Mom seemed to know what was going on the minute dad and I got back to where she and Shela were standing. Poor Shela had no idea what was going on. I told her that I had tried out to be in the choir and had been told what had been decided. I told her ironically that I had been rejected.
I was getting better at lying. What a place to learn--at church.
We went home in the car. The silence was deafening. I wanted to talk to the folks so bad but I couldn't in front of Shela. I looked at her. Soon I wouldn't be able to see her anymore. Either she would find out what I was or I would get away. We wouldn't ever see each other again. Tears stung my eyes. I couldn't help it. I didn't want her to see me cry. I turned away.
She patted my shoulder gently. "Don't cry she told me. "Who'd want to join thier lousy old choir anyway."
I looked at her. Somehow I got the feeling that she knew what was going on. I wanted to ask her despiretly, but I couldn't. Supose I was wrong and she had believed my lie. I couldn't risk it.
***
When we got home mom called a friend of hers and got her to take Shela to the mall along with her little girl. Shela went happily. She always had fun when she was with this other little girl. She always had fun going to the mall.
I was outside waving goodbye to the shrimp when mom came up behind me. We smiled sadly at each other.
"I'm causing a lot of trouble aren't I?" I asked.
"You're worth it, honey. Dad told me what happened this morning. It looks like you were right and we were wrong. You can't stay here any more."
I swallowed deeply. Was she throwing me out? No, she was doing what I had asked her to do. If I had asked them to defend me I was sure both of my folks, my adopted parents, would have stood by me and fought until they had nothing left to fight with. In a way I wanted that, but I knew better. I would only drag them down. I turned away so that she wouldn't see the tear that was running down my cheek.
I started to walk back towards the house. My red car was there. I ran my hand down it's sleek lines. Down to where it was all bent up from coming in contact with that tractor. "If only I had slowed or stopped..." I thought to myself. I was wrong. It didn't matter. The truth would have caught up to me eventually. I had been lucky to have had the things I had enjoyed for so long. It had been a swell life. Better than a CB deserved.
Mom came up and looked at the bent-up car herself. I knew we were both thinking the same thing. "If it hadn't been for that car..."
"I had to grow up sometime, mom."
"Yes, I know. I hoped you wouldn't, but you have and now we must deal with it."
I nodded my head in agreement. "How do I do this? Do we fake a car accident? Tell everyone I died?"
Mom sighed. "I don't know. Is that what you want to do?"
"No, but it's the only thing I can think of, mom."
"We need to think of something better. We can't change your DNA. You can still be identified. What will you do then?"
"I don't know, but at least I will be out of here. All of you will be in the clear..."
"No Sue, we must think of something else. That won't do. Maybe you could just leave the colony. Maybe they don't care if you are a CB or not in one of the other colonies."
"They won't let me leave."
"It doesn't make sense. They segregate against you, but they won't allow you to leave. What are they trying to prove?"
"I don't know, mom. Let's go inside, maybe dad has some ideas."
"Ok, I sure don't know what to tell you, Sue."
We linked arms and went back in the house. Dad was in the den. I colapsed into a chair beside his and put my feet up under me. The three of us looked at each other but we couldn't find any words. We were all at a loss over what to do.
I began thinking about school the next day. "What do I do about school tomorrow?"
"I guess you go in like always. You've got that doctor to see in the morning."
"What good will that do, dad?"
"Maybe she can help you. Open up to her. Tell her you're a CB. Tell her how they treated you down at the police station and at church today."
"Dad? I can't tell her what I am!"
"Why? She said she would treat it as privledged information. Use that. If she dares to let it out I'll sue her for every credit she will ever make."
"But what about Shela if she tells?"
"But what about you? Don't you think it's about time we started trying to help you. You keep worrying about your mother and me and Shela. When are you going to start worrying about yourself?"
"I'm fine. Don't worry about me, dad."
"If I wasn't worried about you I would just order you from the house right now, I'd turn you over to the police and get my bail money back. Let's not play games. You know that. It's time to do something, even if it's wrong!"
"Then let me take the car. I'll take it somewhere secluded and wreck it. You can get your money out of it, collect the bail money and have me out of your life in one swoop."
"That's stupid! What's going to happen a month down the line when the police match your DNA when you are picked up for sneezing too hard? You'll have to go to jail for what they already have plus illegal flight plus insurance fraud. Do you know how long they'll have you locked up? Talk sensible, Sue!"
"Well! I don't know what to do."
"I'm telling you what to do; go to school, see that woman--what was her name?"
"...Um. Doctor Watts. Like Sherlock Holms and dr. Watson."
"Ok see dr. Watson and.."
"Watts, dad, not Watson."
"...Dr. Watts. See her and tell her the whole story. Maybe she'll have something for you, ok?"
"If you're sure I should, dad."
"I think our secret will be safe with her. The school won't have any reason to expose you as a CB. I think that's your best bet, Sue."
"I don't like it dad. I don't want to take a chance of hurting all of you."
"Sue, don't you think the school already has a record of your birth? They already know. It does them no good to hurt you."
I thought about it. The school was sure to know of my ancestry. Why were they willing to keep it under wraps while the police wanted to use it to hurt me. That was wrong. The police weren't spreading the fact. I was so at risk. "Ok dad, I'll do it."
"Good, Sue. I think that is the best thing to do. We need information. She can give us that."
***
I still had Toni. I could maybe catch her at school durring lunch or at that bar she had told me about. What was the name? The Gas something...the Gas City bar. I could have gone there that night and tried to talk to her. I decided to play it straight and talk to the shrink at school first.
***
I was surprised to find I was anxious the next day at school to see Dr. Watts. Finally it was time for Mrs. Hart's class. I ran by there first to be sure she knew I would be down in the office. She frostily informed me that she already knew. She could have thanked me for my concern. Aw, what the heck! I wasn't worried about her. I was worried she'd mark me absent again.
I went down to Dr. Watts office. Her receptionist told me to go straight in. Dr. Watts was seated behind her desk.
"Oh there you are, Sue. Have you been sleeping well?"
"Yes doctor."
"Have you decided to talk to me yet, Sue?"
"It depends, doctor."
"Call me Fran, please. It depends on what?"
"I want complete secrecy."
"Of course, Sue."
"No, I mean it! You don't take notes, you don't make reports, you keep this strictly on the sly!"
"You sound like you mean bussiness!"
"I do. This is my life we're talking about here. I'm sorry but I don't have time to screw arround with it. You get serious with me or you can get lost..."
Fran looked at me like she was debating what to do. "Ok, I want to help--but don't think I like being run over!"
"I don't want to run over you or anyone else. I've just been pushed arround too much lately. I don't mean to take it out on you. Look, here's the whole thing in a nutshell. Last week I found out I was adopted. I found out I am a CB..." I stopped there and waited to see what would happen.
"Yes, go on please, Sue."
"Well that's it--I'm a CB!"
"So?"
"What do you mean, 'so'? I'm a CB, dammit! Saturday I was arrested for something I hadn't done. Sunday I was kicked out of the church I have gone to as long as I can remember. Is that enough?"
"That's not what you want to ask me about, Sue."
"Oh? What do I want to ask you then?"
"I don't know. What do you think?"
"Um...well...I want to know what to do."
"Explain."
"Should I try to live at home or try to run away."
"You think by running away you can save your parents embarassment, is that it?"
"Yeah...Fran."
"Wrong! You need to finish school. You're seventeen I think, right?"
"Yes."
"Why not stick it out until next year then leave home like most young adults do."
"Because I'm afraid I'll be exposed by then. I don't want to bring all of that shame down on my family."
"Which is more important; hidding the fact that you are a CB or leaving your family?"
"I don't know. I don't want to leave but at the same time I don't want to hurt them--my sister especially. I would rather just leave than let everyone know what I am."
"Why?"
"Um...because they raised me like a real person."
"You mean you have been associating with regular people all this time?"
I listened closely to her voice. There was no scorn. Either she was very good at her job or she didn't see anything wrong with me living arround real people. "Yes..."
"Have you been with boys--real boys?"
"Um...yes."
"Shit!" she swore softly.
"It was before I knew, honest! I didn't know!"
"You're not pregnant are you?"
"No, I don't think so. Wait! That's not it!"
"What is, Sue?"
"If my little sister finds out she'll never get over it!"
"That's tough for her. I don't mean to sound insensitive, but she has to learn to accept you for what you are."
"I don't know if she could or not."
"She's not mentally impared, is she?"
"No!"
"Well, she'll just have to learn to adjust."
"I don't know. We both grew up hating CB's"
"Why? Where did that come from? With both of you being soulless I would think you would have a leniency towards CB's, as you call them."
"She's real. I'm the only CB in the family."
"Oh! Oh. I'm begining to see. What were your parents thinking of when they adopted you, Sue? No disrespect intended."
"The state offered me for adoption to them." I began coldly. "Later they had a child of thier own. We were both brought up as real children. When I got my driver's permit I found where I was over a thousand years old. I asked them about it and they told me I was adopted. The next day I looked up the old records and found out who my real mother and father were. My biological mother wrote an autobiography. I read it and That's how I found out about being souless, as you put it!"
"I see. I didn't mean to offend you. You do realize that what your parents did was not good. You should have been told what you were by the age of eight. No, really when your parents gave birth to a real daughter they should have offered you back to the state. I don't know what they were thinking would happen as you grew into an adult.
"Sue, I can see why you are upset about this. I sugest you talk to your parents and tell them you must come out into the open about your heritage."
"Heritage! Is that what you call it now. I have a heritage of not having a soul, is that it?"
"What ever you want to call it. You need to admit what you are to the world. There will be some desent and your sister will be surprised but you will be able to put your life together. It's the only way. Nobody has ever been able to live behind a veil of lies for long--at least not happily."
"I see your point--about the lies. You still have to tell me how I can reconcile ruining both my parents lives and my sister's too."
"You won't ruin them. Your true friends will stay by you. Those that shun you were never your friends to begin with. You are better off without them. As far as your sister goes I think you will find that she will be shocked and hurt to begin with but she will come arround after a period of adjustment. That's better than leaving all of those who know and love you."
I looked at her. She was making sense. It would be rough. I couldn't think of one person at school who would still call me a friend--except Toni. I could make new friends. It wouldn't be easy. The folks were more than willing to take the heat from the neighborhood and Shela could stand to grow up a little. We had both been wrong to hate people just because it was socially acceptable. It would be hard but in the long run it would pay off. I would check with the folks first then if they agreed I would admit to everyone what I was. I smiled at dr. Watts. "Thank you. You didn't give me what I wanted but you did give me what I needed. I'm going to admit to everyone what I am--if my parents agree. I think it will work."
"Good Sue. You are making the right choice. Um...are you still having trouble sleeping?"
"Not lately. Too much has been happening. I got arrested saturday and it was late when I got home so I was pretty well exhausted. Last night wasn't a problem either."
"You were suffering from paranoia attacks. As things begin to fall back into a normal rhythm that should dissapear. Continue with the perscription I gave you until you feel you don't need them any more."
"Ok. Those pills really work."
"Yes, don't allow yourself to depend on them too much. You are probily going to try to find a crutch to help you through this don't make it pills. Use your family or me. Ok?"
"Ok."
"Promise?"
"I promise I'll see you if I have any more problems."
"Good. If you want just drop by my office and we'll chat. I want to know how all of this comes out."
"I will. Thank you."
***
I left Dr. Watts' office feeling much better. It was about time for lunch so I went down to the first floor to try to find Toni. I wouldn't be needing her advice now but I felt like I ought to still be friends with her. I'm not the sort of person to need someone one day and be friends then the next day when I don't need them not be friends. It was like an obligation and I don't mean to her. It was an obligation to myself.
I had made sure I was wearing at least half of my clothes black before leaving home. I didn't want to be an embarassment to my new friend. I walked all over the first floor but I didn't see her. Finally I saw one of the girls from the cell I had been locked in. The one Toni had been sitting next to. The one Toni had put in charge of looking out for me after she left. I couldn't remember her name.
"Hi! Remember me?" I asked.
She looked at me suspiciously them her face lit up as she remembered my face. "Yeh, you're the one without any shoes. How are you doing?"
"Fine thank you. Look I'm trying to find Toni. Have you seen her today?"
"No, she can't come on school grounds any more. She's sellin' her pills on the corner."
"Which corner is that?"
"Why should I tell you? Maybe you're the one that got her busted."
I looked at her. We were worlds apart. I had to think of something fast or she wouldn't help me. One word came to my mind: roust. I had to 'roust' this person a little if I wanted her help. "Look ya' dweeb, I want to make a big purchase from her if it's any of your bussiness. If you screw it up for her I don't think she'll be too happy the next time she sees ya'."
The girl smiled at me. She wasn't buying it for a minute. "You're learning, dweeb. She's near that old store. The one that's closed. That way." She pointed.
I probed my memory until I remembered the store I thought this girl meant. "The one with the old car parked behind it?"
"Yea, she's out front. Just walk by. If there anyone else arround just keep walking."
"Ok, thanks."
"Now get out of my face you stink."
I blinked in surprise. Roust. "Aw yer whole family stinks. I'm probily making you homesick." I told her as I waived goodbye. This rousting thing was kinda spooky. How did you know if you were about to get into a fight or something? The girl had laughed at my roust. Maybe that was it. Maybe I was doing such a bad job of rousting she had laughed. I had no idea.
I found Toni on the prescribed corner. She came over to me right away. I could see she was happy to see me.
"Hey jail bird!" She greated me. "How'd you find me?"
"I asked where you were. I hear you got kicked out of school."
"Never was in school. Not for a long time. I told you, I just show up to hack some pills on all the little kiddies."
"What kind of pills and how old are the 'kiddies'?" I asked pointedly.
"Nothin' too potent and no one too young. I have my standards!"
"Sorry. I just couldn't condone selling the hard stuff to youngsters. I didn't understand--I still don't--let's get this cleared up. What kind of pills?"
"Nothin' you can't go down town and buy over the counter. I'm just eliminating the middle man. I've got a source where all I have to pay is wholesale. You got a problem with that?"
"No. I just want you to understand I don't approve of selling hard drugs to minors."
"You have that right. I can't get mad about that. Ok. I'm cool. Are you straight with the law yet?"
"No. I have to go to court in a month."
"Don't wait that long. Cop a plea."
"What's 'cop a plea', Toni?"
"That's where you agree to take the blame for something less in exchange for pleading guilty. They'll cut it way down just to avoid the chance of having to prove it in court."
"But I didn't do anything, Toni. I have my whole family who can testify to what happened."
"Yeh, you can go that way. But what happens if you lose? You lose big time then. Cop a plea then pay that off and you'll never have to spend another day in jail--until next time. What ever your folks had to pay for bail is probily what it will take to buy out."
"That was 5000 credits! I can't let dad throw away that much money!"
"It's that or the pokey for you, gal."
"Shit! It isn't fair, Toni!"
"Duh! Life's not fair, dweeb!"
"Look I've got to go. Can I hook up with you tonight?"
"Sure, I'd love to have you. I'll be at Gas City arround ten. See you there?"
"I'll try to make it. Yea, I'll be there. See ya'..and get a bath!" (roust)
"Why? You want to drink the water when I'm done?"
I walked off chuckeling. Where'd they get the idea for all of this rousting? I hurried along. Lunch was about over with. Wondering arround on the first floor then walking to the store then shooting the breeze with Toni had all taken time. I wanted to get back. No more late classes for me. I could lead a normal life after all. Admitting what I was sounded like a good idea the more I thought about it.
"Excuse me, do you have the time?" It was some young looking man walking up to me.
I don't wear a watch. "No, sorry." I told him as I speeded up. He looked nice but I didn't like the way he was walking up to me. Suddenly he dove at me. There was a gun in his hand.
Ok, I should have ran, I know that! I couldn't. I was thinking, "legs--do your stuff!" but my legs were too weak to move. I was already crying by the time he had grabbed me and thrown me to the ground. I landed face down and he was on my back in an instant. I felt the barrel of the gun jammed into the back of my head.
"Police!" he told me. I wasn't going to be killed! "Get your hands out where I can see them! Let me see your hands or I'll pop you!" he sounded nearly hysterical. I got my left hand out alright but my right hand was pinned under my body. I couldn't move it!
I just knew he was going to 'pop' me. Maybe I would be killed after all. "I'm trying! Don't shoot!"
"Shut up! Just get that hand out where I can see it!"
Another man came up and was wrestling with my hand. There was a woman who came up and stood on the hand I had managed to put on the ground above my head. She didn't put all of her weight on it. She would have broken every bone in it if she had. She was just mashing it. The other hand was pulled from under me. I felt the sidewalk peel the skin off of my knuckles. My arm was twisted up behind me at a nearly impossible angle. I felt the now familiar grip of a handcuff being squeezed arround my wrist. "Ow!"
"Shut up! Cooperate with us and you won't get hurt!"
"Anything just don't hurt me!" I pleaded.
my other hand was brought behind my back and secured. The gun was still pressed hard into the back of my head. A few dozen grams of pressure on the trigger and I would be dead!
"What'd you buy?" the cop sitting on me wanted to know.
"Huh?"
"We saw you talking to that dealer. What'd you get from her? Gonna drug out tonight with your boyfriend?"
"I just talked to her! I didn't buy anything!"
The gun was removed from the back of my head. I felt the cop on top of me squirm arround getting comfortable.
"Look, we don't want to arrest you. We want her. Help us and we'll let you go."
"I can't. I don't know what you're talking about. How about getting off of me so I can breathe..."
The one on top of me got off and he and the other guy grabbed me by my arms and helped me stand.
"Where's your ID?"
"There. In my purse."
The handcuffs were digging into my wrists painfully. I tried to find a position where they would quit hurting. There was no such position. I had skinned my nose slightly when I had been on the ground. I tried to flip my hair back out of my face and partially suceeded. My clothes were disheveled and covered with loose sand.
"All we want is some information. We know your friend is dealing drugs and we're pretty sure you just made a buy. What'd you get?"
"Nothing! I was just talking to her!" I looked back to where Toni was. My view was blocked by the building I was standing in front of. That had been what they were doing. They had been watching her and grabbing everyone as soon as they left. I was shoved into the back of a van. They slid me across the metal floor of it and put me in a kneeling position. They were wanting me to help put a friend in jail.
They were talking to the wrong girl. If Toni had been doing something I considered bad I would have helped them--after I had tried to help her. I owed Toni, big time.
One of the men was going through my purse as the woman was searching me. The man found my sleeping pills. "What's this?" he demanded.
"Legally prescribed and purchased sleeping pills, you piece of shit! What right do you have to do this to me?"
"Every right, if you've just made a drug buy, sweetheart!"
I wanted to hit him and make him hurt like he was making me hurt. Then I saw him dump out the contents of my purse on the van floor. He started to pull my damned driver's permit out of the mess he'd made. He had his hand on it. If they were being rough now it would be nothing compared to when they saw the letters NS on my card. Why did I carry the damned thing arround with me? It was nothing but a hindrance.
The van was started and began to move."What's going on?" the woman wanted to know.
I heard a voice from the front of the van. I couldn't see who it was but it was masculine sounding. "She's gone, our target. We've got to try to find her. The other units have started a sweep to the north--we're suposed to circle arround and meet them en route."
"What about this one?"
"Let her go. We have nothing on her and besides we want the other one."
"Ok, Give me a minute and we'll let her out."
My hands were quickly released as the van slowed rapidly. The door slid open and I was dumped on the sidewalk. I fell and skinned my knee. My purse was tossed to me. Half of my stuff was thrown out of the van and the other half was still rolling arround on the van floor when the door was slamed shut and it took off down the street. I shook my fist at it as it was leaving.
Tears of frustation clouded my vision as I scooped up my belongings. I stumbled to my feet. A stranger ran up to me and helped me steady myself.
"Are you alright?" he wanted to know.
"Do I look alright?" I asked him.
"What happened?"
"That was the police." I explained. "They caught me talking to someone they thought was dealing drugs. Who needs 'em? They're worse than the criminals they are suposed to protect us from!" I complained as I wiped tears from my eyes. I had hurt my knee fairly bad.
In all fairness I would have to admit they hadn't caused me to fall (on purpose), they just hadn't given me time to get my balance. I had stumbled. Shit! Why defend them?
Still, I had been lucky. They hadn't arrested me. If they had seen my permit they would have. I decided to toss the damned thing. It had caused me nothing but hardship since I had gotten it. I looked for it. It was gone. It was probily still on the floor of that van. When things calmed down they might read it and come back to arrest me! Damned card!
I began to hobble home. I wouldn't be returning to school that day. The man that had helped me offered to give me a ride. I told him I would be alright. I thanked him for his help and told him I could make it on my own. He took off down the street to his house and never looked back.
I sat down on the curb and waited for the pain in my leg to calm down a little. What should I be thinking? I needed to warn Toni that the police were after her. They had set her up, the bastards! It wasn't fair! How could I get to her? The only way I knew was to wait until that night. She would be at the Gas City bar at...ten, I think she said. I felt duty-bound to warn her if they hadn't already gotten her. Friends help friends!
When I had stopped crying I stood up gingerly. Everything still worked. I began walking home. I brushed the sand of of me as I walked. With every step I felt stronger and stronger. I straightened my hair with my fingers (my brush was missing from my purse). I was nearly at the school. I changed my mind about going home right away and made my way to the nurses office at school. She had a fit.
I had considered telling her that I had just fallen and hurt myself. That would explain everthing except the red rings arround my wrists. I finally told her what had really happened. She called Mr. Fellows. He came right away. He wanted me to go to his office. I told him that as soon as the nurse was through with me I was going home to rest. He didn't like that. That made it good. Was that what all of this rousting was about?
He jumped on the fact that I had gone off of school grounds. That got him and the school out of jepardy. He suspended me for three days. That had it's good points and it's bad ones. All in all I felt like I could use the three days. I nearly asked for the fourth one so I wouldn't have to be back until the following monday. That might might have been pushing things.
The whole book in zipfile format.
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