I went home and told mom what Dr. Watts had said. She already knew I had been suspended. She wanted to make a big deal out of my scrapes and bruises but I told her to just drop it. There was nothing to gain by pursuing it. I had been picked up by mistake.
She was covering me up with motherly love when I told her I was going to take a pill and get some sleep before I went out to try to catch up with Toni. I had a hard time making her understand why I had to go warn Toni. Correction, I never made her understand and there was no way she ever would, or at least she never would admit to it.
I had to be a little rude to mom to get her to let me get sleep before going out. She didn't want me associating with CB's or, at least, that kind. She didn't want me going to that side of town and she didn't want me to get myself involved trying to protect Toni from the police.
It was tough.
I wanted to do like Dr. Watts had said. Y'know, live the good life, be a productive member of society. I just wasn't sure that option was going to be available to me. I had been put in custody three times in the last five days. I wasn't positive I wanted to tell the world what I was and if I did would the world let me live my life? Before I committed to any one plan I wanted to know what all my options were.
***
I woke at nine to the sound of my alarm. The pill I had taken earlier had worked well. Almost too well. I was having a heck of a time getting awake. I got in the shower and kept turning the water temperature down until it was so cold that I had to wake up.
I felt confident that when I got to be bar I would find that Toni had everything under control. She impressed me as always having everything covered. I hoped I was going to have a very long talk with her. If she was willing I would spend the whole night with her talking.
I wasn't sure how it would go, being in a bar. I had never been in one before, of course, I was still under age. I knew I could dress to look like I was eighteen. I had a dress I didn't like but it was black. I put it on and marked it as high as I would dare to show my legs then I made a second mark ten centimeters higher than the first. I took the dress back off and cut it off at the high mark. I had cut it all that I could.
When I put it back on I had just a bit more of me showing than I wanted. That probity meant it would fit right in with where I was going.
I decided to wear my black bikini bottoms as the dress just did reach my crotch. I slipped the dress back off again and donned some dark pantyhose and the bikini bottoms. I decided a bra might not be the rage but I slipped one on anyway. I fixed my hair long and did my makeup with more eye treatment than I might have normally used. I put on white lipstick base and left my lips white--definitely punkish.
I carefully slipped the dress back on again. My tiniest high heeled shoes completed the outfit. I looked like a...well we don't use that word around the house. I would probity fit right in according to all the videos I had seen.
After a quick spritz of perfume I covered myself in a medium length trench coat. That was for the folks so I could get out of the house. I needed to borrow some money so I wouldn't have to be dependant on Toni's generosity. I walked casually downstairs and right into an argument.
"Dad, mom, I'm going now. Can I borrrow a few credits, please?"
"You're not going anywhere, young lady! You're grounded!"
"Mom, I've got to go meet someone. If you want to ground me you can but please let me see Toni tonight. It's important."
"No! You're grounded I told you!"
"Martha!" dad said to mom. "Let her go, please. She's not done anything wrong."
"Edward, I told you I wanted her to stay here at home, with us. Everytime she goes out the door lately she get's into trouble!"
"It's not her fault. Let her go."
"I worry about her!"
"She's growing up. She needs her freedom, Martha."
"I don't know, Ed. I'll worry about her until she's home again."
"Worry if you want, but let her go do what she wants for awhile."
"Ok, but if anything happens it'll be on your head. I have a bad feeling about her going out tonight."
"She goes." dad finished.
I didn't know what to do. Mom usually won that kind of an argument. I wanted to thank both of them yet I didn't quite feel that would be the right thing for me to do. Mom found a dirty cup, carried it to the kitchen, and made a fuss washing it.
"Thanks dad."
"Thank me by coming home early."
"I don't know if I can do that dad. I'd like to but this may take awhile."
"Then promise me you'll come home safe."
"I promise."
"Ok, where are you going to be?"
I hesitated to tell him.
"Sue, I just want to know so we can find you if you aren't here in the morning."
"A place called the Gas City bar, dad."
"Sounds quaint."
"Yeah, I'll be with a girl called Toni."
"Does toni have a last name?"
"I don't know dad. I just know her as Toni. She's alright. She's already helped me a lot."
"I'm trusting your judgement, Sue. Don't let me or your mother down."
"I won't, dad."
"Have you got enough money?"
"Well, I was planning on asking for a small loan."
"Will twenty do?"
"It would help. Could I get a little more though? I'm not sure how much this will cost."
"I'll give you fifty. If I gave you any more than that I'd have to worry that someone would steal it from you."
"Thanks dad!"
"You probily need a ride..."
"It would help..."
"Good I want to talk to you some on the way. Let's go."
I followed him out to the car. I loved him so much. He always came through for me. he turned the car on and backed carefully out of the driveway. The way dad drove was the way he lived his life. He drove with an economy of motion, straight down the middle of the road.
"Peaches, I want you to be careful tonight. You have me worried. I don't want to think that you are going to this bar tonight to try living on the wild side. You can get hurt. There are going to be people down here who would hurt you just for the fun of it. Don't let them do it--and don't do it to yourself.
"Dr. Watts called me today. She asked me over the phone to tell her what the problem was. When I wouldn't tell her she said all I had to say were two initials. I figured she was trying to keep her client privelege intact. I said 'CB'. When I did she jumped on me with both feet. You've got a real tiger in your corner there, honey. She lambasted me pretty good for trying to bring you up like something you weren't. I had thought I had been giving you an advantage over other CB's. She showed me where you were going to have to survive in thier world. There might be some things that you can carry from my world to yours but first you are going to have to know what your world will be like.
"God! I feel like I'm just pushing you out into the world naked with nothing to protect you!"
"Dad! Don't. For Pete's sake, I know you and mom were only doing what was best for me. It came natural. Don't put yourself down. I happen to think you're the best dad in the whole wide world! It's not your fault that I'm not completely real. I'm sure anyone going out into the world has adjustments to make. You can't do that for me. I have to get out there and get my nose bloodied a few times on my own. Just because I'm seventeen is no reason to think I have it all figured out."
"If you get it all figured out, peaches, let me know about it. I learn something new everyday of my life."
I got a directory screen up on the car phone. Gas City bar was at 1024 west Main street. I told dad the address.
"When you get ready to come home give me a call and I'll come get you, Sue."
"Ok dad, but I may be able to get a ride on my own."
"If you do I still want you to call. I know your mother will want to stay up all night by the phone, so call and let us know. Call several times. Call every hour if you want."
I laughed. Dad was joking. "I don't want you hanging by the phone and staying up. You and mom get a good night's rest. Don't expect me to call. If I tell you I'll call then you are going to stay up and I don't want you to. Trust me to be able to make it home under my own power. Ok?"
"Yes, I guess. You're a pretty smart kid you'll be ok."
"I'm not a kid. I'm a young woman."
"You're a beautiful young woman and that's the worst kind!"
Dad always joked when he was nervious. I wanted to find something to say that would put his mind at ease. It had been a mistake to let him drive me. If I was going to claim to be an adult I had to start doing things for myself. Dr. Watts had said I would be looking for some kind of a crutch to help myself through this. I guess using my parents was the best thing I could use yet I didn't want to use them too much. I didn't want to use them up.
We were already on west Main. I had dad drop me off about a block away from the bar. It was on the seedy side of town. At least there were lights all over the place and that made me feel a little more safe. He didn't want to leave me there but I insisted. He made me promise to call if things got out of hand. I slipped off my trench coat and put it in the car with him. He kissed my cheek and he was gone.
I stood up and looked arround me. The sidewalks were alive with people. I hoped I was dressed right. There were girls dressed along the same lines as me and there were others dressed more conservative and some dressed less conservatively. I would have to wait and see. This was a cross section of Tower city, kinda. There were people there from all walks of life yet everyone had something in common. A certain causualness, umm...a certain kind of a bond because they were each so different. There were the groups of young girls out for an adventure giggeling at everything they saw and there were men dressed in drab suits following the women dressed as hookers. There were the nieghborhood type people on a short stroll to get a breath of fresh air. There were young kids playing games. I saw some guys that looked like they belonged to some gang. They saw me and came over.
"Heeyy, babby! Whatcha' doin' wit yer hot self t'night?"
I swallowed. How did I get rid of these guys? "I'm waiting for my ol' man. You'd better not let him find you talking to me. He don't like that."
"Fuck him, bitch! If he hassels us we'll put him in his grave!"
Wrong tactic! "Umm of course if you can afford me he would be happy to see you."
"Look, I ain't never paid for no pussy in my life!" the one who seemed to be the leader bragged. "You ain't got nothin I ain't had better."
I shrugged my shoulders and acted causual. I think he meant he had had better than me. "I'm proud for you."
"Oh, a smart mouth?"
"No! You sure you don't want none of this?" I said as I wiggled my hips a little. One sure way to drive someone away was to try to sell them something they didn't want or couldn't afford. If he acted like he wanted me I would just tell him I wanted some fantastic price.
"Maybe later, bitch."
"That's Ms. Bitch, to you." I told him. He laughed then turned and left with his buddies following. I wondered if he was a CB then it dawned on me. Of course he was! Why else would he be in a gang? He had just been rousting me. I hadn't really planned it but I had rousted him with that "Ms. Bitch" comment. That was what he had been after all along. Well kinda, if he had gotten lucky he wouldn't have minded that either, I'm sure.
I turned and began walking towards the Gas City bar rapidly. I was in a hurry to get there and I figured I'd have fewer conversations with people if I looked like I had someplace to go. The Gas City bar. What a name! I had visions of people eating beans and farting. What an attraction!
The whole book in zipfile format.
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