shevette's book!
Book #2 of three
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shevette's book!Book #2 of three
CHAPTER 8 |
I was on pins and needles the rest of the day. Some more of my friends tried to talk to me but I put them off by telling them that I didn't feel well. I went home after school and went straight to my room. I was excited. I had a chance of getting out of there!
I thought about Toni. She was pretty. She was younger and smaller than me. Her hair had been pure white and cut short. It had been nearly boyish. Her figure was also boyish--no, make that pixie-like. There was a youngness about her yet a certain worldliness. She had been around a bit. What had her life been like. I wondered when and how she had found out she was a CB. She had obviously accepted it well. Why had my folks tried to make me a...a..dweeb. Why had they tried to hide it? Of course, for Shela! They had not expected her to come along when they had adopted me. It was a wonder they had kept me. I'm sure the state would let them turn me back in. I don't know, maybe not.
If they had turned me back over to the state what would the state done with me? It would have probably given me to the next barren couple on their list. They could have put me back into a capsule. I wondered why they had decided that the time was right to defrost me. The capsule may have been failing or was there some other reason? I couldn't think of any real reason but then I didn't have any facts to work with. I wanted to read some more from my hand held about my mother but I decided to pick out something black to wear to school the next day. I tried to picture how to do my makeup a little more like the CB's I had seen. I would have to be careful to not get too obvious. I would have to hide my CBiness from my friends. They would be very upset with me. They would think I had been fooling them on purpose. Toni had called that being a yuk.
I was very tired but it was very hard for me to cross over into sleep. I was afraid of dying in my sleep. I was afraid to stop thinking for even a moment. What would happen if I just stopped? I could be going along just fine then stop to smell the flowers and stop thinking and just never think again. It was terrible. I mean for me and for everyone else. I couldn't think about it yet it tortured me until I finally stopped thinking. I was asleep.
I woke with a start. It was still dark. Too early to get up. I laid there in bed and tried to figure out a way arround going back to sleep. I could get up and wait for time to go to school or go back to sleep and take a chance that I might wake up again. Sweat rolled off my brow. I was to tired to get up. I waited for it to happen. For sleep to overcome me again.
***
The alarm went off. I struck at it in fear. My heart was pounding. I sat up in bed. It took a minute for me to be glad to be alive. I shrugged it off and got up. My body was achy. My eyes burned. Another day. I gave thanks.
I slipped off my pj's and jumped in the shower. I had things to do. Not the things I wanted to do. Things to do to get to the things I wanted to do. It wasn't that bad. I was looking forward to seeing Toni again. I toweled off thinking about what questions I would ask her.
She had wanted me to try to get myself put in juvenile hall. I didn't like the idea, mostly. It did have one gem of appeal, it would be exciting! It would also give me a record. You know how something like that is: you're going along about to get to do something you want or buy something you've been dying to have and all of a sudden someone pops up and says you can't do that or have that because way back when you did so and so. Stuff like that always has a way of coming back to haunt you just when you need it the least. I'd get my information some other way. I could befriend someone who wasn't in an institution. If they weren't locked up wouldn't that mean they knew what was going on better than someone who wasn't free?
I put on a black, long sleeved, turtle neck, pull on. I'd skip a bra. I slipped into some black tights and a short black skirt. I had some little short booties to wear. "Whoa!" I told myself. "You've got to get past mom this morning before you leave! She'll never let you go to school looking like a CB!" I doffed the skirt and put on a white blouse over my pull on. I put the skirt back on and wore some white tennies. When I got to school I could get rid of the blouse and if I hid my booties in my purse I could put them on later. Still my friends would be sure to notice how I was dressed like a CB. I wasn't very good at this deception thing, yet! I would learn. I tied a green scarf around my neck and went downstairs for some breakfast.
"Good morning." mom greeted me nervously. We hadn't said a word to each other the night before. I hadn't spoken to anyone. I had gone down for super after everyone else had eaten. I just got myself a peach snack and went right back up to my room.
Shela had looked at me all doe-eyed. I didn't know what to tell her. She was too young to know what was going on. I would miss her. She'd get over it though. She would have to. When she found out I was a CB she would be glad I was gone. I hoped she wouldn't think that I had decieved her on purpose.
I finished getting ready for school and ate the last of my peach snack. I sighed for a moment then braced myself to go back downstairs and into the kitchen.
"'Morning." I greated the table at large. Dad was already gone, as usual. Shela kept staring at me.
"How was your day yesterday?" mom conversed.
"Fine. Uh...I've got to get to school early today. I'll just get a peach snack and go. See ya."
"You need to eat a full breakfast, young lady."
"Please. I really don't feel hungry. Please may I go?"
"Ok honey, I understand. Tomorrow you plan on eating breakfast with your sister and me...ok?"
"Thanks mom. I will. Bye..."
"See ya." Shela called after me. I just had to get out of that house. I didn't want Shela to see me as I was. I couldn't bear the thought of her finding out and she would. She would have to.
I stuffed the second peach snack into my purse on top of my booties. I wished I hadn't brought them. I didn't like doing what I was doing. My driver's permit fell out of my wallet. I reached down and picked it up. I looked at the worthless piece of plastic. There was no telling when I would ever drive again. By the time the folks were willing to let me off of restriction I hoped I would be long gone. I laughed bitterly.
"Sue Ann Tegor" I read off the card. It should have said, "Sue Ann Phelps". I looked in the bottom corner. In small letters that I had assumed were for reordering information I saw the letters "NS" off by themselves. NS, No Soul just like Toni had warned me about. I tossed the card. I started to walk on off but I couldn't. I was being a yuk. Toni had described that as someone who tried to believe they were just as good as anyone even though they knew they didn't have a soul. I dropped my head and a tear escaped. Angrily I went back and rescued the card. I might have some use for it in the future and besides I refused to be ashamed for something that wasn't my fault. I put the dammed thing back into my purse. I slipped off my white tennies and donned the black booties. I was in mourning--for myself!
I got to school early. I went to the canteen and got a carton of milk to drink while I munched on my peach snack. I finished and went outside before the girls arrived. I didn't want to see any of them and I didn't want any of them to see me. I knew what they would do when the word got out that I was a CB. I wanted to confront them and tell them what I was so I could appoligize for hanging with them. So I could tell them that it had never been my idea to decieve them. When they found out some of them would be mad--very mad. One or two might even want to hurt me. I had been with several boys. They would be very upset. It was considered very bad taste to have sex with a CB. I got up from the bench I was sitting on. I would be safer in the librairy. They might find me but they wouldn't be able to talk to me. I could hide behind a book.
I saw one guy that I knew slightly when I got to the librairy. He waved at me. I nodded and walked by him. I randomly picked a book on the terminal I sat down at and pretended to be interested in it. My days were miserable except for the time I was in my room alone or when I would be able to see Toni. She was my only contact with another human being. I was alone in a crowd.
I decided to take advantage of the terminal in front of me. I set up a historical search for Jerry Phelps. I got several dozen hits. I specified dates from year one to year one hundred. I had about five hits. When I tried to bring them up I was informed that the records were in the main computer. I would have to submit a request for the data and have to pay a fee to retrieve it. I was broke. The folks had taken the money I had gotten from the teller machine along with the money I had had in my purse to begin with. How much did I leave in my account? Ten credits? Something like that.
I tried for the records on my real mom. The only free one was the one I already had. The one I had wished I had never read. I found on overview on the history of the colonies starting at day one. I had heard it all before. I read it with a new intrest. Maybe my mom's or dad's names were mentioned--they weren't.
One of the problems they had when Seco was first settled was too much freedom. It was an anarchy. Durring the trip here there had been no fewer than five takeovers of the starship that got the origionals here. It was easy to mutany. There was no super power arround to squash any takeovers. Anyone that wanted to take command could. It was a mess! When the ship was put into orbit and the coliones first set up it got worse.
There were two colonies at first. There was Main city and a colony called Petesburg named for someone who had died on the trip out here. Petesburg was a penil colony where all the disidents were housed. Soon other colionies sprang up. These were splinter groups who thought that a set of rules were needed. Everyone agreed on that but no one could agree on what the rules should be. It was a time of much unrest.
Many sects or cults were started to set up reasonable laws. It was needed. It was found that the worst thing a goverment could do was set up laws too weak. Say they let you make as much noise as you wanted to. That was great--for you but not your nieghbor. How about laws that let people run arround naked? Ok, why not? Supose I was running arround naked and I got raped. Whose fault was it?
We learned that we needed laws to hold us down to a reasonable level. If you wanted high noise zones or nude zones then that was possible. You could keep out those who didn't like a lot of noise or who complained about rape or caused rape. You could police the people. It was good. But how much policing was needed and what should be policed? That was the problem. More and more groups split off and weakened the colonies as a whole.
When all those people had left earth behind they left behind a suport network not only for thier goverment but for thier high tech machines. They carried a variety of machines to make everything they would need in the new world, but they would not be able to build more machines for nearly a century after they arrived.
As the differnt groups split off the majority would take the machines with them. They would split and split until some other group could come in and just take what machinery they wanted. This kept on until there were hundreds of colonies but only a few with all the heavy machinery. These few began charging the majority for thier services. They charged too much! The have-nots got together and stole from the haves then they would fight among themselves over the bouty they had stolen. Many of the machines were ruined or lost.
We were on the brink of pushing ourselves back to the stone age all over again. There finally came about one skirmish that is refered to as the Ten Day War. It was bloodless but it organized all the colionies into one big group under the United Colionies League. Materials needed to maintain thier level of technology were too precious to risk in war. Even the gene pool available was too valuable to take chance with.
They took the machines and grouped them into nine groups. Under each of these groups would be a colony. Any other colonies would be outlaw colonies and would be outside the protection of the UCL (commonly refered to as UnCLe.) Votes were taken to determine which groups would get which machine groups then anyone could join any group and a goverment was voted in for each group. It was a shaky system but Uncle was there to keep everything going. Over a period of many years each colony developed it's own distinct personality.
Tower city had it's roots in a religious cult. No, scratch that, it wasn't one cult. There were many groups that came togetyher to form Tower city. A lot of this religious influience was still evident after a whole millium. We had more churches per capita than any other colony.
The warning bell rang. I got up and went to my first class. I was met by some of my friends outside the classroom. I should have waited longer before I got there.
"Sue!" it was Mike. One of the guys I had had relations with. I cringed. Had word leaked out yet? "Where have you been keeping yourself? I'm thinking of going to a concert this saturday, want to go with me?" No, he hadn't heard. I was safe. "Don't you look fine today! Skipping classes has agreed with you. Come on, say you'll go with me."
I smiled sheepishly. How I wished going to a concert was the biggest thing I would have to worry about. "Sorry, I'm grounded. By the time I get off I'll be collecting a pension." I joked. It felt good to be with part of the old crowd.
"What happened? I heard you got mad at your folks and really had a fight."
"Yeah, I don't want to talk about it."
"Ok, eat lunch with me then."
"Can't."
"Maybe tomorrow?"
"Maybe."
The bell rang and we both hurried to our seats. I realized I had no idea what we had had for homework. I felt naked and vunerable. I had always come to class prepared now I was lost. I peared over to the girl in the desk beside mine. "What page are we on?" I whispered.
"229 of the 'Math Theory' book." she whispered back helpfully.
"Do you have something to share with the class?" Mrs. Hart asked pointedly.
"Sorry." I appologized.
"Maybe you had some event you wanted to share?"
"No!" I said starting to get mad. Why do teachers feel a need to beat you down? Not all of 'em are like that but you have that happen in the classroom more often than anywhere else. It was demeaning. That was another reason I had to get out of school.
She started the class. I couldn't keep my mind on what she was saying. What good was math to me? All it was was a skill I could use to make money for someone else. It was crap.
"Excuse me! Did you hear me, Sue?" Mrs. Hart was asking me. I tried to collect my thoughts.
"I'm sorry, what was the question?"
"Have you been listening?"
"No, I'm afraid I had something else on my mind."
"Perhaps you would like to explain what the trouble is to Mr. Fellows?"
"I'm sorry."
"Not good enough. Come up here!"
"Look, I said I was sorry. Why are you picking on me? I've got an 'A' in this class. So I'm having a bad day. How about cutting me a break?"
"Don't talk to me like that!" she told me huffily. "Go to the office! Now!"
I collected my belongings as the whole class looked on in astonishment. I had always been the perfect student now I was causing a disturbance. My face was burning as I left the room. "Thanks!" I told old lady Hart.
I had to wait about fiveteen minutes before Mr. Fellows could see me. That's standard operating procedure. Make them wait. Let them cool off. Let them sweat. I didn't cool off. I was finally allowed into his office.
"How are we today, Sue?"
"Not well, Mr. Fellows."
"Oh? What's the matter?"
"I'm tired. I've not been getting very much sleep lately."
"What's bothering you, Sue?"
"Personal problems. I can't talk about it."
"Why not? It helps to get things out into the open. If you want to get it off your chest I'll listen."
"Thank you for your concern. I've got to work throught this on my own."
"Does this have anything to do with what happened the other day, Sue?"
"Yes--some. I can't get into it with you."
"Very well. I won't force you.
"What are we to do about today? Mrs. Hart told me you were rude to her and disruptive in her class."
"That's not true! All I did was daydream a little bit. I told her I was sorry. I couldn't help it. I said I was tired."
"Do you need to see the school nurse? Perhaps she can prescribe something to help you sleep. None of us can do our jobs if we don't get a good night's rest."
"I don't want to take any medicine. I'm sorry. I'm having a rough time right now. Please bear with me until I get things worked out!"
"Perhaps some time off from school would give you the time you need?"
"No!" I nearly shouted. I needed to come to school so I could make contact with Toni. "Please. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to shout. I'll be alright."
"Can you go to class and pay attention to your instructors without disturbing the rest of the class?" He had a weapon to use against me. I had let him find out that I wanted to be in school.
"Yes, I will do my best."
"Can you do it?"
"Yes, I said I would!"
"I don't know. You are very tense. I think I need to get your perents in here so they can take you home."
"No! Please! I'm sorry, really just let me stay in school. I'm practically a straight 'A' student. I've always come through for the school. Why won't you help me now?"
"I'm trying to. Please have a seat in my outer office!"
"Don't call my folks, please..." I nearly begged. I had to see Toni.
"I'm just going to think about this for awhile. Please go into the othe office, now!"
I trudged into his outer office and sat down dejectedly. What had I done? I was suddenly very sleepy. I was crying when I dozed off.
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