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by from this day until the ending of the world but we in it shall be remembered. We few, we happy few, we band of brothers. For he today who sheds his blood with me shall be my brother. Be he ne'er so vile, this day shall gentle his condition, and gentlemen in England now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their manhoods cheap whilst any speaks, that fought with us upon St. Crispin's day!

Henry: We would not seek a fight as we are, nor as we are I say we shall not shun it.

Henry: Thou hast me, if thou hast me, at the worst; and thou shalt wear me, if thou wear me, better and better.

Henry: If little faults proceeding on distemper shall not be winked at, how shall we stretch our eye, when capital crimes, chewed, swallowed and digested appear before us?

Henry: Canst thou love me?
Katherine: I cannot tell.
Henry: Can any of your neighbors tell, Kate? I'll ask them.

Henry: Customs curtsy to great kings. We are the makers of manners, Kate.

Henry: (After kissing Katherine) You have witchcraft in your lips, Kate. There is more eloquence in a sugar-touch of them than in the tongues of the French Council.

Chorus: A kingdom for a stage, princes to act.

Henry: We few, we happy few, we band of brothers.

Constable: Where have they this mettle? Is not their climate foggy, raw and dull?

Henry: I know not if the day be ours or no.
Mountjoy: The day is yours.

---

Hercules (1997)

Hades: How sentimental. You know I haven't been this choked up since I got a hunk of moussaka caught in my throat.

Hercules: Wow, what a day, first that restaurant by the bay and then that, that play, that, that, that Oedipus thing. Man, I thought I had problems.

Phil: I trained them all! Odysseus... Perseus... Theseus... a lot of eus-es.

Hercules: Aren't you, a damsel in distress?
Meg: I'm a damsel, I'm in distress... I can handle this. Have a nice day!

Meg: Megara, my friends call me Meg. At least they would if I had any friends. So did they give you a name along with all those rippling pectorals?

Meg: He comes on with his big innocent farmboy routine, but I could see through that in a Peloponnesian minute.

Meg: Is Wonderboy here for real?
Phil: What are you talking about? Of course he's real. And by the way, sweetcheeks, I'm real too.

Meg: You know how men are. They think "no" means "yes" and "get lost" is "take me, I'm yours!"

[After almost getting knocked down by a chariot]
Phil: Hey, I'm *walkin'* here!

Panic: Hercules... Why does that name ring a bell?
Pain: I don't know. Maybe we owe him money?

Hades: So you took care of him. Dead as a doornail. Weren't those your EXACT words?
Pain: Ummm, maybe this is a different Hercules.
Panic: Yeah! I mean Hercules is a very popular name nowadays.
Pain: Yeah. Remember, like a few years ago? Every other boy was named Jason, and the girls were all named Brittany?

Hercules: I never knew playing hookie could be so much fun.
Meg: Yeah. Neither did I.

Hades: What if you were to give up your strength for 24 hours... say, the *next* 24 hours?
Hercules: You have to promise Meg won't get hurt!
Hades: Okay, I'll give you that Meg won't get hurt, if she does - you get your strength back, yadda yadda yadda, dotted line, whadya say, do we have a deal?

Hades: We dance, we kiss, we schmooze, we carry on, go home happy, what'd'ya say. Come on.

Meg: Thanks for everything, Herc. It's been a real slice.

Meg: I'm a big tough girl. I tie my own sandals and everything.

Meg: You can't do that! You'll be killed!
Hercules: There are some things worse than death.

Hercules: I'm the most famous person in all Greece! I'm an action figure!

Hades: It's a small underworld after all, huh?

Hades: Zeusie, I'm home!

Hercules: People are going to get hurt, aren't they?
Hades: Wha? Naaaa!! Well, I mean it's a *possibility*, it's *war*, but hey, you don't care about those people!

Hercules: You know, when I was a kid, I would have given anything to be exactly like everybody else.
Meg: You wanted to be petty and dishonest?
Hercules: Everybody's not like that.
Meg: Yes, they are.
Hercules: You're not like that.
Meg: How do you know what I'm like?

---

Home for the Holidays (1995)

Joanne: You're calling me a freak?
Tommy: No, I'm calling you a product of baboon lovin'. There's a distinction.

Tommy: Well, that was absurd, let's eat dead bird!

Adele: I'm giving thanks that we don't have to go through this for another year. Except we do, because those b******* went and put Christmas right in the middle, just to punish us.

Claudia: Nobody means what they say on Thanksgiving, Mom. You know that. That's what the day's supposed to be all about, right? Torture.

Claudia: You don't know the first thing about me.

Joanne: If I just met you on the street and you gave me your number, I'd throw it away.

Claudia: We don't have to like each other. We're family.

Walter: Cash is King. Cash is the fossil fuel that keeps our economic pistons pumping.

---

Hope Floats (1998)

Birdee: I was the Queen of Corn, 3 years running.

Birdee: People fall in love. They fall right back out. It happens all the time.

Justin: Dancing's just a conversation between two people. Talk to me.

Ramona: Look at me. My life has no meaning or direction, and I'm happy.

Bernice: Mom, are you gonna marry Justin Matisse?
Birdee: Oh, honey, I'm not planning on getting married again for along time. What, you don't like Justin?
Bernice: No, it's not that. It's just that...
Birdee: What is it? You can tell me.
Bernice: I just don't want to be known as Bernice Matisse!

Birdee: Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad, but it's what's in the middle that counts.

---

The Hunt for Red October (1990)

Pilot: Fuel status says we turn back now.
Ryan: Wait a minute. Fuel status? You have a reserve, don't you?
Pilot: Yes, sir. I've got a ten minute reserve... but I'm not allowed to invade that except in time of war.
Ryan: If you don't get me on that G**d***ed submarine, that might be exactly what you'll have! You got me? Now you have ten more minutes' worth of fuel, we stay here ten more minutes!

Borodin: I will live in Montana. And I will marry a round American woman and raise rabbits, and she will cook them for me. And I will have a pickup truck... maybe even a "recreational vehicle."

Watson: Y'know, I seen me a mermaid once. I even seen me a shark eat an octopus. But I ain't never seen no phantom Russian submarine.

Mancuso: My Morse is so rusty, I could be sending him dimensions on playmate of the month.

Ramius: We will pass through the American patrols, past their sonar nets, and lay off their largest city, and listen to their rock and roll... while we conduct missile drills.

Pelt: It would be well for your government to consider that having your ships and ours, your aircraft and ours, in such proximity... is inherently *dangerous*. Wars have begun that way, Mr. Ambassador.

[A torpedo is racing toward them.]
Borodin: Torpedo impact, 20 seconds.
Ramius: [to Ryan] What books?
Ryan: Pardon me?
Ramius: What books did you write? Ryan: I wrote a biography of, of Admiral Halsey, called "The Fighting Sailor", about, uh, naval combat tactics...
Ramius: I know this book!
Borodin: Torpedo impact...
Ramius: Your conclusions were all wrong, Ryan...
Borodin: ...10 seconds.
Ramius: ...Halsey acted stupidly.

Davenport: What is Ramius going to do, sail into New York Harbor, pop the hatch, and say "Here I am"?
Ryan: It may be just that simple.

Ramius: You're afraid of our fleet. Well, you should be. Personally, I'd give us one chance in three. More tea?

[Shootout in the missile room.]
Ramius: Hey, Ryan, be careful what you shoot at. Most things in here don't react too well to bullets.
Ryan: Right. [Moves closer to enemy, who fires several shots at him.] *I* have to be careful what *I* shoot at?

Ryan (to himself): "Ryan, some things in here don't react well to bullets." Yeah, like me. I don't react well to bullets.

Painter: This business will get out of control. It will get out of control and we'll be lucky to live through it.

Ramius: When he reached the New World, Cortes burned his ships. As a result his crew was well motivated.

Ramius: I miss the peace of fishing like when I was a boy. Forty years I've been at sea. A war at sea. A war with no battles, no monuments... only casualties. I widowed her the day I married her. My wife died while I was at sea, you know.

Jonesy: Conn, sonar! Crazy Ivan!
Mancuso: All stop! Quick quiet!
[The ships engines are shut down completely.]
Beaumont: What's goin' on?
Jonesy: Russian captains sometime turn suddenly to see if anyone's behind them. We call it "Crazy Ivan." The only thing you can do is go dead. Shut everything down and make like a hole in the water.
Beaumont: So what's the catch?
Jonesy: The catch is a boat this big doesn't exactly stop on a dime... and if we're too close, we'll rift right into the back of him.

Mancuso: The hard part about playing chicken is knowin' when to flinch.

Tyler: When I was twelve, I helped my daddy build a bomb shelter in our basement because some fool parked a dozen warheads 90 miles off the coast of Florida. Well, this thing could park a coupla hundred warheads off Washington and New York and no one would know anything about it till it was all over.

Ramius: A great day comrades, we sail into history!

DSRV Officer: Hey I think someone just shot a torpedo at us!
Mancuso: No s***, Buckwheat, now get the hell out of here!

Ramius: It reminds me of the heady days of Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin when the worldtrembled at the sound of our rockets. Now they will tremble again - at the sound of our silence. The order is: engage the silent drive.

Pelt: Listen; I'm a politician which means I'm a cheat and a liar, and when I'm not kissing babies I'm stealing their lollipops. But it also means I keep my options open.

Pelt: You slammed the door on the General pretty hard, didn't you?
Ryan: I didn't intend to.
Pelt: Oh, yes, you did! He was patronizing you, and you stomped on him! And in my opinion, he deserved it!

Captain: What's his plan?
Ryan: His plan?
Captain: Russians don't take a dump, son, without a plan...

Mancuso: Central Intelligence Agency... Now, there's a contradiction in terms.

Ryan: I'm not an agent, I just write books for the CIA.