What we will find through these changes in ourselves is that the majority of our problems will dissolve of their own accord, our relationships will mend and improve, and we will see wonderful changes in those around us. We will no longer be haunted by guilt and unease, nor will we duck around the corner when certain people approach. Fear will leave us and we will find a new level of self-respect and peace of mind that we have never known before.

It is advisable to talk with an objective party, perhaps the person you confided in with Assignment Four and Five, to determine who and in what manner your apologies should be made. Quite often, those on our list that we think are best left alone are the very ones we most need to confront, while those we feel most willing to approach may be people we shouldn't contact. At this point of the course, you may not have yet fully developed a keen sense of your true motives, which is the reason for consulting an objective person for guidance. It is also wise to ask this trusted confidant their suggestions on the content of each apology.

Some should be very specific, naming specific instances and errors, whereas others are better to be more general. These decisions are sometimes made during the course of the actual apology, as we pray before each encounter, asking for God's wisdom to guide us. We can "play it by ear" in some instances, judging by the other person's response as to whether we need to name and claim our wrongs, or if we should merely offer a general apology for any harm done and leave quickly. It may be the difference in individual personalities, or the extent of the harm done, or the nature of your relationship with the person. But for whatever reason, some people will desire a detailed apology in which you admit to specific wrongs, and others it will be best to simply state that you are apologizing for any harm you may have caused them. You may be uncertain if the person is aware of exactly what you have done, and not wanting to add further injury by exposing something they didn't already know, we simply give a general apology. Other times, the person may very well know exactly what we have done, but are still so full of grief that they really don't want to look at us, much less listen to us give a re-count of our conduct, and again a general apology would be best. We often will know by their response when we have said enough, or if they want us to name and claim specific wrongs.

Let me clarify that when we talk about being specific, it is referring to admiting the specific wrong, itself, and does not mean giving intimate details involved in the act. Again, I will use infidelity as an example... Let's say your spouse knows about an affair you had. You've already had a big fight about it and you've even said you were sorry. Yet, unless you specifically stated that you were wrong in your actions and that you regret the harm you caused without indulging in your partners understandable anger, then you still have not truly apologized. A true apology is not saying you're sorry, but is admitting that you were wrong. Very big difference. This is the extent of the specifics you should ever offer in such a delicate amends. While your spouse may ask questions pertaining to the affair, such as the person's name, how and where it took place, or other details, it is never a good idea to answer such questions. It is only the pain and anger of grief which spurs your partner to ask such questions, and answering them will damage your relationship further, as well as possibly bring harm to the third party. Your spouse is very likely in great need of someone to talk to about their grief, to work through their feelings concerning the affair, but rest assured, YOU are not that person. A counselor, a clergy, or perhaps a close friend may be one who could help your spouse deal with their emotions, but you cannot undo the damage you have done. You can ask for forgiveness, but you cannot expect it or hurry it along. You certainly cannot grow angry for lack of it. You have done the deed and you have no right to be angry with the consequences. Another cliche'...
"If you can't do the time, don't do the crime."
You've done the deed, so take the heat and make the best of it. You have forfeited your partner's trust in you and all you can do now is attempt to earn that trust back through showing your love and devotion with actions of love and devotion.

And now a final word about responses and consequences... You may ask for a person's forgiveness if you so choose, but as stated earlier, do not expect it, growing angry if the injured party refuses. It may be that they will come around eventually, once you have sufficiently proven yourself a changed person. Remember, you are the one who damaged the trust and it is therefore understandable that trust must be earned in the future. You will probably be met with a variety of responses when you make these apologies. Some will accept it with grace and gratitude, others may seem indifferent, and others may be intolerant and even hurtful in return. This is not your concern. The response you receive is not your goal; Cleaning your house is. Some may saying to the effect, "Oh, think nothing of it. That's in the past." While others may tell you just how wrong you were and go into detail of the harm you caused them. The important thing is to maintain your humility and not become defensive in return. Take the heat and go on. You have done your part, and that's all you can do.

When you attempt to give your life and will over to God's loving care through being of service to others, praying for and trusting in God's guidance, and living up to the best you know each day -- and then you remember one who holds a grudge against you for any reason, leave your good deeds and prayer until you first go and make things right with this person. Where at all possible, live in peace with all...
Matthew 5:23,24 (paraphrased)

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