Your list is now complete. You have it before you, filled with the names of everyone you have harmed, whether physically, emotionally, or financially; everyone you have cheated, lied to, stolen from, taken advantage of, and deceived, including yourself. Your closest family members should be at the top of that list, as these are the ones who usually receive the brunt of everything that happens to us throughout a day. Parents, spouse, and children are surely the ones we have taken for granted many times, have taken advantage of their love and kindness, have stolen their time and emotions, inflicted them with our negative feelings and attitudes, unjustly blamed them for things we, ourselves were responsible for, and have cheated them out of our attention and loyalty. So what do you do with the list now? Ask yourself, "Am I willing to apologize to each person on this list?" Do NOT jump up now and immediately begin making apologies. At this point, all you need to do is be willing. And if there are any on the list which you are not willing to apologize to, then begin praying each day for the willingness to do so. For those which cause you considerable trouble, there is a solution. Each night, pray for that person or persons, asking God to give them everything you would like for yourself ... peace, happiness, success, love, wealth, etc. It isn't necessary that you muster up any sincerety for this prayer; just pray it, regardless of how you feel. Remember, the lesson we have been trying to learn throughout this study is to take our focus off of our feelings. It is my actions that count, not my feelings nor intentions.

While we often judge ourselves by our intentions, the rest of the world is judging us by our actions.

What matters in prayer is that we pray with the desire to better ourselves and/or help others. When I pray, it changes me. I have gained new insight and understanding for people I once had great resentment toward, simply by praying for them. This certainly doesn't happen after praying once or twice. Resentments of long standing or even those freshest on our minds can require daily prayer for two weeks, a month, or even longer to dissolve. Regardless of how long it takes, if you are diligent in prayer, freedom will come. Our goal is to have a spiritual experience, not an emotional experience. Emotionalism may feel good for a time, but it has no lasting effect, whereas a spiritual awakening produces a change in our attitudes. And the only way I have found to alter my thinking and feeling is through first taking right actions.

For the next two weeks, you are to pray for all those on your list, asking God to give them everything you wish for yourself and also asking for the willingness to set things right with them. There are two very important things to note about prayer:

** While we cannot hope to control people or outcomes by praying for God to carry out our wishes, take note that prayer does change things. If it didn't, then there would be no reason to pray. Many things happen as a result of prayer which wouldn't have happened otherwise, and many things which would have happened without prayer don't happen because we prayed.
** Whatever I wish upon someone else, I am wishing for myself. When we wish (and pray) for good things to happen to others, we are in effect, wishing good upon ourselves. Likewise, when we wish or hope pain, sorrow, or any misfortune upon someone, we are actually bringing that upon ourselves.

The thoughts and feelings we harbor and nourish, whether positive or negative, are the seeds we have planted in our own gardens and we will eventually harvest the produce in our own lives.

Lastly, we consider that person who causes us harm when we truthfully had no part it the occurance. Certainly there are times when we have been hurt by someone without any provocation and without any former action on our part leading up to such an event. There are times when we have no responsibility in what happened. These will probably be the most difficult to forgive, as we are entirely justified in our bitterness and blame. However, is it more important to hold onto that hatred because the person deserves to be hated, or to be free of the pain and have peace of mind? Depending on the offense, forgiveness may be a long time in coming, if ever. Some violations are just too traumatic for a person to forgive. That is understandable. Yet, you may want to try, for your own well-being. When I pray that someone else will receive all I wish for myself, it doesn't necessarily mean it will happen, but it does guarantee a change in me. So, these people too, need to go on our resentment prayer list, even though we owe them no apologies. Yet, we owe ourselves the opportunity to heal. Whether forgiveness comes or not, we must work ourselves out of feeling like a victim. When we think and feel ourselves to be victims, we actually perpetuate victimization in our lives. Our prayer might be something like this:

"I realize this person (using their name) is a very sick individual. Having caused such harm to me, they have surely harmed many others in much the same manner. I know that this person is very miserable, as none of us can hurt others without suffering. In my pain and anger, I want this person to suffer as I have suffered and to be punished for what he/she has done. Yet, I ask that you will get him/her the help needed to stop harming others."

What are you asking for when you pray that they receive the help to stop harming others? You are asking God to decide what kind of help will stop this person from hurting anyone else. And that may be therapy which will truly change the person, it may be placing them in an institution (mental or prison) for the rest of their lives, or it may even mean their death. But we don't pray for any of these specifically. We only ask that they be stopped from harming others, and let God decided the best solution.