~ at Athens/Atlantis/9178 ~ 
| Entrance | Table of Contents | Purpose | Introduction | Daily Actions | Assignment One | Assignment Two, parts 1,2,3 | Assignment Two, part 4 | Assignment Three | Assignment Four, intro | Assignment Four, part 1 | 
Assignment Ten ~
Whenever I am disturbed, no matter the cause, there is something wrong with me... 
~ Introduction ~
You should have made a good start on Assignment Nine by the time you reach this page. It may take a while to thoroughly complete the previous portion, as not all the people on your list will be readily available for you to make your apologies. The important thing is that you are willing when the opportunity presents itself. Still feel unwilling to apologize to some? Remember this about prayer:
"When we get on our knees and ask God for strength, courage, willingness, and the like, we trust that He has provided such, and then go about acting as if we have those things."  The first nine assignments in the course have been about finding what has caused problems in our lives, cleaning house, and clearing away the damage of our past mistakes that we may embark on a new life with a clean slate... to uncover, discover, and discard. Our old ideas and reactions have been the faulty foundation which crumbled beneath us under the pressures of life. Thus far, this course has shown us how to name and claim our character defects, let go of old ideas, and clear away the rubble of damaged relationships. Assignment Nine is the first step toward re-building our lives. It is the true test of our willingness to change and grow spiritually. We have undoubtably had some spiritual awakenings along the way. We've seen our greatest downfalls and are learning to recognize these repetitive, self-destructive patterns in ourselves as they arise. Awareness is always the first step toward any kind of change. We initially begin to realize what we have done -- after it has happened -- and we usually come down hard on ourselves for repeating the same mistake when we'd promised ourselves we'd not do it again. We need to remember two basic things at that point:
1) that we are striving for progress and not perfection;
Being aware of our selfishness or shortcomings is progress! Eventually, we are able to recognize the old traps we are about to fall into before repeating the same mistakes, and then we are at the point of practicing self-restraint. We catch ourselves when anger first crops us and quickly pray for the wisdom to respond appropriately. We realize when we are about to give way to feelings, moods, or momentary whims rather than honoring a commitment or being considerate of another, and we're able to make a quick U-turn. Instead of being controlled once more by feelings, we can choose to act according to what is important. We begin to think about morals and priorities, spontaneously checking our motives, reviewing our personal values, and considering consequences before we act or speak. We begin to think in terms of "Am I willing to face the consquence of that action?" and "How will I feel about myself later if I do this, or don't do this?" These thought-processes are a sign of true development.
We can be of little value to ourselves or our fellows until we learn to practice self-control and self-discipline. We are not striving to be more than human, nor to eliminate our emotional natures. Feelings, both comfortable and uncomfortable, are a large part of what makes us who we are. Being the creatures of comparison that we are, we could not know joy without first having experienced pain. Yet we want to seperate our spiritual selves from our emotional natures, taking charge of them rather than allowing our feelings to control our decisions and actions. Our goal therefore, is "emotional balance." Yet, once we achieve such, we must be able to maintain this balance. In this case, "once acquired is not permanent." The remainder of the course is directed toward the design and maintainence of a new, more stable life.
"Whosoever learns the truth and follows is like a wise man who built his house upon a rock. The rains descended and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; but it did not fall, for it was founded on a rock. And everyone who knows the truth but does not follow is like a foolish man who built his house upon the sand. And the rains descended and floods came, and winds blew, and beat upon that house until it fell: and great was the fall of it." Matthew 7:24-27 (paraphrased) COMMENT: The Truth refers to the spiritual laws which govern our lives; The House represents our lives; The Rock refers to living by spiritual principles; The Rains represent common daily living problems, and The Floods are these simple desicions and dilemas which grow into adversity, turmoil, and chaos when we do not apply spiritual principles to our actions; The Sand represents emotions, basing our desicions and actions on our feelings instead of our values and commitments.
~ Part One ~
Re-shaping our attitudes, letting go of old ideas, and re-building relationships...
A key thing to remember when dealing with troublesome relationships is that we have a part in making them so. This does not mean that we are necessarily the one who initiates problems or creates negative feelings. What it does mean however, is that our attitudes and reactions perpetuate the existing problems. It doesn't matter that the other person's attitude and behavior may be the cause, if it is a problem for me, then it is up to me to do something about it. This of course, does not mean that we have suddenly gained the power to change others.... we shall never receive such power. Not even God forces change upon us against our wills. This is simply another opportunity for growth, to again recognize our own flaws, learn a better way of responding to the situation, and ultimately gain a new understanding and a deeper trust in God.
There is no question about it, relationships are tough, especially those with whom we live. Above all, we should practice spiritual principles in our own homes, with our own spouses and children, and yet this is the most difficult place to be at our best. Too often we put out our best in public and our families suffer the unleashing of our frustrations. Certainly home should be the one place we are comfortable in being ourselves, to have relationships which allow each party to find solace and understanding, encouragement and new strength. However, there is a difference in sharing our feelings and inflicting them on others. Anyone can clearly see the difference between saying, "I've had a really bad day, I feel so angry, frustrated and exhausted" and coming home, slamming the door, throwing things, kicking the dog, yelling at the children, and immediately telling your spouse what is wrong with him/her. We cannot eliminate stress, frustration, disappointment and the like from our lives, but we are always and forever responsible for our actions. We are not likely to find much success or real happiness in life if we fail to show unselfishness and love under our own roofs. You will find more opportunities for personal growth and character development within an intimate relationship than through any other means in life, provided that you are always willing to look at yourself, rather than your partner's faults. We grow by our willness to face and over-come our own weaknesses and transform them into assets. One of the most effective means of improving any relationship is to practice Don't ~ Critisize, Condemn, or Complain. Crankiness, depression, and apathy will disappear where there is a spirit of love, tolerance, and understanding. While we can't be cheerful and carefree at all times, it is possible to relay our feelings without assaulting someone in the process. The thing to do is keep your words limited to the way "you feel" rather than throwing in any blame or accusations. By this stage in our development, we should have completely eliminated blame from our way of thinking. The key to a successful marriage and happy family-life is remembering to place the common good of the family unit first. What's best for each individual depends upon the unity of the family as a whole.
There are specific actions you can take to improve your marriage, and no matter how good your relationship is, it can always use some improvement.
Focus on your partner's faults and you will be aggrivated with your spouse all the time. Focus on your partner's assets and you will experience a deeper love and understanding.
 When dealing with all other relations, first of all, we practice patience and tolerance where we have been short-tempered and critical with a difficult person. We can extend gestures of affection such as a hand shake, a love pat, or even a hug to the individual who has been unlovable. Rather than endulging in negative conversation, we can smile and counteract it with a positive subject. We can offer encouraging or complimentary words, and we can express gratitude. If we really try, we can find something worth while in the person; something we can be appreciative of, and build upon this. Remember, the pessimistic person is an unhappy person who probably has little or no self-esteem. We can ask God to show us how we can help this person. Quite often we will discover a pleasant change, as our own intolerance and defensiveness have actually been compounding the problem. Once we change our actions, our attitude is also changed, and much of the time the other person will follow our lead and the relationship will drastically improve. We will see the other person in a different and light and old resentments will melt away. The lesson we can learn from this is that those who do not have charge over their own subconscious will have it controlled by those around them. This refers to the power of suggestion, which is a mighty force indeed, if you are not in control of your own beliefs. Look at mothers who are constantly talking about how they think their children are coming down with a cold, and their children are always sick. A child's subconscious is largely controlled by the parents. And we as adults have our lives controlled by others until we take responsibility for ourselves. When we honestly know ourselves, are clearly aware of our priorities, and stable in our values, we are not easily swayed by every wind that blows.
However we try, there are some relationships which must end. This doesn't mean we have to part on unfriendly terms and it certainly doesn't mean that we have to carry resentment or hatred toward the other person. When dealing with an abusive person or even a very manipulative person, the change in our attitude and behavior will have little or no affect on this type of individual. For our own well-being, we have to remove ourselves from the situation and simply not have any involvement with the individual. We can pray for them, but continued contact is merely setting ourselves up to be used and abused while enabling the other party to continue harming us. We are not here to play savior to anyone. There are plenty of people God will use us to help, but He never expects us to stay in any harmful situation. Ultimately, I am responsible for my own well-being.
Once we've arrived at this stage of the game, we should basically feel clean inside and be experiencing good things in our lives. We are able to see God working in every area, feel His strength in times of need, and realize that we have become much more perceptive and receptive to His guidance. The goal now is to maintain this new-found serenity and oneness, and keep our houses clean and our affairs in order. Without a maintainence plan, we will soon find ourselves right back where we started from with confusion, resentments, fear, and mis-fortunes. Assignments Ten and Eleven are just such maintainence plans.
You are joined together with peace through the Spirit, so make every effort to continue together in this way." Ephesians 4:2 (paraphrased) 
 Continue With Assignment Ten
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