Paula's Online Journal
09 Dec 1998 - NWGA Banquet
A day of preparing for my big night out. My first NWGA Christmas Banquet, my first dressy evening. How much time to allow, how soon should I begin? So many things, too. Which wig (sure wish I just had my own hair), time for doing my nails, how should I do my makeup? So much vanity, but I cannot help it. I also do not have much "experience" to fall back on. It's all learn as I go, on-the-job training so to speak.
I am excited, anxious. This is also the time new board members are announced, hopefully I will be one of them (Newsletter Editor). The festivities begin at 7, I'll be picking up my friend, Florian and then meeting at Patti's. We will go early to put up some decorations, to holiday up an otherwise plain room. I wonder who else will be there?
Well, I begin about 2:30pm, I take a warm shower, go through my shaving routine, being very meticulous with my beard. Makeup - what an invention, can't live with it, can definitely not live without it. How to do the eyes? I've been studying my Asian-American magazine, looking at the models, trying to decide what might look good with an "evening" dress. After some difficult visualizing, I am ready. I put on my dress, crop-jacket, heels and wig. I'm ready, feeling pretty and excited about getting out. I pack my purse and camera and make sure I have enough money.
I am off after calling to let Florian know that I am on my way.
I pickup Florian and we head over to Patti's. Sure hope it is warm at the banquet, tonight is a chilly one with snow predicted at the 1000 foot level. At Patti's we wait for Teri. We put the decorations into Teri's car and we are off for the banquet in downtown Portland. Definitely a winter temperature evening. We enter the lobby and there must be several parties tonight. A lot of people are around and dressed up. We find out which floor our banquet is on and head that way.
All the while we are walking I am thinking about how I feel, about the amount I am worried about how I (we) might be perceived. I notice it is a fairly small amount of my energy. Mostly I feel relaxed, happy to be out with my friends and nice that I have a chance to dress a bit more fancy. In the banquet room, there a few people already. We also see that there are decorations on the tables and they are putting up the window seat christmas tree. Oh well, we were ready at least.
After some short visiting and a drink, we decide it is time to explore. We check out the other party next door, gosh they have a DJ and dance floor. We check out the top-floor restaurant, what a great view! We decide we will have to return and have dinner some time. We explore the main floor, some very big parties going on down there. We wander around the lobby area and just check out the sights. All this while I wonder a little about what some of these people think, also realizing that many may not really notice at all. I definitely have a higher comfort level when I am with my friends.
On back to our banquet. Everyone looks so nice. I am so glad to be a part of NWGA. The 1999 Board of Directors is announced, the contributions of the 1998 Board are applauded and we have a pretty nice dinner. The best part of course is visiting with each other, to catchup with what is going on in each other's lives. I especially cherish these times since I do not really get out much. Juggling career and family takes up a certain amount of free time - okay, it takes up a lot of free time. I am glad to be a part of the Board as Newsletter Editor. It gives me an extra reason to get out a little more and to connect with some wonderful friends.
After all our good-byes are done and I return home I really start to feel how wonderful this evening has been. I felt whole, my self. I cherish the wonderful people that I have met and have come to know as friends. As I get ready for bed, I start to feel sadness. I feel like I am un-becoming, going back to a place and person that is not quite me. With each layer of clothing, away goes a part of who I am inside. It is like living a real-time metaphor. Piece by piece, the external person disappears, and with each piece it is like saying good-bye. Even though I feel the same inside all the time and that is what is most important, I cannot deny that I do feel a difference to my existence when I am physically myself, Paula.
I think I heard or read one time about "it really should not matter." I agree and disagree. I find it very difficult to undo a lot of social and cultural conditioning. I mean, everyone to some degree seems to put some effort into their physical appearance, even though it should not really matter. Anyway, I admit to having some vanity and I kinda' like it.
As I am finishing up this journal entry, I am also in the middle of producing my first edition of the NWGA newsletter. I may have a little longer time between updates now, who knows? I'll still be around and I'll still look forward to hearing from my friends.
In case I do not get in another update before the holiday season passes, Happy Holidays and may your lives be touched by love and friendship.
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