Life went on.
I got up and went to work five days a week. Two days a week I didn't leave my new home. Once a week dad would come and see me. Once a week I would go see my release officer.
Slowly I came out of my shell but I lived in abject fear of the police coming and taking me away. I took pains to never break the law. I wouldn't spit on the sidewalk or jaywalk or anything. If I wasn't at work I stayed locked in my apartment. It was a crazy situation. I didn't make enough money to pay for the place I lived in and all of the necessities I had to have. Dad had to contribute each week when he came. I didn't spend one single credit that I didn't need to spend. I ate the cheapest food and I bought nothing. I would sit in the dark to keep from using power. I wanted to find someplace cheaper. I didn't know if that was possible, I only had one room and a bath. There was no kitchen so I ate most of my meals out of the can cold. The only luxuries I had were the things dad brought from what had been my room where he lived.
Dad got another job and was almost making as good as he had been before. He told me he had gotten the house fixed back up and the neighbors were friendly to him again and even asked about me from time to time. Of course mom and Shela had moved back home. Dad said mom even promised she would come see me sometime. She had to stay with Shela. Shela was still having a hard time adjusting. They had her in therapy and she was coming along just fine.
I wished dad would just forget about me. I always cried after his visits. I would be upset for days before I got over it then he would come see me again. I had to keep letting him come though. Without the extra money he brought me I would have to live on the street. I talked to my release officer about moving to someplace cheaper. He got it all approved until they found out I would have to live in the poorest section of Tower city. They said it would appeal to the criminal tendencies in me. I would not be allowed to move there.
I kept checking the paper for rentals. I tried to get a raise at work and nearly lost my job. I couldn't get any overtime and I couldn't find part time work with the hours I needed.
Finally I found a job that paid more and went to it. I waitressed and did some cooking too. The boss let me work as much overtime as I could stand and soon I was making enough to pay my own way.
Dad wanted to continue helping me out each week. I told him I had to make it on my own. I was soon able to put a bit back each week. I began to feel better about myself. I could see where I would be able to work my way up. At the same time that I stopped taking money from my adopted father he began seeing less of me. That was a mixed blessing. Don't get me wrong, he still cared. It was just every two or three weeks that he was able to make it. He came the day after my birthday and I got to see mom for the first time since I had moved out on my own.
I had expected to see a frazzled weakened woman. I didn't. She looked really good. She had joined some club and was getting out a lot more than she had. It was sort of funny. Dad had told me that she still believed that I had been buying drugs and warned me to just play along and tell her I no longer used the stuff. Anything for mom. This had all been rough on her. She would understand in time. She had given me time to get my life together and I needed to do the same for her.
It was a very happy if short visit. As mom left she slipped me twenty credits and winked at me. After they had left I was very happy.
I sat in the dark and held the twenty credits in my hand. I didn't know why. I would need it--I could use it. I dropped it on the floor and swept around it for a week before I picked it up and put it in my purse.
***
I met some boys but that's about all I met. They wanted to talk but they had nothing I wanted, besides I didn't want to have them up to my place and most of them didn't have a place of their own and the ones that did I wouldn't want to be alone with. I had my friends among them but I kept them at a distance. I didn't want any trouble.
There was this one. He was a clerk in the grocery store next to the restaurant I worked in. I was getting most of my meals for free from the restaurant, that had been part of the deal. I still had a few items that I needed to buy and I would go to that store because it was cheap and it was on the way home.
His name was Alvin. He was a tall man. I guess he was twenty. He was a CB like me. We both always wore something black. I wasn't hiding what I was any longer. It wasn't like it had been arround Toni. That had been a whole different scene. Down there they were rebels, punks, people fighting the law. Where I was there wasn't as much of that. There was still poverty and crime. Alvin's father had been killed in the store that Alvin and his mother tried to keep going. It was a struggle and Alvin worked long hours just like I did.
I liked his mother. She was a happy outgoing woman. They had me over for supper one time after Alvin and I got to be friends. It was the first time I had been out since I had moved away from the other side of town. I enjoyed the meal but I had to leave as soon as we got through eating. I din't want to be out on the street after dark. I wasn't as worried about being mugged as I was afraid the police would get me for something. I didn't want to go to jail--again.
I explained to Alvin why I had to leave so early. He accepted what I told him and offered to walk me home. I wasn't sure if that was a good idea or not so I refused him. The next time I saw my release officer I asked if it would have been alright. He took Alvin's name and told me he'd let me know as soon as he'd ran a check on him.
***
When I turned eighteen my release officer let me know that he was sending my paperwork back downtown. I would have a record but I wouldn't have to see him anymore. I was a citizen in good standing with the community. I felt like celebrating! I was free and I was an adult. I could try for a better job. I had saved nearly three hundred credits so I was in good shape.
What to do to celebrate? It had been so long since I had done anything. I wanted to be with Alvin. I had needs. He was a nice guy. Perhaps this would be a good oportunity to bring our relationship to a new elevation. I wanted to go somewhere with him, out of the city. I could picture a warm beautiful purple night out on the desert watching the hydrogen cloud put on its display. That would be grand, if only I could figure out some way we could get out there. Neither of us had a car. I felt sure there wouldn't be a bus to carry us into the desert. I could dream about it. Perhaps some day I would have more freedom, more money.
Face it. All I could really afford was a bottle of cheap hootch, a simple meal in my apartment, maybe some candle light, we could look out of my window at the sky, and see what developed. That didn't sound too bad. Not bad at all.
I could go by and see him on my way to work and ask him over. Suposing he accepted, I would go to work, put in eight hours, dash home whip up something (spaghetti--I can mke killer spaghetti in fiveteen minutes from scratch!), I'd have Alvin bring the drinks and the rest would be history. It sounded like a plan to me!
***
I got to the little grocery store where he worked. There was a fair amount of people in the store and Alvin and his mom were so busy they didn't see me come in. I waited for a lull but when didn't I waived at Alvin and got his attention. He waived back at me and I motioned to him that I wanted to see him. His mother looked up and saw me and waived. I gave her a happy wave and a smile.
"Hey, how are you Sue?" Alvin asked glad to see me.
"Great! I'm no longer on release. I'm eighteen. All my records are being sent back downtown. I'm going to celebrate and I want you to join me at my place tonight for a late supper!"
"Tonight? I don't know. It sounds good but mom and I were going to pull inventory."
"No problem. How about tomorrow night?"
He hesitated. I was sure he wanted to come but he was such a hard worker that he had no time for himself.
"C'mon dweeb, ya' gotta enjoy life!" I encouraged.
"No! I'll do inventory tomorrow so you and I can celebrate tonight! You want me to bring mom?"
"You wanna fool arround?"
"I think mom's busy tonight, Sue! When do you want me to meet you?"
"How 'bout ten this evening at my place?"
"Sounds good. Should I bring anything?"
"Just an appetite, does spaghetti sound good?"
"Great. I could eat spaghetti 'til I pop."
"Oh, bring some wine or something, ok?"
"Any particular type?"
"No, I'll let you decide."
And that was it. I went to work and got permission to get off at eight. I was on pins and needles 'til I got home. I had gotten myself a hot plate some time back, eating cold beans from a can had gotten old fast. I had picked up some fresh ground meat on the way home from work. I put that on and let it brown while I chopped up an onion and some celery. I drained the excess grease from the half cooked meat and added the onion and celery to the pan. I carefully cut up and drained the juice from a few olives and added them to the pan too. A sprinkle of most every spice I had, some tomato paste, and a chopped up fresh tomato mixed with some water were added to the pan. I let the sauce simmer while I went and got cleaned up. I got dressed except for my outer wear so I wouldn't have to worry about spilling something on myself. I added water to the sauce and piddled arround the apartment cleaning things up. After everything was looking as good as it could and it was nearly time for Alvin I slipped on my dress and put the finsihing touches on my make up. When it was almost time to eat I would boil some water with salt and oil and cook the pasta, vermicelli. A master piece!
It was nothing fancy, just good food.
Alvin arrived right on time. We were awkward for awhile. We had both been working so much that we had forgotten our social graces. It was good that we were already friends. We started laughing at how we were acting so stiff. He had brought some premixed drink. I poured us both a drink. Alvin hadn't been aware that I didn't have a cooler box so we had to drink warm drinks. The first sip tasted terrible! Each sip after that tasted better and better as our taste buds became numb.
I took the pan of sauce off the hot plate and turned the hot plate as high as it would go. I put on a pot of water and it began to boiling as Alvin was telling me the story of how his father had first started his store. I had the vermicelli, salt, and oil in the pan.
It was getting hot in there. The heat and humidity from the hot plate was heating my whole apartment to an intolerable level. Alvin was sweating. I felt sticky all over. I opened the one window and hoped a breeze would blow in and cool things off. It didn't. Alvin and I made jokes about it being so hot but we were both becoming miserable in it. Thankfully it wasn't too long before I was able to take the pasta off the hot plate and turn it off. The steam from where I drained the pasta was the last straw. It was both hot and humid in there. Alvin sugested we take a stroll arround the block. I agreed. I covered the hot pans up so our food would still be warm when we got back and we left.
I could feel the difference as soon as we hit the hall. Alvin took my hand and we went outside. There was a drunk laying beside the doorway and I almost fell over him as I came arround the corner. Alvin caught me and I found myself in his arms. I looked shyly into his face.
"You alright, Sue?"
"I'm fine..." I breathed softly.
Alvin winced and let go of me. I was dissappointed. Alvin was so shy. I grabbed his arm and leaned up against him. "Lead on." I was surprised how dark it was already.
"Anywhere you want to go?"
"Not particuarly, Alvin. I'm just hungry." He could mis-interpret that all he wanted.
We began walking slowly. "If you want we can go by the store and see how mom's doing?"
His store was four blocks away. I didn't feel like walking that far and I wanted to get his mind as far off of his mother as I could. "Let's just walk down to the end of the block and come back. My apartment should be cooled off by then, I left the window open."
"Aren't you worried that someone may try to get in and rob you?"
"When you have nothing they can take nothing. Tell me something about you. I don't want to talk about robberies."
"Ok. I'm thinking of getting my own place next year. I think mom should get out and start seeing some men her own age. She ought to be thinking about remarrying. Don't you think?"
"It's something to keep in mind. Where are you goin to move to, Alvin?"
"I don't know. It will be somewhere close to the store so I can still walk to work. I'd like to get a car but they just aren't practical in the city."
I remembered how my car had looked the day dad had gotten it for me. We had considered a car a nessessity. The idea of mom or dad riding a bus or walking was laughable. That was all behind me now. I had to learn to make do with what I had.
"There might be an opening in my building. Remember mr. Thompson who got shot? I think his wife is going to move. She has a nice three room apartment, I've been in there. It would be perfect for you."
"I won't be moving for at least a year. I've got to save up some money first."
"Aw, your rich! Just look at that store, mr. co-owner."
"Naw, that's all mom's. Dad left everything to her. I was only eight when he was killed."
"Do you remember him?"
"Of course I do, Sue! We were always a close family. I really miss him. There was so much we never got to say to each other."
"I know what you mean. There's so much I never got to say to my dad too."
"He's still alive isn't he?"
"Yeh, but we don't talk much anymore. Gosh, we are being morbid tonight!" I looked up and saw a police car across the street. I could see the cops checking us out. We weren't doing anything and we shouldn't have had anything to worry about. I felt kind of weak, nonetheless.
"Sue? Are you all right? You're trembeling."
"Just keep walking. Keep acting normal. The police are checking us out."
Alvin looked up and saw the patrol car and swore under his breath. We kept walking waiting for the car to go away. We crossed the street at the corner with the light. We were getting out of the storefront area and into a warehouse kind of district. It was kinda creepy without all the light from the storefronts. "Maybe we had better turn arround and go back, Sue. I don't like the idea of us being here this late. It's dangerious."
"If we turn arround those cops are sure to stop us. I don't know what we should do!"
"They're going to want to know where we're going if we keep walking straight. I think we had better go back."
We stopped and started going back the way we had come. Instantly I heard the siren on the police car wail for an instant. I had been expecting to hear it but when I did I jumped anyway. The loudspeaker began to blare at us-
"You two, stop where you are! Seperate! Keep your hands where we can see them!"
I took a step back from Alvin as he took one away from me. I slowly raised my hands above my head. A spotlight from the car was aimed at my face and was blinding me. I had the momentary fear that they had been looking for me. I squinted at the car trying to see what was going on. I finally made out two shadowy figures of the policemen. One was approaching me the other was coming up on Alvin. They both had thier guns drawn and were pointing them at us.
"Turn arround!" one of them shouted so loud that I jumped again. "Face the wall. Put your hands on it! Assume the position!"
I knew what he meant by 'the position' and Alvin did too. I leaned against the wall with my hands and spread my feet wide. My ancles were kicked further apart anyway.
"OW!" I complained.
"Shut up! No talking!"
I could hear another patrol car appraching us with it's siren blasting. It pulled up with a squeal of tires and I heard car doors being opened and closed. There were foot steps. A man pushed me into the wall and pulled first one hand behind me and locked a handcuff on it then the other hand. I was helped to stand up straight and turned to face the patrolmen. Flashlights were shinning in my face and I couldn't see.
"Show me some ID!" a booming male voice demanded.
"I don't have my purse."
"Officer! You call me officer! Do you understand?"
"Yes, officer."
"Now how is it that you don't have your purse?"
"We were just taking a walk. My apartment was hot so we decided to take a walk...officer."
"Why are you down here? Do you like taking walks on unlit streets?"
"We just walked down here. I only live a block away...officer."
"I've never seen you before!"
I was expected to explain that to him?
"Where do you live, girly?"
"14322 Hawthorn, apartment 2B."
"I hope you know I'll check that out! Come over to the car, I want to get a finger sample on you!" He began dragging me toward his car. I was afraid to try to walk he was still shining his flashlight in my eyes and I couldn't see where I was going. I was pushed from behind and the two men pulled and pushed until I was shoved into the side of thier car. They made me lean over the hood and spread my feet again. I was waiting for them to kick my ancles but they didn't. I felt them place something small between my hands. It felt like a smooth plastic block. They had used one on me before when I had been arrested and taken to jail downtown. My right index finger was pressed hard against the block for a moment. I heard a beep from the device and it was removed. While they were waitng for a response from the main police computer I was thoroughly frisked.
I looked over to the other police car. They had Alvin drapped across thier fender. They were giving him a hard time. I couldn't make out what it was about.
"We've got a druggie and a pill pusher!" the cop sitting in the car I was laying on pronounced. I could hear a printer printing a sheet on me. It sounded like it would go on forever.
My records hadn't been cleared yet. They would probily take me down town on some kind of a charge. I would be going to jail. Dad wouldn't bail me out. I'd go to court and sent to prison for whatever they wanted to claim I had done. I'd heard the story a dozen times on the streets since I had been living arround CB's. If the cops felt like it they'd make up something and you'd go to prison for a few years. The only hope we had was that they were running out of places to put us. They had this early release program where they'd let you go when they got too full.
I rested with my cheek on the cold slick hood of the patrol car. No sense fighting it. I wondered how old I would be when I got out.
"Sue Ann Tegor?"
"That's right officer."
"Wait right here."
Like I was going to get up and walk down the street with my hands chained behind me! His voice had changed. It was softer. Maybe my release officer had put a good word or two on my rap sheet. Something had changed. I began to hope they would let us go.
There was a confab over at the other car and those officers got in thier car and left. I could see my cop bringing Alvin back to the car I was on. His hands were free. The other cop began freeing me!
"Get up." I was told.
I pushed myself off the car and stood beside Alvin. I absentmindedly rubbed my wrists as I listened to Alvin talking to the cop with the booming voice.
"What'd you stop us for?"
"Look buddy, I told you we made a mistake. Now you take your little lady friend here and take her home before I change my mind."
"Just like that? It's over. Opps you made a mistake, now I'm suposed to just forget about it? Is that what you think?" Alvin was getting himself worked up. I was afraid he was going to hit the cop.
I went to Alvin and leaned against him. Partially to comfort and calm him but also to get in his way so that he couldn't fight. "It's alright, Alvin. Please take me home."
"Just a minute, Sue. I want to give this guy a piece of my mind! What kind of a life can we have down here if everytime we go out of our homes we are harrassed by the police?" I could tell he was getting madder and madder.
"Look, I'm not telling you again. I'm warning you to disperse!"
"We're going officer. Alvin let's go home. I want to go now. Please!" I had to shake him as I talked to get his attention. I pushed him away from the cop.
Most CB's didn't like cops. When something bad happened there was always a cop there. Sometimes they were there to help but as often as not they were the cause. I could almost feel sorry for them. They were caught in the middle. The CB's were on one side and the establishment on the other. On the whole we knew we would be better off without the police. The number of times they did something to help us compared to the numbe of times they hurt us was few.
Then there were the CB cops. CB's that had been allowed to become cops. They were tough. They always acted like they had something stuck up thier butt. They'd take you in for anything. If Alvin had talked to one of them the way he was talking to this cop we'd both be back in handcuffs.
Alvin still had his chin stuck out and his hands balled up into fists. I kept pushing him before he could think of the wrong thing to say to the cop. He was doing a 'Yea! Oh yea!' routine with the cop. "Willya' shut up! Maybe you don't mind going to jail but I do! Let's get out of here!"
He finally looked down at me. I think he had forgotten where he was and what he was doing. I couldn't afford that luxury.
It had been a bad experience but it had brought Alvin and me closer together. We went back to my place and sat and talked for a long time.
He told me the whole story about his dad's shooting. It was pathetic. The police had showed up just to watch. They had talked to everyone but it had been more like they were interested in hearing the different versions of the story than actually trying to find who had done it. Everybody knew who it was, except the cops. Some guy named 'Talking Sam'. He was known for talking too much. That must have been what finally got him killed several years later.
Later it came out that one of the eyewitnesses had told the police exactly who it was but they had used that to make 'Talking Sam' get someone else in trouble. Alvin was very bitter about the whole thing.
He asked me why I had been so afraid of them so I told him all of my story. We talked for a long time. We needed a way out. All of us. All the CB's needed to be able to get away from all of this persicution. It was as plain as the nose on your face. It couldn't go on!
We moaned and complained and bragged and threatened until we began to feel like normal people again. We both knew that the next day we would go to work and take what we could get and settle for that. It would never get any better. We drank all the premixed drink that Alvin had brought with him. It wasn't enough.
The whole book in zipfile format.
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