I got a call this evening to tell me that my father is dying and probably won't last more than a couple of days at the most. I am not sure how I feel. This is the man who abused me physically, sexually and emotionally as a child. This is the man who I watched strangle my mother almost to death. This is the man who threatened to kill me after I took him to court for the sexual abuse

This is the man who abused everything and everybody around him. There are allegations of him sexually abusing other children. This is the man who forced his children to watch while he killed their pets. About the only good thing I could say about him is that he could build or fix just about any mechanical or wooden object that was given to him. As he lies on his death bed he is still trying to control and abuse everyone who comes close to him.

I have seen him only 3 times in the last 35 years. Once on the courthouse steps when he threatened to kill me. A second time just before I got married (he was invited but did not come) and a third time when I confronted him about the abuse and he said "If you think I'm going to apologize you're crazy"

I feel sad for what he lost -- a daughter that tried her best as a little girl to love and obey him. I feel sad for what I lost -- a father's love. But he didn't have it to give -- not to me, not to himself, not to anyone.