The Jerk (1979)

Navin R. Johnson: I was born a poor black child.

[Navin recites some wisdom.]
Navin: Lord loves a workin' man; don't trust whitey; see a doctor and get rid of it.

Navin (singing): I'm picking out a Thermos for you! Not an ordinary Thermos for you. But the extra best Thermos that you can buy, with vinyl and stripes and a cup built right in!

Navin: I know we've only known each other 4 weeks and 3 days, but to me it seems like 9 weeks and 5 days.

Navin: The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need! My name in print! That really makes somebody! Things are going to start happening to me now.

[A sniper keeps missing Navin and hitting cans of motor oil.]
Navin: He hates these cans! Stay away from the cans!

Mother: Navin, I'd love you if you were the color of a baboon's a**.

---

Jerry Maguire (1996)

Jerry: I will not rest until I have you holding a Coke, wearing your own shoe, playing a Sega game *featuring you*, while singing your own song in a new commercial, *starring you*, broadcast during the Superbowl, in a game that you are winning, and I will not *sleep* until that happens. I'll give you fifteen minutes to call me back.

Copy store clerk: That's how you become great, man. Hang your balls out there!

Ray: What's wrong, Mommy?
Dorothy: First class, that's what's wrong. It used to be a better meal, now it's a better life.

Bob Sugar: It's not show "friends." It's show *business*.

Jerry: I don't like black people? I am *Mister* black people.

Rod: I got a shelf life of ten years, tops. My next contract's gotta bring me the dollars that'll last me and mine a long time. S***, I'm out of this sport in 5 years. What's my family gonna live on? Huh?

Rod: Show... me... the... money!

Jerry: Show me the money!

Avery: There is no real loyalty, and the first person who taught me that was you.
Jerry: I figure I was trying to sleep with you at the time.
Avery: Well, it worked.

Ray: D'you know that the human head weighs 8 pounds?
Jerry: Did you know that Troy Aikman, in only six years, has passed for 16,303 yards?
Ray: D'you know that bees and dogs can smell fear?
Jerry: Did you know that the career record for hits is 4,256 by Pete Rose who is *not* in the Hall of Fame?
Ray: D'you know that my next door neighbor has three rabbits?
Jerry: I... I can't compete with that!

Jerry: I'm still sort of moved by your "My word is stronger than oak" thing.

Avery: There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don't have it. I don't cry at movies, I don't gush over babies, I don't buy Christmas presents 5 months early, and I *don't* tell the guy who just ruined both our lives, "Oh, poor baby." But I do love you.

Jerry: Do you want this jacket? I don't need it. I'm cloaked in failure!

Jerry: Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!

Jerry: I lost the number one draft pick the night before the draft!
Rod: Well, boo-f***ing-hoo.

Rod: Anyone else would have left you by now, but I'm sticking with you. And if I have to ride your a** like Zorro, you're gonna show me the money.

Laurel: I heard.
Dorothy: No kidding. I looked over and saw the shadow of two curious shoes under the kitchen door.
Laurel: Dorothy, this guy would go home with a gardening tool if it showed interest.

Dorothy: Look at me, Laurel, I'm the oldest 26 year old in the world.

Dorothy: I just want to be inspired.

Dorothy: I've had three lovers in the past four years, and they all ran a distant second to a good book and a warm bath.

Ray: You said f***. It's okay. I won't tell.

Jerry: Have you ever gotten the feeling that you aren't completely embarassed yet, but you glimpse tomorrow's embarassment?

Jerry: I'm not trying to make history here.

Laurel: Don´t cry at the begining of a date. Cry at the end, like I do.

Jerry: That's more than a dress. That's an Audrey Hepburn movie.

Jerry: This is going to change everything.
Dorothy: Promise?

Dorothy: I love him! I love him for the man he wants to be. And I love him for the man he almost is.

Dicky Fox: The key to this business is personal relationships.

Dorothy: Maybe love shouldn't be such hard work.

Rod: You are hanging on by a very thin thread and I dig that about you!

Jerry: I did *not* "shoplift the pootie"!

Laurel: You f*** this up, I'll kill you.
Jerry: I'm glad we had this talk.

Laurel: I'm incapable of small talk.

Dorothy: On the surface, everything seems fine. I've got this great guy. And he loves my kid. And he sure does like me a lot. And I can't live like that. It's not the way I'm built.

Jerry: What do you want from me? My soul?
Dorothy: Why not? I deserve that much.

Dicky Fox: If this [points to heart] is empty, this [points to head] doesn't matter.

Jerry: How's your head?
Rod: Bubblicious.

Jerry: I won't let you get rid of me. What do you think about that?

Jerry: I love you. You... complete me.
Dorothy: Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at "hello."

Dicky Fox: I have failed as much as I have succeeded. But I love my life. I love my wife. And I wish you my kind of success.

---

The Jewel of the Nile (1985)

Jewel: We are sworn, Just Joan.
Joan: Right, but it's just "Joan."
Jewel: Right - Just Joan.

[While surrounded by native Africans.]
Jack: Just keep smiling. Maybe they'll think we're with National Geographic.

[At a Sufi celebration]
Ralph: Look at these guys, Colton. No sheep is safe tonight.

Ralph: You're all I thought about for six months. They threw me in a jail filled with rejects from the communicable disease ward. Every wacko, drippy, open-sored low-life was in that joint, all of them wanting to hire on as my proctologist.

Joan: Don't be ridiculous! Jack would never die without telling me.

---

Jumanji (1995)

Young Sarah: At night they fly, you better run. These winged things are not much fun.

Judy: What happened to you? You shave with a piece of glass?
Alan: What happened to you? The Clampett's have a yard sale?

Judy: Don't be fooled. It isn't thunder. Staying put would be a blunder.

Gun Salesman: You're not a postal worker, are you?

Sarah: Alan, you wrestled an alligator for me.
Alan: It was a crocodile. Alligators don't have that little fringe on their hind leg.
Sarah: My mistake.

---

Jumpin' Jack Flash (1986)

Terry: This is great. I'm down on the docks at 1:30 in the morning. I might as well pin a hundred dollar bill to my butt and scream "Victim here! Victim here!"

Terry: I'm a little black woman in a big silver box.

---

Jurassic Park (1993)

Dodgson: You shouldn't use my name.
Dennis: [loudly] Dodgson, Dodgson, we have Dodgson here! See? Nobody cares.

Alan: You married?
Ian: Occasionally.

Ian: I'm always on the lookout for the next ex-Mrs. Malcolm.

Ian: She's, ah, tenacious.
Alan: You have no idea.

John: Dr. Grant, my dear Dr. Sattler. Welcome to Jurassic Park.

Alan: It looks like we're out of a job.
Ian: Don't you mean extinct?

John: We've made living biological attractions so astounding that they'll capture the imagination of the entire planet.

Henry: You are saying that a group of animals, entirely composed of females, will breed?
Ian: No, I am merely stating that uhh... life finds a way.

Ian: I'll tell you the problem with the scientific power that you're using here: it didn't require any discipline to attain it. You read what others had done and you took the next step. You didn't earn the knowledge for yourselves, so you don't take any responsibility for it. You stood on the shoulders of geniuses to accomplish something as fast as you could and before you even knew what you had you patented it and packaged it and slapped it on a plastic lunchbox, and now you're selling it, you want to sell it!

Ian: Yeah, but your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should.

[Ellie has dug through a pile of dino-droppings with her hands]
Ian: You will remember to wash your hands before you eat anything?

Lex: I'm a hacker!
Tim: That's what I said: you're a nerd.
Lex: I am not a computer nerd. I prefer to be called a hacker!

Ian: God creates dinosaurs. God destroys dinosaurs. God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates dinosaurs...
Ellie: Dinosaurs eat man. Woman inherits the earth...

Ian: Eventually, you do plan to have dinosaurs on your dinosaur tour, right?

John: All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked.
Ian: Yeah, but John, if the Pirates of the Caribbean breaks down, the pirates don't eat the tourists.

Robert: I think this was Gennaro.
Ellie: [several yards away] I think this was, too.

[When Ian is found after the T-rex attack]
Ian : Remind me to thank John for a lovely weekend.

[Upon hearing the T-Rex approach]
Ian: I...I...I'm fairly alarmed here.

[While being chased by the T-Rex]
Ian: Must.. go... faster!

[After being chased by the T-Rex]
Ian: You think they'll have that on the tour?

Lex: He left us! He left us!
Alan: But that's not what *I'm* gonna do.

Grant: Oh my God. Do you know what this is? This is a dinosaur egg. The dinosaurs are breeding.

[Upon realizing that the park is out of control]
Ian: I hate it when I'm always right.

Ellie: I was overwhelmed by the power of this place; but I made a mistake, too. I didn't have enough respect for that power and it's out now. The only thing that matters now are the people we love: Alan and Lex and Tim. John, they're out there where people are dying.

Ellie: We can make it if we run.
Robert: No, we can't.
Ellie: Why not?
Robert: Because we are being hunted.
Ellie: Oh God.

Lex: It's a UNIX system! I know this!!!

Alan: Mr. Hammond, I have decided not to endorse your park.
John: So have I.

John: I spared no expenses.