shevette's book!
Book #2 of three
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shevette's book!Book #2 of three
CHAPTER 4 |
I slept well that night. I was very excited and it was hard to get to sleep but once I did I was at peace and content--until the morning. I woke abruptly. I felt misplaced and strange. I figured it was because I felt adopted. It was correct after all. I knew that I was loved by these people.
Somehow things had changed. Many things. Everything. I was uncommonly grateful to the folks for having cared for me for all these years. What a fine upstanding couple they were. If I found that I was unable to conceive I hoped I would be big enough to do what they had done. It must have been hard for them. I mean, they were fully aware of the job they were taking on when then went and got me. What had been rough was when they were able to birth a child of their own four years later.
There was so much to think about here.
What had happened that they were suddenly able to have Shela? How did they know how old I was or how old to treat me? They couldn't treat me like I was over a thousand tears old. Was I like new born when I was put into a sleepers capsule? Probably not.
Most people hate the thought of having to be put into one of those things. The bad part was giving up your freedom and placing your life into the hands of others. You only do that when there are no other possibilities. What had happened that had been so mind boggling that my biological parents had put me in a capsule?
I felt very alone thinking of my real parents dying nearly a thousand years ago. What had their lives been like? I hoped that they had enjoyed themselves while they were alive. I could feel no resentment over the fact that they had placed me in a capsule to be adopted sometime in the future, sometime after they themselves were gone. I remember saying a prayer for them and promising to them that I would look them up when I got to heaven. What else could I do? I could visit their grave sites. A loving daughter would do that. It felt a little phony to feel that way--I could have no true feelings for them because I had never met them. I had no concept that they had existed until the previous day.
It was the old problem of not knowing how to act. What was the correct set of feelings for this situation? I didn't know. I felt so...so..so, I don't know, so confused yet somehow more alive. There were interesting things going on in my life. How irrelevant. How irreverent. How confusing.
I got dressed and went down to breakfast. Shela was already up and eating and talking to mom when I went into the kitchen. I had so much I wanted to talk to mom about but I couldn't with Shela there. The folks didn't want her to know unless I just had to tell her. I didn't. What she didn't know she couldn't use to embarass me. We had a good relationship--for sisters/siblings. I looked at her and was surprised to think that I had no right to cause her any pain. She was mom and dad's only true child. I would be wrong to get between them and her. I felt a twinge of jealousy. I didn't have a right to.
"'Bout time you got up!" Shela told me. "If I was getting my permit today I would have camped out on the steps of colony hall last night!"
I laughed. "Sorry shrimp, I'll make it on time." I suddenly swallowed hard. I didn't have any right to call her a shrimp. I looked at mom. She didn't appear upset. I wanted to apologize but didn't. It was confusing. I tried to tell myself that it was alright. I was just as much mom's daughter as Shela was. No, I wasn't.
"You are running a bit late. Did you have trouble falling asleep?" mom agreed with Shela.
I looked at mom for a moment unsure how to take the remark.
"Don't look so serious!" mom told me.
I was feeling left out. I had known these people for all my life and now I was acting like a stranger. I smiled to mom. I belonged. "Sorry, I guess I'm a little nervious about my driver's test today."
"I understand completely." she told me warmly.
That was my mom. I went to her and gave her a hug. "Thanks!" I told her sincerly. Shela was looking at us strangely. I looked at the clock. I was running late. "Gotta go. See ya later."
"Ok." mom allowed, "You take a snack stick with you. You're going to need something to go on today."
"Ok, mom." I agreed happily as I got a peach stick from the cabinet next to the sink.
"Are you going to give me a ride home from school today?" Shela wanted to know.
"Sure thing, Stinky!" I promised. I hurried out of the door as I chastised myself for all the little jabs I had become accustomed to giving my younger sister over the years. I had to remember that she wasn't my sister. Would this make us stepsisters? Naw, I didn't know what we were to each other any more. I still cared for her though.
***
Things went well at the driver's permit office. I maxed the written part of my test. It was pretty simple. I had been tested so many times in school that I had taught myself how to pass any test even if I didn't have an inkling of what it was about. You just use your head. Whoever wrote the test knew the stuff pretty well so you use that against them.
Like if you are taking a multiple-choice:
There are 3, 4, or 5 choices let's say there are 4
one is the correct answer
one is to throw you off track
one is way off
one is almost right
look at it like this
GROUP 1 Two will look like they make sense
the correct one and
the one that's almost right
GROUP 2 Two will be out in left field
the one to throw you off track and
the one that is way off
If you can figure out which group the answers appear to be in you can throw out GROUP 2 and your chances are 50/50 that you can guess right. Now look at GROUP 1. Two will look like they make sense
the correct one and
the one that's almost right
One will be right and one will appear to be right. They will both be saying about the same thing. You can determine the correct one by looking for one to say what it means a little bit better than the other. Using this method will guarantee a B or at least a C. It's more involved than that but you should see a pattern, right?
When you take as many tests as I have in all the advanced classes I took you develop a system for taking tests. I didn't do this to try to cheat it just evolved naturally. The tests were sometimes more interesting than the courses. So sue me!
I was so nervous when I took the driving part of the test that when I got through I almost couldn't sign my name! Whew! I was not that physical a type of person. I had never had occasion to rely on my body for performance. All I had done was brainwork. Not that I considered myself such a brain trust as I was a flop when it came to sports. I didn't even like to watch sports unless it was racing cars. I liked that.
Everything was going great until my age came up. The guy doing the paperwork didn't have any problem with the fact that I had been born over one thousand years previous. Here's the problem; say you had someone born on year one, ok? Now this person lives for say five years then goes into a sleeper's capsule for 100 years then twelve years later she applies for her permit. She grew physically and emotionally for five plus twelve years, that's seventeen or the legal age, right? Ok, I had no idea how old I was when I was put to sleep or when I had been revived. It looked like I would have to wait until I had those details.
The guy called his supervisor over and they were set to look into my records until I told them I didn't know the name of my real mother. It looked hopeless. I would have to find out from mom or dad. I tried to call but neither was available. Suddenly it occurred to me that when I had been born (going by the date on my medical paperwork) there weren't that many people being born on Seco. I was probably the only one born on that date.
We punched that date into the computer and sure enough there was only one baby born that day. A baby girl. Me. The father was listed as Jerry Wayne Phelps and the mother was listed as Jennifer Lee Transor Phelps. The baby girl was Sue Ann Phelps! They traced how old I was when I was put in a capsul (21 months) and how long I had been awake (15 years.)
It was enough. I was issued a permit. I was on cloud nine. I left in a daze. I was becoming an adult. I could drive!
Later at school I showed everyone my permit. Thankfully all the information about me being adopted wasn't on the card. I still wanted to keep all of that a secret. I didn't want Shela to ever find out. In study hall I finally got arround to organizing all of the paperwork left over from my visit downtown. It would be nessisary for me to begin keeping up with all of the official forms needed to live in a society as intent on keeping tabs on everyone as ours was. I found it all and sorted it according to the things I felt I needed to keep and the forms that would be on file downtown for easy retrieval. The print out with my father's and mother's names on it was mixed in with my things. It would be a keepsake for me.
I was imagining what my real parrents had been like when I remembered the book. Normally I did as I was told to do but this was special. I had a right to know about my real parents. Besides I was sitting right in the librairy to begin with. What harm would it do to load my real father's book into my handheld computer and read it. I was boiling over with questions about both of my real parrents.
I went to a terminal and tried to find an autobiography by Jerry Wayne Phelps. No luck. I tried to find anything by the same name. I got a few hits there but they appeared to be official documents. He was in goverment somehow. There was nothing that looked like what I wanted to see. I saved the names so that I could call them up later. It would be interesting to learn as much as I could about my beginings.
Jennifer Transor Phelps had some pappers stored. One was listed as one person's account of the trip from earth. That sounded very interesting. I had to use my spare disc in the handheld but I got all of it. I couldn't wait to get home and read all about her.
***
The rest of the day drug on until the end of school. Finally I got off and Andy, a friend of mine, gave me a ride home. I don't know exactly what I expected. I knew my very own car would be waiting for me and that I could drive it. What I was unsure about was if I had to tell mom or what. I went in the house after thanking Andy for giving me a lift. No one was there. Shela would be getting off school in a little bit. I had time to get her but I was unsure if I should just take the car or not. The girls had told me to get up with them and we would go for a drive later that night. I had things to do, places to go, people to meet. I changed my clothes and got the car.
Shela was pleased as punch when I picked her up. She wanted me to drive her all over the colony so she could show off. I rode her around for awhile then carried her home. I had some showing off of my own to do.
The girls had a few guys with them and we had a hard time trying to decide who could come and who we didn't have enough room for. We got some food and drove all the way out to the frontier. It was a long drive and it was late when we get back downtown. I dropped the guys off and Barbara and Fran went with me down to the park where we liked to hang out. I got to be the center of attention. It made me nervous yet I liked it. Finally it was getting late enough that I knew I was about to get into trouble so I said my farewells and left.
I tried to leave. Barbara needed a way home and it seemed like I had the job. I stopped at a pay phone and called home. Dad answered.
"Hello?"
"Dad, it's me. I'm on my way home but I've got to carry Barbara home first, ok?"
"It's getting a little late..."
"I know dad but she doesn't have any other way to get to her house, ok?"
"How far does she live?"
"It's near Fairmont."
"Sue! That's much too far! I don't want you driving all the way out there tonight! I thought you might give your own family a ride to the ice cream place near Ames street so we could get some ice cream?"
"I'd love to dad, but what am I going to do about Barbera?"
"Bring her along. We'll all get ice cream and I'll drive her home myself afterwards."
"Awww. Come one dad, she'll think I'm a real dweeb if she thinks you and mom don't trust me to carry her home, pleese?"
"No. You should have called earlier. Now come on home. It'll be fun. She has parents to embarrass her too. She'll understand."
"Ok dad, we're on our way. Wait! How will we be able to get everyone into my car so we can all get ice cream?"
"I'll take mine. Now hurry. It's getting late and I have to get up early to go to work tomorrow."
"On my way."
I hated it. I hated it. I hated it!
It was a small enough price to pay, I guess. Still it was embarassing. We went in dad's car and he drove. Shela wanted to show off because she thought I was getting too much attention. She spilled ice cream on Barbera. I felt deflated.
Finally dad and I took Barbera home after dad told her an embarrassing story about how I got potty trained. Barbera enjoyed the whole scene. I knew she was taking notes so she wouldn't leave anything out when she told all of my friends the next day. It wasn't that bad--it just felt like it.
To salve my hurt pride dad let me drive back home. I wasn't used to driving at night so we didn't talk too much. Still we did have a little father/daughter talk. We talked about how I felt about driving. Some rules were layed down. I couldn't drive to school unless it was for something special and it was approved ahead of time. If I had the car then I had to be home earlier than usual. I had to take care of everything about the car. Dad would increase my allowence so that I had enough but I would be on a very tight budget. The origional deal was that I didn't have to get a job as long as I stayed in school and stayed in the accelerated classes.
I had expected a lot of tack-ons. That's a parent's job, right?
It had been a long day by the time that I got home. I was tired yet happy. I was wired. I went to bed but I couldn't sleep. I finally decided to get up and read a little. I had to keep my grades up. I was working some math problems when I remembered my real mom's book. Stealthfully I got it out. It was more like her personal diary than anything. She was going into all the details of her day-to-day life. Perfect!
I had never realized that SECO, the name that had been given to the planet we lived on was someplace where people worked. I knew that SECO had been some really big company back on earth but until I read where that was where my real mom worked I had never pictured it as a job. Wierd, huh? She was a debugger. That was back in the days when people programed computers. It was so...quaint. I was enjoying everything until I got to the part about someplace called Heights Hills.
My real mom had been an orphin like me. I pondered the ramifications there for awhile. I read on. She was decribing the food shortages and about over population and Cain and Abels. I had heard it all before in school. I had even read some of the accounts written back then. It had been pretty dull. Then I got to where she said she was a Cain.
It didn't hit me at first. I guess I was pretty tired. I had other things on my mind. When I finally realized what she had said meant I choked. Did she mean I was the result of a clone implant? I was a clone baby? Not real?
It was impossible! No! I had feelings. I thought therefore I was! How could I be a clone baby? It couldn't be. "No!" I prayed to god, "No, no, no! What was this? Is it a joke? No, God, say it isn't so! Please, please, please! No, I can't just die and it mean nothing. I have a soul! I must have! I know I do!"
All of my worst fears had been realized! I was being punished for reading the book. No, I wasn't real! Sweat broke out on me. Paranoia ran away with me. It was to be the first of many bad nights.
My mind was locked on two words:
No, no, no...
and
Please, please, please...
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