August 21, 1999

I don't know. I'm feeling very blah lately. Possibly for a few reasons. 1- school is starting, and i'm not really prepared in any way shape or form. 2- i'm going to have to confront demons that i've been avoiding all summer in less than a week. 3- my stomach hates me, and i don't feel well. 4- all my friends left for college, or are leaving for college. 5- Erin is in the band. 6- i was late for work, no problem really, but i was late. 7- i'm having a hard time deciding which inspiration to write about next. 8- i'm feeling very left behind and alone for some reason. 9- i have about 100 pages left to go in my book. 10- my parents are on my case still.

Things are closed in around me, and I have this overwhelming desire to sleep in all day and just forget about them. But I tell myself that after two months of seemingly free carelessness, it's time to reep what I've sown. It's going to be a semi-lonely junior year.

Medieval Times is a wonderful place to go. The horrible Green Knight threw me a flower and won my heart, our serf called Jacqui and I queens, and baby dragons taste quite good (like chicken). This comes from the end of a surprisingly long day. We didn't know the Renaissance Faire wasn't opened on the weekends, so then we proceeded to get lost in the middle of no where and discover immensly amusing things about northern Illinois. Two strip malls had virtually nothing but generic stores (i.e.- Dance. Podiatrist. Japanese Restaurant. Cigar and Trading Cards. Meat and Deli. No personalized names!). A farm threatened death by Doberman Pinscher to any trespassers. The man at Little Ceasar's was an idiot, unfortunately. I cannot read street signs until I get to intersections ("Um, I think it says Claritin Road. Oh, no- Chambers Road. Oops." "That's Beach Grove. I mean, Plum Grove."). If a van has a "caution: carrying wedding cake" sign on the back, it's probably lying. Staring at guys in cars next to you, even if they may slightly resemble Seth Green, is rude and the girls sitting next to them don't appreciate it. But, after a trip to Gurnee Mills, Woodfield Mall, and finally Medieval Times, I'd say it was worth the 11 hour trip.

Speaking of shopping. I've gone to Toys "R" Us many times this past week. Now I have the Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gon Jinn, Queen Amidala, and C-3PO CommTech action figures. I also have an Obi-Wan Kenobi clip-on hair braid. You roll your eyes in disgust now, and kinda giggle when I admit I wore it for a good portion of the day I just described above, but be shocked to hear that it's the exact same color as my hair, and grunt in disgust as I say it's gotta be a sign. It's just gotta be.

Lilith Fair was mondo-excellente (i've never used that phrase in my life, i swear). Dixie Chicks were surprisingly enjoyable, Indigo Girls were the fun that I was hoping for, Sheryl Crow was at her best, and Sarah McLachlan was really great. Note-worthy happenings include: Camp Chickclick with their glitter sun screen give- away and bus plastered with all my favorite chicks from their site; between the Indigo Girls and Sheryl Crow, the mob of women waiting for available bathroom space chanted "let the girls pee!" my friends and I joined in; the young feminists mobilizing booth; the twinkling of hundreds of lighters during one of sarah's songs; the massive 'i'm okay, you're okay' feeling that i got from it all- openmindedness and cheerful excitement about the coming music.

A new way to describe how I'm feeling: on edge. I might slip at any moment.

But school won't be that bad, I don't think. No matter how dismal it seems now, I'm probably just looking at it through summer eyes. I'll be a junior, and supposedly that's better than a sophomore. I'll have a chance to redeem myself in my eyes and prove that yes, it's possible for me to do math. Kinda. The music department is taking a trip this year. Band Cheerleading will start up again. I might try the speech team. I have a semester of study hall, and the other semester I get to study the China and Japan. Choir will be fun, I can't forget that for an instant. A new musical, voice lessons, possibility of being some sort of officer with Melissa (oh, I'm smiling now).

Here's something I can't help but think is a good sign. August 25th (the day the whole fiasco starts again) is Kiss and Make Up Day. Erin says something along the lines of 'yeah, sure' but I can dream, can't I? If this day holds true, then maybe the year won't be that bad after all.

I was walking home, and I witnessed two girls (one on rollerblades, one on a bike) going out of their way to find this newly paved driveway ramp just so they could have the pleasure of going down it. Now, it's now like this was that exciting of a ride, at least not in my eyes, but they were 'whee!-ing' and laughing about it. Thinking back many years, I could relate. Do you remember when that 2 second rush of air across your face made your day? When did that end?

What does it mean when you want to (and occasionally do) take time out of your semi-busy day to rush two blocks away just so you can glimpse a person and see if they remember you?

We just got this NordicTrak, and since I was very much against it going into our living room until we get done with our basement, it's in my room. Whenever it's in use, someone's blasting music on our stereo. This is an excuse for the following quotes by Carol King, from one of my mother's CDs.
First, "It's Too Late:" Stayed in bed all morning just to pass the time. There's something wrong here, there can be no denyin' One of us is changin' or maybe we just stopped tryin'. Well it's too late baby, now, it's too late. Though we really did try to make it. Something inside had died and I can't hide it. I just can't fake it. Oh, no.. no. It used to be so easy living here with you. You were light and breezy and I knew just what to do. Now you look so unhappy and I feel like a fool. And it's too late baby, now it's too late. Though we really did try to make. Something inside has died and I can't hide and I just can't fake it. Oh, no. No!
Last, ":"I feel the earth, move, under my feet. I feel the sky tumbling down. I feel my heart start trembling whenever you're around. Oh, baby! When I see your face, mellow as the month of May. Oh darling! I can't stand it. When you look at me that way! I feel the earth, move, under my feet. I feel the sky tumbling down. I feel my heart, trembling, whenever you're around. Oh, darling! When you're near me, and you tenderly call my name. I know that my emotions are something I just can't tame! I just got to have you baby! I feel the earth move under my feet... I just lose control, down to my very soul. I get-a hot and cold all over, all over.... I feel the sky a-tumbling down, a-tumbling down, a tumblin' down...