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Argentinum    

Spiritual Freedom

Assignment Nine ~

God's part we cannot do; our part He will not do....

~ Part One ~

At this point, you should have spent two weeks praying for all those on your list, praying for the willingness to set things right and asking for good things in their lives. Before we talk about actually apologizing to anyone, there is something we need to take a close look at. We only want to apologize to those whom we have harmed, but not necessarily everyone who we have wronged. The difference is in whether or not the other party knew of the event and was hurt by it. There are many times when our actions have wronged someone, yet they are not aware of the deed.

One such case might be in an act of adultry where your spouse, or the spouse of the other party was never aware of the affair. Your actions definitely wronged the other party, yet if they were never aware, they have not suffered any harm. This is not excusing your conduct in any way, nor saying to it is all right as long as you don't get caught. No, that is not the concept here at all. The point is, we want to make things right with those who have suffered, physically, emotionally, and financially by our actions or inactions. We do not, however, want to relieve our own guilt at another's expense. To apologize to your spouse for being unfaithful, when your spouse had not known, might eleviate your own guilty conscience, but your confession would cause harm. We want to admit where we have been wrong to those who have suffered, and not cause harm in the process. Remember the old saying,
"Two wrongs don't make a right."
This certainly applies here.

Another instance might be where admitting to an act could put you out of work, or possibly in jail. Doing such might be admirable, unless you have a family which depends on you for support. In this case, again your confession and restitution might relieve your own guilt and fears, yet the consequences would be harmful to others. Another scenerio might be where your actions in the past have caused so much grief to another person that all they want is for you to leave them alone. In such a case, the best apology you can make is to respect their wishes and simply stay out of their life -- for good.

Then, there are the cases when we must carefully check our motives when wanting to make certain amends. Could it be that you have been looking for an excuse, any reason to contact a specific individual, secretly desiring a certain response, hoping for something in return? Let us keep in mind that this is a course in spiritual development through self-honesty and a sincere desire to better our characters. It is not about what we can gain from others as a result of our new-found direction and attitude, but only what we can give and gain internally.

Self-actualization is the personal satisfaction and fulfillment which comes from within -- knowing we have performed to our own standards or beyond, realizing our goals and expending our knowledge and creativity. This is the mark of emotional maturity, when we perform to our best for nothing more than the inner joy we receive, rather than seeking the praise and approval of others. If I must have some monetary gain, public recognition or other personal reward to motivate me, then I have yet a ways to go in growing up. These things are certainly nice, and not a one of us can deny enjoying such rewards, yet our incentive for excellence must eventually come from within. We may offer a sum of money or some privilege to our children as a motivation to make good grades in school. Yet, the day must come when they want to make good grades simply for the personal satisfaction of knowing they have done their best.

Apologizing to those we have harmed, making restitution, and attemtping to set things right with others must be a sincere act of cleaning up the messes we have made in other people's lives, as well as our own, wiping the slate clean to make a fresh start. It is about doing what is right, simply because it is the right thing to do, not for any type of recognition or reward. This portion of the course is to enable us to make a clean break with the past, freeing us from many old fears, resentments, and insecurities which cloud our thinking, disturb our emotions, control our decisions, and block God's direction in our lives. We are cleaning out our own house, irrespective of what the other person has done to us in the past or present. We are all familiar with the Golden Rule:

Do unto other as you would have them do unto you.
We should understand the connatations of this philosophy, but I am going to paraphrase, just to clear up possible mis-interpretations. Not all of us enjoy the same things. What you find pleasurable, another may despise. Maybe you would love to win an all-expenses-paid hiking trip in the mountains. However, your spouse may not enjoy hiking. Therefore, taking your spouse on a hiking trip for vacation is not practing the Golden Rule! Maybe you thoroughly enjoy having your feet rubbed, yet your partner has extremely ticklish feet and doesn't want their feet touched. Grabbing up their feet and giving them a nice foot massage isn't practicing the Golden Rule. When buying someone a gift, you should purchase something you know that person wants and not necessarily something that you would like to have. There are endless possibilities, but you get the idea. In these instances, we should paraphrase with:
Do unto others as they would have you do unto them.
The next paraphrase I would like to make is actually expounding upon the previous:
Do unto others as they would have you do unto them, irrespective of what they do.
In other words, practice the Golden Rule whether others do or not. This is where we seperate the children from the adults...
     Far too many of us are guilty of reaction rather than action. Often, the things we do and say are reactions to what the other person did or said. Spite, revenge, defense, to "teach them a lesson" or to "show them how it feels." Again, we come back to the cliche',
"Two wrongs don't make a right."

Our goal is to honor our own values, morals, and commitments, regardless of what others do or don't do. This is true independence, maturity, and responsibility. I want to live up to the very best that I know today, which is not contengient upon whether or not anyone else in my life does the same. Just because you get angry and call me names is no excuse for me to engage in name-calling in return. Your actions toward me are no excuse for me to behave badly. I am striving to be entirely responsible for myself, to live a life apart from blaming others and shaming myself.

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